The Path to the Cross Small Group Bible Study by Ray Vander Laan - Faith...

 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

One of  the people that really ministered to me during my grief was Ray Vanderlaand. Ray is known as the guy who takes groups of people on tours of the Holy land in the very places that Jesus was known to be. Some day I want to tour these places, but through the revolution of Youtube I was able to experience these places without buying an airline ticket.

When grief overwhelms us these are the times our eyes look upward looking for signs of God's control.

Grief has taught me that I am not in control of these circumstances. I think I have control, but I really don't .  I am small in this large universe. Before grief came into my life I thought was 'king of the hill', ' man of the hour' or 'Super man able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. After I entered this forlorn, sad place I never in the world dream of being in did I realize how much I needed God to show me the significance of what just happened and to show me that He truly cares for my family and me.

Grief reminds us the importance of putting one foot in front of the other and honoring God each Sabbath week. It reminds me of the importance of being in fellowship with other believers. When we place one foot in front of the other and force ourselves to walk on burning sand God begins to heal us of our pain of loss. Only by looking to the cross do we find meaning for the tragic things that happen in our lives.

I hope this video entitled 'the path to the cross' encourages your faith.

Walking Through Catastrophic Grief | Kay Warren

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Recently, I had the chance to listen to Kay Warren, the wife of Pastor Rick Warren, as she shared her grief journey of the loss of her son to suicide.  She described Catastrophic death like going through a series of doors and finding other doors that lead to unresolved grief.

 She encouraged anyone going through catastrophic grief to avoid the temptation of wanting to close those doors simply because you do not want to go there, but to find trusted listeners who are willing to ride this type of grief with you. 

She concludes her message with a message of hope in that it is possible to recover from this type of grief.  I definitely could relate to this message as it was almost 7 years ago now that we lost our little girl. She would of course be 17 now and a junior in high school. Only by leaning into my grief and sharing my story and finding trusted listeners was I able to have normalcy return to my life. I hope you find this video helpful in the recovery process of your grief.

God does his greatest work in healing the lives of wounded peopld

1 Peter 2:24 Who his own self bore our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live to righteousness: by whose stripes you were healed

Over the years I have had many conversations with broken and wounded people. Woman, whose husbands have left their families, men, who's wives have left them, and children caught in the middle trying to escape the harsh words coming from both directions.

 Wounded children grow up to become wounded adults tossed in the wind like a ship without a sail. Men and Woman of abandonment are tossed  in the wind trying disparately to find out what just happened to them.    Fortunately, there are well trained professional Christian therapist's to turn to when a crisis hits. All you have to do is google Christian therapists in your area to find them. There are also great treatment programs like Minnesota Adult an Teen Challenge to help those in crisis who found hope in all the wrong places.

God had a plan that became a reality when he sent his son into the world to bore all of mankind's wounded sins.  He had a plan when he gave us His owner's manual to help us heal. He helped us see in the lives of David, Samson, Noah, and many others God used despite of their wounds.

 As you read the scriptures you become intrigue by the notion that God chose to use wounded people as his instruments. In John 9 some one asked Jesus why this man was born blind while presuming that it was because he had sinned, or his parents had sinned.  What they heard was the opposite of what they thought: 'This man was born this way so that the works of God can be shown through him.'   Out of man's weakness God demonstrates power. Out of his hopelessness God brings hope.

No matter what your wounds look like God wants to heal you. No matter how  deep those wounds go God wants to use you.  If you do not know the Savior Jesus Christ you can by simply by praying this prayer:

 'Dear Jesus,  I know I am wounded. I know that you do your greatest work through wounded people. Make me one of those people Jesus. I know I am a sinner and that you bore my sins on the cross 2000 years ago and that you died and came back to life to take heaven's reign. I open the door of my heart and ask you to come in and be with me all the rest of the days of my life. Thank you Jesus for your free gift of eternal life. Use my weaknesses for your glory. Amen.

God gave us the ability to take our grief forward and use it as an illustration of His faithfulness in our lives

I place myself in your care.

You will save me, Lord;

you are a faithful God. Psalm 31:5

When I was a young man I made a commitment to a men's discipleship group called Navigators 2:7.  Based on the verse from Colossians 2:7 it was design to prepare me as a young man to lead a successful Christian walk with God.  Reflecting on those experiences I remember the bible studies, going over our weekly lesson plans, reciting our bible verses and committing those to memory and wondering how this would play out in my future life as a believer? As I reflect back on our family's tragedy I once again thought of those days as a young man diligently working on those verses and being able to see God's method in my life.

My Colossians 2:7 leader, Dave, spoke one time on the importance of having on going goals in our lives. As people we are not meant to remain stagnant. As Christian believers there is no such thing as being out of work, unemployed, and retired from life and sitting on the shelve somewhere watching the world go by. Until we take our final breath God has plans for each of us! Dave shared with us his goal of going into full time missions work where he could use his Engineering skills to help people from other countries and bring the gospel to them. My goal involved going on a short term missions assignment which would still allow me to keep my career going. Both of us accomplished that goal. Dave and his wife went into full time missions work and I went on a short trip to Haiti with a group of other single adults from our church. In both cases God honored our willingness to serve him and in both cases he broaden our world view from a 'me' mentality to a 'others'  one

I learned as a young man that no matter what happens in this life God is always there for us. He is faithful and He will take care of us. I learned also that committing our lives to Christ becomes a game changer.  A person who grew up in a dysfunctional family can become a vibrant, dynamic life changing force in other peoples lives. An alcoholic, redeemed by Christ, can have an impact in the lives of other alcoholics. An abused woman, redeemed by Christ, can be a game changing influence in the lives of other woman caught in the throes of abuse.

This why goals are so important in our lives and it also explains why goals are important in the lives of Christian brothers and sisters. Even though we may  be grieving God gives us the ability to carry our grief forward as a game changing force in others lives.  Won't you take this time and ask God to give you a vision for what your life will look like in the future and how you can be used by God to help changes lives? Then establish some goals to help you become that game changer.

Coping with the loss of a child on the anniversaries of the loss

Proverbs 27:17

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another

As the anniversary of our loved one's death occurs we are often flooded with the emotions of their loss. During this time memories of our loved ones return. We often cry easily.  I remember talking with a couple of fathers who tell me that on the anniversary of their child's death  they make it a point to take the day off from work just so they can grieve without the interruptions of work assignments.

As a dad the anniversary of our loss is approaching. June 4th the day she went into the hospital to have the orthopedic surgery.  June 10th was the day she came home, supposedly to heal and be ready for the physical therapy appointments in the following week. Those appointments would never happened. Nor would her return for the start of her 5th grade at Meadow Creek Christian school that fall. It has been 7 years since our daughter passed away and though the tsunami of daily emotions of our loss have subsided our family still have those moments around the anniversary of her loss to work through. All families who have loss a child or sibling understand.  

It is natural for well meaning friends to ask us why we don't just move on in life and accept that he or she is gone. For some of us talking about our loss is a way of sorting through the emotions of that loss. To avoid talking about it only leads to other inappropriate ways of coping such as illicit drug use and alcohol usage. 

The woman you are about to see in this video decided to use her son's death as a platform to talk to others about the dangers of using recreational drugs or what I refer to as the entrance drug of Marijuana and the more powerful drug of Heroine. What this mom discovered  after her son's death was that Heroine has once again returned to the college campuses in a more powerful and deadly form. She was going to use her tragedy as a deeply wounded mom to warn others about the dangers of drug overdoses. 

Our daughter passed away when the very pain medication that was meant to help her failed to metabolize in her young 10 year old body.  The early morning hours, like this mom in the video, started off with the 911 call and the frantic attempts to resuscitate her before they decided to call the time of death. Since her loss I have discovered how dangerous Narcotic Codeine is to the bodies of young children.  So dangerous that even a very tiny dose will cause a severe respiratory depression causing death.

My platform are two fold: (1) help other families cope with their losses, and (2) educate others on the dangers of these Narcotic drugs on young children. I will keep on talking until I read the front page article that reads, 'Congress passes bill to outlaw prescribing Codeine for pain control.'  Europe has already done this as well as some American hospitals. Why not the rest?

Finally, I encourage others who have experience the loss of children to reach out to others and talk about the loss.  Be open with people and do not be afraid to share your emotions with them and if you do not feel safe sharing about your loss find a trusted therapist to share your loss. As the verse I chose for this blog attests one man sharpens another.

The social networking revolution and the lost art of letter writing

“There have been prophets and students who handle the Bible like a child’s box of bricks; they explain to us the design and structure and purpose; but as time goes on things do not work out in their way at all. They have mistaken the scaffolding for the structure, while all the time God is working out His purpose with a great and undeterred patience.”
― Oswald Chambers

I have heard it said that gone are days when people wrote personal mail to loved ones. True, it is sad and yes we should go back to developing that art form of communication.  After all, there is something special about  a loved one opening up a letter with your heart felt words of appreciation along with your signature. Letter's  can be read and reread many times over by the receiver's.

My dad was a letter writer. When he was in school he actually received the Palmer Penmanship award for having the most fluent writing. Today, schools have dropped their penmanship classes for laptops thinking  there is no need for penmanship when most of them will be clicking away any ways what they want to say.

Why can't we restore our past love for writing letters along with  sending e-mails and typing correspondence on the keyboard? I would venture to say that our lives would be more enrich if we did.  One of the most cherish gifts I have from my dad are the letters and cards received with his personal message and handwritten signature.  When I open them I am reminded of the thought he put into writing those messages.

What if all of us chose to write handwritten letters to our loved ones regardless how fluent or less than fluent our handwriting might be? What if our loved ones can one day pick up that written correspondence years later and read our words again? Letter's, after all, stand the test of time. E-mails can be deleted as soon as they are read, but personally written letters are cherished more than any other inheritance a parent may give a child.

The Social networking revolution is an awesome thing because it has allowed our world to grow exponentially  faster than it ever could without it.  What if along with this new social networking revolution we discover the art of personal letter writing? What if everyone who reads these words went out and bought special pens, paper and stamps and decide to write a heart felt letter to loved ones who one day will pick up that aged and yellow paper and read your words long after you had departed?

Where would Christianity be without the scribes writing the words of the apostles and the words of Jesus on paper? Words that have stood the test of time.  Words that continue to change the hearts and mind of future generations!

You are loved

Luke 11:11-13

New International Version (NIV)

11 “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for[a] a fish, will give him a snake instead? 12 Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13 If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

Grief is an interesting thing.It is the one moment where we realize how much God loves us than the moment he showers us with a fire hose of love in the days following the loss of our loved one. As a dad there is no greater joy in life than when my son calls me for advice or assistance with something. When he does I will respond to him with kindness and love. Just as I would do anything for my son I am reminded how much more God loves him.  

As a Earthly father my time is limited by life's work and just as I say goodbye to my son I am reminded that our Father God is there 24-7 for him. Because of what Jesus Christ did on the cross I have an intercessor who steps in and helps us in our trials, our pain of loss, and our recovery from our grief.

Our father in heaven is trained to respond to emergencies. He often hears the silent prayers of our doctors and nurses who are responding to a medical crisis. He often comforts the mothers and fathers of earthly children as the emergency personnel are working on their loved one. God has the capacity to respond to the crisis no matter what the outcome. He is recipient of our praises when a pulse is found and life returns and he is the recipient of the guttural cries of anguish as parents collapse to the ground in disbelief and shock.

It is in the area when things do not turn out the way they should ( from our finite mind standpoint) that God demonstrates his greatest work. It is in the lives of people in grief that he reveals to them how much he loves them.  Whenever he sends someone  to us to offer a kind word or deed we are reminded of God's love. Whenever we sit in church we are reminded through the word of the Pastor how much we are loved.

God, our father, loves you so much that he would never abandon you in your crisis. Won't you take a moment today and thank him for the time he has given you as you recover from your crisis?

Then sit back and watch God's fire hose of love showering on you.

Ever wonder how we got this cartoon image of heaven as a boring place where our loved one is sitting on a cloud strumming a harp?

1 Corinthians 1:27

New International Version (NIV)

27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.

 I was listening to our local Christian talk radio station, KTIS 900 AM   while driving to the compost site Saturday morning  I happened to tune in at the mid point of the program.  The gist of the program had to do with  why people have this cartoon like image of heaven.  In the program the speaker stated that most seminaries teach very little on the topic of heaven and what it will be like. 

As I reflect on this for a moment I have to agree with this statement. As a child I had the notion that heaven was simply sitting on the cloud somewhere listening to harp music.  When I began watching 'It's a wonderful life I saw heaven through the eyes of Clarence the wingless angel who happened to be a bright small star in the blackness of space.

As I matured in my faith and read verses describing what heaven is like I began to see that heaven was in deed a place with new life, trees, water, and radiant sunshine.

Recently, the movie, Heaven is Real, was released to the theaters. The movie is about Colton Burpo's trip to heaven when he nearly died when his appendix burst. The movie was based on the best selling book by that same title about his eyewitness accounts. I found this CNN interview with Colton credible when he was able to  describe the people he saw in the throne room of God as people that only his parents knew  from Colton's grandfather his dad referred to as Pops to the little girl that her mom miscarried.
  
For those of us who have experienced the loss of a loved one it is important that we understand what heaven will be like not  only so we can have peace of what our loved one is doing after they die, but also so we have enough of the back ground of scriptures to paint a picture to people of what heaven will be like so they can tell others the amazing reality of what Jesus Christ has done for them and the amazing place He went to prepare a place for us. 

I think these eye witness accounts of what Heaven is going to be like for us as believers is meant to give us peace that heaven is more than just a cartoon like existence of strumming a harp on a cloud. It is a place where there is no more sorrow, no more tears. It is an actual place involving celebrations, food, trees, nature, water and cities.  This is a place where our loved ones are. It is a place that awakes for us when our journey is finished.


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Today Our friend Steve gets laid to rest

 

It is better to go to a house of mourning

than to go to a house of feasting,

for death is the destiny of everyone;

the living should take this to heart.

3 Frustration is better than laughter,

because a sad face is good for the heart.

4 The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning,

but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure.

Ecclesiastes 7

                                                                           Death.

I must admit I can do without it.

Funerals.

I have better things to do than to cry and feel bad.

I remember when our daughter passed away I had well meaning friends say how they hate funerals.

They avoid them.

In fact, many run as far away from grief as they could possibly go.

They find caverns to meditate/

They drink health juices and eat healthy food.

Just to avoid the feelings of sadness when friends die.

People are creatures of comfort and seekers of fun.

After all it seems to them

that is what they were suppose to do.

Not

sit in some chapel saying goodbye to a friend they would never see again.

Sigh.

I must admit that I would rather be in the house of mourning than the house of 

feasting as I am reminded in Ecclesiastes 7

Perhaps this is where I am in my grief?

No longer running from it

No longer avoiding the pain

I run toward it knowing that the Lord who guided me through my grief

is going to use me to help others grieve.

I have this picture of the lowly caterpillar.

That is us.

We crawl on branches 

filled with purpose and destination.

Full of life.

Until we make a cocoon for ourselves.

It is dark for a while.

lonely.

Until we begin to come to life and we chip away 

at the shell that was once us.

and we emerge as beautiful Monarch Butterflys

Experiencing life like we never experienced it before.

No longer limited by our earthly limitations.

Because of what Christ did funerals take on a whole new meaning.

Except.

I call these celebration of life events 

because when I close my eyes during a worship song

I can picture the one departing

soaring like a monarch butterfly emerging from its cocoon.

experiencing life in a new body

with no limitations

One day

As we progress in our own grief journey we are given new stories

to share with those around us.

Stories to help others heal.

Grief will then be like being on a sail boat on a sunny, beautiful day on the lake

The wind suddenly changes

and we raise our sail

and head in the direction God wants us to go wondering how

God will use us.

No longer groped in pain,

we anxiously look forward to helping others recover from their pain.

Steve's journey is finished, but until our Lord calls us home our journey 

continues.

I learned talking to my neighbor why I started my blog several years ago.

I was reminded tonight why I started blogging and developing my website several years ago when I was talking to my neighbor Russ after getting home from work. I hadn't seen him for several months. His wife Julie died 3 years after our daughter from her battle with breast cancer. I was drawn to his house because I noticed a for sale sign in their yard. They moved in the same time we moved in years ago.

 For some reason I have a way of opening people up and getting them to share with me their thoughts and feelings.  Russ was introduced to a lady by a church friend a year ago. He finally met her at Christmas time 2012. She lost her husband when he died from the affects of agent orange. He was a Vietnam war veteran. Connie and Russ dated for a year before deciding to marry on Valentine's day 2014. 

I asked him if he had experience triggers living in the home after Julie died. He paused and I reminded him that emotional triggers are a normal reaction to grief. He then told me that he had a very hard time being in the home and  often would work 50-60 hours a week just to stay away from the house. I shared that this was the same way for me after Maria died and at times I couldn't go by her bedroom without the things in her room triggering a emotional reaction in me.

  I mentioned that in time things started getting better for me and when triggers did occur the pain was much less pronounced. Our family continues to live in our home.  My theory behind why people have these triggers is because they operate like the typical grieving American by working their grief by working too much.  In other words, they avoid all emotions of their pain and suffering by burying their grief in work. They bury their emotions.  The problem with this method is you aren't really going through your grief process by working. What you are doing is postponing your grief for another date in the future when it revisits you. When God made each of us he gave us tears to shed so that when someone we love dies he wants us to shed those tears  no matter how long it takes to get through the process of grief. 

I encourage you to face the pain of your grief head on and do not be afraid to cry and allow God to walk with you on this journey. In time the room your loved one slept in will have new memories for you to cherish.I am posting this 4 minute video for anyone just now entering grief process. I hope it helps you with the journey you never asked for.