Aunts, Uncles and everyone who loved that child grieve too.

⁵ Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”^{[  Hebrews 13:5}

When a child dies in a family there are others that may not get as much support as the immediate family.  I am talking about the aunts and uncles of the child who died.  It is almost as though they are the forgotten victims in the tragic loss of a child.  Like a veteran of some forgotten war they are expected to move on with life as they did before he loss.

As I reflect on each member of our family on both sides i saw that each member grieved just as much as each of us did.  The problem is they are expected by society to just get over it.  They are allotted a short time period of time to 'deal' with their grief, but beyond that period they need to mature up and resume life's activities,  Only by compartmentalizing their grief and locking it securely in a brain vault are they able to function. Aunts and Uncles are not expected to seek grief counseling because after all they were not the parents of the grieving child.  Wrong. Aunts and Uncles need help in working through the pain of losing their niece or nephew just as much as the immediate family because there is nothing in life that prepares a person when a child dies. Nothing.

Reflecting on our children when they were younger I saw how this child brought out the lighter and playful side of the Aunt or Uncle  each time they saw this child.  If there were any sibling rivalry issues before the child those issues dissolved once the child came into the world.  The child became the center of their universe which meant whatever they did they thought of that niece or nephew. For some Aunts and Uncles the child becomes like the surrogate son or daughter they never had, or it became a way to replace the pain of having never married.

So when a niece or nephew dies they grieve mightily over the lost dreams and hopes of that child just like the child's parents and siblings.  Aunts and Uncles need acknowledgement that their pain is real and the reason for their pain is because of  the love they had for this child.  I would encourage everyone who has lost a niece or nephew and find themselves being hit by waves of grief to talk to a trusted friend about their pain. Only when we talk our deep emotions surrounding the loss do we begin to make headway in our grief recovery.

Remember, the deep emotions you are experiencing with this loss is absolutely normal and you are not a lesser human being for expressing them. You grieve because of the deep love you had for this child.