A Christmas story I wrote several years ago, but added this video by Laura Daigle

It was the night before Christmas Eve when the outdoor thermostat kept rising and the few snowflakes we got were drastically disappearing as fast as one's 401 K account. We turned on the TV in hopes of finding one Meteorologist with some glimmer of hope that snow was on its way. With each channel, we continued to get bad news and more of the same. On one channel Paul kept reporting and showing pictures of Salvation Army kettle collectors dressed in short sleeve shirts and shorts and drinking a cold drink while ringing the bell. On another station, Dave offered us balmy weather and even suggested it might be a good plan to turn on the gas grill and barb-cue that turkey this year and better yet have Christmas Eve dinner around your patio table outdoors.


We got more bad news when Cam the news guy from CCO reported that ice fisherman was losing their newly planted ice houses when the ice began shifting and new cracks sank their sheds. One guy even lost his brand new Chevy Eldorado when the ice gave in.


Things were getting so bad that a group of fellows from the VFW Lodge had banded together to go snow chasing much like some go storm chasing. The kids in our neighborhood were also sad when they heard that good ole Saint Nick may not be able to land his sleigh in Minnesota if there were no snow. Parents were trying to come up with contingency plans in case the unthinkable did occur and Santa could not land his sleigh in the land of no snow.


Parents with means were hiring look-alike Santa’s and were having them fill their kid's stockings on Christmas eve. Kids of lesser means were not as fortunate until someone from the local charitable organization had the idea to send their volunteers dressed as Santa’s to fill their stockings. There was no joy in the land of no snow until that is when one of the parents received a teleprompter from the north pole saying that Santa would bring out his Christmas Harley to make the trek to the land of no snow All the children began jumping up and down with excitement when they heard the news.


The true diehard old-timers were equally gloating when one of their snowbird friends called them expecting to rub it in with the great weather and after learning that they were having incredibly nice weather while they were shut in by the high snowdrifts in New Mexico of all places. It suddenly occurred to them that they could have just as well saved their money and stayed home.


There were a few families in the land of no snow that refused to be saddened by the news of no Santa. Each of these families had a small decorative shelter in their front yard with what looked like a mom and a dad with a little baby wrapped in a blanket. These were plastic life-size figurines with a glow of light. There were many of them from a small cow, a couple of sheep, and a camel. There were a shepherd and two other guys that were wise men. Over this scene was a lit-up star.


As I gazed at this scene and listening to several of these families singing ‘away in the manger’ I was reminded that Christmas isn’t about who gets what from someone’s great uncle Will or aunt Kathy or finding something Santa stuffed in your stocking Christmas morning. The real meaning of Christmas is what God did over 2000 years ago when he came to earth in the humble form of a baby just so he could become a man and tell us how much he loved us and wants us to spend all of eternity with him. The birth of Jesus wasn’t dependent on how much snow we got, or if we would get snow. The birth was a reminder of how much God loved you and how he desires to be part of each of our lives.


As far as temperature and no snow is concerned this Christmas is one for the record books. On the other hand, the true meaning of Christmas isn’t dependent on how much snow we would get, but the time God came to earth to show us how much he loved us.


I wish everyone a very merry and wonderful Christmas. Please take the time to thank God for sending his son Jesus to show us the way to spending an eternity of Christmas in heaven.


Todd Gabrielson

Unto us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace

For to us, a child is born, to us, a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6 

There is so much suffering in the world, so many downtrodden and hurting people that need to find hope for their lives. I look far and wide and I see people in pain. People close to me and people I've never met. Starving people, people who are well-fed. people of all economic statuses all searching for hope for their lives.

 Isaiah was a major prophet before Christ was born and God spoke those words of hope to give a generation the hope they needed to hear. 

 Just as He used Isaiah, he spoke words of prophecy through King David (Psalm 16:10) (Acts 2:24-3). King David also predicted Jesus’ resurrection, prophesying that God would not let His “Holy One see decay” Another Old Testament writer who foresaw Jesus’ death and resurrection was the prophet, Isaiah. Isaiah explained that God’s servant would suffer for the sins of God’s people and then rise to life again (Isaiah 53; cf. 1 Peter 2:24)and that this good news of salvation would spread beyond Israel “to the ends of the earth” (Isaiah 49:6

I can attest to the realities of this living Christ in my own life beginning in spring 1974 when I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart after hearing several personal testimonies through the Minnetonka Christian coffee house. Just before Christ made his final ascension into heaven came these words from Acts 1:8 8 But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts1&version=ESV

Jesus is ALIVE!  He continues to give hope to those who cry out for Him.
Regardless of your present worldview, Jesus Christ died for you. He is the living Christ who wants to be your guide in this hopeless world.  I encourage you to do what I did in that Spring 1974 and invite Christ into your heart. I assure you that Christ will give you peace and hope to face tomorrow.

Trust in the Lord after loss and he will make your paths straight

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart.

Not an easy thing to do after tragedy strikes one's family. Why God becomes the rallying cry in such circumstances. If you're good then why are we hurting so much? For some, we would rather distrust God while stop going to Church while having a beer on the couch in front of a Packer football game. For others, our lack of trust turns us to drugs to numb our pain without realizing those drugs are doing more harm to one's body.

Lean not on your own understanding.
For many who have been educated in the public colleges, we've had our faith shattered simply by taking philosophy classes. If we're so unlucky, we take this class with the notorious instructor known for his atheism. When grief strikes us at our very core of our being there isn't a single human philosophy that can heal us. The Buddist statue can't help us with our pain. Karma can't help us. The only one who can help us is the living Christ if only we can trust Him.

In all your ways submit to him.

Every breathing moment we should count our blessings for being here and as it says in the book of James, "1James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, To the twelve tribes of the Dispersion: Greetings. 2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you encounter trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. We have the living and breathing Christ that gives us this pure joy when things happen to us that are beyond our control.

And He will make your paths straight.

When we're on this crazy twists and turns of grief we may not think we will ever find the right path. But consider this my friend. This same Jesus who brought your loved one home to heaven is the same Jesus who wants to walk with you on your grief journey. Trust in Him and eventually, like a long carpet being shaken, he will help you straighten your path.

Our God is indeed an awesome God, even when we hurt after a loss.

The winds of Change, the gift of God's Holy Spirit to help you navigate through the perils of this life.

"But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you."John 14:26

You can imagine that when his disciples saw that Jesus was leaving them how disappointed they felt to see him leave. They no longer had Christ in their presence and for some, they thought the show must be over and now it's time to go home. Before Jesus made his final ascension to heaven he promised them and to all believers the gift of His holy spirit as explained in John 14:26.

Imagine, if you will, you're sitting in your sailboat in the middle of Lake Minnetonka, but you're not moving. You decided not to bother with the work of cranking that sail up and so you just sit there feeling the gentle movement of the water below. Then a friend in another boat that is moving swiftly across the water tells you to put the sail up. Your first thought was, " not sure what this will do, but alright I'll do the work to put it up. Just as you cranked the sail to the top you noticed the boat moving. With exhilaration, you steer your boat into the wind and to your surprise, your boat is gliding along the water like your friend's boat. At this moment, you are more alive and enjoying life than you were just moments before when your sail was down.

The holy spirit is like that wind. Until you find a way of capturing the power source you will be like the one sitting in that boat going nowhere. Sadly, many people would rather trust eastern religions of gods that have no power than the one who has fulfilled the promise of the holy spirit to all who believe in Him. But, the moment they put their sail up to capture the winds of God they will realize they are more alive than they were before.

God not only sent his son to die for all of us, but he also gave us the instructional manual called the Bible to guide you through the perils of this life and the gift of his holy spirit to understand what was written.
So when grief suddenly comes out of nowhere, trust the gift of God's holy spirit to get your through the emotional pain of grief.

A re-purposed life following loss.

Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape.   CS Lewis

At our final grief share meeting, we had a discussion around this new normal they were talking about in the video.  A couple of individuals could not wrap their minds around the new normal when they hurt so bad from their loss.  

Then there was a holy spirit moment when one of our participants with a heart for giving brought out this clay pitcher and sat it at the center of the table.  He said after his wife passed away his daughter, who was a talented pottery maker asked her dad if she could take the statue of a man and woman off of the mantle to create a new use for it.  She broke this statue and placed it into a kiln and shaped the now formless clay on a potters wheel to create the clay pitcher out of what once was a clay decoration.

 He held up this pitcher and said the new normal is taking the pitcher and pouring blessings into other's lives as they go through their own pain and suffering. We were taught that evening how peace and pain co-exist

 The pain we will sometimes feel is because of the memories we had when our loved ones were alive.  This clay pitcher had a new purpose of helping others to navigate life's undesirable paths. God understood clearly man's need for a Savior after countless attempts to speak through the minor and major prophets of old. He sent angels to Mary and Joseph to tell them to not be afraid when young Mary would bear the salvation of the world with a baby boy who would be blessed with wisdom beyond the wisdom of the highest educated Rabbi. God would call the unlikeliness men and women to spread God's message.

 Many of them were witness to his return to life after he rose from the dead and many witnessed Christ ascending into heaven, but not before the promise that Christ would give the power of the holy spirit into the lives of those who believe Him.

Like the clay pitcher that was re-purposed out of a statue of a man and woman, the new normal after Jesus's ascension was God's gift of the holy spirit to encourage you through life's hardest moments and be a blessing so others will see Jesus through you. 

In other words. Jesus had to die on the cross of calvary so that you can experience a repurposed life of pouring encouragement and blessings into a world that is suffering.

The Lutefisk Lament

I was reminiscing yesterday's holidays when I came upon this Boone and Erickson 'The Lutefisk Lament'  It brought back memories of sitting around the dinner table with my parents serving us Swedish meatballs, mashed potatoes and that watery fish better known as Lutefisk.  Mom would say to put lots of butter on that fish and it will taste better going down. I begged to differ as I felt the lump of Lutefisk in my throat want to exit in a violent upchuck. I grabbed the water and forced it back down because as kids weren't going to be allowed to open up our gifts unless we ate our Lutefisk. Mom and dad have gone to heaven and sadly I have to say the Lutefisk tradition died with them.

Oh, what have I done but to deny my own children to experience the fish soaked in lye and prepared once a year at Christmas time?    Instead, we introduce to them a codfish as a poor second best.  Christmas time just isn't the same when we tell them to eat their cod before opening Christmas gifts. Oh, the memories of Christmas yesteryears.  The Lutefisk Lament is one way of reliving them.

The enemy, the devil, Satan, goes to great lengths to destroy God's church by destroying men in the course of bereavement

12 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1

Tonight, I discovered to what extent the enemy will use to destroy His church.  It has been my experience that woman are most likely to initiate grief support groups while men will seek the comfort of alcohol and drugs.

 When I discovered to what extent, there were alarm bells that went off in my head.  When a man loses his wife to disease or sudden death, their death is first submitted to the public pages of the media.  Once that is done, men become vulnerable to the dark side of the web of organized prostitution when some will receive messages that appeal to their loneliness

. Former leader of Promise Keeper's, Bill McCartney, was aware of that vulnerability which leads him to start a movement of men to encourage them to turn their lives to Christ and become the Spiritual leaders in the home that God intended them to be.

It was a powerful movement that for many years brought men to Christ; until the devil attacked the movement and twisted the words of Bill McCartney and all of the rest of the Promise keeper's Pastors as if the intent of the ministry was to keep woman shackled to the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant. Over the years, the media relentlessly attacked this ministry until attendance died off and men once again began drifting away from the Church.  In one conversation I learned that there is a dark underbelly that ensnares men when they lose a loved one.

When I look at the Promise Keeper's ministry I saw the hope that God was bringing to men through accountability and restored relationships. It wasn't about keeping their wives shackled, barefoot and pregnant, but it was a way of keeping men in the word of God and spiritual leaders in the home as God intended them to be.
One of the ways you can prevent the dark side of the web from infiltrating your computer is to talk with an IT professional about getting advice about tightening up your computer security system so everything sinister and evil are blocked out. As men, we have to keep our guard up at all times and never underestimate the power of the devil.  When the unthinkable happens such as the loss of a loved one, we must remember to trust God by reading God's word while attending Church regardless of how you're feeling at the time, and look for a small group bible study that will hold you accountable.

Bill McCartney has been gone for several years, but the profound truths he brought to us through the Promise Keeper's ministry lives on and serves as a reminder that we must never let out guards down.

No matter what happens to us in this lifetime, Jesus Christ is always worth following.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

I had this dream tonight that I survived a major catastrophic tornado and a devastating fire. I remember the emotions of listening to the deafening freight train as the winds began lifting up the roof of the structure I was occupying. When the storms finally passed over and calm returned, I went up the stairs and exited the now destroyed structured I was in and surveyed the devastating results of this storm. As I took in this panoramic 360 scene I heard multiple ambulances, police and fire trucks heading toward the scene of the mayhem. The little voice from within told me to pray for those in this storm, As I listened I heard voices of people who were still trapped inside their homes, unable to get out. I looked at the home I once occupied and could see that it was leveled and beyond repair. I head a mom cry out in the darkness, " my baby, where is my baby?" I heard a grief-stricken father cry out "why God did you allow this to happen?"

So many people when tragedy strikes are quick to curse God and walk away from Him. For some, they cannot readily accept the idea that a 'good, good God would take their loved ones away from them. They seem to accept this 'prosperity gospel that says if I do A plus B equals C that God will pour out his blessings from the heavens above and bad things will never happen to us in life. We are reminded by these words in Romans 8:18 'I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.' If there is one thing I learned as I read the bible it is that God's promises that no matter what happens to us He will be there in the aftermath of our personal tragedies to help us recover from our pain.

I remember our family celebrating our son's golden birthday just 2 months after our loss. It was a day of 'mixed' emotions of wanting to be happy and joyful, but also being filled with sadness that our loved one couldn't be there to participate in the celebration. As we watched our son and several friends enjoying the indoor waterpark we were reading a book on grief survival.

As I looked back, I see, not the tragedies, not the loss of life, but I see Jesus walking beside and uniquely showing evidence that He walking with you. You may not see this through your tears and your anguished cries, but He is there. In John 3:16 are the words 'For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. God is no stranger to suffering for He sacrificed his son so that you may experience eternal life.

If there is one thing I've learned through tragedy, it is that heaven is very real and it will be a place where there will be no more suffering, no more pain, no more anguish cries. In fact, it will be a place where there will be far more celebrations with our loved ones than we ever had in this temporary place called earth.

So, you see, God's promises are true because he does make all things new.

Holy Spirit nudges from Saul to Kanye West to countless others-God uses broken people to share His message of Salvation to a world starving for good news.

9 Meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord’s disciples. He went to the high priest 2 and asked him for letters to the synagogues in Damascus, so that if he found any there who belonged to the Way, whether men or women, he might take them as prisoners to Jerusalem. 3 As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. 4 He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?”5 “Who are you, Lord?” Saul asked.“I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,” he replied. 6 “Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.” Acts 9:1-6

Recently at Grief share, a young lady shared about her nervousness of going back to church after her loss. It was a church that held many warm memories with her loved one, but in his absence, she felt emotional pain when she saw the building. One morning she arose and drove to church, but in the last moment felt the urge to turn around and go home. It was that moment she felt a slight nudge from within to go back. She got out and walked all the way to the familiar pew she sat in with her loved one. Moments later, friends came and sat with her on either side of her.


I shared my holy spirit nudge story when on the first day of the new school year when we didn't have our daughter Maria, I heard a voice from with in to go to Rainbow and buy Linda some flowers and bring it to her school. As I drove toward the store I had this fleeting thought that Cub also had a floral department and was easier to get into until I felt the nudge to go to Rainbow. As I waited for the lady behind the counter to prepare the flowers I share my grief story. When I was done she shared about the loss of her husband. I mentioned to her that I was driving my son to drama camp when I saw her husband's hearse sitting under the awning of the church. It was that nudge from within that helped me to encourage another person in grief and cheer up my wife with a bouquet of roses.


I was reminded that Kanye West was given a bible when he was hospitalized. As he read God's words, he felt the prompting of the holy spirit to accept Jesus Christ into his heart. I've learned that God will use broken people to share the good news of his salvation- news that desperate and broken people need to hear.


As the verse from Acts illustrates, Saul had a hatred for people of the Christian faith. He wanted them dead and was on his way to cause havoc. Then Saul was blinded by the light when he had to come to the conclusion that Jesus Christ was who he said he was. Even the men of Saul who were traveling with him were wondering where this voice was coming from because they couldn't see him. In this same passage, Saul opens his eyes but couldn't see anything. The men who were with him had to help him walk the rest of the way. He was blinded for 3 days and he went without food and liquid. In Damascus, there was a disciple named Ananias who God called:"“Yes, Lord,” he answered.

11 The Lord told him, “Go to the house of Judas on Straight Street and ask for a man from Tarsus named Saul, for he is praying. 12 In a vision he has seen a man named Ananias come and place his hands on him to restore his sight.” Ananias had heard of this man's notorious reputation and was understandably scared. Then the Lord spoke these words of comfort to him:" “Go! This man is my chosen instrument to proclaim my name to the Gentiles and their kings and to the people of Israel. 16 I will show him how much he must suffer for my name.”

God uses broken people to reach those least likely to be reached.

Kanye West read the bible while in treatment and responded to the salvation message that will bring people to the Lord that you nor I wouldn't be able to reach. Our response as Christians isn't to attack Kanye's testimony, but to pray for God's protection as he grows stronger in his faith so broken people can find the Lord.

As I studied the biographical sketches of the mass shooters, I discovered that it really isn't about the guns, but the early traumatic experiences in their lives. We must do a better job asking the right questions.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. ... Psalm 23

Jesse Osborne, the teenager who pleaded guilty to the Townville Elementary School shooting of 2016, suffered abuse at the hands of the father he killed, according to testimony Wednesday from the teen's older half-brother. Ryan Brock, whose mother, Tiffney Osborne, is also Jesse's mother, testified about Jesse's home life at a sentencing hearing for the teen. Brock said Jeffrey Osborne, Jesse's father, physically and emotionally abused Jesse. https://www.greenvilleonline.com/story/news/local/south-carolina/2019/11/13/townville-school-shooter-jesse-osborne-sentencing-hearing-second-day-jacob-hall-anderson-county-sc/2522120001/

Ryan Brock said he had to work through his own feelings of guilt about what happened to Jesse and how the elementary school shooting happened after Brock, who is 22, left home and moved to Texas.

 "Jesse relied on me a lot to look after him and make sure he was OK, and after I left, that was gone for him," Brock said.

Martin testified that Osborne had flashbacks of bullying that he had experienced at school and flashbacks of "trauma he had received at the hands of his father," who was "verbally and physically abusive."

Brock said that Jeffrey Osborne withheld food from Jesse to punish him.
Osborne was expelled from West Oak Middle School for bringing a hatchet and a machete there about six months before the Townville shooting.

In the recent school shooting in Santa Clarita, we know that Nicholas Berhow came from a troubled home. His early life was steller with a commitment to the Boy Scouts, hunting with his dad, and earning top marks in school. But there were signs of trouble in the home. The suspect’s father, Mark Berhow, was arrested in 2015 on suspicion of attempted battery on a spouse, according to jail records. But citing insufficient evidence, the Los Angeles County district attorney’s office declined to file two misdemeanor charges against him — one misdemeanor count each of violation of a domestic relations court order and battery on a spouse or girlfriend. 

Another report revealed his dad died in December 2017 from a heart attack and according to the New York Post he battled chronic alcoholism that contributed to his heart attack. One report suggested that Nicholas found his deceased father in the living room of the home they lived in. Previous to the arrest, his wife filed for full custody of their son. Another report mentioned that his dad would make his own bullets. His son, Nicholas, carried one hollowed bullet in memory of his dad.

Nikolas Cruz, the Parkland shooter also came from a troubled past. Friends and family members say he grew up in a loving home, but tragedy struck twice with the death of his father when he was a young child, and then the death of his mother just a few months before the school shootings. Different news accounts suggest that there many red flags that were missed and had someone picked up on the clues this school shooting might have been avoided.

A gunman, identified as 64-year-old Stephen Paddock, fires from the 32nd floor of the Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino on a crowd of 30,000 gathered on the Las Vegas Strip for the Route 91 Harvest Music Festival. At least 58 people were killed and more than 515 injured. What is important to know about this shooter is that in 1960, when Stephen Paddock was 7, F.B.I. agents showed up at his family’s tidy white ranch house in the hills outside Tucson, Arizona, stunning the neighbors and even the local sheriff. No one could fathom that Pat Paddock, the big, jolly father of four young boys who owned a small business in town and was a special deputy at the sheriff’s office, was really Benjamin Hoskins Paddock, a serial bank robber with a rap sheet that stretched back to Chicago.

I could go on and on with other biographical sketches of school shootings, but that would be too much for one blog. What I discovered was it isn't about the guns, but the combination of traumatic experiences in the lives of young people.  Imagine you are a young child and you encountered the sudden death of a parent and now you have to go to the same school where you face triggers every time you see a happy young person giving their parent a hug the moment they are dropped off while you are in a pain remembering the parent you once had. Imagine how scared you are living in a world that no longer feels safe to you. 

 The reality is we have to stop thinking that kids are resilient and think they will recover on their own without help.  We must do a better job asking the right questions to our young people if we truly want to help them recover from traumatic experiences in their lives 

In Summary, it isn't about the guns, but it is about the culmination of the emotional and traumatic experiences that leave our young people bewildered and at a loss at how to recover from those events. As the Ace's study bares out, young people who struggle with unresolved pain associated with trauma will have a harder time in school while earning poorer grades and are at increased risk for significant chronic health issues.  As a Christian, I know from my life that listening to our children and consistently worshipping together as a family is the start of the healing process. 

  It is in God's book that we see a living and breathing Savior who truly understands us and wants to walk us through this pain.

Yesterday, November 14th, 2019 in Santa Clarita, California was the scene of another school shooting and a reminder of the affects of trauma on children

A 16-year-old kid carries a gun into his high school before taking it out of his backpack and killing two students while injuring several others. When I look at the survivors in this tragedy, I see unceasing pain. The image of a young female student on the school bus revealed a concerned but scared look. I wondered if it was one of her friends that were killed. In another scene were parents and children seen crying in the aftermath of this mayhem. As usual, the school mentioned that would be school counselors that will be made available to help the students cope with this tragedy.

One of my Linkin connections is a recent college graduate that happened to be one of our daughter's good friends before Maria died in 2007. Kim graduated from Legacy Christian Academy, the same school ( different name) Maria attended until the end of her 4th-grade year. In one LinkIn post these words confirm all along my thoughts that we need to do a better job addressing the trauma needs of children.
"For grief especially, I think people write off kids as being resilient enough to bounce back, so they don’t worry as they would over an adult. Even if nothing major happened, sometimes kids are just going through a rough patch and could benefit from therapeutic support. Perhaps early intervention could even prevent lifelong mental health issues in adulthood."

This young lady is pursuing her Master's degree in Clinical Counseling and wants to make a difference in children and adults impacted by trauma. This builds to the recent findings from the Aces study.

In the 1980s, the dropout rate of participants at Kaiser Permanente's obesity clinic in San Diego, California, was about 50%; despite all of the dropouts successfully losing weight under the program.[2] Vincent Felitti, head of Kaiser Permanente's Department of Preventive Medicine in San Diego, conducted interviews with people who had left the program, and discovered that a majority of 286 people he interviewed had experienced childhood sexual abuse. The interview findings suggested to Felitti that weight gain might be a coping mechanism for depression, anxiety, and fear.[2]

Felitti and Robert Anda from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) went on to survey childhood trauma experiences of over 17,000 Kaiser Permanente patient volunteers.[2] The 17,337 participants were volunteers from approximately 26,000 consecutive Kaiser Permanente members. About half were female; 74.8% were white; the average age was 57; 75.2% had attended college; all had jobs and good health care, because they were members of the Kaiser health maintenance organization.[3] Participants were asked about different types of childhood trauma that had been identified in earlier research literature:[4]

The conclusion from this study are as follows: The number of ACEs was strongly associated with adulthood high-risk health behaviors such as smoking, alcohol and drug abuse, promiscuity, and severe obesity, and correlated with ill-health including depression, heart disease, cancer, chronic lung disease and shortened lifespan.[4][8][9] Compared to an ACE score of zero, having four adverse childhood experiences was associated with a seven-fold (700%) increase in alcoholism, a doubling of risk of being diagnosed with cancer, and a four-fold increase in emphysema; an ACE score above six was associated with a 30-fold (3000%) increase in attempted suicide.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adverse_Childhood_Experiences_Study


We need to do a better job addressing the trauma needs of our children and young adults. A 16-year-old kid doesn't just go into a school and start killing kids. If one looks hard and long one might see a pattern of problematic behaviors going back several years. It could have been relentless bullying, or any number of issues revealed in the Ace's study.


The result of this study is a start toward understanding childhood trauma. As the study reveals, children are not as resilient as adults would like to think they are.  They need help with processing the pain they feel within than simply be given a cookie and being told things will be all right.

Last night, I heard the most horrific story regarding 'unresolved grief from a friend who shared openly about his brothers grief

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

It was in 1971 when this man lost his 4-year-old son through a failed heart transplant procedure. This friend reminded me that it was only in 1968 when Dr. Barnard first did the procedure which was still pretty new. 

He shared how his brother never moved out of the anger stage of his grief, preferring instead to stay stuck in anger all the rest of his days in life. He said his brother refused to go to church thereafter, hated people instead and wouldn't talk to him because he was a 'Jesus freak.'  

He even refused to consider the blessings of having 4 more children, preferring to focus continuously on the loss of his son. By sharing this story, I want everyone to know just how incredibly toxic anger is for people. 

Besides the horrific health issues from the hardening of the arteries resulting from addictive smoking to psoriasis of the liver caused by abusive alcohol consumption, anger causes the breakdown in marriage communication and prevents that person from having normal relationships with spouse and his surviving children. 

 In many cases,  children grow up insecure and anxious regarding making healthy choices as adults. Thus, the original anger from one person can lead to generational sin where future generations would never know the origin of their anger.  I'm reminded by the verse from Ephesians 4: 31-32 which says,'

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.'

Our ability to forgive those who we perceived have harmed us in some way will ultimately help us to heal from our anger and lead us down a much healthier path in life.

In our family's situation, there was great healing that resulted when we sat down with our daughter's doctor remembering the special little girl Maria was and forgiving each other for a procedure that didn't give us the outcome we desired.

 It was as though Jesus, Himself, lifted our anger out of us and replaced it with peace, tranquility, and a vision that heaven is real and when our lives are complete we will see her again.

If you are dealing with anger for some wrong that was done to you or to a family member, would you picture Jesus on the cross as he took the blows for you just so your sins can be forgiven and you can experience true freedom and assurance of eternal life? If God could forgive you then why wouldn't we forgive others?

One of the greatest joys of living is being able to have a personal relationship with God because of the sacrifice of His Son on the cross. To think that we have a God in heaven willing to listen to our prayers of whatever is ailing us is truly amazing.

If you are struggling to get out of the anger stage of your grief, you may want to consider finding a 13-week grief share group near you. Grief share will teach you how to go through the pain of your loss, not around it. Https://griefshare.org

TobyMac fans rally to offer comfort in the passing of his son, Truett

Faith isn’t pretending our problems don’t exist, nor is it simply blind optimism. Faith points us beyond our problems to the hope we have in Christ. — Billy Graham

TobyMac fans poured out their love and support after the sudden loss of his son Truett. There is no greater pain than when a mom and dad lose a child because it wasn't supposed to be that way.

 When a parent encounters the sudden death of a child it rocks their whole world from the smiles and laughter to incredible gut-wrenching pain. Pain that is so deep and so intense that it is difficult for the world to understand. Parents are quite literally shocked when those people they thought would come to their side to sit with them in their grief don't, but they are surprised by the new friends they never knew before come to their side listening to their deep sorrow.   

A friend shared the isolation they felt as they began the grief journey after losing their young child and how hurt they were when well-meaning friends never said a word to them. Some friends may not know what to say to a couple while others don't want to go there because of the possibility that such a loss could happen to them. 

When this type of loss occurs we are at a crossroads.  We can either be angry with God that He would allow something like this to occur or we can trust God and allow him to help us walk this painful journey with us.  Pursuing the angry road will only lead to drugs, alcohol and other self-destructive behaviors while trusting God will lead to eventual peace.  The better approach after the loss of a loved one is to put one foot in front of the other and continue going to a church that worships Jesus Christ.

The whole story of Conor Clapton (story 'behind' the tears in heaven)

On 20 March 1991 at 11 a.m., four-and-a-half-year-old Conor Clapton died when he fell from a 53rd-story window in a New York City apartment. He landed on the roof of an adjacent four-story building. Conor was in the custody of his mother, Italian actress Lori Del Santo, and they were staying in the apartment during a visit to New York from Italy. The day Connor died was the day that Eric Clapton discovered that he really wants to be Conner's father. He excitedly went into his girlfriend's apartment with hopes of seeing Connor when she screamed that Connor was dead. They took Connor's body to the morgue where only Eric was emotionally capable of seeing his body. Lory was too broken-hearted to see him but did go to the funeral home to say good-bye to her son. The funeral service took place in England. Lory said she cried non stop for 4 years over the loss of his son. A few days after the funeral, Eric Clapton received a letter from his son telling how much he was looking forward to being with his daddy, His grief leads to the song he wrote, entitled 'teardrops in heaven to honor his son. 

His grief illustrates once again the incredible pain of losing a child. The grief literature states that it takes 8-10 years to recover from the loss of a child. I have learned from my grief journey that the greatest thing you can do after such a loss is to trust your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ while putting one foot in front of the other and worship the Savior each sabbath. Though this journey is a difficult one, I assure you that seeking emotional support, getting involved in a child loss group like Grief Share, and surrounding yourself with trusted listeners, and telling your story over and again will enable you to, in time, to recover from this personal tragedy.

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong
And carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?

I'll find my way
Through night and day
'Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven

Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please, begging please

Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more
Tears in heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you be the same
If I saw you in heaven?



I must be strong
And carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

My condolences go out to Toby Mac on the loss of his 21- year old son. He wrote this song in honor of his son who was venturing out into the world for the first time.

Y

18 And God has made all things new,[a] and reconciled[b] us to himself, and given us the ministry of reconciling others to God. 19 In other words, it was through the Anointed One that God was shepherding the world,[c] not even keeping records of their transgressions, and he has entrusted to us the ministry of opening the door of reconciliation to God.[d] 20 We are ambassadors[e] of the Anointed One who carry the message of Christ to the world, as though God were tenderly pleading[f] with them directly through our lips. So we tenderly plead with you on Christ’s behalf, “Turn back to God and be reconciled to him.” 2 Corinthians 5:20

Yesterday, I thought I would stop home for a quick lunch and let our dog out. As I was heading north on Highway 610, I heard KTIS's Lisa Berry requesting prayers for Christian Rapper, Toby Mac with the sudden loss of his son. 

 For a brief second my breath stopped while momentarily reflecting on the profound grief that has its grip on the Toby Mac family with the loss of their son. For many of us, when we hear about losses such as these it sends jolts through our body and question marks through our mind before we begin listening to those doubts: 'If there is a God then why does he cause pain'  For some of us we approach the proverbial fork in the road. We can choose to continue trusting our Savior Jesus in the face of this pain and trust that He knows how to help us in the storm of grief, or we can reject Christ and turn to alcohol and drugs to process that pain.  One path, the path of following Christ, will lead to eventual healing, while the other path will lead to enormous medical problems leading to a much shorter life span.

As someone who has been through the storm of losing a child, I can attest that it is well worth staying close to Jesus through every hill and valley experience of grief. If you are struggling with a similar loss whereas the Toby Mac tragedy triggered your own pain from those prior losses, I encourage you to find trusted listeners to share what is going on in your mind.  I would also encourage you to keep a journal, paper or blog style, and write what is on your mind as long as it takes to settle those unrestful thoughts. Lastly, I would encourage you to find a support group through this link: https://griefshare.org 

As those words suggest in his song, there are scars that come from living, but rest assured that Jesus understands those scars that He has offered to become your Good Shepherd to help you navigate the pain that suddenly appears in your life.

Saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy. More important than their death is the mark they left on your life.

I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also. 2 Timothy1:5

Perhaps there is no sadder time than when a person we've loved departs before we had a chance to say goodbye. Some good friends of ours are lamenting the loss of their mom and grandmother. As I hear bits and pieces of who this woman was they loved so much and the kind of person she was, I began reflecting on my own grandmother.

Come, let me tell you the story of Celeste Moe. I want to tell you her story because she left a profound mark on me to the kind of person I became.

Celeste was born in 1894 and she died in the year 1963 and she was buried at the Riverside Lutheran Cemetery in the town of Ronneby, Minnesota. More important than the death date is the kind of person she was in the lives of her children, grandchildren and her husband, Russell. Celeste believed in education which brought her to the St.Cloud Normal college where she studied to become a school teacher. After graduation, she took a job in a one-room school in Ronneby, Minnesota just down the block from their home.

Celeste was a woman of conviction who believed in the evils of alcohol because of how it destroyed families and caused collateral emotional and physical damage to those around the one who drinks. Her conviction in this regard lead her to join the woman's Christian Temperance Union which was founded in 1874 in Cleveland, Ohio, She believed that by abolishing alcohol we would have stronger families. It was her conviction that encouraged me to live an alcohol-free life.

She was a woman of conviction who out of her love for teaching children made decisions that would benefit them.

Celeste or Mamo, the name her grandchildren would refer to her by was known to utter encouraging words for each of her grandchildren. To my own mother who was lamenting over how her hearing-impaired son would survive in a hearing world, she told mom that 'you do not have to worry about him because he is going to do mighty things in this world'. This was the kind of woman she was because she was a church-going woman who mentored children through the Sunday school classes she taught who chose to do the right thing.

When I think about her death, I think about my dad and mom getting us bundled up and taking us to the Milaca hospital where unknown to us at the time, we said our final good-byes to her as she laid in her hospital bed. I was told later that her heart was failing. It wasn't long before we got home when mom received the word that Mamo had died. While I do not dwell on her death, I do dwell on the profound words she used to edify others and the kind of people who were impacted by those words.

As I read the words from 2 Timothy 1:5, I was reminded of Paul's reference to the sincere faith of Timothy's mother and his grandmother Eunice and now resides in Timothy as a reminder of the profound impact that our mothers and grandmothers can have in our lives.


We are better people because of their unconditional love for us.

At tonight's grief share group we covered the chapter regarding the importance of relationships as we grieve.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

At the beginning of this unit are these words; 'You might have been surprised to find that some of your relationships have changed after your loved one's death. People who thought would remain close have drifted away; people you didn't know well before have become closer. Dealing with relationships can be confusing during grief. But relationships are crucial to your healing.

We learned that family members grieve uniquely and that husbands and wives grieve very differently. One individual said that he just wanted to stay busy while his wife wanted to process her emotions. Grief can lead to intense loneliness and there is this thought that goes through one's mind that no one understands what they are going through with this grief.

We also saw the benefits of solitude in our grief. For some, this means traveling to the north shore and spending time in prayer and the reading of God's word. For others, it means going to a favorite restaurant of your deceased loved one and having a quiet time of reading, journaling and talking with others who might be there to reshape their own sad memories of this place.

We discovered that relationships sometimes change simply because our friends have to get back to their own lives When this happens, we should try to make new friends. One way is to put one foot in front of the other and honoring God with your presence each week for worship and getting to know others. Going to church to practice your faith is after all the key to your healing from the incredible pain of loss. The other way is to find a Grief Share group through this link where you will learn how to go through the pain of your grief, not around it https://www.griefshare.org

Next week Grief share will cover the 'Why' question- one of the most common question we ask God after the loss.

Greater than all the trophies is knowing that Jesus Christ is the assurance of your salvation.

13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

Last night, I turned off the Minnesota Twin's/Yankees game to try to get some sleep before the start of a brand new day. Curiosity got the best of me when I woke up at 3:50am to find that our beloved Twins lost to the Yankees 5-1. We had placed our hopes on another World series just like the ones in 1987 and 1991, but instead of celebrating a win tonight we lamented over the agony of defeat.

As I reflected on that thought I was remembering that more important as the wins are, God cares more about our hearts and our attitude when we play the game. Whether you are an athlete or not, "I can do all this through Him who gives me strength has relevance for all of us. It is the hope that resides in each of us that gives us the inspiration to overcome any obstacle in life.

If you're fearful of that job interview tomorrow, "I can do all this through Him who gives me strength."

If you're fearful of that oncology appointment, "I can do all this through Him who gives me strength."

If you do not know how you are going to get through the day of burying your loved one, "I can do all this through Him who gives me strength."

If you do not know how you're going to survive this painful grief journey, "I can do all this through Him who gives me strength."

The word of God says that He loves you and has a plan for your life. You may not see it right away, but you can find the peace that simply accepting Jesus Christ into your heart will give you the peace that he knows what to do with all circumstances that come your way. Good and bad, God will help you conquer all obstacles.

Just as these athletes gave their lives to Jesus Christ, you also can have that assurance of salvation simply by asking Christ into your life.

We must go THROUGH the pain of our grief, not around it, or under it or over it if we intend to heal from it.

But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+73:28&version=NIV

At last night's Grief share we covered the topic, 'the journey of grief, part 2  We learned about the importance of looking at pictures of our deceased loved ones to help us to process the emotional pain of our grief. 

While I recognize this is a painful process, it is an essential process to aid our healing process.  Let me explain. In our American way of life, we are tempted to bury our memories of the one who has died just to avoid any emotional consequences that come our way- who wants to be ambushed by our emotions when we're trying to do life?

Unless we take the time to express our emotions by looking at the pictures or watching any videos of happy times with our loved ones, the temptation will be to drown out our sorrows with alcohol and drugs, or illicit sexual relationships that can lead to more emotional and physical pain, or that medical diagnosis that comes with unresolved traumatic grief.

This is where our faith comes into play.  

Remember those songs you use to sing in Sunday school? ' Jesus loves me yes I know for the bible tells me so'? It is often not until we lose a loved one that we see the relevance of our faith- that this Jesus we often prayed to in sickness and in health is the same Jesus walking with us as we transverse this journey called grief. 

Think about this for a moment. God can be in all places at once. He is in Heaven with our loved ones and He is with us providing us with comfort and walking side by side with us, sometimes carrying us, through the rough terrain of our loss. Through the power of the holy spirit Jesus can dwell in our hearts to provide you with those encouraging words, those little miracle moments and that comfort you need to get you through the day.

This is why I encourage people to place one foot in front of the other and continue attending a Christian church where they may continue hearing the word of God even though they may not feel like going.  Feelings may ebb and flow, but God's word is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. God's word will never change even though our emotions do. 

As one lady said in the video when one of her kids asked why we have to keep  looking at pictures that make others sad- "I want to be able to continue looking at those pictures until one day I''m no longer sad and I can once again smile and laugh at those good times we had with our loved one."

If you are having a hard time processing the pain of your loved one, I encourage you to find a grief share group near you. Grief share is a 13-week group that will help you navigate through the pain, not around it.  https://www.griefshare.org

This day started off with blood draws, breakfast at Daily Dose, wig shopping, lunch out at Good EArth, to having a conversation with a friend about PTSD while waiting for my wife's car being serviced. God reminded me once the importance of sharing our faith stories with those around us.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Today, I saw many signs that God was making all things new again on our journey with cancer. The day began with driving her to the U of Mn Maple Grove clinic for a blood draw before going over to the Daily Dose for a breakfast muffin and a cup of coffee. The two of us had a wonderful conversation about life, our son, a brief remembrance of our daughter, and the upcoming surgery. Originally, this surgery was to take place on December 23rd, but now they found an earlier calendar date that works better. When she explained to the scheduling nurse about wanting an earlier date, the nurse originally said everything was booked until she re-opened the calendar and noticed this one singular earlier date. She called her back and with astonishment said, "I'm not sure how this happened but there is an earlier date."  My wife said to her, " maybe it is because I was praying?"

Through the years I've seen marriages fall apart when significant health issues surface with one or the other person Instead of committing to marriage counseling one or the other, or both, seek the services of a lawyer for the 'quick and easy divorce.'  Instead of bailing on their spouse and staying the course they would have seen God intervenes in ways they never thought possible.

I noticed my wife's hair was really coming back.  She mentioned to me she would like to get a 'transition' wig to wear in the meantime. So our day consisted of 'wig' shopping.  Our trek took us first to a store in Brooklyn Park before finally finding one at a store not far from the Rosedale Mall. After about an hour of trying on a variety of wigs, she found one that bought out her personality and her Pizzazz.  We were now hungry and decided to eat at the Good Earth nearby. It was there we had more conversations with each other.

On our drive home, I mentioned I would like to take her car in for an oil change. I dropped her off and made it to Main motors before the service department closed at 3:00.  As I walked over to the waiting room, I saw two people who recognize me right away and greeted me. Like a V8 moment, I realize that the gentleman was a City of Coon Rapids first responder who was on duty the night Maria died.  He remembers hearing the 9-1-1 call that night and had it not been that his shift was ending he would have been the one responding to that call. Jason and his wife had young children who attended Meadow Creek Christian school, the school our kids attended.

I shared with him the amazing things God has been doing in our lives from my son's marriage and having a new daughter-in-law to facilitating a grief share ministry and walking alongside others experiencing loss to my wife's cancer journey and the recent pronouncement of her cancer-free status.

I asked him how he was doing to which he said that his doctor said he could not return to his job because of PTSD.  As we talked about his journey I discovered from him the huge numbers of law enforcement, EMT's and firefighters who struggle with this diagnosis.  As he was sharing he said to me that "the people in my profession see things every day that no one ought to see."   I reminded him the night the City of Coon Rapids emergency response team came out to our house that I was struck how when the three of us were 'frozen' and in shock they were trained to take command of the situation. 

I reflected on a seminar I once heard on line about a hospital that began having 'grief rounds' to help their doctors process the trauma of seeing one of their patients die with the outcome being a 'healed' doctor who was now ready to tackle what lies ahead.

God honors us when we decide to keep our marriage vows in more ways we can count. Who would have thought that being in that Main Motors waiting area, God would allow me to encourage a former officer struggling with PTSD?  It also reminded me how important it is for us as believers to share our 'faith' stories with those around us- you simply do not know how God is going to use those stories for good in those we meet.

This has been a hard week for many with the hyperbole of our political scene, but remember that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

…27All things have been entrusted to Me by My Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal Him. 28Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:27-28

In the '70s when I was in high school, this was one of the songs that helped me to accept Jesus Christ aa my Savior and Lord of my life. I remember buying a Chuck Girard 8-track tape and listening to it through my headphones. The lyrics helped comfort me so I could drift off to sleep before the start of a brand new day. As you listen to the lyrics you realize this song continues to be relevant even for today. 

I remember seeing a friends picture consisting of trunks of all of his earthly possessions as he described his move overseas.  Our burdens can be described as the trunks in that picture.  How many of us would rather carry our burdens, our stresses, and our pain on our backs thinking we can solve our problems without turning to the one source for our comfort-God's son who He sacrifices his life for us all? 

This week has been another burden filled week of impeachment proceedings and wondering what's going to happen to us in the meantime.  In the 1970's when this song was first published there was another President facing impeachment proceedings who resigned; yet, we survived.  World and local events will come and go, but we must keep in mind that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hebrews%2013:8&version=NIV.
There was crime in the '70s just as there is crime today, but our Savior is the same. He is the living water who gives us life. "But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."  https://www.openbible.info/topics/living_water
When grief enters your soul and life become too much to bear, I encourage you to lay your burden down, open up the bible and read the Gospel of John about the promises God has for you. Then, consider inviting the Savior into your life.

Lay your burden down, lay your burden down

Take your troubled soul, your tired mind

And lay your burden down

Lay your burden down, get your feet on solid ground

Take your worries to the foot of the cross, and lay your burden down

Lay your burden down, lay your burden down

Take your weary life, your heavy load, and lay your burden down

Lay your burden down, get your feet on solid ground

Take your failures to the foot of the cross, and lay your burden down

(Lay your burden down)

You've been tryin' hard to make it all alone

Tryin' hard to make it on your own

And the strength you once were feelin', isn't there no more

And you think the wrong you've done, is just too much to be forgiven

But you know that isn't true

Just lay your burden down,...He has Forgiven you

Lay your burden down, lay your burden down

Take your burden to the cross, and lay it down

Lay your burden down, lay your burden down

Take your worries to the cross and lay them down