There is such a thing as broken heart syndrome following the loss of a loved one.

“Why is light given to those in misery, and life to the bitter of soul, 21 to those who long for death that does not come, who search for it more than for hidden treasure, Job 3

Lisa Marie Presley and Carrie Fisher both died from broken heart syndrome. Lisa Marie Presley's last instagram posting was about how she was destroyed by her son's suicide.' Carrie Fisher, daughter of Debbie Reynolds, also died from broken heart syndrome shortly after her mom's death.

In one interview of a middle age man who was diagnosed with broken heart syndrome he said that he thought he could keep his emotional pain under wraps until he was rushed to the hospital with a suspected heart attack. After tests were completed they concluded that his heart looked fine with the right ventricle of the heart taking a unusual shape- they concluded that the unusual stress of March 2020 created extreme stress.

One of the first things we tell newly bereaved people is to get yourself checked out by the doctor and to be sure to tell them that you just suffered a painful loss. It was at one appointment I had that the doctor shared with me about the loss of his brother when he was a child.

I wish this was the norm for people to share their pain with medical providers, but it isn't. So many of us would rather have the appearance that we're perfectly fine and able to cope with our problems. After all, we rationalized, I'm educated and able to cope with life's problems.

The problem with this thinking is it never works. People who do not open up about their losses often go down a dark pathway of abusing alcohol and drugs because it appears for the moment to be the only thing that controls their emotional pain. Unless this path is short circuited with a common sense intervention, or someone who is able to reach the person to convince them they have a problem, their lives may end in a untimely early death.

So what is the solution? Emotional pain from our losses needs to be processed and verbalized to others as often as it takes for healing to eventually to take place. I discovered this after the loss of my daughter, Maria, in June 2007. In the first year, my mind was filled with anger over what I preceived was someone else's fault. As the anger grew, I noticed my blood pressure and heart palpations increasing. I also noticed weight gain as I surrounded myself with unhealthy comfort food. Only when I was able to successfully move toward the forgiveness side of my emotions was I able to make the healthier choices for my life.

The other thing I did was I began seeing a Clinical Psychologist who was skilled with treating traumatic sudden losses who was able to get me to focus not so much on the person I lost, but on my loved ones who survived.

Finally, I started attending several sessions of Grief Share where I had a chance to share my pain with others without fear that I would be judged for not having enough faith.

So, broken heart syndrome does exist, but it can be fixed with openly sharing your pain with other trusted listeners.

Here are two resources I recommend to help you on your own unique grief journey. Griefshare.org Griefclubmn.org

Lessons learned from Harry's grief from his mom's sudden death.

The lack of emotion Prince Harry experienced after his mum's death is common for young boys.Harry was only 12 years old when he received the news that his mom, Pricess Diana died in a fiery crash in the tunnel. It was the news that no child should have to bare.He was only 12 when she died.He,of course, was in a state of shock when his father shared the news with him. He describes this shock that settled in over him in the days following the internationally broadcast funeral as emotional numbness with the inability to cry. Harry did say that he never shed a tear over his mom's death for several years.

We live in a culture where boys are expected to be tough and not cry. We often will tell them that boys don't cry, here have a cookie. We substitute food instead of encouraging boys are to cry. Harry suffered many years from the gut wrenching, mind numbing emotional pain that wouldn't end.

When he was 15, he resorted to drinking and doing drugs because his pain just wouldn't quit.

In my experience of listening to people's grief stories I discovered that each person has a choice to make after the sudden loss. The first would be face your emotions head on, one emotion at a time while using a journal or finding a trusted listener willing to listen to the your agony.

The other more destructive choice that is all too common is turning to hard liquor or drugs to deaden one's pain. The first choice leads to life and in time to a new normal; while the second choice only leads to complicated health problems that may lead the person to an early death.

We are fortunate to live in an era that includes many support groups to help those grieving losses. Back in our grandparents generation they didn't have these services which meant that alcohol and drugs were the go to method for coping. I tell people in our griefshare class that talking about your deceased loved one by remembering the stories you loved about that person is the best way of healing from your pain. So many of us are afraid to open up the door where our loved one slept. Sometimes a grieving person will go decades keeping that door closed.

It is only in facing one's emotions, one feeling at a time, that will help you recover from your pain. Visit those places you went to with your loved one even if it hurts because that very act will help you to create newer memories so that you have a reason for going back. Your loved one is gone, but you're still very much alive which means you still have a purpose for living. Go through the healing process and God will reveal to you what your purpose will be.

Until recently, there have been few resources to help children heal from their grief and loss. The Grief club of Minnesota is one place that allows them to heal through the pain

Since I started getting involved in helping run the Grief Share group through our church, I have felt a burden for our Children.I guess I felt this burden watching my son and daughter's classmates trying to recover from their losses after Maria died. I've watch many of these kids from afar suffering from the same trauma that our family had experience in those beginning days of our grief. I remember the school chaplin saying at the school assembly, "Not to worry about reaching out to the gabrielson's because their needs were being met by their local church. Never mind that my wife and son were closer to the teachers and students of this school by virtue of her working at the school. For the most part, adminstrators are afraid to down that dark rabbit hole of grief when one of their students dies.

With the exception of a few groups at the Children's hospital we haven't done enough to fully meet the needs of children and young adults after tragic losses of parents and siblings. There was this predominant thought that children have resiliance and they will recover just fine with the help of their classroom teachers.

However, the reality is that very few classroom professionals know how to help children experiencing sudden loss and I think many of them feel that as long as you not bring up the person that died and you keep the person busy in sports and other extra-curricular activities they will do just fine. This may seem fine on paper, but the reality is when the child goes home at night they are often confronted with the horrors of what happened to their sibling and or parent that died.

Many of these kids become addicted to mind numbing video games in an attempt to drown out the emotional pain that lingers in their neurological pathways. When they get older they find illicit substances like alcohol and drugs to replace that mind numbing pain.

The reality is these children need to have the freedom to talk about their pain and the memories of their brother or sister that died. It is when they learn how to process their pain that healing will happen

I want you to put yourself in the shoes of a person who just found out that your brother or sister died suddenly. You wake up several times a night from nightmares from reliving the events leading to their death. You have this endless gastro-intestinal hurt resulting from this emotional pain. Your brain is in such a mumble-jumble mess that you're unable to think properly on your class room homework. Your test taking skills become rusty and to your embarrassment you fail several tests in your class. You come home from school and the first thing you do is play your video games because it seems to work on numbing this pain. When you're in school, you feel like everyone has forgotten you had the sibling that died and it makes you feel alone and isolated, especially, when you see your friends talking and communicating with their siblines or doing things with their mom and dad.

We must learn how to connect with grieving children by giving them a safe place to share memories of their loved one. To the grieving child, those memories still linger in thier minds even after their sibling or parent is no longer with them. Grieving children need to hear their deceased sibling or parents name and they need to know that you remember them.

The Grief club of Minnesota is one organization that provides the free grief services to grieving families.

For anyone experiencing the emotional pain following loss, I encourage you to check out griefshare.