We allow ourselves to be a victim of trauma when we fail to acknowledge it

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

I have done a lot of reading since my trauma experience of 2007. Stories about veterans of war coming home to massive post traumatic memories that do not seem to go away. Stories about the native American population developing trauma experiences because of the breakup of their family and cultural structures through generations and watching the by product of alcoholism, unemployment and school drop out rates soar as a result of the trauma.

When those of us who experience trauma attempt to bury it through overwork or substance abuse we are only temporarily blocking the emotional memories from coming into our consciousness until our mind clears up again and we once again have those same traumatic images. It is a vicious cycle that continues endlessly until one day we over dose on the substance we are abusing and death envelops us and now it is our families that have to cope with your loss. Since alcoholism is a systems illness future generations  learn that the only way to cope with trauma is through alcohol consumption and drug use.

Like the guy in this video I chose to allow God to help me walk my pathway of traumatic sorrow. Since I had made a conscious decision early on in my life to not drink I knew that substance abuse was not going to be an option for me. Instead, I found really good listeners who were willing to listen to me recite my pain into words without casting judgement on me. I read the Psalms, the gospels and discovered that sorrow and grief was every where in the biblical times. As I read I discovered how turning to God helped these people to recover from their sorrow. I discovered that just as the scripture I have chosen says that God works all things for the good of those who love him.

God wants for us to recover from the trauma in our lives so we don't pass our trauma into future generations like it has with our native American population, or with our veterans of foreign wars. God wants us to choose to allow Jesus to walk with us on this lonely road of grief. He wants us to reject substance abuse as a way of coping with loss and  to tell Him what it is that is troubling you today. Won't you take a moment and ask God to bring trusted listeners into your life? Won't you choose to make this the day to move forward and allow God to convert those painful traumatic images into a positive reflection of God's amazing healing grace?

Home is where the heart is

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. Philippians 1:3-5
My wife and I  lived in our home since 1991. One day I  went for a long walk  and happened to see a model home on the street where camp Guy Robinson once sat. This was a very wooded area the YMCA operated  to give young kids a camping experience without the overnight stay. It was not far from the townhouse we lived in.

 I am pretty sentimental about Camp Robinson because I was involved in the YMCA from the time I was a little tyke in the Y Indian guides with my dad.  It was one of my warmest memories of my dad and I. We had this tee pee head band we  wore to all of the gatherings.  Each week the boys along with  their dad's would make a craft, have fun and eat snacks.  I learned how to swim through the YMCA day camp. Not this camp, but Camp Christmas tree. The YMCA was a huge part of my upbringing and so when the YMCA opened the gym near Ridge dale  my dad brought a family membership for us. He was a believer in the Y. 

 The Y was where dad met my mom.  He happened to walk into the YMCA building on the University of Minnesota campus where his future wife worked as a receptionist. He was smitten by her beauty. He later  learned that this gorgeous woman lived next door to him. She with her sister and husband and he with his brother and  wife.  

  As my wife and I toured the model home I began to dream of our dream home next door this home. I kept that dream alive until my wife fell in love with this dream. It took some doing because she was growing in love with our first home until she decided to see what I was seeing in my dream.

Our home has been a place of precious memories.  There were the family gatherings  for holiday and birthday dinners.  There was the deck planning party when we had my cousin's family over and his boys helped us dig the footings for our deck. There were the phone calls made with the news of our adoptions. There was the excitement  of being told that we were going to be the parents of a new born boy in Cuenca, Ecuador just as my wife's parents entered the front door. There were many birthday celebrations for our son and daughter. 

So often we forget about the positive memories when tragedy strikes a home. When a loved one dies in our home we try forget that memory by placing the home on the market and moving somewhere else where we won't be bombarded by the daily reminders of that memory.  The problem is when we move in order to forget  we also leave behind the wonderful memories of our loved ones. 

Home is more than just the tragic reminders of things we want to forget. Home is a place of celebrating those positive memories and creating new ones.  Since our tragedy of 2007 I have learned that God is also in the remodeling business. He is able to help you create new memories in the place that carries the reminder of sad ones. Like our family it didn't happen over night. It took months to create those new memories. There was a lot that had to be done like sorting through the emotions and acknowledging to God that it HURTS. It requires that you process each of your emotions and allow yourself to cry.  Yes, it is OK for you to cry.

Linda and I watched the builders erect our new home which would become a home that would be filled with love.  There was tragedy that happened in our home, but there were many positive loving memories that filled this place.  If you are in a place where all you see  is heartache, disappointment, and tragic reminders trust Jesus that He will walk with you on your journey of heart ache and that He will help you create new memories. 

 There will come a day when your son and daughter will return home with their families and when they do they will remember the good things of the person who is no longer part of their lives.  Each of you will smile as you look at the pictures of the one who is no longer there. As you do, it will occur to you that God fulfilled his promise to you which was that he helped you create those positive memories.  Home really is a place where the heart is!.

The family featured in this video clip chose to celebrate the loss of their loved one. As they celebrated this way they were creating positive memories that would last a life time. 

No matter what Never give up

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

Recently, I attended a well run two day workshop at the Crown Plaza hotel in St. Paul on 'impairment without disability'. It was a well attended group of many people in the field of rehabilitation and  just about any one else who comes into contact with people with disabilities. The message I came away from this conference is that we must never stop believing  in people and we must never stop believing in the human spirit . 

This video is about a Gulf war paratrooper who became disabled when one too many jumps took it's toll on his body. He had been to many specialist's to get help for his condition. Essentially, no one could and one by one they  told him that he would never walk again without braces.  Feeling discouraged he went home believing what those doctors told him by overeating on junk food, packing on the pounds and further aggravating his health condition.  Then he asked " wouldn't you give up if you were in his shoes?"  Well, he gave up until one man believed in him. As he watched this man on television he realized that yoga was a form of exercise he could do with his condition that would increase his heart rate and help him regain his former strength. . Because of one man's belief in him Arthur began to believe in himself.

I was again reminded how the death and resurrection of another man became the inspiration of millions of people who believe in Him.   If one man who believe in this disabled veteran could have such a profound lasting impact on him, just think of the impact that Jesus Christ can have when you, your family and your friends turn to him when discouragement is about to take over? If you have yet asked Jesus Christ to come into your life won't you take a moment and do so today?  

I hope you find this video very inspiring and as you watch it remember to say a kind word to someone today.  You just never know the impact those words will have in their lives!

I had a very vivid dream

I

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth.”

Psalm 46:10

 I had a very vivid dream tonight.I saw Maria  and she was alive. It was a Sunday and we were getting ready for church. She was happy to see us. We were happy to have her back. Hugs were exchanged.We brought her to church all the while wondering what people might think when they saw our little girl. After all they watched us as we walked our painful lonely path of grief. I was excited about comparing this to a resurrection story of what Christ did for us. Maria was alive. God allowed her to come back to us.  She looked the same as the night she passed away in 2007.  Same smile, same mannerisms.We brought her to church and right away friends of ours came over and were excited for us. A miracle had happened. She's alive! She came back. She sat with us in church. Once again I felt like a father of two kids. Life's was good. 

Throughout the service we sat with Maria. At the end of the service we said our usual good byes to friends. As we walked toward the exit I saw that Maria had disappeared. She was gone. She left us..  I was sad, bewildered, and wondered why God did this again to us? Then I woke up. God reminded me that His son Jesus Christ was resurrected for all of us. Jesus conquered death for all of  us so when our loved ones die they are immediately in the presence of Jesus Christ and all the angels of heaven.

 As I thought about my dream how often do we feel like we are in the presence of Jesus only when we go to church, or when we sing our vocal cords out, and after we hear our Pastor preach a message from the bible but when we return home we feel  empty again?  I was excited when I saw that God had allowed us to see our daughter, but when Maria left us I was sad.We want to feel spiritually filled, but we have to do the work of being filled. 

Not just going to church on Sundays, but finding time each day to be in the word of God and to be still so we hear His voice. Perhaps, that is the meaning of this dream tonight. To be still and let God speak to me.  I will one day see my daughter again and for that I am very thankful, but more importantly I have Jesus Christ who wants to spend time with me every day of my breathing life if only I would take time to be with Him. All I have to do is be still and allow God to stir my heart.  All I h ave to do is be still.

 My yearning to be with the one who died may be simply be my need to spend time each day with my savior who died for me and made a place for me. If you find yourself in this predicament of being spiritually dry maybe God is trying to get your attention to 'be still' just along enough so He can speak to you through his word.