Just as the world discards the brokenhearted God picks them up and gives them a new purpose.

Psalm 34:18 

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit

One of my memories of being a child was accidentally dropping a dozen plates and watching them shatter on the floor. I was emptying out the dishwasher and decided I could save time by lifting the entire stack of plates to the shelf above until that is when the plates slid out of my hands.. Shards of pottery pieces were scattered all over the floor as horror swept through my mind.  My parents had just purchased these dishes when our family traveled to the Red Wing Pottery factory.  I found a box and swept all of the broken shards of pottery and carried them downstairs where I proceeded to glue the plates together. I could tell that the glued together efforts were a poor replica of the plates my parents purchased .When they returned home I decided to confess to the crime. They were disappointed that their new dishes were gone, but they forgave me before running down and buying a new set of dishes.

  So where am i going with this story? It seems when something outlives it's usefulness we throw it away or donate it to the Salvation Army, or as in the case of the broken plates thrown out. The item never remains in the home. Think of how many millions of the old style tube televisions were recycle when  the new high definition sets gave a hundred times better signal?  Land fills are full of stuff that no one uses anymore

The world has cast a cruel net over those who have not performed up to human standards. Employees are dismissed every day for not being able to perform up to those standards. When that happens they are caught up in a whirlwind of emotions with messages that seem to rewind over and over again reminding them that they are unworthy and not valued because they had been thrown into the land fill of used up people.

Unlike the shards of pottery that I simply swept up and tossed away God does his most redemptive work on brokenness. He is a master at taking all of the brokenness of our life and creating a master piece worthy of being exhibited in the most famous gallery,  No matter what you have been through or how much you had been trod upon, spat at, or told that you are not important by those who make the rules God provided the means for Him to come into  your life and make all things new again. He takes the pain you have experienced by speaking His word into you through wise men and woman of God. He provides people who have the ability to listen to you as you process all of the anger of your brokenness.

Not even your worst pain of brokenness is unworthy of God's redemptive power. God continues to restore lives on a daily basis through programs like Minnesota Teen Challenge, Chuck Colson's Prison Ministries, Joni and Friends and the list goes on. People are drawn to a new life in Christ because of someone they knew who had an amazing change in their life because of God's redemptive power.

Not even the loss of my daughter on June 10th, 2007 could cause me to deny God.  I was broken. I was crushed and at times I just wanted to give up, but God took the broken pieces of my life and gave me a new purpose.  He took the broken pieces of my son and made him into a  man of God set to tackle a new collegiate experience at a great Christian college right here in Roseville, Minnesota.  He  took the brokenness of my bride of what will be our 25th wedding anniversary and gave her a new ministry.

Right now you may be looking at the shards of pottery splattered all around you and are wondering if it is ever possible for God to heal you of your brokenness?    You may never be the same person you were before your brokenness began, but I assure you just as the testimonies I have heard and the changed lives I have seen that God will heal your brokenness and when he does your life will be a beautiful portrait of God's amazing grace,

Advice from a dad to those experiencing their own personal tragedies

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. – Matthew 11:28-30

Many months have passed since the tragic shootings took place in New Town, Connecticut.  For all of these families it has been a long and painful winter.  as a dad who has experienced that similar tragedy I will not sugar coat this type of grief, but will attempt to share some survival tips on surviving this form of grief.

(1) Whatever rituals you had before the loss of your child you must continue those rituals. This is so vitally important for your families emotional well being. If you were part of a faith based church continue attending weekly worship services and please do not believe those lies of " well I do not feel like going" and simply stay home. Discontinuing this weekly ritual will be more harmful because avoiding that weekly connection will cut your family off from any support they might get had they attended.

(2)  Accept the reality that you and your spouse will grieve differently and this grief will come in like the waves of an ocean. She will want to cry and at times it may seem endless while you may want to pour your grief into some project or cause.  When she isn't crying you may become overcome with waves of grief. For many months you will sense your lives drifting in opposite directions, but you must be careful not to be critical of your spouse during this time. 

(3) During those long months of grief you must accept the reality that there will be those you thought would have hung in with you who are no longer part of your life.  For some reason they were unable to handle this particularly form of grief possibly because of some unresolved grief from their own past.  At the same time you will establish new friendships with people you never would have guessed would become your friends during this period of your life. Your address book isn't shrinking, but it is being rewritten.

(4) Even your surviving children are grieving differently. During those first several years your children are literally being protected from the painful grief you are experiencing.  There is evidence to suggest that children actually have a delayed grief sometimes not beginning their own grief for as long as 5 years.  Coincidentally, it takes parents at least 5-8 years to recover from the loss of a child. My personal opinion is that God knew what he was doing when he created the family and I believe he has chosen to put a protective sheathing around the surviving children until their parents have completed their most painful part of their grief journey.

(5) I would encourage parents to seek professional grief counseling on a individual and couples basis. As a couple you are both experiencing wide ranging emotions that need to come out in a safe environment of a therapist office.  A competent therapist  will help each of your to better understand the very nature of your grief so you can get through the coming weeks and months and even years of suffering. If you can find a trusted friend who you can share your grief journey without the fear of being judged or being 'fixed' by the other person then do it. This will help facilitate the healing process.

(6) I also encourage parents and families to exercise and eat the right foods and drink plenty of water. The temptation for many families suffering this form of grief is to eat high fat, low nutrient comfort foods.  We believe the lies that a cookie is the magic bullet for our pain and suffering instead of facing our deep emotions head on. We eat more of the unhealthy food and we put on weight and the more weight we put on the less active stuff we do to stimulate the 'good' hormones. As you can see eating these high fat foods can be a slippery slope that sends us further down our grief.

(7) Lastly, find some form of expression for your grief. If it is writing then start a blog or a journal. If it is painting then bring your canvass out and express your grief on canvass. If it is helping others then find ways to help others.  Whatever that form of expression is find it so you have a way to channel your grief into something positive.  

(8) Finally, please remember that there is a 'new' normal waiting for you at the end of your grief.  You not not be the same person you were before your grief occurred, but you will come out stronger and more compassionate for those who are experiencing tragedies after you.  As a wise friend said to me when I first began my journey " you may never get over it, but it does get better."

The tale of two families in the aftermath of the Boston Marathon bombings

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

Like most people this past week I have been absorbed  reading every bit of information about the Boston Marathon bomber's.  I wanted to try to understand what possessed two seemingly good nature young men to cause this kind of bloody mayhem on a innocent event we come to know as the Boston Marathon.

I remember the initial words of the Uncle of these young men going before the camera's and exclaiming before the world that 'they are loser's" and then going on and saying he broke his family away from this half of the family because he wanted nothing to do with them. This Uncle looked upstanding and without knowing too much about him you might have concluded that he had a real good career.

Then I read about his brother being described as a street mechanic who could not find a proper job as one and resorted to repairing cars on the street until that is when neighbors started complaining.  Both of his boys were in college at one time and both dropped out due to lack of finances to continue.  

Then the brother who could not attain a job came down with a life threatening illness and when he could no longer be treated he moved back to his native country 'to die'.  His son's no longer had their dad to cheer them on and encourage them in whatever dreams they had.  The youngest wanted to be an RN and was a student on a partial scholarship at Dartmouth until that is when he dropped out. One of the son's wrote how he had no friends in the United States.  Together the two brother's drifted.  

The next day this Uncle was interviewed again and this time he described the two boys as good kids who got caught up in something bigger than them. He became convinced that the oldest used the youngest to carry out pressure cooker plan.

Part of me began thinking what if the Uncle had from the beginning been involved in these boys lives? What if he had made an effort to sit down with them over coffee and had given them advice and what if he had encouraged them to stay in school even if they had to take out student loans?  What if this Uncle had encouraged his brother and connected him to programs that would have helped him to get a steady career just so he could pay the bills, support his family, and be a healthy role model for his children?

As I thought about the three deaths and countless significant injuries caused by these young men I was reminded of what Christ did on the cross and how important forgiveness is in our lives.  Everyone of us has a grievance story where some wrong has been done to us and we fixate on that wrong trying to get revenge on the person or persons causing those wrongs. The problem, as I see it, is that by hanging onto our grievance story we are being held captive by our past and when that happens we are unable to make plans for the future. 

Everyone has a grievance story. The question is do you want to live your life in your past with all of the hurts and wrongs, or do you want to turn your grievance story into a forgiveness story where you can reconcile those wrongs so you can make future plans.  As Christians we have been given a role model in Christ who demonstrated time after time in his public ministry how important forgiveness is in our lives.Tragedies do not have to define us. Tragedy can be an opportunity to see God use you.  Like a sweet smelling fragrance he will bring people to you who need to hear your message of forgiveness for their own lives.

 Every day there are countless grievance stories being turn into forgiveness stories. When forgiveness happens beautiful things result from enjoying life to celebrating the successes of our loved ones.

Forgiveness is truly a beautiful thing!

If our loved ones in heaven could say anything to us it would be do not be discouraged CUZ Jesus is coming back real soon

It seems as though no matter who we elect to public office makes a bigger mess of things than the day they first began their job. No man is perfect and no man can possibly satisfy our inner desires for peace, tax breaks to satisfy everyone and pass every conceivable legislation that we will all be able to accept.

You toss in the recent Boston marathon bombings and the loss of life and the recent release of the faces of these bomber's you wonder how so apparently healthy young men who could very well be your neighbors kids or your classmates could even perpetuate such a heinous crime? 

You consider all of the religions of the world who cannot agree on a common bond and because of that disagreement it leads to dissension with world peace and even dissension in our own families. Individual members are drawn away from their original foundation of truth depending on the college they attend and the religious orientation of the professors who teach them and how stable their own foundations are when they first begin college.

Consider to all of the ecological storms we are seeing that are happening more and more frequently.  Earthquakes, Snow storms in the end of April, large sink holes that swallow up whole houses in a Swiss cheese landscape we call Florida, raging rivers that will no doubt overflow riverbanks as it processes the melting late winter snow, Tsunami's that took the  lives of many Japanese and through this ring of fire connection threaten the west coast of the United States.

I believe these things are meant to be a wake up call for all of us who choose to slumber  their lives away playing innocent video games, listening to Ipods tunes or any other activity that lulls them into complacency. Like the proverbial frog floating in a slowly boiling pot we are fast falling to sleep in the midst of the chaotic activity around us.

If our loved ones in heaven could say anything to you at this moment it would be 'get ready cuz Jesus is coming!'  Our CIA would often to refer to increasing chatter as evidence that the terrorist are planning some big event and when they heard this chatter they would attempt to head off and defeat those attempts. I believe in heaven our loved ones are seeing evidence of Jesus's eventual return.  

If you are not sure if you are a believer in Jesus Christ you can after saying a brief word of prayer. Jesus isn't concern with how eloquent your words are or whether you sound like an actor who has rehearse his line for months, but he is concern with your heart. If you say these words in this blog you can be assured that He has come into your life just as his promises in Romans 10:13 reminds us: "Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life.   In the gospel of John we read these words from 5:24: "I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life." 

If you are not sure and are getting increasingly worried from the recent world events, ecological changes and the depravity of man please say these words:  Dear Jesus, I know that I am a sinner and have fallen short of your standard.  I have been looking in all the wrong places for inner peace, tranquility, but no matter how frequent I do those things I am still not satisfied and I still get anxiety attacks whenever I see tragedy take place in this world.  I open up the door to my heart and I ask you to come into my heart and be with me all the rest of my days until you come back for me.  Thank you Lord Jesus for the gift of your eternal life and thank you for joining me on my earthly journey all the rest of my days in this place.

The story of the man in the cowboy hat helping the wounded at the Boston Marathon

Philippians 2:4 ESV / 1,062 helpful votes
Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others

This is probably the most famous picture to come out of the Boston marathon aftermath. The man in the cowboy hat came to Boston in honor of his son who died in the Iraq war  had another purpose for coming when the bombs blew up

.Carlos Arredondo has an incredible story.  When the Marine's showed up at his home years before to share with him the death of his son he went into shock and ran into his garage where he proceeded to damage the car the Marine's had driven in before dousing himself with gasoline  and setting himself on fire. The night that our daughter died and the EMT's came to us to explain they did all they could but could not save her I was told that in many similar situations it is not uncommon for the EMT's to be attacked by those in shock. The traumatic effect of the news no parent wants to hear has such a profound impact that their minds go into a surreal fog of shock, kinetic energy, anger all mixed in one. When this happens not only must the emergency response team  deal with the reality that they were not able to save a child, but now must carry the burden  that others think they killed their child. This has all the makings of creating a post traumatic stress situation, but that is a different story or a different time.

 Miraculously the Marine's were able to drag his body to put out the fire.  Carlos was in despair over the loss of his son.  Grief will do that to you.  Grief will send you into shock and despair where you have a hard time maintaining control of your emotions.

 Two years later Carlos other son tragically took his life partly out of the grief of losing his older brother.  Tragically, Carlos had to deal with not one death, but two deaths.  Carlos came to Boston in honor of his son by passing out American flags to spectators.

When the bombs blew up he had another purpose . Just as  everyone was trying to get away from the mayhem Carlos jumped over the barrier and ran to  severely injured runners and give them emergency first aid..  He could not save his own son's but at least he could save the lives of some of these runners. Surviving grief changes you. It gives you a new normal where you are more sensitive and compassionate than those who have not experience this type of grief. Carlos had changed. The injured runner's had benefited from that change because of Carlos new normal.

We must not allow fear to paralyze us from enjoying life following the Boston Marathon tragedies

Joshua 1:9
9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lordyour God is with you wherever you go.”



It was suppose to have been a beautiful day in Boston where the most fame running event of all time would reveal the fastest runner among the thousands from around the world.  It is an annual tradition in Boston where families take the day off to celebrate this event.

Then the unthinkable happens when two packages of highly explosive devices detonated a block from each other sending metal debris into the bodies, hands, feet of the innocent bystanders.  It was to have been a day of honoring the victims of the Sandy Hook tragedies with a commemorative banner set at mile 26.  I can only imagine the pain of many of these families who lived through one tragedy watching and feeling the tragedy as they stood at the mile 26 watching these runners cross the finish line. There were 3 victims who died, including a child when these bombs blew up.

When tragedy repeats itself it is very easy to relive the previous tragedy. My own memory traveled back to the August 2007 when the Mississippi river bridge collapse sending people trapped in their cars into the river.  This event happened a little more than a month after our own  personal tragedy of losing our 10 year old daughter the first night home from the hospital.  Like many of the families in the Sandy Hook and the Boston marathon tragedies we asked 'why' because it is all we can say when tragedy happens to us.

 For many months and even years our family relived the horrific memories of that night when the emergency response team did all they could, but they could not bring her back.  The families in the Sandy Hook tragedy experience and continue to experience reliving their own memories. Night time when their bodies want to sleep become the hardest time for them as nightmares and emotional triggers reoccur like a one act play night after night.

When tragedy happens to us the natural response to it is to run away from it.  We try to annesthesize our pain by burying it down with busyness, drugs, alcohol, gambling or other kind of addictive pleasure.  We do everything but talk about our pain.  Talking, not busyness, leads to our true healing of our souls and helps us resolve the post traumatic pain we feel from such a tragedy.  If we can learn to talk about our personal pain with a trusted friend whenever a tragedy occurs we will be emotionally healthier people. I learned that in my own grief journey just as many others have learned in their own.

When the dust settles and things return to normal we must not live in fear and avoid those things that make life worth living. We must send a message to those people responsible for causing this pain that we will not be defeated and their evil intent to do harm will not keep us from enjoying life in the greatest nation on earth. 

Being unhappy about your life may be as simple as the questions you ask.

John 15:13 NIV 

Greater Love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

Anxiety is one of the fastest growing mental health conditions of this country. Since September 11th, 2001 more people have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression than at any other time in history,

Grief is an area where it is very easy  to blame God for your terrible lot in life. You lost a child and you blame God for taking them away from you.  You lost a sibling and you blame God for taking someone you loved and depriving you of a life long connection. You get stuck in your grief and you cannot understand why your friends aren't there for you.  Rejection can magnify the emotional impact of your earlier loss.

Grief will cause us to go inward and medicate your pain.  Whether it is through the use of video gaming, or drugs, alcohol, or illicit relationships the motives are the same which is to  bury those emotions way down deep so there is not possible way they will surface to haunt you with those nasty images.  The problem, as I see it, is the pain will not stay buried. because every life experience that leads to rejection,will unearth the original pain your feel. 

Life is hard.  Losses will happen. Rejection will occur, but the questions you ask when it does occur will determine the attitude you have in handling that situation. Let me give you an example.  Your self esteem had been crushed through a simple rejection of a friend in school and you begin asking questions why am I so undesirable that no one wants to be my friend?   Because of that question you pull away from your group and avoid all occasions where you might have an opportunity to get to know people.  Instead you may want to ask the question 'what can I do to grow from this rejection?'  Instead of going inward and avoiding friends you use the pain of rejection to look for occasions to  build others up around you and build stronger friendships.  I remember my grand mother telling my mom when she was a little girl that 'to have friends you must be a friend'.  She was a teacher in a one room school house and she knew and studied  children and understood the social dynamics of growing up.

Our attitude does make a difference in how we perceive the world around us. Having the right attitude can make a difference between having healthy relationships and living a lonely life.  God gave us a role model through his son, Jesus, who demonstrated for us how important it is to love those around us. Despite the rejection he felt he continue the course of healing the sick and befriending the friendless because he wanted to make a difference in their lives.

Take time today to thank God for the positive attributes in your life and ask him to help you make a difference in your friends lives.

If we will ever have an impact in this world then people need to see Jesus in you

Galatians 5:13


For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another

It all begins with a tiny seed. A seed that is planted in you when you accept the Lord into your life. A tiny seed that becomes  a fruitful seed with your eyes no longer seeing the things that make you happy and fulfilled, but allows you to see the needs around you.

Hungry children, fatherless son's and daughter's, single mom's, homelessness, unemployment, are only some of the needs that in your line of vision provided that you are able to see them.  Many of us do not see those needs.  We get up in the morning, have coffee and breakfast before hoping in our car sitting in  our enclosed garage and driving down an expressway that bypasses the very problems that stand between here and there.

If there is anything we can learn from Jesus's 3 year public ministry  it is that he cared for people. He loved the homeless, the disabled, and those who had terrible diseases that made them outcasts from humanity. We also know that Jesus wanted us to know that the needs around us are more important than what car you drive, how many zeroes are after the number in your paycheck, how big of a house you live in, or whether you have investment accounts and summer vacation homes.

People need to see Jesus in  you.  They may never step inside your church or any church for that matter and sometimes the only way they will see Jesus in you will be in the public places.  Recently, I was in line at a local Mcdonald's behind an elderly lady who was having a hard time getting the cashier to accept her bank card to pay for her meal.  Finally, I handed my bank card to the cashier and told him her lunch was on me. The lady was surprise and I suppose was wondering why a stranger would pay for her lunch, but I saw her need and allowed the Lord to use me in this moment in time.  I told her to have a great rest of the day and she said " thank you because of what you did for me I will."

People need to see Jesus in you. Ask God to show you someone that need a little act of kindness showered on them today.  It is Friday and the drive up difference day.  Won't you be the hands and feet of Jesus and make someone's life feel special through an act of kindness. Be the hands and feet that bring the bible to life and make a difference in someone's life today.

In a split second lives can changed

Once again I learned how brittle and harsh life can be.  The moment I opened my work e mail I saw the message. The lady that was going to help me present the topic on grief and loss at the conference next week was no longer able to do so due to the severe injuries her daughter received in a skiing accident. Her daughter was looking forward to speaking at the same conference. Her talk was going to be on grief from a sibling viewpoint. Rather than preparing for her talk she is  fighting for her life in ICU.

I was reminded how special each day is and how we must not take those days for granted because we simply do not know how long we have to live. Every day there are risks we must take and with each risk comes the possibility of a freak accident that may take your life. You play soccer and you run the risk of concussions. You play hockey and there is the risk of paralysis. Risks are inevitable. Risks are necessary if we are to truly enjoy life. The young lady now fighting for her life loved to ski and she did the thing that gave her enjoyment in life.

The natural tendency for parents is to shelter our kids and keep them from taking those risks. We become helicopter parents and hover around the school just to make sure they are safe. We give them safe things to do rather than give them permission to try risky things that could possibly bring harm to them.  The pull to protect our kids becomes even greater when a parent has already lost one child to a sudden death. 

There comes a point for every parent to accept the reality that our kids belong to God and He has the capacity to watch them.  We cannot be where our kids are all the time and certainly by the time they finish high school we will have less involvement in their lives and must trust that God knows what He is doing with our kids. 

My talk on grief and loss will go on as scheduled.  I do have one other person who is assisting me with this talk. I ask you to pray for the young woman presently fighting for her life and also for her mom who now has to deal with the emotions of her daughter's injuries..