Lessons on Grief from the Walton family

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Lately I have been enthralled with the treasure chest of wisdom from a earlier bygone series our family use to watch while growing up in the 70's.  It is of course The Walton's which is about a family growing up during the depression where jobs were hard to come by and clothes were often hand made and grandparents lived in the same household. Simply, it was a series about family values  long before the term was politicized.

I learned more on the subject of grief from watching this episode. When the youngest child finds that her butterfly died she is sad and concludes that everything she touches  dies and consequently refuses her brother's help in finding another butterfly to replace the dead one.  John Boy is busily writing the first 50 pages of his book which his publisher wants by Monday when a fire erupts in the upper floor of the families living quarters.  While trying to save his other sister's favorite dress he loses every page he had written thus far in the blaze.

 The family tries to stay together when dad Walton put up the large tent for the kids to sleep in while he and grandpa Walton finish rebuilding the living quarters. This worked out fine until  a storm came through dumping heavy rain that brought the tent down on top of all the kids. Having no choice the parents connected with friends in town to take each of their children. The youngest daughter goes deeper into her shell when she discovers her burned  handmade doll in a pile of rubble.

The sister who lost the dress in the fire feels guilty that her brother lost his writings and decides to punish herself by refusing to stop wearing a very bland dress given to her by a stranger.  In her mind she had convinced herself that it is vane to wear something that is pretty and feminine and if it were not for her John Boy might have salvaged his writings and received the advance payment from the publisher.

When it came time for the family to reunite everyone returned with the exception of the youngest daughter who refused to come home. She had convinced herself that if she returned  home to the family she loved they too would die just like her butterfly.

The refusal to forgive oneself  is a common response to tragedy or loss. We play the 'what if' game and replay the scene of the tragedy over and over again. We often wondered if something we did or said caused our loved one to die. We can be angry for a short time, but we cannot stay in our anger for long without our unresolved anger resulting in physical symptoms such as depression, headaches, or other physical malady. 

Getting to the point where forgiveness is possible takes time.   The Walton's discovered that it wasn't the things that are accumulated that matter, but it is the family that matters the most. Things can  be replaced, but family cannot. They found that family was the best way to get through any tragedy and loss.

God sent us a model of forgiveness when he sent his son to die on the cross.   With each blow of the Roman soldier's hammer every ill word, putrid deed were nailed to the very cross his son hung.  No matter where you are with your grief you can be assured that with  God's help you will reach the successful conclusion of your grief.

The Walton's are a treasure trough of timeless wisdom that is well worth watching again and again.