Grief camps for children and teens to help them grieve and mourn the losses in their lives.

 

 

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.- Anne Frank

While helping my wife move her school library collection from one part of the building to a newly created space, I found a book entitled 'You are not Alone' Teens talk about life after the loss of a parent' written by Lynne B, Huges who suffered the loss of both of her parents when she was just a child. The book does a good job highlighting grief as she interviews teens about what how it has impacted their lives 'forever'.  Lynne and her husband started a grief camp for children and teens to help them heal while providing a camp experience.

As I read her book, I was reminded how different grief looks between the Adults in their lives and their kids. For example, one teen girl said this about her grief:

"The thing that stinks the most about my loss is to walk down the street

and see a father and his daughter holding hands or playing and me

thinking that I will never again have these times with my father. Another thing is that I 

will now dread my wedding day because I know that I will not have my

father there to walk me down the aisle and give me away. Lastly, I won't have my 

father at home to scare the boys I am dating. I know that most girls would give

anything for their fathers not to grill their boyfriends, but it is something I have never experienced and never will."

Another 16-year-old young man said this after the suicide of his father;

" Nothing new ever happens--no new trips with my dad, no new memories, and the ones I have are fading. I miss him very much. I wish someone would have told me that there was a real

possibility that my dad was going to kill himself. They all told me it was okay and it's going to be fine. They never once said, your dad might be gone. FOREVER. They put false leads in my head, so it was a total surprise when my dad went missing. I thought it was joke."

The writer reminds us that Grief is like an earthquake. The first one hits you and your world falls apart. Even after you put the world together again there are aftershocks, and you never really know when those will come. She reminds us that there is no single definition of grief..it feels different to each person who experiences it. It changes from day to day, month to month, and year to year. Sadness, anger, loneliness, numbness, fear, confusion, and even relief are just a few of the components of grief. She reminds us that grief 'doesn't have an expiration date. One teen said this about grief:

" The adults in my life kept pushing on me the responsibility to be strong and take care of my mom and the members of my family. I didn't want to talk to them. I kept wanting to tell them, "No This is my loss too."

She reminds us that grief is the key to healing. Sometimes you have to walk through the "wall of pain" to get to the other side of healing. She reminds us that she understands it's a difficult to believe that experiencing pain will help you heal, but it works.

Perhaps the hardest part about loss is how it changes the personality of the young person. Many children and teens say that their losses meant they had to grow up too soon. This meant not fitting in with their same age peers at school because they feel more mature than the rest of them. Their friends were playing silly games in school while they were dealing with the pain of their loss.  Schools need to do a better job addressing the aftermath of their loss once classes start up again following the summer break.

It was refreshing to discover that there are grief camps for children and teens. Helping them embrace their grief and giving them the tools to cope with their loss goes long ways toward preventing the negative influences from seeping into their lives- things like alcohol, drugs, promiscuity, and other risky behavior.