Yes, it is possible to die from a broken heart after a loss...some thoughts from watching the Call the Midwives episode

 

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

Yes, it is possible to die from a broken heart- something I learned from watching Call the Midwife.  In the opening scene, we see a young lady who was likely in her 20's working as a typist in the companies typing pool.   She knew she needed to use the bathroom and so she raises a spoon-like device to get the attention of the lady who supervises the typing pool.   Apparently, this young lady had abused the bathroom privilege once too often which lead the head boss to mock her by counting the seconds before she returns.  In the scene that takes place in the bathroom stall, she pulls down the girdle she used to conceal her pregnancy for she knows if the company knew she was pregnant she would lose her job.  As she sat on the cover of the commode she reads a letter she received from home asking her to come home.  

 Once work was done she boarded the bus for the trip home.  When she noticed the bus was approaching the corner where she grew up she got up and waited for the bus to stop.  She sees the building and walks into a place that turns out to be a British Pub her father owned.   She cuts through the crowded pub, heading up the stairs into a series of family living quarters.  She sees in one room her father who is lying flat in bed. His icy steers were enough to shatter a mirror. We learned that her dad not only suffered the loss of his wife, but his youngest daughter, and 3 of his sons during a epidemic. One by one he watched his kids die, a pain that broke him. Those losses made it hard to watch his surviving daughter d leave home.   Her dad said, "one by one I watched my wife die and then each of my 3 son's and youngest daughter die in this epidemic and then I watched you walk out of my life. 

When they saw each other for the first time in years there was an exchange of harsh words between the two of them. He was bitter watching her depart when he needed her and she lashed back at the bitter insults from her dad. Julie knew that her dad wasn't doing well and that she had to call for the doctor.  

When the doctor arrived he looked at his swollen ankles and listened to his heart. He knew right away that her dad was on the descending side of life.  This doctor told Julie that her dad suffered a heart attack 2 years ago and that he was dying.  He reminded  her that he cannot be left alone of which Julie mentioned that she cannot stay as she had a job.  After much discussion, she agreed to stay one night. The doctor sees that she is pregnant and urged her to see one of the nurses at the pregnancy center.  She eventually sees Jenny, one of those nurses, who examines her and happily shares with her the news of a healthy pregnancy.  When Jenny discovered that it wasn't Julie's intent to stay beyond one night, Julie was reminded that her dad cannot be left alone in his condition. She was reminded that both her and her dad had been through some major losses.   

As she unpacked her suitcase and began putting away her clothes she saw a row of her deceased siblings shoes lined in a row in  the bottom dresser drawer. She continued to make the room seem like home again by taking out the long hidden pictures of her family and putting it out on her dad's bedside table. 

At first, the  exchanges between father and daughter were harsh, but in a short period of time, their  love for each other  was rekindled. Her father reminded Julie that she was in many ways just like him- stubborn.  

When it was time for her to deliver her baby she would not leave her dad's side until there was a nurse to sit by his bedside.  She wanted more than anything to have her dad see his one and only grand child before he died. 

Two nurses eventually arrived at the family residence- one to watch and monitor her father who was declining more rapidly than before and the other one to help Julie deliver her baby. 

The nurse at his bedside encouraged him to hang on because he was about to have his first grandchild.   The baby was delivered just in time when Julie asked Jenny to bring the child to her father. Her father was told that the baby is a boy of which her opened his eyes and brought a smile to his face. He  asked if he could hold him. There were tears of happiness in his eyes and as he was  holding onto his new born grandchild he slipped away into eternal sleep.

In the final scene, we learned that Julie has taken over her father's business of running the Pub. She has a new source of income to support her child. From her reunion with her dad, she learned not to run away from her grief, but to embrace it for our past pain can create new positive memories.

This episode teaches of the importance of going through the pain of our loss, not around it. It teaches us to look at those pictures of our deceased loved ones until the moment arrives where we can smile when we see those pictures. 

If you are suffering from the pain of a loss I would encourage you to check out a 13-week Grief share group that will take you through the process of healing from such a loss by finding a group near you at this link.  https://www.griefshare.org/

At some point in one's grief journey you will come to a fork in the road: (1) the road of bitterness and (2) the road of forgiveness

 

32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

Grief is something that most people are ill-equipped to handle until they discovered that someone they loved has just died.  Eventually, most will come to the fork in the road. One is the road of bitterness that if they remain on that road for any length of time will lead to serious health problems that for some will lead to their early demise. If they begin consuming excessive alcohol, consuming more illicit drugs it will cause damage to the cardiovascular system that will make them prone to sudden heart attacks, loss of kidney function, and make them prone to succumbing to the Covid-19 virus. Most people are remaining on the road of bitterness.

Yet, this is where our faith comes helps us to heal from that bitterness that we have harbored toward those we blame for our loved one's death. You only have to watch the national news to see the anger and hate toward anyone responsible for the death of their loved one.

Like most, I was on the road of bitterness after my loss. I blamed God and the medical community for the loss of my loved one. I didn't think it was fair that I would be forced to suffer in the absence of my loved one while so many still had theirs to continue to celebrate birthdays and other events.

In my case, my anger was toward the surgeon who I thought was responsible for putting her on the pain medication that she wasn't able to metabolize. After reviewing her death with several attorneys and reading the holy scriptures, I came to the conclusion that I needed to meet with this professional man and surgeon and forgive him for having doubt in the way he treated my loved one.  I still remember that day when my wife and I met with him at his office in Minnetonka. It was a very moving time for all three of us as we shared stories of our loved one and he shared stories of the little girl that he never intended to harm.

Since that meeting, I have had the occasion to refer other families of children with special needs to this doctor, including a girl in a Guatemalan orphanage who needed to see an orthopedic specialist for her hip condition.  As I look back, I knew that none of those things would be possible unless I was able to forgive.

Forgiveness is only possible when you draw close to Jesus Christ, the one who died for you on the wooden cross of Calvary.  Though I miss my loved one, I'm assured by the promises in God's word that I will see her again when my work is completed here on earth.

Bitterness or Forgiveness, the choice is yours. One leads to an early death, while the other will lead to good health and happiness.   May God continue to reveal Himself to you on this journey of sorrow.

No matter what painful losses have occurred in your life, God promises to walk by your side while sending angels to comfort you.

 

Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in [f]Sheol, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me. Psalm 139

Yesterday, I found this Touch by an Angel episode that I'm sure I've seen before we had children.  At that time, I didn't fully understand what it truly meant to lose a child.  I was always under the assumption that our children are supposed to outlive us; after all, isn't that the way life is suppose to work?  I guess at that point in my life, I wasn't wise enough to see that the loss of a child is one that experts tell us is so painful that it takes from 5 to 10 years to recover from.  

The boy who was dying in this episode was 10 years old, the same age as my daughter Maria.  Like Petey, Maria had a full life ahead of her. Like Petey, she was full of life, laughter, and love. 

This pandemic has made so many people afraid of dying. So many do not believe in the bible, in Jesus Christ and the hope He promised us for our future eternal lives. Many people who experience the loss of a child will be filled with so much anger that they take it out by drinking alcohol until they are so disorientated that they numb their pain. Like a broken record, they continue this same vicious cycle of binge drinking- until one day they develop problems with their kidneys, heart, and liver. Some are given the news they never wanted to hear in their lives that they are dying.

Like Petey and his mom, we too were entertained by angels when death overwhelmed our little girl. Each of us was awakened in the morning excited to share with each other their dream God gave them.

We may never be able to control which viruses will take the lives of our family members, but God assures us in his word that he will walk beside us every step of the way in our life. He will never waste your pain, but in time will use your pain to help others who are just traveling their forlorn journey.

If you are someone who is experiencing the death of a loved one, my condolences go out to you.  I would encourage you to check out a 13-week grief share group near you. This group, as I found to be true, will teach you in 13 weeks how to go through the pain of your loss, not around it.  I found by drawing near to God instead of drinking or doing drugs, that God would help me recover from loss,

No matter what happens in this life, God has a perfect plan to give you everlasting life through Jesus Christ.  

Https://griefshare.org

Although I understand why it was necessary to protect our children I also know it has been devastating on them at a time when they should be flourishing.

5 Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever abandon you,” 6 so that we confidently say,

“The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid.

What will man do to me?” Hebrews 13

Many of our children have been remote learning for a full year without any physical contact with their classmates and teachers. Boy's, I'm told, have done worse during this pandemic with a decrease in their critical thinking and executive functioning skills. 

 Both boys and girls have fallen behind in their social development with many showing signs of anxiety and depression.  When the CDC said imagine everyone around you having Corona this statement made people anxious because was said to keep people apart. 

In the past year, there were no group birthday parties because of the fear of the spread. We tried to make up for that with drive-by birthday celebrations wishing from a distance happy birthday greetings.  But, it wasn't the same as having friends help you celebrate with a birthday cake, watching you blow out your candles, and watching you open up the gift they bought you. 

My fear is that we may not see for several years the impact of this pandemic on our children.  Many will be just fine. Others who experience trauma from a death in the family may not be so fortunate. 

 Today, I listened to a speaker who spoke on the increasing levels of mental illness stemming from this pandemic with a rising percentage of suicides from the hopelessness within. I learned that the Governor was opening up several suicide prevention hotlines so people thinking of ending it all can call a compassionate listener to share their story.  I've learned from my own experience that everyone who is experiencing trauma needs to be allowed to share their story- sometimes multiple times until the emotional pain is minimized.

As someone who personally faced trauma after the loss of his daughter in 2007, I can attest that it is possible to recover and thrive in a new normal.  Yet, I didn't do it without the compassionate listeners of the grief groups I attended, or the grief share groups I was apart of for several cycles. 

In this short clip, we have the characters from Frozen are singing about the corona and wondering why they have to be alone.  I think it powerfully illustrates the importance of having friends in our lives who energize us as human beings. 

 If you are struggling with grief and loss at a time when we are isolated from one another, I encourage you to consider getting involved in a 13-week GriefShare group by registering for one at this link:  Https://www.griefshare.org

Finally, God is still in control and He alone will help you conquer the emotional lows of this virus. Like I did in 1974, Jesus Christ is standing at the door of your life, knocking and wanting you to invite him in. Won't you say yes to Jesus and allow him to walk beside you on this difficult path of the coronavirus? 

You will be glad you did.

Love and Loss Coexist. You cannot have one without the other

Although I'm free from all people, I make myself a slave to all people, to recruit ... yet I have made myself everyone's slave, that I might win more men to Christ. 1 Corinthians 9:19

I started watching a PBS series called the Mid wives. I finally decided to watch the series that had captivated my wife's attention. There is a lesson I want to share in this week's blogpost. This series takes place in lower east side London in an area where destitute and homeless people lived. The are several nurses who could have worked any other glamourous places who decided to work at the charity ward, a place where abused woman came to give birth or other medical needs.


In the story I watched last night was a 15 year old girl who's baby was taken away from her after her birth because of a law that stipulated that a child cannot raise a baby. She became pregnant through a sexual encounter as a paid prostitute because she had no other skills. In the next scene is the story of a young married couple who have a new born child. One night, a unknown woman came and took the child and brought it to the 15 year old and said "she is yours to keep". You can imagine the deep, deep overwhelming despair of the couple that experience this tragedy. Enter in the nurse who knew this married couple, as well as the 15 year old. One day, a bobby came to her and the two of them walked down a darkened hallway into a large dark room where the destitute often were. The nurse called out the 15 year old by name and gently walked closer to her with encouraging words that helped her see that this baby belongs to another family that is taken great care of her. She gives up the child with momentary tears. In the final scene, this same nurse midwife is sitting at the gravesite of a Great war veteran that she had provided wound care to for many weeks. One day she went to his apartment to find it empty and found out that he was sent to the Charity nursing home where he sat all day with not one person helping him because they were short staff. His health went decline pretty rapidly until he had to have his limbs below the knee amputated. She is now at his grave site saying goodbye to her friend and patient.


Life is filled with love and loss. You cannot have one without the other. Loss and the emotions we feel are the result of the love you had for the one who died. The bible assures us that Christ alone is our cornerstone.


Our soul belongs to God.

This morning I found myself lamenting over the constant barrage of terrible, no good, very bad news by the National news media

 

My heart and my flesh sing for joy to the living God.
Psalm 84:2

When the movie 'Network' came out in 1976 it was made in response to the perpetuating bad news on the National networks.  How true it is in 2021 with the daily body counts, Corvid deaths, positivity rates, and the ongoing lockdowns that have cost American lives in terms of their livelihoods and sometimes their own lives when hopelessness settles in.  How I wish we had an ethical newsman who would get up from his anchor's seat and recite these famous lines, " I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore".  

This was my lament this morning when I arose with a hot cup of coffee in my hand as I sat down in my comfort chair ready and determined to pray to almighty God.

Lord, I'm confused by the Corvid-19 and the longest lockdown in the history of the world. I'm confused why rationale conservative voices are being censored like the voice of Dr. Simon Gold, a highly respected emergency room doctor with years of clinical experience treating her patients, who tried to express her frustration with not being able to utilize existing medications to treat her patients. 

 I'm frustrated that the news media is trying disparately to destroy this doctor's credibility. I'm deeply confused why we have to turn on the government printing press so that every American receives a 1400.00 stimulus check when we can simply open up the economy more so most American's can go back to work. Oh Lord, where is this money coming from? Why is it that I as a private citizen take great care at managing my budget, but our Government does the opposite spending more of my hardworking tax money?

I'm confused why the news media seems bent on twisting the truth while bashing any conservative voices from expressing their views.

I'm confused why the news media seems bent on exporting fear and anxiety to all people so that mental health now becomes the number 1 health problem.

I'm confused why corporations aren't pursuing the hybrid model so that regular folks can return to their mainstream workplaces and regain the normalcy they once knew before this pandemic began

As I sit by the fireplace I'm enjoying the flicking flames and basting in its warmth. Oh God, please help me understand so that I may see the hope at the end of this long pandemic tunnel. 

In conclusion, I was reminded of this verse from Psalms, 'I would rather be at the door of the house of my God than to live in the tents of the wicked.  I'm reminded that the only security we have is knowing our Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ.