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Tuesday, May 30, 2017
I've learned that Jesus is more present in my brokenness...than when I'm whole
As a child, I often cried easily. I got homesick and on one occasion I was so overcome with missing my parents that my dad had to drive across town to bring me home from my Aunt and Uncle's when I wouldn't stop crying. I could not handle watching black people suffer. As a 3rd grader, I wrote a paper 'growing up black' whereby I was able to project myself in the 1st person into the story.
Sunday, May 28, 2017
To all those who are grieving please hang on because God promises not to abandon you.
To all who mourn in Israel,he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,a joyous blessing instead of mourning,festive praise instead of despair.In their righteousness, they will be like great oaksthat the Lord has planted for his own glory. Isaiah 61:3
My wife and I stopped at the Lifeway Christian Bookstore to choose a sympathy card for a family who has been thrown on a road less traveled. I also picked up Steven Curtis Chapman's latest book and liked it that I decided to add to my summer reading. For those interested in this book, here is the link for Lifeway Christian Bookstore. http://www.lifeway.com/Product/between-heaven-and-the-real-world-P006139019
'Where once this family was on the expressway of life, enjoying the many beauties of it, have now been forced to take a detour on a road less traveled.
Life for this family has come to a screeching halt as each family member grieves in their own way. Whereas some members cry openly and must make continuous runs to Target for boxes upon boxes of kleenex, other members try to numb their mind with marathon video game sessions.
Bodily ailments become a constant reminder of their missing loved one. Life, it seems, is so unfair as some ask "why did this happen to me, and why if God loved me did he take my loved one away?"
As the intensity of their grief increases, it is as though each member is wearing cement boots just heavy enough to make moving a difficult and tiring task. Life goes into slow motion as tasks they once found easy to accomplish require a Herculean effort and superhero strength.
Often, families who have suffered the unfortunate sudden and traumatic losses will wake up in the middle of the night from the common 'night terrors' of the way their loved one died. Some members are so traumatized by these night terrors they require a sleep aide just to finish their sleep cycle. Still some members decide to see a therapist to make sense of their pain.
Life, it seems is so unfair. The trauma that has been inflicted on them has sent them into a fight or flight response whereas all their sensitivities are on high alert, as though they are permanently trying to run away from a wild beast.
But there is hope. I urge everyone to cling to the hope in God. Keep placing one foot in front of the other trusting God that he knows what to do with your pain.
If my life can be a testimony for your pain, things in time will get better. You will be able to sleep through the night. You will once again have sweet dreams and wake up refreshed. You will again enjoy life even without the loved one you thought would still be there for you.
Spring is my favorite season of the year because the blooming plants are a reminder that God does make all things new again!
Hang in there because Spring is coming!
Saturday, May 27, 2017
We must start treating mental illness, not as a badge of shame, no different than we might get a cut on the skin
My eyes have grown dim with grief; my whole frame is but a shadow. Job 17:7
I believe that every life that is born is worthy of living.
Every life regardless of their struggles deserves to be treated with dignity and honor.
Yet, how often do we discredit someone's depression as simply a weakness of character? When you think about it the human brain is a very complex organism that is used in so many different ways from figuring out complex algorithms to deciding what to eat, what to buy, or what to write on this blog. The brain also handles the emotional aspects of our daily living such as belting out a song or honoring our spouse with a kiss.
Recently, I learned of a friend who died tragically. I first heard the news on our local WCCO radio on my way to work. It said simply they recovered a 52-year-old man from the Mississippi River. They found his abandoned car on a bridge. As soon as I got to work, I went to the WCCO online website and sure enough, they had identified him.He had been missing since the first part of May
All of us who knew him wept, including his wife, son, and daughter who now must learn how to navigate the road chosen for them without their dad.
I remember several years ago talking with this friend while watching our son's play soccer when he felt comfortable telling me his struggles with depression, but he was on medication and in contact with a doctor.
I wonder how many of us would be willing to share their struggles with Mental illness if they could find someone willing to listen to their story?
Mental illness, if left untreated, can lead to a real desire to end one's life. I believe that every life that is born is worthy of living and every life regardless of the journey they are on deserve to find someone to listen to their story.
As a professional who works with those who struggle with mental health problems, I can attest to the difficulty for many to seek appropriate and timely mental health services.
I know first hand what that was like not long after my 10-year-old daughter died when I tried to seek out a reputable therapist skilled at treating people afflicted with trauma and being told that since he was not in my insurance plan that I would have to pay out of pocket.
If I had pain in my arm, I could more easily find health services to fix my problem, but for some reason, our health care system doesn't value treating mental health when traumatic grief enters one's life.
Every life regardless of their struggles deserves to be treated with dignity and honor. This includes the right to find trusted professionals who know how to listen to the stories of people inflicted with trauma.
Simply sweeping the messiness of life under a rug won't cure the problem but will only aggravate that problem with unforeseen health problems. I found this quote that illustrates the importance of working on traumatic grief.
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."
With that said, grief isn't something you can simply put inside a box, close the lid, and throw away the key. Every feeling you are experiencing has to be processed one emotion at a time. For some, it will mean finding a trusted therapist who will guide you on this journey. It also may mean keeping a journal of your daily struggles with grief and being honest with your feelings knowing that you have a God that is big enough to take everything you dish out- all your anger, all your hopelessness and all your pain.
He wants to be on this journey with you, every step of the way for as long as it takes. I also encourage you to tell your family practice doctor about the trauma you've experienced so he can begin monitoring your vital signs and help you get the services to survive this journey.
The bottom line is this. The loss of a loved one does not have to be the defining moment of your life. Your loved one may not be here for you, but your life still has value in the lives of others. Your story of trauma may, one day, be used to encourage others walking a similar path as you.
Finally, I leave this link if you are a survivor of some who died from suicide. http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com/
Saturday, May 20, 2017
God so loved the world that each life is precious in His site.
"For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (Ephesians 2:10)
The world it seems likes tossing out human lives when they no longer serve a purpose. Parents discard their children into the street when doing so meant they might prolong their drug habit. Some will take their unwed pregnancy to that 'benevolent' service known as Planned Parenthood who supposedly care about woman's health but really specialize in terminating a life because of the woman's horrible burden of carrying it to completion.
In the case of this man who shares the atrocities that were done to him when he was in that coma state- being force fed, sexually assaulted, forced to watch Barney programs because the closest people in his world of caring for him thought he was an imbecilic fool waiting to die. At one point, his own mother looked at him and uttered, "I wished you would die".
Little did most of them know, but he would slowly regain is the capacity to communicate. His body began getting stronger. Through the amazing Assistant technology, this young man was able to connect with the world around him, even meeting a woman who loved him and would later say 'yes' to his proposal of marriage.
No matter how worthless you feel at any given moment, God never wastes a life. He values you for who you are, not what you will become in the world you live in. I'm reminded of this passage found in John where the disciples of Jesus ask him "why was this man born blind? Was it because he had sinned, or was it because his parents had sinned?" Jesus reminds us in verse 3 of John 9 that ‘Neither this man nor his parents sinned,’ said Jesus, ‘but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.
As human beings, our job ought to be to find the goodness that are in people, not find ways to discard them to the human trash heap. We must view people with disabilities from the mind of God, looking for ways of taking the talent each of them has and allowing them to glorify God with it. Some, like this man, may need the latest assistant technology communication devices to fully be used in this world, while others simply need inclusion.
This story also illustrates another and final point I want to make: as our bodies decay over time because of the biological process or aging or disability we have a God who continues to love us and values what talent we have and has no intention of discarding us like some broken shard of pottery.
Friday, May 19, 2017
A Conversation with a Former Abortionist: Full Interview with Dr. Anthony Levatino
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you before you were born I set you apart; Jeremiah 1:5
Regardless of what the world tries to tell me, life is precious and should not be thrown away. People who support abortion try to convince us that it's all about woman's health, but the former abortionist you are about to meet through this video will debunk that myth. There is another irony to this story. While working in a very thriving OBGYN practice of delivering babies and performing late-stage abortions, he and his wife were trying to have a child. They tried every means possible from the usual infertility treatments to finally adoption which saw many months of failure, until one day they were able to adopt a little girl. Life took a wrong term in the life of their family when one day this cute and adorable little girl happened to be in the street when a car struck and killed her.
Not for one second do I believe God took that child for the atrocities her dad was doing as a late-stage abortion doctor.
To those of us in grief, we have a tendency to blame ourselves that if I had changed my schedule to accommodate my loved one he/she might still be alive. We live in a fallen world where sometimes bad things happen.
It was after his child's death that he began looking at the abortion trade from the angle of so many parents looking for children to adopt while he was destroying them by diminishing the supply.
This doctor went and debunked the myth that Planned Parenthood was all about 'woman's health' by stating that the very act of abortion is an attack on the woman's body. He describes the protocol of the typical late stage abortion as one where they have to make meticulously sure every bone taken out is accounted for because if it isn't the woman will develop a serious infection and die. Further, he reported that he has saved more woman's lives by delivering the baby than taking them.
It may have taken the tremendous grief of losing a child through a sudden death, but out of his coping, he has decided to speak out about the evils of abortion.
The sudden loss of a child is still the most painful forms of grief anyone could possibly experience in this life. While we are in the trenches battling the constant onslaught of emotional pain, flashbacks, and other physical maladies, God promises to make all things new again ( not necessarily the new you were formerly used to), but he assures us there will be a day where you will be smiling and laughing and once again enjoying life.
Until then, our goal should be to place one foot in front of the other and trust God that he knows what to do with our pain.
Wednesday, May 17, 2017
The solution for our depraved indifference
New International Version
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14
We live in a world that worships things and money. We work so we can buy that 100" LED smart TV or that smart car with all of the electronic distractions of home.The more things we have and the more money we accumulate the happier we think we will be. As we are doing all of this striving, we forget that the majority of retirees wished they had strived less, had fewer big ticket items, and spent more time with their families and friends. IT appears that each new generation doesn't learn from the older one and repeat their same mistakes. Like Lemmons running over a cliff, we grow callous toward the world around us.
I have always been a deep feelings guy who feels life deeper than most,, and that was before tragedy hit our family. After my loss, my heart would break each time I read a story of another family suffering the same fate. Children hold a special place in God's own heart.They are so willing to accept faith in Jesus without all of the worldly man-made philosophy clouding their thinking.
The solution to our depravity? It's rather simple, really. Start going to church and allow yourself to worship praises to our King of kings and Lord of lords. Pray that God will give you a heart of compassion for the hurting. Look for ways to help others in your community like volunteering at a community food shelve, or a Christian thrift store, or a church-based ministry, or become a sponsor with Compassion International. Each month I write out a support check for my sponsored child in Ecuador, I pray for him for God's grace on his and his families life. Every other month I will write a compassion letter to the child asking him to share his dreams of what he wants to do with his life. When I do this I discover that their goals aren't so dissimilar to mine.
While I don't wish tragedy on anyone, I am reminded that we live in a broken world where occasionally bad things happen to good people. If more people would say yes to God's son Jesus and swing open the door and allow Him to come in, we will see amazing things take place in our lives.
That, my friends, is the secret of removing depravity from life!
Monday, May 15, 2017
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
I'm concern with all the self-loathing comments people make Comments like, 'I'm too fat, I'm not smart enough, I can't get another job, I'm too fat, I don't want to be in pictures' What people may not know is they are special, uniquely made in the image of God. God? Really? In Genesis 1:27 we read these words:
So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.
To take this further, when Jesus died on the cross, came back to life, before ascending to take His place in heaven he promised us this from the New testament book of John:
“I have told you this while I’m still with you. 26 However, the helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything. He will remind you of everything that I have ever told you.
“I’m leaving you peace. I’m giving you my peace. I don’t give you the kind of peace that the world gives. So don’t be troubled or cowardly. 28 You heard me tell you, ‘I’m going away, but I’m coming back to you.’ If you loved me, you would be glad that I’m going to the Father, because the Father is greater than I am.
When you think of it, those of us who have Christ have a living hope to inspire us to do great things. There would be no more need to make self-loathing statements, but yo will be able to confidently set lifestyle goals you can achieve- goals like improving one's health, eating better foods, and getting out and walking more. With Jesus, it is as though you have your own personal superhero!
Now, that is worth shouting a loud hallelujah about!
Saturday, May 6, 2017
A beautiful thing happened at a simple softball game between Heritage and Legacy Christian academy
It is better to go to a house of mourningthan to go to a house of feasting,for death is the destiny of everyone;the living should take this to heart. Ecclesiastes 7:2
My wife decided to attend the softball game between Heritage and Legacy which was played behind her school, Heritage where she works as the librarian. This wasn't an ordinary game. The Legacy team lost two of their players with the death of one sister and serious injuries to her twin a month ago.
She heard that one of the teachers at Heritage had decided to have a special prayer time for her students as a show of support for the Legacy family tragedy at the softball game.I wasn't there for this game so I can only provide what I perceive as second-hand information.
One of the Legacy student's that were at the softball game was a student with a heart of compassion for the bereaved. My wife learned that this student personally went over to the home of the family who had lost their one daughter the next weekend following their tragedy.
She did what most of us wish we could do but don't.
Let me step back in time. This same young lady was in elementary school when our daughter died unexpectedly in 2007. This time she was in grade school and often when she came into the Legacy library she would give my wife a hug at a time she was missing her own daughter's hugs.
She did what most of us wish we could do but don't.
When my wife saw this young lady, she reminded her how much those hugs meant to a grieving mom missing her daughter's hugs. Our responses to newly bereaved people do make a significant difference in their healing process.
Many years later I still talk about the Hunt family being on our doorstep with food to drop off. We asked them to join us and they accepted.
Many years later I still talk about the Hunt family being on our doorstep with food to drop off. We asked them to join us and they accepted.
The Hunt family did what most of us wished we could do but don't.
Sitting down with bereaved people for a meal, or in the case of this young girl giving my wife a hug in the aftermath of our loss, or going over to the home of the family missing their daughter isn't easy but can be made easier when we trust our Savior for the strength to reach out.
This young lady has learned a lesson that will stay with her the rest of her life: to be a blessing to people who are experiencing pain in their lives. Because of her willingness to step out of her comfort zone, the people she touches will remember many years later how the love she showed play a significant part in their healing.
And that my friends is a beautiful thing!
Friday, May 5, 2017
Childhood Trauma leads to lifelong chronic illness--so why isn't the medical community helping patients?
By Donna Jackson Nakazawain ACE Study, Adverse childhood experiences, Child trauma
Childhood t
August 10, 2016By Donna Jackson Nakazawain ACE Study, Adverse childhood experiences, Child trauma391 Comments
When I was twelve, I was coming home from swimming at my neighbor’s dock when I saw an ambulance’s flashing lights in our driveway. I still remember the asphalt burning my feet as I stood, paralyzed, and watched the paramedics take away my father. It was as if I knew those flashing lights were a harbinger that my childhood was over.
At the hospital, a surgeon performed “minor” elective bowel surgery on my young dad. The surgeon made an error, and instead of my father coming home to the “welcome home” banners we’d painted, he died.
The medical care system failed my father miserably. Then the medical care system began to fail me.
At fourteen, I started fainting. The doctors implied I was trying to garner attention. In college I began having full seizures. I kept them to myself, fearful of seeming a modern Camille. I’d awaken on the floor drenched in sweat, with strangers standing quizzically over me. Then, I had a seizure in front of my aunt, a nurse, and forty-eight hours later awoke in the hospital with a pacemaker in my chest.
In my early forties, I developed Guillain Barre Syndrome, a neurological autoimmune disorder that causes paralysis from the neck down. I found myself in Johns Hopkins Hospital, on the exact anniversary of my father’s death, in the same hospital wing where he had died, unable to move. I was a few days shy of turning forty-two, the very age at which my dad had passed away.
I recovered, only to relapse, falling paralyzed again. Many of my children’s early memories revolve around my bed, where we played board games and read books.
It wasn’t until I was fifty-one-years old that a physician sat me down and asked me the most important question of my life – one that would lead me to better health than I’d had for decades: “Were there any childhood traumas or stressors that might have contributed to the extreme level of inflammation you’re experiencing as an adult?”
My physician explained that ongoing adversity in childhood leads to a chronic state of “fight, flight or freeze.”Researchers at Yalehad recently shown that when inflammatory stress hormones flood a child’s body and brain, they alter the genes that oversee our stress reactivity, re-setting the stress response to “high” for life. This increases the risk of inflammation, which manifests later in cancer, heart disease, and autoimmune diseases like mine.
As a science reporter, I was shocked to discover that research linking childhood stress to adult illness began in 1996 with theKaiser Permanente-CDC Adverse Childhood Experiences Study (ACE Study). Since then, over 1500 peer-reviewed studies have replicated these findings.
The research was stunning. Two-thirds of Americans report experiencing Adverse Childhood Experiences. These include obvious sexual and physical abuse, but also stressors that many consider to be normal — growing up with divorced parents, living with a depressed or alcoholic mom or dad, having a parent who belittled or humiliated you – or simply not feeling as if your family had your back. People who’d experienced four such categories ofchildhood adversitywere twice as likely to be diagnosed with cancer and depression as adults.
One statistic struck home with me: women who’d faced three types of childhood adversity had a sixty percent greater risk of being hospitalized with an autoimmune disease as an adult. Similar links existed between childhood stressors and adult heart disease, diabetes, migraines and irritable bowel disease. Suffering six categories of early life stress shortened one’s lifespan bytwenty years.
However, one study of 125,000 patients showed that when physicians acknowledged and discussed patients’ childhood trauma openly, patients enjoyed a thirty-five percent reduction in doctor visits. Validating patient suffering invites patients to address it at last.
Yet, despite twenty years of research linking childhood stress to adult disease, the majority of the medical community acts as if these findings don’t exist.
This August, students will begin training in medical schools across the country. They will be expected to emerge with deep-rooted knowledge about how to help patients heal. But shockingly, only a few medical schools teach students about how childhood suffering influences adult disease. The majority of medical schools leave this science out. Perhaps they fear teaching it will open the door to bringing psychiatry into the exam room.
But shouldn’t physicians consider the whole patient – body and mind – so that they can suggest behavioral health tools that will alleviate both the root causes and the symptoms of disease? When physicians help patients come to the profound revelation that childhood adversity plays a role in the chronic illnesses they face now, they help them to heal physically and emotionally at last.
All disease is multifactorial. Past trauma is one of those factors. I can’t help but think of how my own story might have been different if the medical community had been trauma-aware. What if, after my father’s sudden death, the emotional cost of such a traumatic loss had been validated, and our medical system had offered therapeutic interventions?
It’s been two decades since the research linking childhood adversity to adult illness began. But think of how much money we might have saved in our health care system since then if we considered the role that past trauma plays in one’s current medical condition, instead of waiting a lifetime for it to show up in devastating and difficult to treat diseases that ruin lives for a second time.
According to the CDC, the annual health care cost of adult patients who have a history of early trauma is $124 billion a year. Validating patients’ past trauma isn’t only beneficial for their well being, it translates into fewer tests, procedures, and health care dollars spent.
Statistics tell us that two-thirds of Americans reading these words, including physicians, will recognize that experiences in their childhood still trail after them today, like small ghosts. Fortunately, medical science now recognizes many proven interventions for recovering from trauma, even decades after events have occurred.
We are long overdue for a national awareness campaign — similar to public health initiatives on how seat belts save lives, smoking causes cancer, and hand washing prevents flu — to educate physicians and families on how childhood trauma begets adult illness. Only then can we help those who feel paralyzed by their pasts to achieve the healthy lives they deserve.
_________________
This article first appeared in the Huffington Post. Donna Jackson Nakazawa is the author of Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology and How you Can Heal. You can follow her on Twitter at @DonnaJackNak, or on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/donnajacksonnakazawaauthor.
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Thursday, May 4, 2017
Because of what Jesus did for us over 2000 years ago, we are stronger through the years...
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39
I recently decided to take out my Discover card and use the special offer of 10 months zero interest financing and pay off my mortgage. As I did so, my mind drifted back to the late winter1991 when I first saw this new housing area not far from the townhome I shared with my recent bride, my wife. As I drove down Robinson drive, I noticed a sign advertising a new housing development. When I turned onto the street, I noticed there was just one model home with multi-color flags pointing to this model.
The road leading to this home was a dirt road. I soon learned that it use to be camp Guy Robinson, a day camp used by the YMCA.I looked past this house to the sea of trees and ponds that dotted this area and saw with my mind another era of little children hopping off the buses and running to the YMCA camp counselors with clipboards in hand and smiles dotting their faces anticipating helping these kids with having a memorable camping experience.
I remember how less than thrilled my bride was when I mentioned my dream of building a single family home. When we first got married, she cried tears of joy because for the first time in her life she had roots she could lay down, a husband to love, and a townhome to live in. She grew up in a tiny town and went away for college, for work, and the mission field of Haiti.
It wasn't long before she allowed herself to dream and watch our home being built next to this model. As I reflect on the words to this Kenny Rogers song, I was reminded of all the memories we had in that home. Our home became a place where we 'broke bread' together with family, friends, and relatives, became ground central for our two kids when we celebrated their birthdays, invited their friends over for dinner and movie nights.
Our home became a place of prayer as we prayed for people suffering physically, emotionally or both. This Kenny Rogers song is our banner song for our marriage, as well as our love relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I say this because I know there are many reading this post who have suffered the humiliation of divorce or abandonment when the one you loved decided not to be a part of your life anymore.
'Through the years' commemorates for me the love relationship we can have with our savior Jesus. I've learned in the good and bad times that I'm stronger as an individual because of what Jesus personally did for me the moment I opened up the door of my heart as an insecure 18-year-old and asked him to take control of my life. Even in the face of death when our little girl died unexpectedly in the late night hour of June 10, 2007, Jesus was there to comfort and support us by walking with each of us on our unique but different grief journey.
I'm reminded of the Apostle Paul's words in Romans 8:28-39, " For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
As I look back through the years of writing out mortgage checks, I can honestly say I wouldn't change a thing because of the commitment I made to my wife, Linda, and to my Savior Jesus.
Together, we are stronger through the years.
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