Life style choices directly impacts our ability to process grief and sorrow

Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 1 Corinthians 6:19

Grieving over the loss of a loved one takes incredibly hard work and in time this grief can take it's toll on our bodies. As we grieve we take less and less time for good things in life that keep us alive. We exercise less and we eat more of what I refer to as the 'comfort foods' of life. High starches, high sugars, high fats are some of the foods that momentarily give you a lift in how you feel, but over the long term they can aggravate your grieving process by keeping you feeling depressed.

Over the course of several months I have been touched by a number of people who regularly exercise and maintain a diet of natural foods like Vegetables, proteins, and fruits. To a person who is grieving and subsisting on a diet of processed foods those foods have very little appeal. Why? Because we have been taught that when we are 'blue' to eat a cookie, or a Mcdonald's hamburger with some french fries. We were that this was the way to processed bad feelings since we were little when our parents gave us a cookie to help us stop crying and begin to feel better about ourselves. Over time the accumulated effects of all these 'feel good' foods will impact our bodies in a negative sense.

I was inspired by my brother Tim and my brother in law Bill to make some decisions in this area of my life. It won't be easy and in the beginning eating more of what is healthy for me will seem so foreign, but if I stay the course and do what is right I know the healthy way of eating will have a lasting impact on the way I feel about myself and in the way I process my grief.

Life is for the living. Our journey is not finished if we are still breathing and moving around. God wants to use us to help others who come along after us with their own grief journeys. Choosing the right foods to eat and the right kind of exercise to perform is your way of telling God to use you to help others.

What is your life story and why you shouldn't keep it hidden

What is your life story and why you shouldn't keep it hidden?

Yesterday was a eventful day as we drove to Grand Forks to say goodbye to David and Deb after seeing the latest Hobbit movie. Part way outside Warren, Minnesota we encountered nearly white out conditions with blowing snow that occasionally became thick enough to prevent us from seeing the car ahead.  At one point I decided to put my flashers on to help the drivers behind me and those passing us in the opposite direction. By the time we made it to highway 29 we had missed the 3:15 pm show.
Conditions were getting worse with each passing mile.A decision was made to travel to the hotel Deb and David were staying in before deciding what we should do.  In this typical 75 mile per hour zone we were lucky to be going 30.

At the Howard Johnson's we made the decision to see a later movie, eat dinner before checking into individual rooms for the evening. We soon learn coming out of the theater that I-29 had been shut  down because of the storm. As I looked out at the snow swept roads in this normally busy City, my mind drifted to a conversation I had with a friend about the importance of talking about our 'life stories' following our grief. For the purpose of this blog I will define stories as those painful things from our past that leave a  impressionable  mark on us.  It can be as simple as a concussion that left you with problems with retaining information, or it can be something as painful as  having a loved one die. 

 Since my son and I are occasional SyFy fans I will use the illustration of the huge warehouse  with it's mountains upon mountains of stacked boxes with countless of information.  Our brains are like that in the sense that as each painful event is processed we tend to find a nice box to place all of those painful, icky emotions inside before placing it on our imaginary forklift  and taken to a place of storage where hopefully they will never have to be dealt with again. When painful things happen to us we tend to want to rush the healing process by bypassing the steps we must take to fully heal.

What if all of us were to learn to carry our grief forward and instead of stuffing it inside boxes we share our stories with those around us?  The greatest revelation I made upon entering our grief journey has been discovering that there are many, many people around us who are finding boxes to stuff their own painful, icky events inside.  I remembering hearing in one sermon the preacher telling us that the church is a hospital for the sick and wounded. It is not a place for perfect people because there are no perfect people, only people pretending to be perfect. The quicker we discover this fact the faster we will find healing.

God gave us the example of his son, Jesus, who was by no means afraid of revealing his emotions. You can discover this reality as you read the gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.  His example should be evidence for us to allow ourselves to be vulnerable with those around us and to share our life story.  As we unwrap our boxes with it's tangled emotions and as we share those hurts with those we can trust we will discover a beautiful thing: the body of Christ coming together for a refreshing time of genuine Christian fellowship.

God wants us to be emotionally and physically healthy and he wants healing to come to all of us.  Now that is a most beautiful thing! 

The long journey for Joseph and Mary

“But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah,

though you are small among the clans[a] of Judah,

out of you will come for me

one who will be ruler over Israel,

whose origins are from of old,

from ancient times.” Micah 5:2

The journey of Joseph, Mary and the Unborn Child

I had to purchase two new tires to replace two of the ones on my van. They were bald on the outer rim and making it difficult to stay on the road. I knew I needed to get it ready for our trip to Warren, Minnesota where some of my wife’s family was gathering from afar.

In the course of doing so I was told that two outer tie rod ends also needed to be replace, but they had nothing on their schedule to do that job today. This confirm my suspicion. I knew I didn't want us to be stranded on our drive and wind up missing part of the holiday because we had to wait to have our van serviced. Worse yet I didn’t want to put our family in jeopardy on this trip.

So I drove. I got on 94 and drove to Rogers, Minnesota where I decided to stop and see if the local NTB store would be able to do the work on short notice. They said they would do the work and even matched the price of the local Fleet Farm. I handed them the keys and proceeded to walk 6 blocks up to the Target store in typical Minnesota cold to do some Christmas shopping. It beat sitting in the waiting room all that time.

I must admit that I had been spoiled most of my life with having private transportation that I had forgotten what it must be like for those who have no such transportation, or for those who lived in an earlier time where there was no such thing as motorized transportation.

It was good for me to be a pedestrian this one time.

In my dream that night I dreamt of the journey that Mary, Joseph and the baby Jesus had to make to avoid the tyrant, murderous King Herod.

First, how did Mary and Joseph wind up in Bethlehem?? The year Jesus was born was also the year of the census where everyone was require to go to their place of birth so they could be counted. Since Joseph was from a little town of Bethlehem he and his pregnant Mary made the slow journey, without motorized transportation. Imagine, if you will, being pregnant and having to uproot everything and travel on foot to Bethlehem. The distance between Nazareth and Bethlehem took 93 miles, over rugged terrain and undoubtedly would take Mary and Joseph several days to make.

In this same period of history was a very evil man who was ‘mad’ about maintaining his power that he would do anything to maintain it, including killing members of his own family. In Wikipedia King Herod had attained the title 'King of the Jews'. A loyal supporter of Hyrcanus II, Antipater appointed Herod governor of Galilee at 25, and his elder brother, Phasael, governor of Jerusalem. He enjoyed the backing of Rome but his brutality was condemned by the Sanhedrin.[16] He definitely didn’t exude the qualities of a ‘servant’ leader.

The first two chapters of Luke described .the Roman census.in those days a decree went out from Emperor Augustus that all the world should be registered. This was the first registration and was taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria. All went to their own towns to be registered. Joseph also went from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to the city of David called Bethlehem, because he was descended from the house and family of David. He went to be registered with Mary, to whom he was engaged and who was expecting a child.

Mary was quite far along with her pregnancy and when they reached Bethlehem Joseph went in search for a place to stay for a very pregnant Mary. It wasn’t easy and it seemed that wherever Joseph looked there was no room for them to stay, until they were directed to the only place which was a place where the animals slept.

As the census was proclaimed throughout the Roman Empire, many Jewish families would have needed to travel to Bethlehem during this time and lodged with relatives who lived in the town.

Joseph and Mary probably stayed with Joseph's relatives in Bethlehem, but because of the large influx of people, the house would have been crowded and the kataluma (guest room) was full. Consequently, Joseph and Mary would have been relegated to living in the lower level of the house. It is hard to believe that pregnant Mary would have been turned away from a relative's home in a society that greatly valued familial ties.

Archaeologists have excavated first century homes from the Judean hill country. They have discovered that the upper level served as a guest chamber while the lower level served as the living and dining rooms. Oftentimes, the more vulnerable animals would be brought in at night to protect them from the cold and theft. This sounds strange to many of us, since we wouldn't dream of bringing some of our cattle into the house at night, but even today in some countries of Europe (e.g., Germany and Austria), the farmhouse and the animal quarters are often different parts of the same building.

Herod the great appears in the gospel of Matthew which describes an event known as the massacre of the innocents. According to this account after the birth of Christ three wise men from the east visited King Herod to inquire the whereabouts of the one been born the king of the Jews because they had seen his star in the east and therefore wanted to pay homage. King Herod who was also known as the King of the Jews became alarmed by the prospect of a usurper that he called his chief priests and the scribes of the people and asked where the 'Anointed one had been born. They answered in Bethlehem, citing Micah 5:2. Herod sent the wise men to Bethlehem and when they found him they should report back to Herod so that he might go and worship this Christ child.

After the wise men found this child they were warned in a dream not to report back to Herod and Joseph was warn in a dream that Herod intended to kill Jesus.

There were evil men in the days of Christ just as there are evil men today. King Herod was one such man, but God provided protection over Joseph, Mary and the Christ child so nothing could happen to him. He knew that this Christ would one day do away with all of the rituals and sacrifices so all could come to a personal relationship with God and experience eternal life in heaven.

The next time you gather your family in your car for a long road trip and your kids begin to complain with their cries ‘are we there yet’ remind them of the 93 mile journey on foot that Joseph, Mary and the unborn child had to take so that one day they would have the privilege of receiving the free gift of salvation brought to them through this Christ child.

Just as God was with them through every step of their journey He wants to walk with you on whatever journey you may be on. As you celebrate this Christmas holiday with loved ones won’t you take time and thank him for the greatest gift of all, the birth of God’s son, Jesus Christ.

Man's best friend

Man's best friend

10And the ransomed of the LORD will return

And come with joyful shouting to Zion,

With everlasting joy upon their heads.

They will find gladness and joy,

And sorrow and sighing will flee away. Isaiah 35:10

Monday evening I received a call from my sister to let me know that Gracie had died. She was overwhelmed by  grief as I spoke with her.  Gracie was not a person. Gracie was her 13 year old cocker spaniel. who simply grew old and passed away. There were wonderful memories with this dog. For me Gracie's passing brought back memories when our kids were small and we watched them interact with Gracie, their other dog Patches and our dog Princess.  Although they are gone now each one left their mark on our hearts.. I learned that even with the loss of a pet we have to be very careful what we say to someone who has lost one. 

Comments like, "you can always get another dog" are not appropriate at that moment.  At that moment the person doesn't want just any dog. They want their dog back  Instead,  the person needs for you to acknowledge  their loss.  They want you to remember their dog with a memory.  To share a moment in time you had with their dog is perhaps the greatest gift you can give to a person mourning the loss of a pet.

The loss of a pet can bring up other losses we might not have fully processed.  The loss may bring up memories when we brought our dog over to a loved ones  home who is no longer there, or it may bring up another loss in your home. Simply, the loss of a pet can be compounded by other unprocessed losses. If you have been reading these blogs for long you probably have heard me say over and over again that 'American's are not very good in the grief compartment.'. We would rather bury our grief with busyness than to take a moment to process the tears we feel floating down our faces.

 I like to use the illustration of  a person on a sail boat. It is a calm day until the winds really pick up. When that happens the person has to lean into the wind so their boat doesn't capsize.  When emotions are bubbling up lean into your grief and find yourself a trusted listener who will at least acknowledge your loss without giving you platitudes like 'you can always get another dog'.

Dogs are wonderful creatures. When we invest our time in them they pay dividends with lots of hugs, kisses for years to come.  When you come home at night they will wag their tails with excitement to let you how happy they are to see you.     Hang on to those memories.

 In my sister's case hang on to the memories you had with Gracie. Gracie left a mark on your life. I have said the only way any of us can avoid going through the emotional roller coaster ride of grief would be to hole up in a cave somewhere and not have any human contact  To do so would be a lonely existence that wouldn't be worth living for.

God give us pets to take care of and to love. They add quality to our lives. To be loved is perhaps our greatest need and certainly our pets provide that to us. So when the loss of a pet overwhelms you let someone know. Turn to your friends for comfort and if you need to, find a trusted listener who can help you process this pain of this loss. 

 Remember, our God is no stranger to grief. He watched his son die on the cross for our sin's so that one day we would be with him in heaven. God wants to walk with you in your grief journey. Go ahead and ask him because you will be glad you did.

The Metaphorical boxes

The metaphorical box

35 That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.”36 Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. 37 A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. 38 Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”
39 He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
40 He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
41 They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!” Mark 4:35-41
In every home there is a box. A metaphorical box. A box where we stick all of our pain, our grief, our losses inside  before placing the lid on our box.  We are told to walk away from our box of pain and join the rest of the crowd on the joy side of life.  When we try to carry our metaphorical box with us to the joy side we are often reminded to leave our box behind.

As much as we humanly try most of us cannot leave our pain and suffering behind. Feeling trapped by a society that encourages us not to talk about our pain, we are forced to live silently wondering about the feelings of sadness that is festering inside us. Some of us may see a Psychiatrist who will quickly note these symptoms we are having as depression and write a prescription for medication to treat our condition without necessarily recognizing the pain that is their metaphorical box.  Instead of letting the pain and suffering out of our metaphorical box we are encouraged to put the box away, preferably way back in some unknown closet somewhere we cannot find it.

Teaching our young people how to process their feelings of disappointment, pain, sorrow, grief and loss is every bit as important in life as teaching them the academic subjects. The academic subjects are important, but it is the feelings from grief, loss, disappointment , pain can can potentially derail their life and career journey.  Helping your young person being better equipped to handle this pain begins begins by asking them questions about their pain.  When your young person comes to you and says 'I am sad' don't just give them a cookie as though it will make them all happy again.  When we do so we are teaching our kids to put their pain, hurts, losses into their pretty looking metaphorical box and go have a cookie so they will feel better about themselves. All that will do is set them up for a life time journey of unhealthy eating whenever feelings of  sadness overwhelms them.   Instead, get down to their eye level and silently help them process that pain into words. Helping them to recognize that pain within them by giving them permission to talk about it is one step away from helping them to be successful in life.

Finally, I love word pictures. Especially word pictures in the bible. In one picture Jesus is walking on water toward his disciples who are in a fishing boat being tossed in the stormy sea. Fearful, one of the men calls to Jesus. who at the time was on the shore. These men knew they were in a dangerous situation when the waves were in danger of capsizing their boat.  It wasn't appropriate for them to put their fears, pain, sorrow into their metaphorical box and so they cried out their emotions so they could be heard. Just as Jesus calmed the storm in their life he will do the same for us if we cry out our feelings of sadness, fear and disappointment. 

If we can learn to talk about our pain, suffering, our sorrows instead of hiding them away in a metaphorical box we will  have learned a wonderful survival skill in life.

Where is the line to see Jesus?

John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life

The funny thing about grief is how it changes one's perspective on life. When you have a loved one in heaven suddenly your heart changes to the things that matter most to God. Christmas time is one such time I reflect on what  Jesus did for each of us and for what God did when he gave Joseph and Mary a new born baby through a immaculate conception Their hearts were changed as they saw that God had picked them to raise what would one day be the salvation for the world.

Shopping at Christmas time is said to be the make it or break it mark for the majority of retailers They try not to offend any cultural groups who will be bringing the money into their store and so they adopt a more neutral attitude toward  this Jesus thing.  They know that a good profit during this time will determine whether their store flourishes or becomes another victim to the going out of business sales  in the new year.

Years ago the city I lived in would put a lighted decoration in front of  City hall that actually said 'Merry Christmas' until someone said something.to them. The next year they took out Christ and just had Merry Xmas. Then later our city decided to not have anything in front of city hall, except large lighted snowflakes. Do you see the insanity of this rush to neutralizing the meaning behind this holiday?

The reality for me is Christmas time is more than shopping for gifts. It is  a time to reflect on the good news that Jesus brought to us which is after this short earthly life is over we will experience everlasting life with Jesus in a wonderful place we call heaven. Until we are called home we have the loving Savior who will walk with us through the peaks and valleys in this life. That is the good news and that is worth proclaiming to the world that is crying to find meaning in their existence.

As you shop this Christmas season looking for gifts to give your loved ones, remember to say a prayer thanking God for the greatest gift of all: a baby brought into the world in humbling circumstances who will one day be the salvation to a world crying out for significance.

Life is a journey that begins with Christ at the helm

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds,3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

Mosquito repellent. Check. food. Check. Comfortable hiking boots. Check. Water. Check. Digital camera. Check. Map. Check. Sleeping bag. Check. Backpack. Check. toothbrush. Check. Bible and journal. Check 

Like going on a hike through the mountains life is a journey. To have a successful journey you have to be prepared to go the distance. You want to have someone at the helm who knows how to guide you.

As believers we know that no journey begins without inviting Jesus to join us. After all, He knows this terrain better than any of us will ever know. Jesus will remind you, like the verse at the top, that we should consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds. That means life will bring us many moments that our human minds think is impossible to overcome, but when Jesus Christ is at the helm nothing is impossible. We see that steep hill up ahead Jesus will remind you to press on step by step until you reach the top of that hill.

Life is tough. Things do not work out the way we wanted them to work out. Occasionally, bad things will happen in this life that are simply too painful for our finite, human minds to grasp, but our guide Jesus will remind you in his word just as he said in John 16:33 33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Occasionally on our journey people we know will depart from us. A simple wave goodbye and then you notice them disappearing in the horizon in the loving arm of our Savior. Even in times of sorrow of no longer seeing that loved one Jesus reminds us our permanent home will be in heaven. We are comforted with his word from Revelation: Revelation 22:3-5

And there shall no longer be any curse; and the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it, and His bond-servants shall serve Him; and they shall see His face, and His name shall be on their foreheads. And there shall no longer be any night; and they shall not have need of the light of a lamp nor the light of the sun, because the Lord God shall illumine them; and they shall reign forever and ever.

Our guide reminds us that we will see our friend again when we finish our journey. As we wipe a tear from our eyes Jesus, our guide reminds us with another verse from Phillipians 3:14 press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Alas, we look ahead. Our goal has been completed. We see the gates of heaven. As we get closer to that gate we see our friends who were with us when we started this journey. They are cheering us on and Jesus reminds us just as he did in Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us 

 We press on for our final leg of our journey because of the encouragement we received from our guide, Jesus Christ.

Life is a journey. The best way we can be prepared for this journey is to put Christ at the helm and let him guide us over the uncertain, unstable and unknown parts of our journey. There will be many moments of joy and there will be moments of sorrow, but when Jesus Christ is at our helm getting through those moments becomes much easier.

When your journey is finished our Lord and Savior will give you a hug, wipe away the tear of joy from your eye and encourage you with the words "well done my good and faithful servant, welcome home.

The Legacy of dad

Psalm 28:77 The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

My father passed away a few years ago from the terrible disease known as Parkinson's disorder. Before he was diagnosed with this disease he had problems with his eye sight which lead him to a retina specialist when his retina began detaching. Two retina surgeries couldn't restore his eye sight.

Dad had a rough beginning in life. Shortly after he was born his mom died suddenly of unknown causes. My dad's dad, being a veteran of the First world war was now dealing with  immense grief on top of what at that time was considered 'shell shock' from his war experience.

 There was no diagnosis of post traumatic stress disorder, nor did they have the kind of information we have today to treat complicated grief issues. Dad, along with his older brother were taken in by his mother's family in Crystal, Minnesota who now had to raise these two boys, as well as get through the grief of losing a daughter.   I never really knew my dad's dad because he died not long after I was born. I was told that his dad loved making things out of wood. 

Life was hard for my dad, but he did well at Robbinsdale High school before going on to the University of Wisconsin.   My dad had the most beautiful handwriting, having won the 'Palmer Penmanship award' in school.. He couldn't understand why schools would even take this highly touted writing program out of the schools.

 He would later join the Navy in World war II and then the Marine corp during the Korean war conflict. After college he moved east to take a job with a Chemical company but that lasted briefly until he moved back home to take a job with Northern States Power company.He met my mom who lived next door with her sister.  He fell in love with this woman, married before they moved into a newly built   3 bed room rambler  in St. Louis Park, Minnesota. He momentarily entertained the thought of moving into a bigger and nicer home in Plymouth, but decided a bigger home wasn't worth the price for the stability and security of their present location.

There is another side of my dad I think you should know that I really didn't understand until 2007 when our daughter passed away. He was a man who always made sure his family made it to church.  Mom and Dad were founding members of Reformation Lutheran Church in St. Louis Park, Minnesota.  We had our Sunday rituals of going to church and then going to Perkin's restaurant afterwards for lunch. What I came to appreciate about my dad years later ((funny how that works) was that he learned that even in the face of suffering he kept placing one foot in front of the other. He had his favorite sayings he would tell us. When something we perceive as bad that might happen he reminded us  with the words " Let's not cross that bridge until we come to it."  Dad was good at helping us to focus on the long term goal in life.  

Not long before he died a nurse asked this electrical engineer what was his greatest accomplishment in life and without batting an eye he smiled and said " my greatest accomplishment in life was raising my family."  

 Little did I realized that the lessons I learned from him would help me as our family traveled our own sudden tragedy.  Since I had a dad who modeled for me the faithfulness of attending church I was able to remind my son that even when we do not feel like going to church we need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and go so that we might experience the kind words and encouragement of others at church.

When tragedy happens we must trust God that he knows what he is doing. We have a Father in heaven who wants to spend time with you  Our father in heaven understands that life is going to be hard and bad things will happen, but when bad things happen we have a Heavenly father who wants to walk with you on whatever journey you may be on.

 Won't you invite him into your life today? Like my dad learned you will not regret making that decision.

The infamous Armistice day blizzard and the lessons we learned

Yesterday we had our first snow storm.  It didn't snow much, maybe an inch or so, but it was enough to slow down the traffic. Everything slows down, but nothing ever stops.  Unless, you live in such places as Alabama, Mississippi  or Texas where life stops at the mere mention of the word snow. Not enough sanding trucks and not enough salt, if they have any, to even tackle the job.

 In Minnesota you can drive by any municipality and you will notice huge airplane like barns.  At first glance you wonder if someone is parking their plane in those places, but at closer glance, you discover that is where they store  the winter's supply of salt chemicals needed to get through the next winter.  Minnesotan's and Wisconsinites know how to survive in climatic changes in weather where the wind gusts get below-30 and snow cover can sometimes reach the roof line.

 We are not afraid to make jokes about our weather and will often call our friends from the south and west and exaggerate for effect the weather just so we could hear a pin drop on the other end of the line.  We love a good story.  I remember hearing as a child our parents telling us about the granddaddy storm of the century, the Armistice day blizzard. The day that started out in balmy like weather and ended with extreme weather that probably was the reason why California picked up  so many  Northern transplants.Even our once beloved Minneapolis Laker's moved west.

Minnesotan's love the frequent weather changes. We know that when winter arrives we can anticipate the coming Spring which is 'just around the corner'. When Spring arrives we anticipate the coming summer and the backyard barbecues, family vacations, reunions, and all the other good stuff that makes us smile. I know the exotic places love it whenever we get a major snow storm because those places can always anticipate an influx of Viking and Packer fans to fill their tills. Our snow and cold does wonders with stimulating the nations economy.

The latest snow has made me think about putting up the Christmas lights. I could have done this back in September when the weather was nicer and I could do this while flipping burgers, but it wouldn't be quite as much fun. You have to live here to understand our logic..

The whole point behind this blog is each season brings with it a unique set of blessings. I remember reading a post when someone wrote of the snow storm about how their loved one in heaven must have instigated a 'pillow fight' for all this fluffy stuff to cascade to the ground like this. I smiled because I know from my readings about heaven that it really is an actual place with trees, water, and beauty beyond description of anything we experience here. I noticed the corners of my mouth curling upward as I thought of our loved ones that are now in that place.and thinking how God made it possible through the resurrection of his son, Jesus Christ, for all of us to experience it.

 When Christ came into the world it really was a game changer. No longer do we have to put ourselves into a transcendental state or perform daily rituals and hope for the best that we would earn our way in. When Christ took his final breath on the cross he said "it is finished". He paid the price so we can all experience the joys of heaven. No longer chained to a set of religious laws Christ paid the price for all of us to experience this salvation gift. It is a gift with no strings attached other than saying 'yes' to Christ.

The coming Christmas season is a reminder of that gift we were given. I know, for me, going through my season of grief hasn't been easy, but I can tell this that knowing Jesus Christ has made it easier.

"The culture of suffering - Timothy Keller

Dr. Timothy Keller’s book ‘Walking with God through pain and suffering

‘The culture of suffering’ 

I found this next chapter very intriguing as Dr. Keller describes the suffering across different cultures and contrasts that with the Western culture’s view of it. Dr. Keller begins with a survey from Richard Shweder about how non western cultures help their people to be “edified by their misery”. Richard Shweder states that some cultures have taught that pain and suffering stem from the failure of people to live rightly and goes on to describes that many societies believe that if you honor the moral order and God or the gods, your life your life will go well.

The doctrine of ‘karma’ is perhaps the purest form of the moralistic view as it holds that every soul is reincarnated over and over again. According to his viewpoint the soul brings its past deeds and their latent effects, including suffering, The doctrine of ‘karma’ believes that your soul is released into the divine bliss of eternity only when you have atoned for all of you sins.

The second viewpoint is called the self-transcendent view. Buddhism teaches that suffering comes not from past deeds, but from unfulfilled desires, and those desires are the result of the illusion that we are individual selves. Buddha taught that the solution to suffering is the extinguishing of desire through a change of circumstances. We must detach our hearts from transitory, material things and persons. Buddhism’s goal is to achieve a calmness of the soul in which all desire, individuality, and suffering are dissolved.

Some societies address suffering with a high view of fate and destiny. Life circumstances are seen as set by the stars, or by supernatural forces, or by the doom of the gods, or as in the case of Islam, simply by the inscrutable will of Allah. In this view, people of wisdom and character reconcile their souls with this reality.

The older pagan cultures of northern Europe believed that at the end of time, the gods and heroes would all be killed by the giants and monsters in the tragic battle of Ragnarok. In those societies it was considered the highest virtue to stand one’s ground honorably in the face of hopeless odds. In Islam too, surrender to God’s mysterious will without question has been one of the central requirements of ‘righteousness’.

Finally, he describes the cultures with a ‘dualistic’ view of the world. Those cultures see the world as a battleground between the forces of darkness and light. Injustice, sin and pain are present in the world because of evil and satanic powers. Sufferers are seen as casualties in this war. Sufferers see themselves as victims in this battle with evil and are given hope because, they are told, good will eventually triumph

Dr. Keller writes that at first glance each of these world views seem to be at odds with each other, but they are very much alike.

The self-transcendent cultures call sufferers to think differently. The moralistic cultures to live differently. The fatalistic cultures to embrace one’s destiny, and the dualistic cultures to put one’s hope in the future. They are very much alike because each one tells its members that suffering should not be a surprise- that it is a necessary part of human existence. Second, sufferers are told that suffering can help them rise up and move toward the main purpose of life, whether it is Spiritual growth, or the mastery of oneself, or the achievement of honor, or the promotion of good. Third, they are told that the key to rising and achieving in suffering is something they must take the responsibility to do.

The communal culture tells sufferers to say, “I must die- but my children and children’s children will live on forever. Buddhist cultures direct its members to say, ‘ I must die, but death is an illusion—I will still be as much a part of the universe as I am now. Karmic sufferers may say, I must suffer and die—but if I do it well and nobly, I will have a better life in the future and can be freed from suffering. But in every case, suffering poses a responsibility and presents an opportunity.

Dr. Keller then contrasts the Western culture approach to suffering. Western thought understands that it as consisting of material forces only, all of which operate devoid of anything that could be called purpose. Western societies view suffering as simply an accident. In this view while suffering is real it is outside the domain of good and evil.

Dr. Paul Brand argued in his book, the gift of pain, that the meaning of life in the United States is the pursuit of pleasure and personal freedom that explains why suffering is so traumatic for American’s. In all of the other culture narratives, suffering is an important way to come to a good end to the story. All of these ‘”life meanings” can be achieved not only in spite of suffering, but through it. It can be an important chapter in your life story and crucial stage in achieving what we want in life. In Western societies the meaning of life is individual freedom and happiness which means that suffering is of no possible use. In this world view the only thing to do with suffering is to avoid it at all costs, or if it is unavoidable, manage and minimize the emotions of pain and discomfort as much as possible.

Richard Schweder says that under the metaphor of accident or chance, “suffering is to be treated by the intervention of agents who possess expert skills of some kind of relevant to treating the problem. Traditional cultures believe that the main responsibility in dark times belongs to the sufferers themselves and the things that need to be done are forms of internal “soul work”—learning, patience, wisdom and faithfulness. Contemporary cultures does not see suffering as an opportunity to test, but because sufferers are victims of the impersonal universe, sufferers are referred to ‘experts’, whether medical, psychological, social or civil whose job is the alleviation of the pain by the removal of as many stressors as possible.

But this making suffering a domain of experts has led to a great deal of confusion in our society because different experts differ markedly on what they think sufferers should do. According to James Davies, “during the twentieth century most people living in contemporary society have become increasingly confused about why they suffer emotionally.” He writes about each of the treating experts and says, “as each tradition was based on its own distinctive assumptions and pursued its own goals via its dominant cause. As the saying goes, Dr. Keller writes, if you are an expert in hammers, every problem looks like a nail. The secular model puts sufferers in the hands of experts, but the specialization and reductionism of the different kinds of experts leaves people bewildered.

James Davies refers to a BBC interview with Dr. Robert Spitzer in 2007. Spitzer is a psychiatrist who headed the taskforce that in 1980 wrote the DSMIII Mental disorders of the American Psychiatric Association. When interviewed 25 years later by BBC he admitted that in hindsight he believed that they had wrongly labeled many normal human experiences of grief, sorrow, and anxiety as mental disorders. Davies goes on and say that the DSM focused almost completely on the symptoms.

“They were not interested in understanding the patient’s life, or why they were suffering from those symptoms. If the patient was very sad, anxious or unhappy, then it was simply assumed that he or she was suffering from a disorder that needed to be cured, rather than from a natural and normal human reaction to certain life conditions that needed to be changed.” Through the various scientific techniques the job of the experts was to lessen the pain. The life story was not addressed.

Davies concludes,” the growing influence of the DSM was one among many other social factors spreading the harmful cultural belief that much of our everyday suffering is a damaging encumbrance best swiftly removed-a belief increasingly trapping us within a worldview that regards all suffering as a purely negative force in our lives.”

In the secular worldview suffering is never seen as a meaningful part of life, but only as a interruption. There are only two responses to suffering. The first is to manage and lessen the pain. Over the past two generations, most professional services have moved from talking about affliction to discussing stress. They no longer give people ways to endure adversity with patience, but instead use a vocabulary drawn from business, psychology, and medicine to enable them to manage, reduce, and cope with stress, strain and trauma. Sufferers are counseled to buffer themselves with time off, exercise, and supportive relationships. All the focus is on controlling your responses.

The second way to handle suffering in this framework is to look for the cause of the pain and eliminate it. Suffering, according to the Western culture, has a material cause and therefore it can be in theory ‘fixed’. Western people are outraged when suffering happens and they seek to change things on the outside so that the suffering never happens again. This is in contrast to some of the older cultures which choose to look within and see a purpose for this suffering.

In the Boston Review, Larrissa MacFarquhar, was interviewed on her writing and research on very “saintly” people who make great sacrifices for the good of others. She had no religious faith, nor was she raised in one. Larissa responded to the interviewers question with this response

“I….think that, within many religious traditions, there is much more of an acceptance of suffering as a part of life and not necessarily always a terrible thing, because it can help you become a fuller person. Whereas, at least in my limited knowledge, secular utilitarians hate suffering. They see nothing good in it, they want to eliminate it, and they see themselves as responsible for doing so.

She went on to say that secular people also have no belief in a God who will someday put things right. For people of faith, “ God is in control”. Whereas, for secular people, it’s all up to us…that’s why I think that, for secular people, there can be an additional layer of urgency and despair>”

Max Scheler contrasts suffering across the different world views with the comment that “Christian teaching on suffering seems a complete reversal of attitude when compared to the interpretations of other cultures and religious systems. In Christianity there is none of the ancient arrogance, none of the self praise of the sufferer who measures the degree of his suffering against his own power to which others bear witness. Christians are encouraged to express their grief with cries and questions.

Unlike Buddhists, Christians believe that suffering is real, not an illusion. Unlike the believers in ‘Karma’ Christians believe that suffering is often unjust and disproportionate. Life is simply not fair. People who live well do not necessarily do well. As the doctrine of karma does not, which insists that an individual’s suffering is fully deserved. The book of Job is of course the first place this is clearly stated when God condemns Job’s friends for their insistence that Job’s pain and suffering had to be caused by a life of moral inferiority. The entire Christian faith is centered on “ the paragon of the innocent man who freely receives suffering for others debts. In the light of the cross, suffering becomes “purification, not punisment”.

Unlike the dualistic and to some degree the moralistic view, Christianity does not see suffering as a means of working off your sinful debts by virtue of the quality of your endurance of pain. Christianity does not teach “that an ascetic, voluntary self affliction… makes one more spiritual and brings one closer to God…” Dualism divides the world into the good people and the evil people, with suffering being a badge of virtue and the mark of moral superiority that warrants the demonization of groups that have mistreated you. The Christian understanding of suffering is dominated by the idea of grace. In Christ we have received forgiveness, love, and adoption into the family of God. These goods are undeserved and that frees us from the temptation to feel proud of our suffering.

Dr. Keller further contrasts the different cultures with Christianity with this analysis. Christianity teaches us that, contra fatalism, suffering is overwhelming: contra Buddhism, suffering is real; contra karma, suffering is often unfair; but contra secularism, suffering is meaningful. There is a purpose to it, and if faced rightly, it can drive us like a nail into the love of god and into more stability and Spiritual power than you can imagine. Suffering—Buddhism says accept it, karma says pay it, fatalism says heroically endure it, secularism says avoid it or fix it.

While other worldviews lead us to sit in the midst of life’s joys, forseeing the coming sorrows, Christianity empowers its people to sit in the midst of this world’s sorrows, tasting the coming joy. The chapter concludes with Emily’s life story regarding the tragedy of her husband abruptly leaving her and her children and how the sorrows made her a stronger person in the end. Emily eloquently concludes with this statement…

” Like being in a race, where it starts to rain and you hit a mud pit. You can’t go around it, you have to go through it—you can’t go through it fast; you must concentrate on each painful step….. but at the same time, something is keeping you upright and compelling you to continue. In the distance you see what appears to be a sheet of rain and then you see it—the sun; it is perfectly clear…the person you will be there will be stronger, with more understanding of how to run this race

Why does a loving God allow pain and suffering/

‘

Walking with God through Pain and Suffering, Timothy Keller

I recently started reading Timothy Keller's book entitled 'walking with God through Pain an suffering'. As I read these chapters I will be posting tidbits of information of what I have read on this blog.

On page 15 Mr. Keller writes," Our own contemporary western society gives its members no explanation for suffering and very little guidance as to how to deal with it. In just days after the New Town school shootings Maureen Odowd published a column "Why God?" and printed a Catholic Priests response to the massacre. Almost immediately, there were hundreds of comments in response to the column's counsel. Most disagreed with it but, tellingly, disagreed in wild divergent ways. Some held to the idea of Karma, that suffering in the present pays for sins in past lives. Others referred to the illusory nature of the material world which comes from Buddhism. He concluded that the responses to the column were evidence that our own culture gives people no tools to deal with tragedy. Opinion writers had to look to many other cultures and religions to address the darkness of the moment. People were left to fend for themselves. The end result is that today we are more shocked and undone by suffering than were our ancestors.

In medieval Europe approximately one of every 5 infants died before their 1st birthday, and only a half survived to the age of 10. The average family buried half of their children when they were little, and the children died at home, not sheltered away from eyes and hearts. Life for our ancestors was filled with far more suffering that ours is. Yet, we have innumerable diaries, journals, and historical documents that reveal how they took that hardship and grief in far better stride than we do. Mr. Keller continues with the comment that we are not just worse than past generations in this regard, but we are also weaker than are many people in other parts of the world.

Dr. Paul Brand, a pioneering Orthopedic surgeon in the treatment of leprosy, spent part of his career in India and the last part of his career in the United States. He wrote, "In the United States i encountered a society that seeks to avoid pain at all costs. Patients live at a greater comfort level than any I had previously treated, but they seemed far less equipped to handle suffering and far more traumatized by it.

But modern Western culture is different. In the secular world view, this material world is all there is. And so the meaning of life is to have the freedom to choose life that makes you most happy. However, in that view of things, suffering can have no meaningful part. It is a complete interruption of your life story—it cannot be a meaningful part of the story. In this approach to life, suffering should be avoided at almost any cost, or minimized to the greatest degree possible. This means that when facing unavoidable and irreducible suffering, secular people must smuggle in resources from other views of life, having recourse to ideas of karma, or Buddhism, or Greek stoicism, or Christianity, even thought t heir beliefs about the nature of the universe do not line up with those resources.

I will be adding additional information from this well written book as I progress through the chapters. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday and if you are grieving during this time I encourage you to do what I have done which is to embrace your suffering and allow God to walk with you through this pain and suffering.

If you are grieving I invite you to visit my website at www.soaringonwingsofeagles.org where you will find encouraging faith stories, grief support information and worship songs that have encouraged my faith during my storm of grief.

The dark side of Duck Dynasty- I am second

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek

I love listening to faith stories. Not only faith stories about surviving grief and loss, but also faith stories about how God has redeemed hopelessly loss people. Drugs and alcohol got the best of Duck Call inventor, Phil Robertson, until God got a hold of him.

The changes in his life were miraculous. Once a poor southern fisherman Phil invented the duck call that made millions. In this 'I am second' clip you will see not just one faith story, but also three other ones from the Duck Dynasty family. In each one you will see God's redemptive grace being woven into the fabric of their lives.

I wish your family a very happy Thanksgiving and may their 'I am second' testimony bring you encouragement today.

We are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses cheering us on

12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, Hebrews 12:1

I have several friends who like to run. Not being satisfied with a simple 5K these guys train to run longer, more grueling athletic events. I admire their dedication to the sport because I know it takes a lot of intense training to run the race.

There is another kind of race that we all compete in as followers of Christ. It takes perseverance and a knowledge of their Savior to finish this race. It takes perseverance because as we travel through life tough times will come, people we love will die, and trying times emotionally will result from those losses.

In this video clip the speaker references to a great cloud of witnesses as revealed in Hebrew 11. Imagine, if you will, you are running on a track and in the stands cheering for you are Enoch, Abraham, Samuel, David, and a host of other godly men we read about in the scriptures.

Then imagine if you will seeing your grandparents in the stands cheering you on. Then you glance in the corner of the stands and you see your niece who died way too young and she is cheering you on to finish the race. Then you glance higher and you see some of your ancestors you never met waving palm branches in hopes of encouraging you. As you run your race you realize that there are a great cloud of witnesses cheering you to finish your race. Then you see Jesus. He is waiting for you at the finish line where he will say to you ' you have fought the good fight. You have finished the race and you have kept the faith. Well done my good and faithful servant.

Do not be discouraged. Knowing you have a great cloud of witnesses cheering you on should give you the desire to persevere through whatever trials you are facing.

My Father's chair

Hebrews 4:16

 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence,so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on our many blessings. It is a time of giving thanks to God for the many things he has given us.  It is  also a of time for remembering  God rescuing us in our of need.  It is a time of giving to others who lack the essentials of life. 

 The holidays can be a tough time of year from another standpoint. It is a time of remembering our loved ones who are no longer here to enjoy the Thanksgiving feast.. They are gone, but you grieve for their presence. When you sit at the Thanksgiving table you are hit with a tinge of grief as you remember the loved one who use to sit across from you. Your eyes water as you reflect on those moments in time.. You remember the family photo sessions with your loved one. Now that they are gone the only memories you have are in the photo memory book  you can barely open before grief overwhelms you.  We try to remind ourselves that our loved one is having a great time in heaven, but still we are overcome by emotions.

CS Lewis said it right with these words, " God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscious, but shouts in our pain". As one man said as he was about to lose his family and his career, "I always knew, in principle, that Jesus is all you  need' to get through. But you don't really know Jesus is all you  need until Jesus is all you have".

In a recent conversation with a Pastor he said  out of the blue  he prefers doing funerals over wedding  for the simple reason that the pain and loss of a loved one draws people closer to our Lord and Savior. On the other hand weddings are about pleasure and if divorce rates are any indication I can understand why those were his least favorite job assignments.

There is one other thing we can give thanks to God. That God paved a way for all of us to experience eternal life in heaven because of the death and resurrection of his son Jesus Christ.  You can be assured of your place in heaven by admitting you are a sinner in need of  God's redemption and that nothing you can say or do can earn your way to heaven and then personally inviting Jesus to come into your heart .  The fact that you are worthy of God's redemption is worthy of a almighty hallelujah and all praises shall ring out for the assurance of salvation.

May your family find many reasons to be thankful this Thanksgiving season.  Even if you are in the midst of bereavement may  you rest in the knowledge that your loved one is experiencing the joys of heaven and may you hang onto God's promises and be a blessing to those that are here with you.

In this newspaper world we live in a child dies as a car goes into a holding pond on a Minneapolis interchange

1 Corinthians 12:25-26
that there should be no division in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it.

As I pulled out of the driveway the news of the morning was unavoidable.  Traffic was backed up for miles. It wasn't the inconvenience of the drivers being late to work that disturbed me, nor the drivers who might have missed their flights because of the traffic snarl.  No. It was the news that a car had gone into a holding pond with several young children inside that upset me the most.  A car that had gone into a very cold pond where you just knew that the rescue was going to be hard. 

My mind was on the incredible pain the extended family of the children would have as word leaked out on the fragile conditions of these children.  Grandparents will feel the pain as they watch their grown daughter enter this strange and painful journey known as child loss. The driver of the car, I am sure, will have all kinds of regrets as they run over the scenario of 'things they might have done differently' that might have change the outcome.  When tragedy strikes there is no shortage of people who  beat themselves up with verbal mind games.

Family and friends of these children need to know that this type of grief isn't going to survive a simple band aide approach. You know. A few well placed words of encouragement,like a simple 'God must have wanted those children for his flower garden, or expressing condolences to the parents and then spending the next year trying to avoid them ' because you do not know what to say to them'. What this family needs are caring, committed, and compassionate people to come along side them for the long haul. What this family needs is for people to understand that this there will be incredible peaks and valleys during their grief recovery process and that there is no 'getting over it' as many people would like to suggest.  Families who have lost children want you to know that the greatest gift you can give them is to remember their child they lost by mentioning their child by name, instead of avoiding any topic of the loss because you are afraid of opening up a whole Pandora's box of emotions.

I  realized from our own journey  that there are many, many, many people, like us  on similar grief journeys.  Many disparately try to find caring professionals they can trust to share their grief and many grow frustrated as they encounter professionals who fail to realize the true nature of this grief. and even  prescribe to a set rule that says 'you have 6 months to grieve, but then you need to get over it'. What I know about this type of grief is there is no getting over it. because each person's grief journey is unique..

I take rest in knowing that as our family entered the valley of grief in 2007 I had a a few close friends who truly understood that concept and were willing to hang in there for me for the duration, no matter how long it took..  

I also take rest in knowing that out of our grief my family never took a spiritual break from attending church. Even though I was angered at God for allowing this to happen and even though I didn't feel like going we continued to pack the family in the car to attend a worship service.   That decision probably saved my family because it allowed us to maintain friendships in the church.

 . If  I could offer any advice to a newly bereaved family it would be Jesus Christ is walking the same journey and if you could hear the voice of Jesus in such a time you will feel his loving arms and feel the tears of sorrow on your shoulder as he reminds you that he will walk with you through the entire duration of your grief.   

As we grieve the most important thing people need are acts of kindness shown to them. In this video clip you will see examples how paying it forward can have an effect on the community.  When you do a drive through this morning pay for the coffee of the person behind you and watch what a difference this makes for some people who are traveling their own journey of grief.

I had a dream I had to share tonight about how God honors commitments we make to people

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

I had a dream. In my dream were several Facebook friends I know who are struggling with various chronic physical or mental health problems. Each of them are married to spouses that are committed to them despite the cyclical nature of their illness. What drew me to these relationships was the knowledge that each of these couples have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ  which they tap into  when their personal human reservoir  runs dry. Just as God honors anyone who makes a commitment to ask the Savior into their hearts, God honors the commitment we make to other human beings.

Why am I writing about this?  Because we live in a transient world where we can live for years and not even get to know our neighbors, and because we enter into relationships where as soon as our spouse begins developing chronic health conditions we are incline to throw that marriage away and start over.  I had a conversation with a theologically trained friend who said something that hit me: that  the divorce rate goes exponentially higher once the couple reaches the 25th year anniversary mark.

As I reflected on that milestone a thought occurred to me that  this is a time when one or both spouses begin to experience chronic health issues.  This is a time where one or the other spouse begins looking around and then comes to the conclusion that they can do better with someone else and leave the other person behind  in the dust, in pain and shock wondering  what it was that hit them.

As I look at each of these couples who are struggling with the chronic health issue of their loved one as I look at their thriving personal relationship with the Savior I marvel that commitment and it actually encourages my own commitment to my Savior Jesus Christ.

Human beings were not meant to be cast into the garbage heap of shame once you have no use for them. God gives us the Holy Spirit to keep our reservoir filled when our personal human reservoir runs dry. On one occasion shortly after our daughter's untimely homecoming to heaven my son said that he saw that his mom and I refused to quit on our commitment to attend church, to have devotions,  and to love each other in the face of adversity and it was this fervent commitment that drew him to Jesus Christ and stay committed to Him in the face of adversity. I saw the same commitment in the couples on Facebook going through chronic health conditions.

Lastly, it says in the bible that God will never leave you or forsake you. He will never quit on you when hard times come. Won't you take some time today to praise God for the friends he has given you in this life and ask him how you can encourage them through the rough trials in this life?

Life is filled with regrets missed opportunities and sorrow, but God wants to use it for good

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. Romans 8:18


Recently, I returned from a conference held in St. Cloud, Minnesota. I disparately needed CEU credits. One of the people at the conference was a good friend of mine that I hadn't seen in 15 years. He and I were involved in a 2 year men's discipleship group known as a n Navigator 2:7 group where we met every week wowing each other with our bible verse memorization, encouraging each other with what we learned in our quiet times with Jesus, and lifting each other up in prayer over the painful parts of our lives. Rubbing shoulders with these guys we got to know each other. 'Mike had moved to California to take a job and start a new chapter in his life and I had took a wife and remained here to start a family.

I did the usual when I talk with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I tell him how proud I am of my son, James, and all the things we did with him in his maturing years and how proud I was now that he had begun a new chapter called 'College life'. I told him about my wife and what she was currently doing and the new job she has come to love at her new school.

Then, I told him my 'Maria' story.Every parent who has ever lost a child has their own story to tell. Alas, I could not avoid this hard topic, nor did I want to forget that we had a daughter. I wanted to honor her memory even though the end of her life was all too soon at the age of 10. As i shared the pain of my story  my mind momentarily fluttered back to a former worker on a British slave ship known as John Newton. Mr. Newton was raised by a Christian mom before he left home to work on the open seas. First it was on a British navel ship before switching to a slave ship where it's mission was to bring back African slaves to fill the need the British had with them. The problem Mr. Newton encountered was these ships were over loaded with African men, woman and children and they were filled with the awful stench of human flesh as people died as the ship traveled back to Britain. Death was everywhere and as you can imagine those images left a painful mark on a man who was raised by a Christian mom.

John Newton left this ship and feeling incredible remorse for what he had done he decided to devote the remaining days of his life to Christian duty. It was in this phase of his life that he penned some of the greatest worship songs ever written. One of those songs you may be accustomed to hearing in church. I have listed the lyrics below.

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound 

That saved a wretch like me. 

I once was lost, but now am found, 

Was blind, but now I see.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, 

And grace my fears relieved. 

How precious did that grace appear 

The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares 

I have already come; 

'Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far 

And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me 

His word my hope secures; 

He will my shield and portion be, 

As long as life endures.

Tragedy will strike many of us the longer we live. There is no way we can avoid the emotions behind those events when they occur. Like the story I shared with my friend Mike and like the song that flowed out of John Newton's private suffering God can use the pain you are experiencing, and he can use it to bless future generations of people. Next time suffering enters your life embrace it and ask yourself how God wants to use it to encourage others around you.

One day while watching the girl's volley ball game

1 And he shewed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding out of the throne of God and of the Lamb.2 In the midst of the street of it, and on either side of the river, [was there] the tree of life, which bare twelve [manner of] fruits, [and] yielded her fruit every month: and the leaves of the tree [were] for the healing of the nations.3 And there shall be no more curse: but the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it; and his servants shall serve him:4 And they shall see his face; and his name [shall be] in their foreheads.5 And there shall be no night there; and they need no candle, neither light of the sun; for the Lord God giveth them light: and they shall reign for ever and ever.Revelation 22

Ever been to a theatrical production? The kind where you go with someone all dressed up in your nicest outfit to a show in the nicest looking theater you have ever seen. You take your seat and anticipation builds every minute you look toward the stage at the closed curtain. As you watch the curtain between talking with your friend and looking at your cell phone clock your anticipation builds for the curtain to be drawn back and the scenes now hidden come to life.

I had this thought while watching the after game activities of a recent girl's volley ball game. A friend shared with me how he misses his brother and wonders what he is doing in heaven. I mentioned the same thing about my daughter Maria. Both of us are in the same Sunday school class where for the last month we had a series of lessons on heaven.  We knew from those lessons that heaven is a great place to be where there will be plenty of things to do and see.

Anticipating the things we know about heaven is like sitting in a theater waiting for the curtains to be opened where we will be able to see all that our mind could only imagine.  Heaven is going to be a wonderful place and the more we spend with Jesus Christ by reading his word the more our vision will be made clear about the things we will experience once the curtain that separates us from heaven finally opens.

We allow ourselves to be a victim of trauma when we fail to acknowledge it

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

I have done a lot of reading since my trauma experience of 2007. Stories about veterans of war coming home to massive post traumatic memories that do not seem to go away. Stories about the native American population developing trauma experiences because of the breakup of their family and cultural structures through generations and watching the by product of alcoholism, unemployment and school drop out rates soar as a result of the trauma.

When those of us who experience trauma attempt to bury it through overwork or substance abuse we are only temporarily blocking the emotional memories from coming into our consciousness until our mind clears up again and we once again have those same traumatic images. It is a vicious cycle that continues endlessly until one day we over dose on the substance we are abusing and death envelops us and now it is our families that have to cope with your loss. Since alcoholism is a systems illness future generations  learn that the only way to cope with trauma is through alcohol consumption and drug use.

Like the guy in this video I chose to allow God to help me walk my pathway of traumatic sorrow. Since I had made a conscious decision early on in my life to not drink I knew that substance abuse was not going to be an option for me. Instead, I found really good listeners who were willing to listen to me recite my pain into words without casting judgement on me. I read the Psalms, the gospels and discovered that sorrow and grief was every where in the biblical times. As I read I discovered how turning to God helped these people to recover from their sorrow. I discovered that just as the scripture I have chosen says that God works all things for the good of those who love him.

God wants for us to recover from the trauma in our lives so we don't pass our trauma into future generations like it has with our native American population, or with our veterans of foreign wars. God wants us to choose to allow Jesus to walk with us on this lonely road of grief. He wants us to reject substance abuse as a way of coping with loss and  to tell Him what it is that is troubling you today. Won't you take a moment and ask God to bring trusted listeners into your life? Won't you choose to make this the day to move forward and allow God to convert those painful traumatic images into a positive reflection of God's amazing healing grace?