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Monday, July 29, 2013

While one young person is In Raleigh winning souls for Christ, the other young person is in heaven welcoming home those in Christ.






The heavens are declaring the glory of God, and their expanse shows the work of his hands.
Psalm 19:1

This has been an awesome beginning to a great week ahead. My son joined 40 other youth from New Hope Church traveling to Raleigh, North Carolina where they will be taught the skills of sharing Jesus with people who do not know Him.   They will be encourage to use their story.  Every young person on this trip has a story. A story of hard times where God helped them through difficult situations. Every family has a story.  Job loss, a house that burned down, a spouse who might have permanently left the family, a disabled child, or even the death of a child are just some of the examples of stories that God can use in bringing people to experience a new life in Christ.

I was thinking tonight the contrast of what my son is doing and what my daughter in heaven is doing at this moment.   My son, on the one hand, is seeking God through ministry in Raleigh and trusting God to bring people to Christ. My daughter, who would have been 16 1/2 if she still lived  is in heaven busily decorating the 'Welcome home' room for men and woman who's earthly lives have ended and welcoming them home. My daughter loved parties and I can really picture her getting into the role welcoming home those who belong to Christ. 

One young person with his group are winning souls for Christ while the other young person is on the other side of the veil welcoming home those who belong to Christ. One is being empowered with the holy spirit while the other is experiencing the real thing.

The earthly death of a child puts a new perspective on life as a whole.  It is as though you can see more clearly the things of heaven. Less fuzzy and more focused are the things that God wants us to see. It is perhaps why it is the hardest, most difficult times in our lives that helps us to feel God's presence.  It may  not feel like that at first. The pain we feel when we are in the storm really stinks, but in time we will see that God is helping us through those difficult times.

Whatever difficult time you have been through, God wants to use your story to bring others home to heaven. He will never waste your pain  

While my son is reaching the loss for Christ, my daughter is welcoming home those who belong to Christ. Now that is a beautiful ending to a very good story!

Saturday, July 27, 2013

When life takes a turn down the unwanted path...lessons learned from the Walton's


1 Peter 1:21
who through Him are believers in God, who raised Him from the dead and gave Him glory, so that your faith and hope are in God

I watched another episode from the Walton's on Youtube. For those who were not around when it first came out the Walton's was a story about family, faith and life growing up during the depression. The series appeared on Sunday evenings on CBS. In my home it was one of the shows our family were allowed to watch. 

As I watched this episode which was written through the eyes of all of the Walton's I saw the impact of grief on each one of them when the youngest sister becomes paralyzed after falling down a unstable pile of logs after placing a baby bird back in it's nest within arms reach on top of those logs.

When the two youngest boys returned from the swimming hole they soon realized that their neglectfulness in securing the logs lead to their sister's tragedy. Each of them processed the tragedy differently. The older of the two boys went to work and began buying things for his sister and momentarily giving them to her, but never staying long enough to spend time with her which is what she really wanted her brother to do.  The youngest one blames himself and decides that it would be best to leave the family totally until grandpa reaches out to him and reminds 'Jim Bob' that this too shall pass.

I was reminded that life is full of uncertain and unexpected things that have a tendency to make life messy, but when they do it is our faith that we cling too that make those messy things make sense.  I won't give away the plot from this episode in case you are inclined to watch it, but I will say that valuable lessons on grief can be learned from this episode.

When tragedy strikes a family it is important to know that everyone responds to that tragedy differently and  there is no cookie cutter approach to healing from that event. Like the Walton's God will bring each family member through the fiery event in very individual and specific ways. In time the family will come out stronger than they did before the tragedy. Until He does it is our faith in God that help us weather the storm.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

I will never forsake you.., a short story about walking in the desert.


Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”Deuteronomy 31:6


" My God, my God! Why have your forsaken me??" I called out as I tried to walk forward in the every increasingly slippery sand. " Why God!!!" I paused to spit out some sand that made it's way into my mouth cavity. " I thought you were my best friend? We were enjoying life in the lush mellow watching our two kids chasing butterfly's until you lead me into this God Forsaken barren waste land!.

I had to shift my weight as the increasing weight of my son on my shoulders was causing a pain. I wanted to set him down just for a minute but was afraid I wouldn't be able to get him back up there because of the increasing velocity of the the winds which was causing the hot sand to blow on us.. I felt my wife's hand at my back and just knew she was relying on me to get us to safety.

"Why God!" I continued to cry out with anguish."What did I do to deserve this place? Didn't I do enough for you just taking my family to church and even teaching Sunday school? Wasn't it enough that my kids accepted you as their Savior and Lord of their life?" I paused as I again shifted my weight for fear that a single fall on my part would mean I wouldn't be able to get back up in this ever increasing blowing storm.

I could hear my wife quoting scriptural verses to me from behind which momentarily encouraged me to press on ahead.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart," came the voice of my wife behind me. " and do not lean on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."
I pressed on while she continued, "So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

As I heard the word of God spoken from my wife as she clung onto me I felt a strength within me to press on. My body ached from the weight as I walked through the uneven blowing sand, but I felt this inner strength within me that kept me moving forward. My wife continued to encourage me despite her own sadness
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

I took a misstep and almost went down on one knee when I was able to make a minor correction in my balance. Sand particles got in my eye which momentarily blinded me. I asked my son since he was above me to take his hand and wipe the sand from his dad's eyes. As my son did he whispered, " I love you daddy, are we going to be OK?"

I felt tears welling up within me as I searched for words to encourage him. " James, we are going to make it, With God's help Daddy's going to get us to safety."

I didn't know if I was telling a lie, but I had to rely on God's promises that " He will never forsake us,nor leave us. As I pressed on through the blowing sand I could hear James, "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."

As I walked this uneven burning desert sand I was now hearing words of encouragement from my wife and son. Just as one finished the other encouraged. I was beginning to feel myself being energized to keep going.

Then I heard many faint prayers for me off in the distance. I had a hard time making out what those prayers were, but the more I heard them I realized they were praying for us. Some of the prayers were from fiends we knew. I could tell from their voices. I knew their voice. They were friends of ours. I heard our Pastor's prayer for my family. I knew his voice. Those voices I was hearing were making me strong. I was able to stand upright and see ahead. For the first time I could hear a voice behind me. It wasn't my wife, nor was it my son. It was a familiar voice that comforted me in the past.

I pressed on with a new strength convinced that we're going to make it. I swear I heard the words of a prophet of the past exclaimed these words, "And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."

As I heard those words I got stronger. My legs got stronger and I was able to take bigger steps in the sinking sand. As I heard the prayers for our family, the voice of prophets and the verses coming from my son and wife I knew we were going to make it. I no longer felt the burning sand on my skin as though I was being protected in some way.

I felt the hand of Jesus gently touch my shoulder and with the other hand He pointed ahead. I looked toward the horizon and for the first time I could see and taste hope. Looking ahead I could see calm. I could see no blowing sand. I could see a lush meadow where butter flies are floating. I could see those whose voices I was hearing standing. They were cheering for us. For the first time since entering this place I felt a small smile form on my face. I looked up at my son and behind to my wife and exclaimed, " With God's help I know we're going to make it!"

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Lessons on Grief from the Walton family






Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Lately I have been enthralled with the treasure chest of wisdom from a earlier bygone series our family use to watch while growing up in the 70's.  It is of course The Walton's which is about a family growing up during the depression where jobs were hard to come by and clothes were often hand made and grandparents lived in the same household. Simply, it was a series about family values  long before the term was politicized.

I learned more on the subject of grief from watching this episode. When the youngest child finds that her butterfly died she is sad and concludes that everything she touches  dies and consequently refuses her brother's help in finding another butterfly to replace the dead one.  John Boy is busily writing the first 50 pages of his book which his publisher wants by Monday when a fire erupts in the upper floor of the families living quarters.  While trying to save his other sister's favorite dress he loses every page he had written thus far in the blaze.

 The family tries to stay together when dad Walton put up the large tent for the kids to sleep in while he and grandpa Walton finish rebuilding the living quarters. This worked out fine until  a storm came through dumping heavy rain that brought the tent down on top of all the kids. Having no choice the parents connected with friends in town to take each of their children. The youngest daughter goes deeper into her shell when she discovers her burned  handmade doll in a pile of rubble.

The sister who lost the dress in the fire feels guilty that her brother lost his writings and decides to punish herself by refusing to stop wearing a very bland dress given to her by a stranger.  In her mind she had convinced herself that it is vane to wear something that is pretty and feminine and if it were not for her John Boy might have salvaged his writings and received the advance payment from the publisher.

When it came time for the family to reunite everyone returned with the exception of the youngest daughter who refused to come home. She had convinced herself that if she returned  home to the family she loved they too would die just like her butterfly.

The refusal to forgive oneself  is a common response to tragedy or loss. We play the 'what if' game and replay the scene of the tragedy over and over again. We often wondered if something we did or said caused our loved one to die. We can be angry for a short time, but we cannot stay in our anger for long without our unresolved anger resulting in physical symptoms such as depression, headaches, or other physical malady. 

Getting to the point where forgiveness is possible takes time.   The Walton's discovered that it wasn't the things that are accumulated that matter, but it is the family that matters the most. Things can  be replaced, but family cannot. They found that family was the best way to get through any tragedy and loss.

God sent us a model of forgiveness when he sent his son to die on the cross.   With each blow of the Roman soldier's hammer every ill word, putrid deed were nailed to the very cross his son hung.  No matter where you are with your grief you can be assured that with  God's help you will reach the successful conclusion of your grief.

The Walton's are a treasure trough of timeless wisdom that is well worth watching again and again.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

With the kinds of programs that are on the air today it is no wonder we are a very stressed out generation




"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28


It wasn't until I watched a couple of complete episodes from The Walton's that I began to see that we live in a society that celebrates death. We live in a 24-7 news world where every station is competing for our attention. The stations that seem to get the most viewers are the ones that can do the best job sensationalizing the news. It isn't enough for the commentator to tell us that all on board died, but now we have to see the blood stained outline of the body at the scene of the incident and better yet a picture of the grotesque looking body.

Night after night we are bombarded with entertainment shows (if you can call it entertainment) like CSI, Law and Order, Special Victims Unit with it's onslaught of grotesque scenes in high definition color. Scenes that leave a permanent impression in our mind.

At Halloween we dress our little children in costumes that glorify death. Ghosts, skeletons, Zombies with make believe blood are some of examples of what we do with our kids. Our schools do assignments like 
Zombie Apocalypse. 

Where is the danger some might ask in all of this? The danger is we are raising a generation of kids hooked on the adrenaline of stress and worst hopelessness. Is it any wonder why our young people are discontinuing attending church the moment they graduate from high school? After being bombarded with shows like these that teach them how evil society is they become complacent and begin believing that the world really is evil and there is no hope.

Which is why I started watching some of the Walton's episodes on Youtube. A show in another era that reflected the family values that are so lacking in today's culture. A show about a multiple generation family growing up during the depression and the life lessons that came out of that experience. A show where kids actually listened to their parents for advice. In this scene from the Walton's Jim Bob is encouraged to tell momma about his desire to ride motorcycles.

My own Mom often would often say to me 'what you put into your mind comes out, or garbage in, garbage out'. With the filth that is coming out of Hollywood is it any wonder why we are stressed?

Which is why programs like 'the Walton's were special. Our Sunday nights ended with the life lessons from the Walton family. We could go to sleep with the understanding that family values and faith do matter.  I encourage you to watch some of the full episodes with your family and you will discover that the Walton's were a timeless treasure with stories that are every bit as relevant for today's generation as the one I grew up in.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Trust in God to help you focus on the positive memories rather than the trauma


Jesus Comforts the Disciples
1Let not your heart be troubled: you believe in God, believe also in me. 2In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. 3And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you to myself; that where I am, there you may be also John 14

When we built our home in 1990 we did with the anticipation of creating rooms where one day memories would be made. We painted one room pink in anticipation of having the love of a little girl fill that room and we put a border in another room in anticipation that the love of a little boy would fill it. It was with excitement that we finished the lower level to create more space to house family and friends needing a place to stay.

God blessed us with two very beautiful adopted children from Ecuador and Guatemala and we filled our home with decorations from those countries.  We became a family that loved the Hispanic culture and took advantage of Hispanic gatherings. Our home was big and each room had a certain positive memory.

In June 2007 our world was tossed upside down with the sudden death of Maria. Instead of celebrating we entered a world where our once beautiful home which anticipated entertaining others became smaller. We could not enter Maria's room for many months and kept the door shut to keep out the bad memories of the way she died out of our minds. As I read Mary Beth Chapman's book, 'Choosing to see', she writes that there were moments she wanted to hire a group of people to come over and clean out her home before selling it and moving across the country to start over, but then she writes about her home being more than the trauma, more than the way her daughter, Maria died, but her home also had the wonderful memories of birthday parties, engagements, sleepovers, and much more. She realized that moving would also mean leaving those good memories behind!  

Like the Chapman family we learned that God can make all things new again. By allowing Jesus to walk with us He helped us to focus on the positive memories.  By placing one foot in front of the other our family was able to minimize the trauma of our loss and magnify the beautiful memories of our home. Memories like birthday parties, sleepovers, movie nights and Pa Pa Murphy's pizza, watching fireworks off of our back deck, having neighbor children over, and many more such memories.

Like the Chapman family we chose to remain in our home. By doing so our son is learning a very valuable lesson that we can't always run away from bad memories, but by placing those images of pain in God's hands He will help us focus on the wonderful memories in our lives.

As you will discover in this video Heaven is a very real place, A place where our Savior, Jesus Christ, has gone  to prepare a place for you. Our little girl is experiencing this place with all of it's beauty and she will one day have the opportunity to show us when our lives on earth come to a close. While we await that time where Jesus tells us 'well done my good and faithful servant' we also know that there is much for us to do in this life.  There are many more memories to create!

Friday, July 5, 2013

We cannot stop living when a loved one dies





28 “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing,29 yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. 30 And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? Matthew 6:28-30

My wife, son and I celebrated July 4th with a mid afternoon barbecue with my brother and sister before heading home to get ready to join our friends James and Becky and their 3 boys for fireworks at the Blaine National Sports center. Our families have done this since our kids were real little. Their family lived a mile away from us which presented many opportunities to bring our families together whether it was fireworks on the July 4th or movie nights at either of our houses. The memories we had of our two kids rolling down the hill with their boys an hour before the start of the fireworks are precious. 

 When Maria died unexpectedly our two families grieved together. Maria was like the daughter they never had and their boys were like the brothers James never had. Although life wasn't the same after she died our friendship continued to be the same. Both families knew Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior and when tragedy struck both of our families had a Savior to walk with us through the often lonely and painful path of grief. Becky often listened to my wife process her grief while her husband listened to me as I process my anger in the months following my loss.

This is the beauty about being a Christian and being involved in a Christian church. When hard times come God uses a body of believers to support one another. In Corinthians we are reminded that when one part of the body hurts we hurt all over. When tragedy strikes we have church families to come to our side to pray for us, to listen to us, or to just simply sit with us as we painfully go through the healing process of our grief.

God didn't intend for us to live like lone rangers where we turn on the radio every Sunday morning to listen to one of the broadcast Sunday services, but he intended for all believers to be actively involved in church where friendships are developed.  It is in those friendships that will sustain us as we go through difficult times and struggles, including grief.

The memories we have of our children when they were small will never disappear. Each time we see their picture in their photo album or their portrait on the wall  we will feel moistness around our eyes and a slight smile on our face as we recall a memory from years gone by. 

Last night we had another good time with these friends. Our boys are now entering their upper teen years.  The two oldest are now in college.  The friendship of these 4 boys has grown stronger. That is the beauty of being a Christian.