Toby Mac shares his heart wrenching story about he loss of his son

When Toby said that he didn't think he knew grief until it hit him with the loss of his son,I think it hit a chord with all of us that were unfortunate to suffer this type of fate.

The loss of a child is a unique kind of loss because no one truly understands how to bury their own child. We were taught that our children will outlive us and bury us, not the other way along.

I truly understood the words of Toby Mac when I suffered my own loss when the pain medication Maria was on for her orthopedic surgery failed to metabolize in her system. Like Toby Mac, my daughter essentially died in her sleep.

I remember June 9th quite well. It was a Saturday afternoon when we were given permission to bring her home where we were anticipating a summer of celebration with friend parties, physical therapy to prepare her for the 5th grade class at Legacy Christian Academy where her friends were waiting for her arrival. Instead of celebration, we were thrust into the deeep hole of despair of which I wonder if we would ever see day light.

When I spoke with others facing similar losses I was struck by the similarity of stories. Grief hurts.Grief requires work to get through the journey. It takes sharing our pain with those willing to climb down into the muck and mire of it. Most people, I learned aren't willing to go to those dark places with you, but when you enter that dark place you will find new friends who clearly understand what you're going through. Just like a couple we barely knew came over to our place the moment they heard that Maria had died. We would learn that they went through this journey when the man's wife accidentally backed over their toddler daughter. As they went through their journey they found the compassion to reach out to others facing similar fates.

As Christians we are given the gift of the holy spirit that allows us to communicate with our loving God and minister to those who struggle with loss.

I urge you to cry out to God when loss occurs. Don't shut him out, nor don't stop attending Church, but place one foot in front of the other and keep on doing the same rituals you did before the loss. Do not drown your sorrows in a bottle of rum, or some that recreational marijuana because those are temporary fixes to the problem of your broken heart. Jesus Christ wants to be your redeemer and healer. He alone will walk with you every step of the way of this journey.

Anyone who has ever lost a child will testify the difficulty it is to venture into their deceased child's bedroom

13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

One of the hardest things we can do as parents of a deceased child is going through their belongings and repurposing the room they use to occupy. This is considered one of the last frontiers because the parents have to be absolutely ready to go the place to tackle this task. It is a reminder that when the loss of a child is concern there is no set timetable to tackle this task.For some, they are able to tackle this task relatively quicker than for others who take years tackle this daunting and emotional task.

Hence, the room of the deceased child often winds up being the 'junk' room of the home as though your original floor plan has been amputated to reveal a much smaller home.

Through the years since Maria's passing, we have made much progress with the grief journey such as placing one foot in front of the other and going to Church, meeting with friends, attending bible studies and going to uplifting events that glorify Jesus Christ. We also know through our personal relationship with our Savior that we will see Maria again because of what God promised in his Word.,P>

Since the start of the pandemic emergency orders we have seen a record number of suicides and opioid deaths so I know that there are others like us grieving for the loss of their children. So, what can we do to help these families who are struggling with this type of loss? Don't be afraid to climb into the muck and mire of their grief. Don't worry what to say to them, but quietly listen to their anguish. God works through the holy spirit placed inside each of the believers who accepted Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord of their lives. He will provide the words of comfort to give to those that are hurting. He will give you the strength to go to the dark places with them. This type of wisdom isn't something you pick up in psychology 101 or philosophy 202, but it is the type of wisdom God gives us through the living savior who conquered death on the cross and came back to life.

There is one more thing you can do to help people suffering the loss of a child- Go with them to a griefshare meeting. Most people are afraid to go to grief support groups, but your willingness to go with them just may be the spark that helps them move forward.

One of the things I did as a grieving dad very early on in my grief was put together a website to help others entering their pain for the first time to have a source of inspiring information that would help them begin their journey. One final suggestion I can make is for newly bereaved people to find a trusted listener who can help them walk this journey without the influence of alcohol, drugs or marijuana which will only cause other health issues to develope. Research I have seen all suggest that when traumatic losses occur, many are quick to turn to alcohol in an effort to deaden the pain.

If you are a non believer, or simply deconstructed your faith as many have in this post pandemic era, I urge you to come back to the Savior and find a Christian Church where you can be discipled and nurtured. I learned as I began going on this journey that God really didn't abandon me after the loss of my loved one, but I abandoned him. I encourage you to cry out to God and tell him all of the anguish you feel from your loss. I have learned that God isn't afraid of our anger because He wants a relationship with you. Go ahead and cry out to God and tell him you are sorry for walking away from Him and watch Him move closer to you.

Grief is a journey that has no set timelines when it is completed, but I assure you like our family, your faith will be stronger as you begin the journey. Your loved one is more alive today in heaven than they ever were on earth. Jesus assures us that we will see them again.