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Thursday, September 27, 2012

How simple repairs and a new paint job brings new hope to a home



Recently, I decided to bite the bullet and have our friends construction company come out and prep, prime and paint our home before the harsh realities of winter sets in.   It has been years since it was last painted and  I must admit the paint on the home had worn thin and had become dull looking. Neglect had turned our home from the a point of admiration to the look the other way as you drive by status.

As I was power washing our home in preparation for the arrival of the crew my wife and I noticed  an area of  wetness that had completely soaked some of the siding on the side of our home. When 'Dave' inspected much closer he discovered that an inappropriately placed down spout over the roof ( gutters were installed professionally to prevent such damage) had drained water much closer to the home than what he would had liked to have seen and as he peeled back the siding he discovered something much worst which was the mold that had settled in.

I knew right then that we made the right decision to have these repairs done because if I had chosen to delay for another winter these repairs and a fresh coat of paint then we would have been looking at more damage and with that a much higher repair bill.

Once the repairs were made Dave and his partners were ready to pressure paint each of the sides of our home. On one drive home I was amazed at how beautiful and glistering our home had now become!

Then I thought how a neglected home had spiritual ramifications for my life. For the first few years after the sudden loss of our daughter I was so wrapped up in seeking justice for her death that little had I realized I was doing serious damage to the ones I loved the most. Sensing that the medical system was to blame for prescribing pain medication that I thought they should have known not to prescribed I fixated on my anger as I attempted to pursue my wrongful death claim.

The continuous fixation of anger was damaging my body just as the inappropriately placed down spout was causing damage to the siding on our home.

God did not fail me.  When I refused to listen to wise Spiritual counselors God brought in an attorney and used him to give me what I needed to hear. Just as he used the donkey in the book of Numbers 22:28 to speak to Balaam about the path he had chosen to take God used the final attorney to impart words of wisdom to my aching and much neglected soul. 

This attorney said that I could spend the next 20 years continuously looking for an attorney who might be willing to take my wrongful death claim, but the chances are he would look at the same evidence and would render the same decision as all of the previous attorneys had rendered and once again I would have wasted years on on my negative emotions and anger Then he said if I chose to remain on this path I will have successfully caused permanent damage to my wife and son.  Just as Balaam had seen God's glory through the donkey i knew that now was the time to lay down my anger and turn it over to my Savior, Jesus Christ.

Just as our home now  glows as a result of the fresh paint and the much needed repairs  God began to turn my sorrow into joy with the confession of my anger and as he began to miracously change my life a renewed joy had  returned to my loved ones.

The loss of a loved one is a tragic thing for all of us to go through, but God in his infinite wisdom provided his son, Jesus Christ, to be the bearer of our pain, our anger, and everything negative that will eat at the very fabric of our soul. 

All that pain was nailed on the cross with Christ and when he was resurrected he gave us the means of experiencing a free pass to heaven with the only requirement was to accept Jesus  as your personal Savior and Lord of your life. All it takes is a simple prayer confessing that you are a sinner and asking the Lord Jesus who is knocking on the door of your heart to come into your life so you can be with him forever.

Just like our home now glistens under the majesty of the sun the new found holy spirit that comes with your new life in Christ will cause you to glow under the Majesty of the Son.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Learning to wait upon the Lord in our times of grief


'Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD'Psalm 27:14

None of us like waiting. We have been trained to expect things immediately.  Fast food restaurants, drive up tellers, Red box movies, Netflix instant downloads all encourage us to want things immediately. If that wasn't enough we have automatic deposit of our payroll checks and automatic bill payment.  The latter is the one I least like because it reminds me that the pay day I just earned is quickly absorbed by my creditors.

When grief hits us like a brick wall we fall to the emotional upheavals that grief gives us. Where once we were laughing and enjoying life a sudden loss of a loved one will spiral us down a cascading cliff of  emotional despair with no end in sight.  We want so much to return to the way life once was before our loss not realizing that there is a grief process we must travel before we can once again feel normal again. We try to avoid the grieving process by focusing on busyness or even seeking revenge. We soon learn that the longer we focus on these unhealthy things our body's immune system breaks down whereby we become vulnerable to illnesses.

Pastor Greg Laurie shares his story about the tragic loss of his adult son and the pain he went through just a few days before he gave this message.  He shares about meeting with newly bereaved families and burying children he knew personally in his congregation, but it wasn't until he got the word that his son died in a tragic accident on a busy California freeway that he understood the pain of losing a child.

Our family had our own Pastor Greg who was there the night that Maria passed away. Our Pastor Greg is the children's pastor at the church we attend. .The night my wife called the church she would learn that pastor Greg had just returned from a trip and just so happened to be the on call pastor that night.  He knew our daughter and son d the best and he was the recipient of Maria's side hugs before our family headed out to the car after church. I new that it wasn't coincidental that Pastor Greg picked  up the phone that night. God knew what we needed and he sent us the best servant to minister to our family during that devastating time.

 Pastor Greg has witnessed first hand the powerful impact of grief on each of the members of our family and he demonstrated the love of Christ through his on going prayers for us. he was there when the police chaplain came out and said the EMT did all  he could to try to revive Maria, but there was nothing they could do to bring her back..Pastor Greg reminded each of us that Maria was in the presence of the Lord Jesus and the body we were looking at was merely her shell.

 God had used his experience and background to minister to not only our family, but other families at church going through difficult times. It has been Spiritual mentors like Pastor Greg that helped us to wait upon the lord.




Friday, September 21, 2012

The sweet 16th birthday that will never be....




As I look at my callendar I noticed that today is September 21st. For many people this is just an ordinary day, but for our family it would have been Maria's sweet 16th birthday had she not passed away suddenly from a narcotic toxicity issue following her surgery on June 10th, 2007.

I kept thinking about what kind of day her Sweet 16th birthday might have been had everything had gone right.  I imagine I as her dad would have ordered the birthday cake from the local Byerly's store and that mom would have gone shopping for birthday gifts for our 16 year old daughter.

There is the remote possibility that she would have passed her drivers test on this date and with that she would be all smiles and reminding her brother that she was going to be a better driver than him. We would of likely taken her to her favorite restaurant for dinner on this date. If she had her license we would have had her drive all of us there.

Maria would have likely received several phone calls from her aunts, uncles, and only living grand parent. Like her brother she likely would have had her own cell phone and like her brother she would be making plans to do things with her friends.

Life isn't always fair. Things happen in life which bring to an end promising lives of young people. Every day there are young people who die from diseases, motorcycle accidents, car accidents, or medication toxicity problems like Maria.  Like the head coach who second guesses the wrong play that loses his team's chances of winning the super bowl we as parents have a tendancy to second guess all the decisions we make about our child's death.

Our family knew and loved our Savior, Jesus Christ. Each of our kids prayed with us every night before they went to sleep and they each knew that should they not wake up they will be with Jesus. My wife reminded me that when she walked into Maria's room she had a large smile on her face.  Although we would rather have her with us we knew that she was in the very presence of the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords and we knew that when our time comes that not only will we see Jesus, but we will again see our daughter. When we do I am sure my daughter would admonish me by saying, " you worried about me all those years?  Didn't you know where I would be?"

In honor of Maria's sweet 16th birthday I have posted Chris Rice's song for enjoyment.  If you have kids I encourage you to contact your children, regardless of age, and tell them how much you love them. If they ask why you said that just tell them that this is in honor of Maria's sweet 16th birthday.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

God has a plan to help you weather the storms in this life


7 Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness. Colossians 2:7

It is remarkable how God told his story to the world.  Coming to earth in the form of a man and being raised by earthly parents who were amazed at the wisdom of this young lad. Jesus grew to become a simple carpenter and until his public ministry was began.

When his ministry began God called 12 disciples to become a band of brothers who followed in Jesus's footsteps and witnessed the miraculous events that would pour out of what we know as the gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Christ allowed these 12 men to witness first hand what God wanted them to know.so that when their time came they would go out to all of the world to share the love of Christ. and give the world some hope. These men were eyewitnesses of the message of Christ and when their time came they were propelled to share the message of hope to all the world.

Little did I realize that when I made my decision to follow Christ at the age of 18 that God's holy spirit had been made available to me.  It was as though a light bulb went off in my head and the bible had become alive and the characters in the bible had jumped off the pages like a 3D movie. These 12 band of brothers that were called should be a reminder to all of us that our lives were not meant to be lived in  isolation, but we were meant to be in  a thriving relationship with Christ and in a relationship with others who truly know the savior.

I learned this the hard way when we lost our daughter in June 2007. One of the first guys to reach out to me was a Christian friend I got to know in my men's discipleship group known as a navigator 2:7 group. Don was one of several I met with on a weekly basis for bible study, prayer, fellowship and accountability. We knew each other's weaknesses.  .  These band of brothers became my friends for life and when each went through storms we remembered to pray for them.

If you are reading this and are thinking that you have no friends I want to remind  you that it is never to late. No matter what  your age is God wants to pour his life into you and help you find real friendship with other earthly friends. Christ called each of the 12 disciples one by one. You can begin building your friends one by one by first finding a church where the message of the gospels are taught and the people love to worship the Savior. Set a goal of getting to know at least one other christian  each week. In time you will have a support base much like the 12 band of brothers who followed Jesus Christ.

God has a awesome plan to help you weather the storms of this life. He wants topour his life into  yours through the message taught by his son Jesus and  be involved in a church where  you can build your friendship base one person at a time so that when your storms come you will have the means to get through those difficult times.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Your friends may forsake you, but Jesus is always there




When a family loses a child through a sudden loss the shock of that loss sends many people running the opposite direction. . Friends you thought would be there for you as you travel the journey of grief will no longer be there for you. Silence will soon become your friend. Where once the phone rang off the hook when your child was alive and enjoying life your phone now rarely rings when your child is gone.  Your address book is being re-written.

This was exactly what grief professionals told us would happen shortly after our daughter Maria's sudden loss on June 10th, 2007.  This was exactly why we were advised to be proactive in our grief recovery by seeking out others and being involved in grief support groups and in my case getting involved in professional counseling.

When death occurs to a child the shock becomes so overwhelming  that many people simply are ill equipped to support you in your journey.  There is hope.

I knew that my decision at the age of 18 meant that I had a Savior who was willing to walk with our family through our long solitary journey of grief.  When he took his final breath on the cross his final words were ' it is finished' which meant that no longer were we under the old law of rituals and sacrifices. Through his death on the cross Jesus paid the price for every one of us.to get to heaven.  Our daughter died with a smile on her face. Jesus not only was there the night our daughter went home to heaven, but Jesus was also there for each of our family members in very specific and unique ways. The good shepherd was there to help us through the painful journey.

While you rewrite your address book there is one name you can leave in it and that name is Jesus. Just as Deuteronomy 31:6 says 'Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake. He will always be there for you and that, my friend, you can take to the bank.







Wednesday, September 12, 2012

The damaging effects of bullying





Then he released Barabbas to them. But he had Jesus flogged, and handed him over to be crucified. Matthew 27:26


Tonight I was watching the X factor with my beautiful wife when  one particular contestant caught my eye. She was 19 years old and share the story of being bullied in school.  She wanted to prove to herself that she was good enough to perform on the X factor stage.  She connected with each of the judges, including Simon, with the way she poured her heart out in the song. One judge mouthed to another judge "that you could feel her pain in the way she sings.",  This singer connected with a similar age judge as they both had a cause which was to help those who are bullied. This judge felt this singer's pain so much that a close camera shot caught a tear streaming down her face as singer sang her song.

Bullying continues to be a problem in our schools. Students of both sexes suffer in terms of their academic studies  because of the overwhelming fear whenever they are in school. It doesn't even matter if it is public or a Christian school because bullying happens in both places.  In my son's private Christian school we know several families whose daughter's had been bullied by other girls.  Each of them had suffered lasting effects of the bullying. Each had to withdraw from that school to escape the relentless bullying.

The video i have included on this blog was done by a high school student to give you an idea of  the damaging impact of bullying.  I think it is important as Adults to understand how bullying undermines the self worth of our young people.

If you have ever been bullied you should understand that we have a God who understands what it is like to be bullied.  It was his son, Jesus, who was bullied by the Roman guards and nailed to the Cross. When he took his last breath the bullies thought they had won, but when the stone was rolled away from the burial spot Jesus surprised the Roman guards by coming back to life.

If you had ever been bullied you can rest knowing that you have a personal savior who wants to walk with you through your journey. He will give you the strength to carry on.  




Tuesday, September 11, 2012

What is your September 11th moment?

11 “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep.


  11 “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep. John 10:11

It was just eleven years ago when four planes were hijacked by extremist terrorists with destinations being the world trade towers, the White house and the Pentagon.. Two of the planes hit the towers killing everyone on board and sending thousands of people to their deaths. A third plane crashed into the Pennsylvania country side through the heroic efforts of some passengers. A fourth plane crashed into the Pentagon again killing everyone aboard.

  Many of us remember exactly where we were the moment the planes crashed. I do.  I was on my way to work when I heard the on WCCO radio about   a small plane thought to have been a Cessna that crashed into one of the World trade towers.. Then a few moments later the small plane was changed to an American Airlines passenger jet. I remember the shock and  horror as I heard this news and thinking of the innocent victims whose lives had been lost.

. As I entered the building I worked in I saw in real time the second passenger plane crashing into the second building.  Many of us were glued to the television wondering how the survivors in the trade towers were going to be rescued. I knew that it wasn't going to be a productive day. It was this moment that the late newscaster, Peter Jennings, began smoking again. Stress and anxiety will do that to people.

What I have learned since our daughter Maria left us prematurely and suddenly is that everyone us has a September 11 moment.

What is your September 11 moment? Your moment may be the day you received the dreadful diagnosis you prayed would never happen.  Your moment could be the day your spouse walked out on you and filed for divorce. Your moment could be being told that your services were no longer needed and you were being terminated from your job.  It could be the moment in time when the emergency medical technicians told you they had done all they could, but there was nothing they could do to bring your loved one back.

Everyone has a September 11 moment that brings emotional triggers weeks, days before the anniversary of that event, or even the date itself. You may not be yourself when that date hits you and when it does tears will come to your eyes as you remember that moment in time.

Whatever your September 11 moment is the good news is that God wants to walk with you through your journey of remembrance. He wants to remind you that he watched his son be tortured and left to die on the cross.  But he did one thing better. He gave his son life when he rose again from the dead, appeared to hundreds of witnesses before ascending to heaven.  He gave us the assurance that he has paid the penalty for our sin and simply asking Christ to come into your life you can have the assurance of spending eternity in heaven.  Jesus wants to be your shepherd where he will help you navigate through the emotional minefield of your September 11.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

It is when I am broken that Jesus is near to me


Matthew 5:4 reads, "God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Know that you can be renewed and transformed through the Great One but it takes humility in order for these experiences to take place. Human pride often blocks our dealing with painful problems. Once we finally admit our wrongdoings and failures, there can be a real solution for us. Humbling ourselves before God is the ultimate key that will allow us to experience the wonderful comfort that only the Almighty One can provide.

As a family we learned this the hard way when our daughter, Maria, died suddenly the night of June 10th, 2007. All 3 of us were broken vessels wondering if our pieces would be put back together. We felt worthless wondering if we would ever again be useful vessels for God. Where once we had gladness in our hearts for the two beautiful children God blessed us with to overwhelming sadness and despair and wondering if we would ev get out of the painful pit of sorrow.

When sadness overwhelmed our family we saw first hand God's mighty presence helping us every step of the way. We felt  the presence and the warmth of God's angels as though they were side by side each of us. We learned that it is in overwhelming darkness that God does his mightiest work. Why?  Could it be because now He has our attention and we are most open to God's spirit?

It isn't the prosperity gospel that brings us closer to him. It isn't how much we have in our bank account or how many European sports cars sit idle in your multi car garage. It isn't how many titles you can accumulate after your name, or how many zeroes are in your paycheck.

Simply, it is brokenness that brings out the best in God. It was when David was broken from his many sin's that God was able to mold him into a useful vessel.  It was in brokenness that God was able to use the Apostle Paul.

We learned as a family that in our brokenness in the days following the death of Maria that we needed to cling to God's promises, remember the past blessings, and seek Him in the following days of our painful journey that God really used the occasion to heal our hearts.

It is in brokenness that we were meant to call out to God and allow God to show us in his word the encouragement we needed to hear. The next time you feel a heavy heart I encourage you to cry out to God and wait upon him to do what he does best which is to heal you. If our family can be an example to you I assure your that He will not disappoint.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

God Celebrates Restored Relationships







11 Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. 12 The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

13 “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

17 “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ 20 So he got up and went to his father.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

25 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27 ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’

28 “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29 But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’

31 “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’


Their names were Joe and Benny. Made up names to protect their identities. They are adult brothers in  a family we know who hadn't really had a relationship with each other since the break up of a religious group they were involved in decades ago. One brother went with one of the leaders while the other brother went with the other leader. Their parents were caught in the middle of this firestorm of upheaval.

Since the break up of their religious cult their parents never had the opportunity to  have everyone sit down as a family at holiday gatherings with the exception of a handful of occasions like weddings, welcoming a new birth.  One brother always came. . The occult had influenced their thinking to the point where each brother thought the other brother was off based.

Both brothers have tried to compensate for the pain that had been inflicted on the family by calling their now widow mom on a weekly basis.  It seems that when we make a mess out of our lives the natural tendency is to want to run from those messes, close off any relationships associated with those messes, and avoid anything that remotely reminds you of the messes of your past.

As we learn from Pastor Stanley Christianity is a relationship centered belief where God is a master at restoring relationships.  The church is full of messes. Peoples lives are messes.  Messy divorce, messy breakups, and messy deaths.  People come to Christ because of those messes.  The story of the Prodigal son is one example.

Only God knows the perfect timing for restored relationships, but this I do know which God wants to have a personal, life giving relationship with you through his son Jesus Christ. God will take all of your messes and will clean them up.  If is a addiction he will clean it up.  It is an anger problem he will clean it up. If it is forgiving someone he will show you how to forgive. Whatever your messes are God is a master at cleaning up those up.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Introducing a partnership with patients



Here is another story about how the loss of their daughter sent them on a mission to improve communications between all medical entities so simple medical errors do not cause the loss of another child.  I was especially intrigued when she said her daughter was given methadone for pain and even suggested that if she hadn't been prescribed methadone she would still be alive.

Sometimes I feel like a pied piper, but in my research some of these narcotic pain medicines are so dangerous that in the opinions of a few medical experts should be completely taking off of the market because of the severe respiratory depression that sets in with these young patients.  The surgery  our little girl had didn't kill her,but it was the Narcotic Codeine and Valium that were prescribed to her following the surgery which set the stage for the severe respiratory depression to set in.

No amount of money would every bring this woman's daughter back, nor would it bring Maria back, the tragedies in each case sends each of us on a mission to better educate the public on the dangers of these drugs.  If just one family chooses an alternative pain medication other than Codeine and in the course of that choice one child's life is saved then I know I have done my job.

A Simple trip to the Doctor's office





The raised bump wasn't getting any better and with each day I grew more concern over the prospects that this was a skin cancer that should be looked at.  After our loss it was easy to grow gun shy being around doctors, clinics or accepting what they had to say.about my health..After all our daughter died the first night home from the hospital and in the overall scheme of things it wasn't suppose to happen this way.

My wife shared with me very recently about another young girl at the same school as our kids who had a foot that would turn inward.  Her parents had the same type of surgery planned for her, but when Maria died they canceled their daughter's surgery. Death and loss will do that to people as hopelessness and grief settles in.

I learned in my grief recovery that I must not h old the medical community hostage to all of my anger, blame and hatred for her death.  We must continue to place our trust in these professionals whenever there is a need to seek their services.

The first doctor I saw said it looked like a suspicious basil cell cancer, but he wanted me to watch it over the next week and for me see my regular primary physician.  Each day I waited and watch.  It seemed to stop growing and yet it wasn't going away on it's own. My wife was growing concerned and encouraged me to keep the follow up appointment. I waited and watched all the way to the morning of my appointment. Fortunately, my appointment was over labor day weekend which meant the waiting times were minimal. I heard my name called and the nurse  lead me back to the examining room where she asked me some questions before stepping out. Wasn't long before my doctor stepped in.

He looked at my chart  and then at the raised bump before decisively telling me that it needs to come off. He reassured me that it was probably only a basil cell carcinogen, the less dangerous form of skin cancer. He came back in with the tools he needed to do the excision. He gave me the needed pain deadening shot.

 I was impressed with the skills of this doctor.His ability to maintain the composure of his patient, reassure the patient as he did the procedure and giving his patient hope throughout the procedure.I remember his words about how healthy the tissue looked underneath the excision looked which reassured me further his initial impressions.

For every death that occurs following a medical procedure there are 100's more that are helped and go on and lead productive lives. I was impressed by this doctors skill level and it did remind me of the skill level of our daughter's Orthopedic specialist.On the eve of a service honoring young patients who had died the previous year he would had been there for us if he hadn't been called in to perform emergency surgery on another young patient when no other doctor was available.  That was the kind of doctor he was and continues to be to this day.