The whole story of Conor Clapton (story 'behind' the tears in heaven)

On 20 March 1991 at 11 a.m., four-and-a-half-year-old Conor Clapton died when he fell from a 53rd-story window in a New York City apartment. He landed on the roof of an adjacent four-story building. Conor was in the custody of his mother, Italian actress Lori Del Santo, and they were staying in the apartment during a visit to New York from Italy. The day Connor died was the day that Eric Clapton discovered that he really wants to be Conner's father. He excitedly went into his girlfriend's apartment with hopes of seeing Connor when she screamed that Connor was dead. They took Connor's body to the morgue where only Eric was emotionally capable of seeing his body. Lory was too broken-hearted to see him but did go to the funeral home to say good-bye to her son. The funeral service took place in England. Lory said she cried non stop for 4 years over the loss of his son. A few days after the funeral, Eric Clapton received a letter from his son telling how much he was looking forward to being with his daddy, His grief leads to the song he wrote, entitled 'teardrops in heaven to honor his son. 

His grief illustrates once again the incredible pain of losing a child. The grief literature states that it takes 8-10 years to recover from the loss of a child. I have learned from my grief journey that the greatest thing you can do after such a loss is to trust your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ while putting one foot in front of the other and worship the Savior each sabbath. Though this journey is a difficult one, I assure you that seeking emotional support, getting involved in a child loss group like Grief Share, and surrounding yourself with trusted listeners, and telling your story over and again will enable you to, in time, to recover from this personal tragedy.

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong
And carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?

I'll find my way
Through night and day
'Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven

Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please, begging please

Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more
Tears in heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you be the same
If I saw you in heaven?



I must be strong
And carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

My condolences go out to Toby Mac on the loss of his 21- year old son. He wrote this song in honor of his son who was venturing out into the world for the first time.

Y

18 And God has made all things new,[a] and reconciled[b] us to himself, and given us the ministry of reconciling others to God. 19 In other words, it was through the Anointed One that God was shepherding the world,[c] not even keeping records of their transgressions, and he has entrusted to us the ministry of opening the door of reconciliation to God.[d] 20 We are ambassadors[e] of the Anointed One who carry the message of Christ to the world, as though God were tenderly pleading[f] with them directly through our lips. So we tenderly plead with you on Christ’s behalf, “Turn back to God and be reconciled to him.” 2 Corinthians 5:20

Yesterday, I thought I would stop home for a quick lunch and let our dog out. As I was heading north on Highway 610, I heard KTIS's Lisa Berry requesting prayers for Christian Rapper, Toby Mac with the sudden loss of his son. 

 For a brief second my breath stopped while momentarily reflecting on the profound grief that has its grip on the Toby Mac family with the loss of their son. For many of us, when we hear about losses such as these it sends jolts through our body and question marks through our mind before we begin listening to those doubts: 'If there is a God then why does he cause pain'  For some of us we approach the proverbial fork in the road. We can choose to continue trusting our Savior Jesus in the face of this pain and trust that He knows how to help us in the storm of grief, or we can reject Christ and turn to alcohol and drugs to process that pain.  One path, the path of following Christ, will lead to eventual healing, while the other path will lead to enormous medical problems leading to a much shorter life span.

As someone who has been through the storm of losing a child, I can attest that it is well worth staying close to Jesus through every hill and valley experience of grief. If you are struggling with a similar loss whereas the Toby Mac tragedy triggered your own pain from those prior losses, I encourage you to find trusted listeners to share what is going on in your mind.  I would also encourage you to keep a journal, paper or blog style, and write what is on your mind as long as it takes to settle those unrestful thoughts. Lastly, I would encourage you to find a support group through this link: https://griefshare.org 

As those words suggest in his song, there are scars that come from living, but rest assured that Jesus understands those scars that He has offered to become your Good Shepherd to help you navigate the pain that suddenly appears in your life.

Saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy. More important than their death is the mark they left on your life.

I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also. 2 Timothy1:5

Perhaps there is no sadder time than when a person we've loved departs before we had a chance to say goodbye. Some good friends of ours are lamenting the loss of their mom and grandmother. As I hear bits and pieces of who this woman was they loved so much and the kind of person she was, I began reflecting on my own grandmother.

Come, let me tell you the story of Celeste Moe. I want to tell you her story because she left a profound mark on me to the kind of person I became.

Celeste was born in 1894 and she died in the year 1963 and she was buried at the Riverside Lutheran Cemetery in the town of Ronneby, Minnesota. More important than the death date is the kind of person she was in the lives of her children, grandchildren and her husband, Russell. Celeste believed in education which brought her to the St.Cloud Normal college where she studied to become a school teacher. After graduation, she took a job in a one-room school in Ronneby, Minnesota just down the block from their home.

Celeste was a woman of conviction who believed in the evils of alcohol because of how it destroyed families and caused collateral emotional and physical damage to those around the one who drinks. Her conviction in this regard lead her to join the woman's Christian Temperance Union which was founded in 1874 in Cleveland, Ohio, She believed that by abolishing alcohol we would have stronger families. It was her conviction that encouraged me to live an alcohol-free life.

She was a woman of conviction who out of her love for teaching children made decisions that would benefit them.

Celeste or Mamo, the name her grandchildren would refer to her by was known to utter encouraging words for each of her grandchildren. To my own mother who was lamenting over how her hearing-impaired son would survive in a hearing world, she told mom that 'you do not have to worry about him because he is going to do mighty things in this world'. This was the kind of woman she was because she was a church-going woman who mentored children through the Sunday school classes she taught who chose to do the right thing.

When I think about her death, I think about my dad and mom getting us bundled up and taking us to the Milaca hospital where unknown to us at the time, we said our final good-byes to her as she laid in her hospital bed. I was told later that her heart was failing. It wasn't long before we got home when mom received the word that Mamo had died. While I do not dwell on her death, I do dwell on the profound words she used to edify others and the kind of people who were impacted by those words.

As I read the words from 2 Timothy 1:5, I was reminded of Paul's reference to the sincere faith of Timothy's mother and his grandmother Eunice and now resides in Timothy as a reminder of the profound impact that our mothers and grandmothers can have in our lives.


We are better people because of their unconditional love for us.

At tonight's grief share group we covered the chapter regarding the importance of relationships as we grieve.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

At the beginning of this unit are these words; 'You might have been surprised to find that some of your relationships have changed after your loved one's death. People who thought would remain close have drifted away; people you didn't know well before have become closer. Dealing with relationships can be confusing during grief. But relationships are crucial to your healing.

We learned that family members grieve uniquely and that husbands and wives grieve very differently. One individual said that he just wanted to stay busy while his wife wanted to process her emotions. Grief can lead to intense loneliness and there is this thought that goes through one's mind that no one understands what they are going through with this grief.

We also saw the benefits of solitude in our grief. For some, this means traveling to the north shore and spending time in prayer and the reading of God's word. For others, it means going to a favorite restaurant of your deceased loved one and having a quiet time of reading, journaling and talking with others who might be there to reshape their own sad memories of this place.

We discovered that relationships sometimes change simply because our friends have to get back to their own lives When this happens, we should try to make new friends. One way is to put one foot in front of the other and honoring God with your presence each week for worship and getting to know others. Going to church to practice your faith is after all the key to your healing from the incredible pain of loss. The other way is to find a Grief Share group through this link where you will learn how to go through the pain of your grief, not around it https://www.griefshare.org

Next week Grief share will cover the 'Why' question- one of the most common question we ask God after the loss.

Greater than all the trophies is knowing that Jesus Christ is the assurance of your salvation.

13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

Last night, I turned off the Minnesota Twin's/Yankees game to try to get some sleep before the start of a brand new day. Curiosity got the best of me when I woke up at 3:50am to find that our beloved Twins lost to the Yankees 5-1. We had placed our hopes on another World series just like the ones in 1987 and 1991, but instead of celebrating a win tonight we lamented over the agony of defeat.

As I reflected on that thought I was remembering that more important as the wins are, God cares more about our hearts and our attitude when we play the game. Whether you are an athlete or not, "I can do all this through Him who gives me strength has relevance for all of us. It is the hope that resides in each of us that gives us the inspiration to overcome any obstacle in life.

If you're fearful of that job interview tomorrow, "I can do all this through Him who gives me strength."

If you're fearful of that oncology appointment, "I can do all this through Him who gives me strength."

If you do not know how you are going to get through the day of burying your loved one, "I can do all this through Him who gives me strength."

If you do not know how you're going to survive this painful grief journey, "I can do all this through Him who gives me strength."

The word of God says that He loves you and has a plan for your life. You may not see it right away, but you can find the peace that simply accepting Jesus Christ into your heart will give you the peace that he knows what to do with all circumstances that come your way. Good and bad, God will help you conquer all obstacles.

Just as these athletes gave their lives to Jesus Christ, you also can have that assurance of salvation simply by asking Christ into your life.

We must go THROUGH the pain of our grief, not around it, or under it or over it if we intend to heal from it.

But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+73:28&version=NIV

At last night's Grief share we covered the topic, 'the journey of grief, part 2  We learned about the importance of looking at pictures of our deceased loved ones to help us to process the emotional pain of our grief. 

While I recognize this is a painful process, it is an essential process to aid our healing process.  Let me explain. In our American way of life, we are tempted to bury our memories of the one who has died just to avoid any emotional consequences that come our way- who wants to be ambushed by our emotions when we're trying to do life?

Unless we take the time to express our emotions by looking at the pictures or watching any videos of happy times with our loved ones, the temptation will be to drown out our sorrows with alcohol and drugs, or illicit sexual relationships that can lead to more emotional and physical pain, or that medical diagnosis that comes with unresolved traumatic grief.

This is where our faith comes into play.  

Remember those songs you use to sing in Sunday school? ' Jesus loves me yes I know for the bible tells me so'? It is often not until we lose a loved one that we see the relevance of our faith- that this Jesus we often prayed to in sickness and in health is the same Jesus walking with us as we transverse this journey called grief. 

Think about this for a moment. God can be in all places at once. He is in Heaven with our loved ones and He is with us providing us with comfort and walking side by side with us, sometimes carrying us, through the rough terrain of our loss. Through the power of the holy spirit Jesus can dwell in our hearts to provide you with those encouraging words, those little miracle moments and that comfort you need to get you through the day.

This is why I encourage people to place one foot in front of the other and continue attending a Christian church where they may continue hearing the word of God even though they may not feel like going.  Feelings may ebb and flow, but God's word is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. God's word will never change even though our emotions do. 

As one lady said in the video when one of her kids asked why we have to keep  looking at pictures that make others sad- "I want to be able to continue looking at those pictures until one day I''m no longer sad and I can once again smile and laugh at those good times we had with our loved one."

If you are having a hard time processing the pain of your loved one, I encourage you to find a grief share group near you. Grief share is a 13-week group that will help you navigate through the pain, not around it.  https://www.griefshare.org