In this newspaper world we live in a child dies as a car goes into a holding pond on a Minneapolis interchange

1 Corinthians 12:25-26
that there should be no division in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it.

As I pulled out of the driveway the news of the morning was unavoidable.  Traffic was backed up for miles. It wasn't the inconvenience of the drivers being late to work that disturbed me, nor the drivers who might have missed their flights because of the traffic snarl.  No. It was the news that a car had gone into a holding pond with several young children inside that upset me the most.  A car that had gone into a very cold pond where you just knew that the rescue was going to be hard. 

My mind was on the incredible pain the extended family of the children would have as word leaked out on the fragile conditions of these children.  Grandparents will feel the pain as they watch their grown daughter enter this strange and painful journey known as child loss. The driver of the car, I am sure, will have all kinds of regrets as they run over the scenario of 'things they might have done differently' that might have change the outcome.  When tragedy strikes there is no shortage of people who  beat themselves up with verbal mind games.

Family and friends of these children need to know that this type of grief isn't going to survive a simple band aide approach. You know. A few well placed words of encouragement,like a simple 'God must have wanted those children for his flower garden, or expressing condolences to the parents and then spending the next year trying to avoid them ' because you do not know what to say to them'. What this family needs are caring, committed, and compassionate people to come along side them for the long haul. What this family needs is for people to understand that this there will be incredible peaks and valleys during their grief recovery process and that there is no 'getting over it' as many people would like to suggest.  Families who have lost children want you to know that the greatest gift you can give them is to remember their child they lost by mentioning their child by name, instead of avoiding any topic of the loss because you are afraid of opening up a whole Pandora's box of emotions.

I  realized from our own journey  that there are many, many, many people, like us  on similar grief journeys.  Many disparately try to find caring professionals they can trust to share their grief and many grow frustrated as they encounter professionals who fail to realize the true nature of this grief. and even  prescribe to a set rule that says 'you have 6 months to grieve, but then you need to get over it'. What I know about this type of grief is there is no getting over it. because each person's grief journey is unique..

I take rest in knowing that as our family entered the valley of grief in 2007 I had a a few close friends who truly understood that concept and were willing to hang in there for me for the duration, no matter how long it took..  

I also take rest in knowing that out of our grief my family never took a spiritual break from attending church. Even though I was angered at God for allowing this to happen and even though I didn't feel like going we continued to pack the family in the car to attend a worship service.   That decision probably saved my family because it allowed us to maintain friendships in the church.

 . If  I could offer any advice to a newly bereaved family it would be Jesus Christ is walking the same journey and if you could hear the voice of Jesus in such a time you will feel his loving arms and feel the tears of sorrow on your shoulder as he reminds you that he will walk with you through the entire duration of your grief.   

As we grieve the most important thing people need are acts of kindness shown to them. In this video clip you will see examples how paying it forward can have an effect on the community.  When you do a drive through this morning pay for the coffee of the person behind you and watch what a difference this makes for some people who are traveling their own journey of grief.