Cambodia/Power of Forgiveness

The most powerful weapon we have as believer's to fend off hate and evil is the weapon of forgiveness. When life takes a turn for the worst we have a choice. We can veer off to the left and fill our hearts with hatred, revenge toward those who have wronged us, or we can integrate what Jesus has taught us about the forgiving our enemies.  Many learn to forgive, but still many hang onto resentments and hatred the rest of their lives when life takes a nasty turn

We play the blame game and refuse to talk to people thinking that things will get better once they repent of their wrong. Months, years and even decades go by without any reconciliation.  Forgiveness becomes a distant far away cousin who is now forgotten.  Hatred and hardened hearts have become your new friends.

The gentleman you are about to see in this video had every reason to be angry and filled with hatred and revenge until the Lord got his attention and changed his heart.  This is a powerful story about how the power of forgiveness has brought thousands to the Lord Jesus Christ because he was willing to lay down his anger and his need to seek revenge.

Won't you take time to contact a friend, family member, or distant relative you haven't talked to because of a falling out and forgive that person. By doing so you are restoring that relationship to it's proper balance and with that you will experience the peace of God.  That alone is worth the power of forgiveness!

How our Children Mourn

The death of a love one can have a profound impact on the most vulnerable among us. Our children.  One teenager I spoke with told me that he went from being a child to adult status in a matter of moments when he lost his sibling through unexpected means. It is important that our school staff are made aware of the profound effects of grieve so they will be able to find ways of supporting these children.

On the one hand these children are at school with their friends who are laughing and having fun, but when these kids return home they walk through the front door into an atmosphere of sadness, emotional upheaval and a world that feels very insecure. It is quite common for parents to play down the word death by explaining in fluffy terms what happened to their love one. Daddy has gone away, or your younger brother went to sleep. We must avoid using these terms and allow our children to know the truth of what happened.

Many families will also shield their children from the pain of loss by not taking them to family funeral's  When we do that we avoid possible teaching moments for our kids.  For example, one year before our daughter died we took both of our kids to a funeral of a staff person who lost her still born child. Although it was uncomfortable my wife and I felt it was essential to teach our children that death is part of life when someone dies it is important that we take time out to pay our respects to that person who has died.


This CBS clip deals with the subject of grieving children. It is hopeful the reader of this blog post will come away with a better understanding regarding how to help grieving children.

12 year old girl paints a vivid picture of heaven

A 12 year old child prodigy who started painting at the age of 4 began painting incredible pictures of heaven. Incredibly, this young girl grew up in a family where her parents were atheists which means she received no bible training, nor was she involved in a church.

Her pictures where a vision God had given her of what was meant to be a glimpse into what heaven is like. She described the colors in heaven as far more vivid that what we have on earth.  As I look out side it is hard to imagine how much sharper and clearer heaven can be.  On the other hand when HDTV first came out I had hard time imagining television getting any better than the tube style color televisions.  Heaven will be that way. When we take our final breath here on earth we will awaken in paradise that will pale in comparison to what we have here on earth.

As believers we look forward to stepping into this paradise we call heaven  and taking in all of the sights, sounds and vivid colors of heaven.  Just maybe God gave this 12 year old a gift to show us what we have to look forward to when our final breath is taken.

Teens talk grief

When a loved dies everyone grieves so differently.  Relationships in the family change. As one teenager said he was forced to grow up 5 years sooner than he was before the loss.  The teenagers in this video talk about how grieving impacted them. By viewing this video it is hope that you will gain some inside knowledge to help you in helping a teenager as he or she is grieving.

Helping doctors to grieve the traumatic loss of a patient

In a preliminary study, Dr. Elaine Kasket from the London Metropolitan University carried out detailed interviews with eight US physicians about their experiences of death. Half of those she spoke to wept as they recounted stories of traumatic death they had experienced as physicians, even though some of those events had occurred as much as 30 years ago. She goes on and explains how there is an unwritten rule for doctors that says it isn't wise or possible for doctors to feel the emotions over a patients death because there is always another patient to help.th

The reality is that doctors and other medical professionals regularly encounter traumatic patient death, and medical culture does not tend to acknowledged the possibility that they need support to help them deal with the grief and emotional disturbance they may experience. The writer is not convinced that it is helpful that creating a shell is the best way of coping with the trauma on the job. She concludes that there needs to be a change in the medical culture that will make support available and not allow it to be stigmatized, to help them cope with the grief, despair, and sadness that comes from a patient death.

This is so profound and brings up a recent conversation I had with a friend of mine who is an EMT and who would had responded to our 9-1-1 call had he not gone off his shift. He told me that the department makes available grief counseling, but VERY few EMT's even take advantage of that service. As the writer suggests above there seems to be an unwritten rule which says it is not OK to show your despair, sadness and depression because if you do you are unfit for the job.

About a year ago I learned that the husband of a friend of my wife committed suicide. He had been a surgeon. I wonder in light of this research whether he was simply unable to process the emotions when one of his patients died?

The bottom line is we need to change the culture and give our medical provider's permission to seek help when they suffer the loss of one of their patients with out stigmatizing them. These professionals will be better at meeting the needs of their patients when they are given permission to work on resolving the emotions of previous losses.

A Life without Christ is like an athlete without a playbook

I was thinking about this the other day. Like the athlete a Christian has a play book.  A book that is proven and filled with many ancient texts filled with stories of God's deliverance in years gone which help those in the present to live and navigate through the mine fields of life. John Piper said one time in his talk "that world history is a never ending conveyor belt of horribly dead bodies".  There is no shortage of bad news to sell newspapers.

When you read the ancient texts of what we know as the bible you find stories that have been proven that shows how God delivered his people who relied on Him for their safety and for their provisions. Over and over the theme of God's redemption of his people fill the pages of the bible.  This theme builds up until it reaches a crescendo with the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ in the four gospels.

God has given us a play book that is meant to guide us through this sometimes painful life. He knew that since sin occupies this earth that there would be pain and suffering. He wanted to give us the hope that a day will come in the future when our earthly bodies will stop existing and we would be brought into a new existence in heaven.

As a dad who experience tragedy 5 years ago with the sudden passing of my daughter I can tell you that there hasn't been a day that hasn't gone by where God's playbook hasn't helped me to recover from my pain. Reading the stories in the old testament was a reminder to me that God will deliver me through the pain. Reading the gospels was a reminder for me to keep His words in my mind at all times so as I go through hard days I am reminded that God is there with me.

A person who has never known the love of Christ is very much like a Athlete without a playbook. To travel aimlessly through life and being side swiped by occasional pain and suffering and wondering why is a strange way to exist.  God's playbook put's our lives into proper perspective and reminds us that while we are in this world there will be pain and suffering. Instead of turning to drugs and alcohol to cope with the pain and suffering a Christian will lean on the ancient texts to find comfort during his trials.

Yes, tomorrow is the NFL draft where the best athletes who mastered the playbook  will have the opportunity to see if there name will be called to bring their college careers to a crescendo with a nice signing bonus and a generous contract.  Enjoy the draft and remember that God's playbook helps us to navigate through a life that is often uncertain and painful.

 If you do not know the savior I encourage you to say these words: " Dear Jesus, I know that I am a sinner and have no hope of going to heaven on my good works. I know that you died on the cross for my sin's and you were buried and on the 3rd day you rose from the dead. I ask you to come into my life and take up residence. I know it says in your word that you will never leave me, nor forsake me even in times of trouble. I  find comfort from your word that when my life ends that I will finally see you face to face in heaven and will not have to face the judgement seat because you paid for my sins with the sacrifice you made on the cross. Amen.

Let's find a way to break down this racial divide!!

Recently, I had several conversations with dad's who have children and teenagers from other cultures express to me their concerns for their children.  One dad was very alarmed that their children were the recipients of racial slurs at their school and very much feeling powerless to do anything about it. First, I want to validate these dad's by confirming that racism is very much alive in our culture.  One guy I spoke too said that the Robbinsdale school district is a very difficult district to attend if you are a teenage guy from another culture.

Think for a moment about all of the Somalia, Hispanic jokes that are being spouted off these days.  Every time you go to a Wendy's or a Mcdonald's how many of us are thinking about "these illegal's are taking our jobs away from 'whites'. Or, we're thinking about all these Somalia gang members and the trouble they are causing. Our deluded thinking causes us to become concerned about the border's and we want to build a large wall all around the United States to keep the undesirable people out. We see a civil rights guy on television and we think to ourselves that this guy is only saying these things because he likes being a celebrity. We mock him and attempt to discredit his message.

As dad's we wield a huge amount of power. The things we say and how we say it are often times being studied by our teenage son's and daughters.  When you are at the dinner table and you share your blanket statements of  'I was at McDonald's today and all there were working there were these Somalia's. No wonder America is in trouble. We're too busy helping everybody else, but our own'.  This is the kind of thinking that filters down to our younger generation who in turn start the name calling  in our schools.  And it isn't just dad's that wield this power, but mom's also have the responsibility to watch their language in how we describe our racial groups.

Back in 1995 I traveled with a bunch of guys to Washington DC to the Promise Keeper's Breaking down the walls conference on the Washington Mall. I remembered this very clearly because our son was only months old at the time and he was screaming and crying as the coach buses pulled away from the Awning of Crystal Evangelical Free Church ( New Hope Church).  We didn't have  cell phones at the time and it was disheartening wondering if maybe I should have stayed home.  This whole trip was an opportunity to step out of my comfort zone. As I looked around I was the only guy on the bus who didn't travel with a group of guys. On this bus was a small group of 4 black guys who also were out of their comfort zones traveling to DC because they wanted to see the racial divide fall down. I remembered praying on that trip for opportunities to get to know these guys.  When we arrived in DC I remembered how God answered that prayer because I was the only 'white' dude who was assigned to a black to share a room at the conference.

I must admit it was disconcerting stepping out of  my comfort zone in this way, but as I did so I got an opportunity to get to know these guys. In time I realized that these guys came from families that had the same hopes and dreams for their children as our families had for us and as we had for our children.

On our way back to the Minnesota the bus I rode on I chose to intentionally sit with these guys who were sitting in the back of the bus.  Toward the end I had the nudging that we should have a praise time on the bus and a sharing time.  The brother's who I was afraid to get to know prior to the start of this trip were now my friends. God used that friendship to literally start a revival on that bus because there were so many guys who were sharing stories about how God had used this trip to make them aware of the racial divide. Every time I walk under the central awning at New Hope Church I am reminded of this trip because it was our bus that actually seared off the awning when it got too close to it when it finally pulled up at the end.

We must leave our comfort zones if we intend to break down the racial divide. I offer several suggestions. First, honestly sit down with your family and examine the language you and your loved ones are using and asking yourselves if the language you are using is contributing to this racial divide. Second, go to your city council and see if you can start a group made up of people from all races with the intent to better improve communication in your community.  . Third,, if you attend New Hope Church pray about becoming involved in the Mosaic group which meets monthly which gives people of all cultures the opportunity to come together for food and fellowship.

In the bottom of my heart I truly do not believe that any of us want to be perceived as racist, but if we can come out of our comfort zones and intentionally try to understand our brothers and sisters from other cultures I think we can correct the language we use,  Jesus is our model in how we relate to other races. I remember the story about the woman at the well and how in her culture they were not suppose to speak to Jewish people, but Jesus intentionally cross that divide and because of that this woman found the living water.

With God's help we can breakdown the this racial divide. I think this video featuring Tony Evans does a great job illustrating these points.

The Lies we believe about ourselves

It is easy for all of us to believe the lies about ourselves. For men it is the lie that we aren't making enough, aren't as strong or virile, not as handsome or smart enough.  Woman believe the lies of I'm not as pretty,  I'am too fat, no one likes me, and I will never attract a man.

After Jesus had fasted for 40 days and 40 nights he was tempted by the devil.  After not eating for 40 days anybody would be severely weakened and probably on the verge of hallucinating.  This was the point where the devil tempted Jesus. The devil told Jesus that if you are the son of God turn this stone into bread. Jesus came back and said "it is written man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from mouth of God. 

Then the devil took him to the holy city and had Jesus stand on the highest point of the temple and said to him that "if you are the son of God then throw yourself down. For it is written, "He will command his angels over you and they will lift you up in their hands so that you will not strike you foot against a stone" Again Jesus said " do not put the Lord your God to the test".

Again the Devil took Jesus to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. All this I will give you, he said, if you will bow down and worship me1" Jesus said to him, "Away from me Satan!  For it is written: "Worship the Lord your God and serve him only"  It was at this point the devil parted.

As I reflect on my life I find that I am most vulnerable to the devil's lies about myself when I am short on sleep, overworked, didn't get enough exercise, have eaten too much junk food, haven't gone to church in a while, or have unresolved conflicts in my relationships.  As I reflected on this it occurred to me that this is a universal feeling with mankind. Instead of believing the devil's lies we must believe God's truth. We must remind ourselves that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)  I am a child of God (John 1:12) I am a branch of the true Vine and a conduit of Christ life (John 15) I am a friend of Jesus (John 15:15) I have been justified and redeemed (Romans 3:24) My old self has been crucified with Christ and I am no longer a slave to sin (Romans 6:6) I will not be condemned by God (Romans 8:1)As a child of God I am a fellow heir of Christ 

(Romans 8:17) I have been accepted by Christ (Romans 15:7). 

These are the truths we should be telling ourselves because as we learned in Jesus's 40 days of temptations He overcame the devil's lies. If he can overcome the lies of the devil think how victorious we can be if we remember the truths about ourselves.  We know how the story ends and it ends on a victorious note for all those in Christ! So go ahead and resist the devil because the one who dwells in you has overcome the world!!

Out of brokenness comes wholeness

This has been a sad week with the death of Chuck Colson, former Nixon hatchet man and founder of Prison fellowship.  I remembered sitting around the kitchen table as my dad recited pages out of the Watergate papers which he read in it's entirety and remembering how evil Mr. Colson must have been.  Dad was very well read on the Watergate scandal much to the chagrin of my mom.  Dad was a proud Independent back in the days when there was no Independence party. As strange as this seems listening to my dad talk about politics were some of the happiest moments of my life.

Looking back I realized that God took the evil that was in Chuck Colson's heart and he replaced it with the HolySpirit.  I also remembered that it was Minnesota's own Albert Qui, former Governor and Congressman that shared his faith with Chuck Colson and even offered to take his place in prison.  It was a moment that helped him to see the need for Christ who was so evident in Al Quie's life. Mr. Colson could not believe that any man would offered to serve his sentence.

I guess that is how the Lord works in our lives. He can take the brokenness that occupies our life and through the redemptive power of Christ he will take that brokenness and make us into a useful vessel. Out of Chuck's brokenness came a very successful prison ministry that has brought many to Christ. Many men and woman were brought into the Kingdom of God because of this man's brokenness.

Here is Chuck Colson's testimony.

Never Give Up

One of the beauties of being a Christian and following the Lord Jesus is how we have a loving father in heaven who intervenes for us when we experience rough times. In times that are good our prayers become one of asking God to provide us with our abundance.  When times are painful we ask God to give us what we need just to get through the day.  I guess this is why suffering actually brings us closer to the father.

As a earthly father I am less impressed when my son comes to me begging to give him that item he has been looking at for a while than I am when my son comes to me looking for comfort and guidance.  My reaction when he comes wounded is to open up my arms and give him a warm embrace and then to reassure him that every thing is going to be OK.  Our heavenly father wants us to call out to him when we are hurting because then he can remind us of His love for us and reassure us that things will be OK.

When I saw this video it really illustrated the father's love for us.  It illustrates to me that when we are going through times of suffering God does want to reach out to us, like the father in this video, and help us. Won't you call out to your heavenly father and thank him for being there for you??

Power of Forgiveness is possible because of what Jesus did on the cross

What would you do if your son or daughter were hit and killed by a distracted driver? Would you have the power to forgive that person who took your child's life?
What would you do if your wife was killed in  a hit and run accident? Would you have the power to forgive the person responsible for her death?
What would you do if your husband was killed in a work place shooting? Would you have the power to forgive the one responsible for taking your husband's life?
What would you do if your spouse left you and never returned? Would you be able to forgive that person?

God has given us a model of forgiveness when Jesus died a horrible death on the cross so that we might experience freedom from the power of sin.  Watch this powerful video as seen through the eyes of Grey's
Anatomy.

How to Forgive someone that you perceive as unforgiveable

Recently, I came across this 7 minute video featuring Corrie Ten Boon ( The Hiding Place) where she gives us some lessons on forgiveness.

The problem with forgiveness it seems is that we want to delay extending forgiveness until we think the other person has suffered enough. The danger with this fallacy has to do how it actually destroys the person who is refusing to forgive. This lack of forgiveness leads to internal problems like indigestion, heart ache, and a host of other problems. The lack of forgiveness can even lead to a untimely and early death.

Watch this powerful 7 minute video and  find out how you might extend forgiveness today.

The Power of Forgiveness

Ever noticed all of the bill boards we see advertising Attorney services? There is even a law firm with the slogan "Know your Rights".  Day time and late night television is full of commercials for attorneys. There is a need for attorneys, I am sure, but there are way too many frivolous lawsuits that are filed every year which are destroying the American economy. Lawsuits are discouraging creative minds from coming up with newer and better products. Companies have gone under and jobs lost every year because of some outrageous settlement won by an attorney.This may seem pretty strong, but the facts are that insurance costs are rising higher than ever for the simple reason to cover the cost of these lawsuits. Granted, there will continue to be a need for attorneys, especially in the cases where young people have become severely paralyzed and need an income to pay for life long services.

 But, can  you imagine for a moment how many millions we would save each year with 3 simple words? What are they? "I forgive you" Those words will save marriages, help a person keep his job, keep relationships from deteriorating and the list goes on. The words "I forgive you" could possibly stop conflict from escalating and wars from being started. They would encourage medical companies to continue researching on newer and better products to make one's life better. Those 3 words could possibly eliminate bullying in our schools and restore relationships.

Those 3 words just may reduce the need to carry large amounts of liability insurance because people would strive toward peaceful settlements than a long drawn out legal fight.  Our medical costs would go down because families would be quick to forgive their treating physician. Restoration would breed open communication and the improvement in our medical system.

Won't you just for today pick up the phone and tell someone that you forgive them? Play this forward and see what a difference those 3 small words can make in your life.

Make War

Yesterday I read about the many Secret service agents who were stripped of their security badges for having prostitutes in their rooms before the President's arrival in Columbia.  I think it is horrible that these men who were chosen for the highest calling of public service refused to do the right thing which was to remain morally clean.  These men failed to see that these prostitutes were somebody's daughter's. I don't care if prostitution is legal in this country because as Christians we are called to lead clean, moral lives. I don't care if everybody's doing it in the military it still does not make it right.

Too many times I have had coffee with guys who have decided to leave their wives because of irreconcilable differences. When I asked them if they have considered marriage counseling many of these guys will say it wouldn't work. They would rather throw away their marriages, wreck havoc on their children and force their children into a life time of marriage and remarriage because their dad or mom refused to stay married. I have sat across from who have had an addiction to Porn and  I have seen it wreck their wives.

Where is our desire to love our wife like Christ loved the Church?  We must stand up for the sanctity of marriage by loving our wife no matter how difficult time we are having in our marriage. Even when the unthinkable happens and YOU lose your child through a tragic circumstance YOU  must remain committed to your wife EVEN when there are days you can't look at her because of overwhelming sadness. Just because the world is encouraging sex and pornography does not make it right.  We must walk with Christ at all times and defy what the world is encouraging us to do. We must walk the walk and talk the talk.

One Paver at a time

At last nights ministry group I decided to sit with the leader of the grief share group. At this same table sat a group of guys attending the Celebration Recovery group.  I was energized by these guys desire to grow in their relationships with Christ.  I was especially energize by one young man who said he was baptized Easter morning! Wow. A few of the guys at the table were sharing from the book of Isaiah.

When Sandy, our spokesperson got up to introduce the worship time she shared from Isaiah 55..The words that hit me were " for my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.....you will go out with joy and be led forth with peace; the mountains and the hills will burst into song before you and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.

  We read these words:aloud. as a group. She shared about a good friend and believer who went home to be with the Lord.  I remember this guy for his very friendly and gracious smile and for his encouraging words. Sandy shared about how at times we are unable to see the path ahead of us until we shine a flashlight on the paver directly in front of us. One paver at a time we move forward. The words of the prophets is a reminder that God is with us every step of the way.

I remembered a scene from the movie, "The Hiding Place" where Corrie Ten Boom, as a young girl, was being escorted by her dad  to the train station. It wasn't until she was just about to get on the train when her dad handed her the ticket. When young Corrie asked him why he waited until now before giving her the ticket her dad looked at her and said " you have enough to worry about and I didn't want to burden you with the ticket until you needed it."  This is a poignant reminder of how God understands what we need and he gives us what we need at the time we need it.  

As I glanced over and watch my beautiful wife I am again reminded how I am blessed.  Her love for the Lord, her passion for the scriptures and desire to serve in ministry energize me to keep pressing onward toward the goal for the  prize of the upward call of God  in Christ Jesus(Philippians 3:14.  I think that is why being around other believer's is so important. We need others to uphold us when we are down and we need to uphold others when they are down.

Blessings out of tragedy

God can take any tragic experience in our lives and make us stronger for it.  Over the years there have been many organizations that have been started out of tragedy. The Jacob Wetterling foundation was started to help improve the way news of missing children are broadcast to the public.  Mad mothers against drunk drivers was founded after many tragic situations of families losing loved ones to drunk drivers.  Since this organization was founded laws have been passed for harsher sentences, better education, and new technology that prevents a car from being started when alcohol is sensed. All good things in light of tragic situations.

Three years ago I traveled with the men's ministry to Guatemala where we did construction projects at the Kid's alive orphanage.  There I learned of a girl  who looked like our daughter and had a mobility impairment because of being hit by a car.  She had been looking forward  to traveling to the east coast to have surgery which would have helped improve her quality of life.

A year ago I followed up with this young girl's story and learned that for some reason plans fell through for her to travel to the states on a medical visa.  Having just met with our daughter's surgeon where we talked about memories of our daughter and essentially making peace with her surgeon I had the idea of introducing this young girl to our daughter's doctor by e-mailing the new representatives of Kid's alive. A day later I received a e mail with a overwhelming positive response to my suggestion. More than a positive response he responded by saying that my e mail had impeccable timing because they had been considering ways to start again to try to help this young girl. Several months went by and finally I learned that Gillette had accepted this young girl as one of their patients and our daughter's surgeon had agreed to take this young girl under his wings.

God can make all things new again. He can take tragic situations and make something good out of it. Many good causes have been created out of tragic situations!  Because of my willingness to lay down all of my rights a young girl in Guatemala will  have the opportunity to be seen by the best Children's Speciality health facility in the world. Her name? Maria!

Opposite and diverse opinions

Nurses have been fired from their jobs for stealing them from the hospital storage cabinets. Drug addicts have been known to doctor shop just to get their hands on them. One operating room nurse told a patient undergoing surgery just to act like a man when the effects of his pain control were wearing off. Addicts of any influence have been known to buy doctors just to get their hands on them.

What is the controversy I am talking about it?  The controversy started when the chief medical examiner revised the cause of death for our daughter.  Initially, the ruling had been a pulmonary embolism resulting from below hip surgery.  When she reexamined the evidence of  the original autopsy  she concluded that there was no evidence that our daughter ever had a pulmonary embolism.  The real cause of death was her fatal reaction to the mixed narcotic medications she had been prescribed following her surgery. 

She said something else to me. She said that she sees far too many young children with the same cause of death.   Her opinion and the opinions of many of her colleagues are for these narcotic pain agents  be completely taken off the market.

  One of her colleagues was a well known pain doctor at Minneapolis Children’s hospital  who had the same opinion.  She said that many European countries no longer prescribes Codeine because of their dangerous side effects. The average consumer wouldn't know this information because we're not doctors.

 When I spoke with the head pain doctor at Minneapolis Children's hospital I was told that he no longer prescribes Narcotic Codeine pain control to children because of their dangerous side effects.

What makes these drugs so dangerous is how they interact on the respiratory systems on kids of different cultural back grounds, kids with asthma or other breathing disorder. Because they are known respiratory depressants they are sometimes known for shutting down the breathing of these kids causing death.

Why is this a controversy?  The AMA continues to view these narcotic drugs as very effective pain agents and in the majority of cases they work, but in a very small number of cases they do result in death.  I guess the rationale is if it works for most people why bother to take them off the market? 

I would like to see changes made to make sure families are given appropriate information on the different pain control agents so they can make the most appropriate decision for their loved ones given their secondary conditions.

 Right now families are not given that information and quite often are deferring to the prescribers who very often are being influenced by the pharmaceutical companies for their information on drug safety.

Although we can never bring back our loved ones who may have died from medication toxicity issues I believe we can make sure another family doesn’t have to go through the painful grief process with the passage of a medication informed choice bill.

Learning to say good bye

I recently attended a seminar where the speaker spoke on life transitions. She drew a diagram that illustrated 3 sections.  On the bottom she wrote losses and at the top she wrote the word future.  The middle was the largest section.  Then she began telling us that before we can successfully adapt to the future we must find a way to complete the unfinished business of our past.  She said too often people want to move directly into the future without reconciling their past.  The middle is that transition area where you are reconciling those past losses.  Some examples of losses she gave were losing a job, death of a loved one, loss of a pet, etc.  If we do not successfully come to grips with those losses it will only lead to a future that is filled with unfinished business and unmet dreams.

 Every life has stages of transitions. A friend told me that each year her child entered a new grade in school she would ritually shake their hand and say ‘goodbye’ to them. She knew that when her child came home that day there would be something different about them. Saying good bye to them was her way of making peace with the past so she can make the transition to the future.

 

I remember after our daughter passed away how I had wanted to adopt another child.  I rationalized in my mind that doing so would allow us to become a family of four again.  When I looked at my journal entry I noticed that it was less than a month after her death that I thought seriously about adopting again.  In light of the topic of transition I realized that had we adopted another child without first reconciling our loss that we would have put all of our unfinished business and expectations on this new child.  We would had continued to be filled with grief because of our failure to  reconcile our loss. This would had been unfair to them.

Most of us will never experience the loss of a child, but all of us will experience the momentary feelings of sadness as they experience their child moving away from mom and dad.   I remember one parent remarking in jest how they wish they could keep their child from growing up. Knowing this parent I knew that he wasn’t serious, but I think he was openly expressing the momentary bouts with grief as he watched his child grow. 

Some of us have a hard time reconciling the past because the past is filled with those unwanted friends known to us as ‘I should have’ and ‘I regret’.   I should have taken my son to more Twins games. I should have taken him fishing more often. I regret not spending more time with them.   No matter how old your child is there is always more you could have done for them.  Do not believe the advertising lie which says that unless you buy this product for your child that you are a very bad parent.

Transitions bring blessings.  To have a well adjusted child you have to allow them to grow up and become independent.  If you desire to experience grand children one day you have to let go of that young person so they can attend college and grow in social and intellectual confidence. Hanging onto that child forever will only create a emotionally paralyzed person who is unable to transition to a future.

Go ahead and practice saying good bye to that young person knowing that you are preparing your future with finished business of the past and a future full of satisfaction and fulfilled dreams.

A Second death

At our weekly grief share group we talked about how grieving is like surviving a 2nd death. It is as though we are lying inside our casket calling on God to take us out.  When a loved one dies it is as though part of us died with the loved one while the other part continues to be alive.  We ache and we just want to pain to go away not realizing that God will heal you of your pain in his perfect timing. This is the hard part for most American's who want to short circuit the grief process and rush back into being normal again.  They will do anything to end the pain except participate in a grief group to help them process their pain.

Alcohol and drugs become the coping mechanism for many in the grief process. When asked why they don't try a grief group most will simply say they don't need one.  This is why grieving can be so hard on husbands and wives and why most marriages are severely tested with the loss of loved one.  Men and woman are vulnerable to having illicit affairs because the marriage relationship has drifted off onto separate paths as  a result of the different ways each person is grieving.

Men and woman, you owe it to your marriages to work on your grief through a grief group. If you are playing the 'what if' games over the loss of your child you owe it to yourself to humbly seek out a competent psychotherapist to help you process the shock of your loss. Remember, you are not crazy just because you see a psychologist! Those who do not see a one are the ones that truly have the problem.

Finally, you must remember that recovery from grief takes time and cannot be compared to anyone else's grief. If you are trying to recover from the loss of a loved one If you are involved in a local church I would encourage you to contact their care ministries and investigate getting into a grief support group where you will have an opportunity to meet with others who are experiencing a loss. You will not regret it.   Watch this excellent 25 minute video on what grief is.

We are called to serve

As God works on healing your grief He will provide opportunities for you and your spouse to serve together in the body of Christ. If you are a single person recovering from grief He will also find ways to use you in the body of Christ. He will not let your pain go wasted when there are so many hurting people that need the comfort that only you can provide.

What ever the grief may be He will not let your pain and suffering go unnoticed because others will be encouraged by the pain and suffering you have been through. Your pain will not go unnoticed by God and in God's own timing He will heal you.  Whether it is a loss of a child, the loss of a spouse, or the loss of a parent God will bring you through your pain.  That is the remarkable thing about being a Christian! He will bring people into your life who will be God's instruments to heal you.He will teach you to grieve with Hope. For Linda and I he has introduced us to many older people in the congregation who have been God's chosen instruments to help us recover from our loss. God has also brought young people into my son's life to help him recover from the loss of his sister.

In the last few months Linda and I have been involved in two different groups on Tuesday nights at church. Linda is co-facilitating a freedom in Christ group and I have been involved in a Grief share group.  The best part of this has been the worship time before the groups meet. You may feel that you and your spouse are miles apart in the ways you are grieving, but you can rest on the knowledge that in time God will bring the two of you together again.  In time the two you will be ministering together in the body of Christ!

The day after Christmas in the land of no snow

It was a day after Christmas in the land of no snow

The day after Christmas we had record setting temperatures well into the low 50’s in the land of no snow. In a land that was by any other year was use to record setting lows, trips to the emergency room for frost bite, and kids getting new winter coats because they wore out the ones they wore the year before.  Fathers and sons were looking forward to trying out their new Ferrari fast snow mobiles and good Samaritan neighbors often looked forward to being neighborly by blowing out the driveways of people of lesser means who only had a single shovel.  On those rare occasions when Paul the weather guy was correct in his weather prediction those with just a simple shovel would rise early in the morning only to find their neighbor had snow blown half of his driveway.  That was the way it was in the land of  snow and when this travesty of warm California like temperatures started occurring people found it hard to find other ways of being neighborly. Minnesotans are a very passive bunch and would often rather do something to befriend someone than spend an hour chatting with them.

The guys at the VFW hall who went snow chasing came back empty handed.  They drove as far west as New Mexico before they began seeing flakes before deciding that they ought to go back home before their wives and girl friends started to miss them. The day after Christmas was meant as a day where dad’s took their kids sledding at the nearest hill. It was a day of climbing up the hills pulling their kids in their sleds and riding down with them if they are young.  It was a day where all the dads wished they had taken better care of themselves and wondering if climbing the hill would bring on a massive coronary. The day after Christmas was meant to be a day of drinking hot cocoa and putting another log on the fire and sharing memories of Christmas’s in by-gone  era when the two of you were small.  It was not meant going out side changing fuses in the Christmas lights because the rain had shorted out the lights.

Most families in these parts had already packed away their summer clothing in October and when Cam the weather guy from CC0 reported more balmy weather they were left to look at all their sweaters and thick sweat shirts and wondering what they had to wear.   In one household William was so determined to take advantage of the warm weather that he ran downstairs to tear into the box marked summer clothes which was at the very bottom of the neatly arranged stack that took his wife days to organize.

Families in the land of no snow began to see this as a new pattern of weather.  They began to adapt by filling their gas grills with propane and getting the garden hoses out and attempting to get their grass out of dormancy.  The woman in town got together and disperse any seeds they had between them to see if they could grow something in this much improve growing climate.

Kids were adapting very nicely and in fact enjoyed going outdoors not having to bundle up so tight with several layers of clothing.  Through the front window mom’s and dad’s could watch as they were riding the bikes they got for Christmas and laughing with their friends.   Some were playing catch while throwing the football with their dad in the front yard.  Little Tommy Thatchard was running through the sprinkler his mom put out for him. Even the dogs got into the act as they retrieve the ball that was thrown by their master in a endless game of catch.

The day after Christmas was no retailer’s dream as people began returning the winter coats they receive for Christmas  thinking that they no longer needed these thick coats with the changing  California like weather  that until now they could only dream about.  Retailers had only begun putting up the signs for spring season wear, but they had no spring clothing to sell to these people returning their coats. After all, the spring clothing wasn’t due in until February.

With no snow in the forecast home owners who were counting on snow to hold their manger scenes down were out of luck.  Whenever a northwesterly wind came up each of these manger figurines would blow over as though nature was having fun bowling.  Mark, who lived in the blue house across the street from ours had a very frustrating  time with his collapsing manger scene until he decided to give up setting it up until the winds had passed over.

Down at the Realtor’s office, Angela, a registered and licensed realtor was fielding phone calls from speculators wanting to cash in on what they think would become new ocean front property when  property west of the Minnesota border would collapse into the ocean as a result of predicted tsunami’s and earthquakes.  Overnight small towns near the border saw sky rocketing land values. Folks like Avis and Arlen Stankey were made instant millionaires when they sold their small plat of land on E Bay. Lutheran Pastors were so concerned about this instant wealth that they began delivering sermons on the dangers of greed.

All good things must come to an end in the land of no snow. That night we watched Cam the weather guy from CC0 report on a major snow storm moving in from Colorado.  He described the epic cold that would follow with a path of 10 foot snow drifts. The guys from the VFW lodge who went snow chasing were buying each other a round of drinks while patting themselves on their backs because they accomplished their mission after all.

The good Samaritan neighbors were ecstatic at the prospects of helping their less fortunate shovel poor neighbors.  Those who took their winter coats back to the store  thinking we were about to be the new California were disappointed and were left to wear their old worn out winter coat with the tear in the sleeve. Retailers were having a heyday as they sell the remaining stock of warm winter clothing. Wives were looking forward to making hot cocoa and reading their novel by the fire while the snow blew outside. Children that night were all heard praying to God to grant them a snow day so they could stay home and play.  What they didn’t know was how the school administrators were praying that everything will work out logistically and that the roads would get plowed so school could be held. I am sure the good Lord was up there smiling wondering which prayer to answer.

There is a certain badge of honor to living in this land.  Unless you grew up on a farm you very rarely saw a snow day. Almost as though the folks from the land of snow enjoyed gloating to their neighbors to the south and west how strong they are because they made it to work and school despite the high snow drifts and treacherous roads. They would laugh at the reports from other states when everything shut down when the temperature dropped below 32 degrees.

The unseasonably warm weather in the land of no snow was merely a blip on the radar. Almost like God decided to have a laugh by shifting the weather patterns around and watching people struggle as they try to adapt to something they are not accustomed to this time of the year. So when the snow fell and the temperatures dip people were relieved in the land of snow. Now they get their bragging rights back about how they survived the great blizzard of 011.

Todd Gabrielson

How blessed are we to have musicians among us!!

We at New Hope church are incredibly blessed to have such a wide array of musicians among us!  I was thinking of that as I stood singing the praise songs this Easter morning. I watched with admiration as my wife, Linda, sang her heart out along with the rest of the choir on this glorious resurrection Sunday.  She loves to sing and I am sure when our choir sang that morning it was like sweet perfume drifting up to heaven!

My son James is the same way.  God has blessed him with a great set of hands and a great knack to turn an ordinary keyboard into a thing of beauty. His first piano teacher noticed that about him the very first lesson she had with him. He was perfect in hitting the right keys and turning the notes into a thing of beauty.

Music was something, I think, that helped both my wife and son to grieve.  My wife loved listening to worship music when no one was home and it was her way of pouring out the emotional heartache to the Lord. James did the same thing.  He would often come home and at some point would gravitate to the piano and play for long periods of time, or whenever his fingers would start hurting, sad and forlorn songs.  It was his way of pouring out his emotional heart ache to the Lord.

At our daughter's celebration of life service we had our son's New song Kid's Choir sing at the service. These kids must have had supernatural strength because they all song with such poise as Maria;s casket sat in the middle of the front of the sanctuary. The songs they sang was their way of pouring out their emotional heartache to the Lord.  My son sat with his choir during the non singing parts because these friends were able to support him during the most painful time in his life.

I, for one, love music. It doesn't mean I can sing, but I enjoy listening to popular Christian music in the car on the way to work, or singing in the Sanctuary where ever we worship. Listening is my way of pouring out my emotional heart ache to our God.

So no matter where we worship we are blessed to have musicians among us. Their ability to sing, or play an instrument helps us in preparing our hearts to receive the word of God. Oh how we are blessed to have musicians among us!!  I decided to include a clip from one of  the New Song Kid's Choir songs. Let it be a blessing as you begin the new day!

He is risen, He is risen indeed!

As a kid, Easter morning meant finding the baskets full of candy and other things my parents would stuff inside. It meant  sugar high's for the rest of the day and a full stomach of  treats so it spoiled the traditional Easter dinner following church.

As I grew I realized that Easter meant much more than bunny rabbits and sweet candy. Easter morning meant that Jesus  Christ had risen from the grave and he conquered death.  Just as sin pointed to one man Adam, Salvation pointed to Christ. The resurrection of Christ restored the relationship between man and God. No longer were we tied to sacrifices made twice each day. No longer were we to find the perfect lamb for our sacrifice. Jesus became God's perfect sacrifice for our sin nature.

I loved Resurrection Sunday because it was a morning of happy praise songs to Christ and it was a time to reflect on our salvation and looking forward to spending life eternal with our Savior. Easter took on new meaning for me when at the young age of 18 I prayed to receive Christ in my heart after having the Gospel explained to me in the form of the four Spiritual laws booklet.

 I had always gone to church, been involved in Sunday school classes and even been through Confirmation classes,  but the booklet helped me to realize the importance of making a personal decision for Christ.

 I remember that evening well. It was at the Minnetonka Community Church Coffee house and I remembered the Christian band that played that night.  I was with friends.  My heart was ripe that evening. A fellow believer invited me to pray the prayer of salvation that evening.

 As I look back I have to say that accepting Jesus Christ into my heart at 18 was perhaps the single most important decision I ever made in my life. Over the course of time I have learned that the longer a person waits before making such a decision the odds are good they will never make it. I often wonder how many people are perishing because their lives get so busy that they crowd out the important things in life?

 The decision you make for Christ is the very foundation from which all future decisions are made.  I realize after making the  decision for Christ that Easter was more than just sweet candy and watching children's faces light up with the chocolate bunny.  Easter became a time to remember what Christ did for you when he died for your sin's on the cross.. Easter morning is a time to reflect on the risen Christ.Easter morning is a reminder that no one has to be afraid of dying!

Breathing

In the last several weeks I have struggled with a bad cold which at times has made it difficult to breath. Any slightest physical effort would send me into a spasm trying to catch my breath.  It amazes me how we take for granted the mere act of breathing until we come down with a simple cold.

 Our daughter, Maria,  had Asthma which made it hard for her to breath whenever cold and flu season came around the corner. There were times in her beginning years where we had to have her hospitalized because of her low oxygen levels.  Our family had to become well verse in giving her the proper home based treatments. Her life depended on us.  We had her treatments down to a regimen.

 First there was the nebulizer treatments and then there was the bronchial dilation we did with her which consisted of firm but slight taps on the front and back of her lungs and finally there was coughing up of the stuff in her lungs.   Almost immediately, she felt more alive and more energetic.  While mom and dad were responsible for doing the actual treatments my son was put in charge to entertain his sister with a good book.

This being the Easter season I was reminded that when Jesus hung on the cross it was hard for him to breath the way he was hanging on that cross. It took effort on Jesus's part to take a breath of fresh air.The cross was meant to be a painfully slow process of dying. Death came not long after the guards broke Jesus's knee caps causing him to collapse under his sheer weight and bringing about the cessation of his breathing.

So you see, we do have a God who truly understands the pain we go through and we have a God who will come to our aide to help us through whatever we are going through.   When the day comes when we take our final breath on earth you can rest assure that when we are in Christ your next breath will be taken in heaven without any earthly impairment.  May this Easter season be life changing for you family as you remember that we have a Savior who understands our pain and physical afflictions.

Where is your Gethsemane?

Good Friday, good Friday.  When you think about it there was nothing good about that Friday. Jesus was dragged through the streets, cursed by who loved him, was tortured, was convicted and sentenced to death for something as minor as demonstrating how we should love.

 In the hours leading to his betrayal at the hands of Judas Jesus went to the garden of Gethsemane. It was in this garden that Jesus knew how the next hours were going to play out and he knew it wasn't going to be pretty. His physiological signs of heavy perspiration, extreme emotional anguish were there that evening and he urged his disciples to stay awake and pray. Each time he returned to find that they had fallen asleep.  He would admonish them and they would straighten up a little before drifting off to sleep again.

Isn't this just like human nature?  When hard times come aren't we quick to run the other way, or delude ourselves that we're just too busy completing life tasks than to sit in our Gethsemane and pray?  When given a choice between shopping at the Mall of America and visiting a loved ones grave wouldn't most of us  choose the shopping.  We reason that sitting at a grave side of someone that was once close to us was simply too hard for us at this moment. How many of us would rather pack away our loved ones belongings and put them into storage for many years because the task of going through them and getting rid of them is too hard?  Shortly after Maria died my wife and I learned that our adoption social worker who lost a daughter could not bare to go into her deceased daughter's bedroom and instead had her young children package all of her belongings and moved them into the basement. It has been 20 years since this daughter's tragic loss and this social worker still doesn't have the means to face her loss head on.

 What we may not realize are that hard things are what help shape us into what God wants us to become.  It is while we are in our Gethsemane that he is pounding out all of the kinks in our armor and subjecting us to the flame of his torch to make us into the men and woman he desires us to be.

Grief is to most  of us our Gethsemane.  When someone we love dies we will venture into that area of our lives for only a very brief moment, but as soon as the service ends we go home, get into our play clothes and go out and do something fun.  Gethsamane is not a place any of us want to remain.

The loss of a child is one such Gethsemane that is a lonely place to be for most parents. Parents enter into this area of their lives expecting others to sit with them, but these friends have  either left or like the disciples of Christ they drifted off into another land.  One time we asked some friends of ours if they would be willing to join us at our daughter's grave site for a time of remembrance. We needed friends to be there with us as we sat in our Gethsemane. These friends gently declined telling us that visiting her grave site was really a time for mom and dad to embrace.  We  needed these friends much like Jesus needed his disciples to be there for him in the hours he spent praying in his Gethsemane.

Why is our Gethsemane so hard on us? Why would we rather sedate our pain and suffering with alcoholic beverages than face our Gethsemane head on with prayer?  At one time in our country it use to be that families would gather at the grave of a love one and they would make it a day of it by having a picnic, playing games and sharing the memories of their loved one. It helped them to heal from their grief and it kept the memories alive about the one who died.  The picnic, the games, and the sharing times was their way of making a lonely time a more pleasurable one. In the end these families came out stronger because they were able to face their Gethsemane head on.

If you haven't had your Gethsemane you can rest assure that your Gethsamane is coming. God speaks through us in his word to prepare us for our Gethsamane.  When those hard times come God is going to use it to pound out the kinks in your armor much like he pound out the kinks in my armor in the days and years following the loss of our daughter Maria.

There was really nothing good about Good Friday other than we had to walk that lonely expanse of time to prepare us for Resurrection Sunday and God's reminder that his son has overcome death for all time so we can have the assurance that our lives will continue when life on earth ends. For me it was a reminder that our loved ones are walking the streets of gold and enjoying their new lives in heaven.

Go ahead and embrace your Gethsemane and watch God change you into his image.

On Wings of Eagles: In the arms of the Lord

On Wings of Eagles: In the arms of the Lord: Easter season has taken on a new meaning since our daughter, Maria, went home to be with Jesus almost 5 years ago.  In the aftermath of my l...

In the arms of the Lord

Easter season has taken on a new meaning since our daughter, Maria, went home to be with Jesus almost 5 years ago.  In the aftermath of my loss I as her dad went through incredible painful grief.  As a parent we had a son to raise.  There were many days where mixed emotions of grief, sorrow and happiness for our son were tossed together like a cocktail of some sorts that could only be swallowed with a grimace.  Is there a God who understands my pain? Surely, he has not experience this kind of loss?  My pain is too awful for any God to take notice.  Why should I worship a God that cannot experience my pain?

Then it occurred to me that God did experience the pain and suffering I went through on June 10, 2007. God saw his son being dragged through the streets carrying a large cross on top of freshly made wounds caused by the Roman symbols of torture. Not being allowed fresh bandages on those wounds he was forced to carry that cross to the place he would die.  God wept for his son because he was powerless at that moment having giving his son over to the soldiers who were merciless in their dealing with him.

God knew my pain because he witnessed his son being nailed at all four limbs with nails that tore into the flesh each time they were hammered. He heard the cries of his son as the cross was being lifted upright between two other criminals who did commit a crime worthy of death.

God understood my pain as he witnessed his son taking his final breath as his head collapsed downward.
Easter is not the time of grief. It is a time that the stone was rolled away and Jesus came back to life. It is a time that God demonstrated that his son fulfilled the promise made to the Jewish believers that no longer are they required to make sacrifices at 10 and 2 because God's ultimate sacrifice of his son no longer required that sacrifice.  Easter is a reminder that salvation comes through Jesus Christ.

Easter is a reminder that when we die we will we will experience a everlasting life in Heaven where there will no longer be any sorrow.  Easter is a reminder that God has overcome the putrid smell of death by assuring each of us in Christ that we will see Christ when we pass from this earth.

Easter is a reminder that Heaven is our reward after we leave this sin forsaken place we call earth. As Maria's dad it is a reminder that Maria is experiencing something so wonderful in Heaven. As my son said to me, "Dad, do  you really think Maria would like to come back to earth knowing what she is experiencing in heaven?"