One writer suggested that very few treatment professionals are equipped to help people who are chemically dependent to work through unresolved grief and loss and if they did then they are fearful of opening up the Pandora's box of unresolved grief for fear they will be unable to close it again. One study points out that as much as 75% of chemical dependent people actually relapse for the simple reason that the deep issues of loss have never been properly resolved.
We can best help those in Chemical dependency programs by being aware of the types of losses that are grieved. The goal of helping people with unresolved losses should not be to eliminate the grief, but to enable people to be able to talk about their losses with less pain.
Some of the painful losses that those in addiction suffer from include miscarriages, abortions, death of a child (most people, including counselors struggle to address this issue), death of a parent or sibling, losses that are linked to their chemical use, parental abandonment, having a child placed into a child welfare system because of a parents chemical issue, separation, divorce or failed relationships, loss of a pet, unspeakable violent deaths, ambivalent deaths,loss of a job, status or career,loss of housing or shelter, loss of true friends, experiencing the death of someone first hand. An example of this would be a soldier coming home from war where he witness first hand several of his friends being killed. Rather than talk about their losses it is easy for some to want to medicate their sorrow with drugs or alcohol, or both.
In order to help reduce the relapse rate we need to make a conscious effort to help those who struggle with chemical dependency issues to have the opportunity to process unresolved grief associated from past or present losses. Unless these unresolved grief and loss issues are properly treated then whenever a new loss occurs it will bring to the surface of an earlier memory of another loss. For example, news circulates through the community about a young man getting killed in a car accident and it brings to the surface the long 'forgotten' memory when your brother or sister was killed in a car accident, or news circulates about a child who dies from a sudden death and forces you to remember how you younger brother died in a equally traumatic event. Current losses you hear about will cause earlier grief memories to surface at a time you thought you had recovered.
We need to give people permission to talk about these losses so they will be able to process the pain of those losses.Solely focusing on the sobriety piece will assure that they will relapse once they leave the treatment program because simply ceasing to drink does not eliminate the painful memories of their unresolved grief. The goal of helping people with unresolved losses should not be to eliminate the grief, but to enable people to be able to talk about their losses with less pain.
For me it was vitally important that I went to see a Clinical Psychologist shortly after the loss of our daughter. I knew I had to begin working through my grief issues so it didn't come back at some point in the future. I also knew I needed to continue living without having unresolved grief ambush me every time I would hear about another loss.
Much of this material comes from a on line article in Counselor, the magazine for Addiction Professionals dated November 30, 2002. The title is 'Blending Grief therapy with Addiction Recovery.'
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