The Pursuit for pleasure in order to avoid pain may best explain why we go to great lengths to avoid funerals

am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid. John 14:27 NLT

In Freudian psychology, the pleasure principle (German: Lustprinzip) is the instinctual seeking of pleasure and avoiding of pain in order to satisfy biological and psychological needs.[1]Specifically, the pleasure principle is the driving force guiding the id. [2]

In only a few hours my wife and I will arise to attend the service for a long time teacher at the school she works at. I was reminded of the pleasure principle many times over the course of several years since our daughter passed away in her sleep. In those years there were very few people who wanted to travel the journey of our loss. One guy I work with said bluntly, " I don't do funerals just too painful". Perhaps the pleasure principle coined by Sigmund Freud explains his justification. Over the years we have asked good friends to join us at the grave of our daughter and in the words of one friend "that is something that you and your husband should do."

Most of us would rather do enjoyable things than to help a bereaved person remember their loved one. Most would rather send a condolence card with the message, " so sorry for your loss. I wished I could be there, but ",  We would rather seek pleasure than face pain.

My Christian walk taught me that facing pain is just as important as seeking pleasure. When a loved one dies the worse thing you can do is to attempt to bury it deep, but like a bubbling volcano the emotional lava erupts from the top when the pressure becomes too much.  Unfortunately, we are taught in our American culture to stop talking about the loved one after a year because if you do they will think you are stuck in your grief.

To the family who lost their mom way too early I say don't try to deny the pain of your grief. Don't deny that it is there with a happy face and a simple "I am doing well thank you" when deep down the raw of emotions are bubbling. To everyone who misses their loved one I say lean into your grief and recognize that those emotions will come in like the waves of the sea. Some will come in with a thunderous roar while others will roll in with barely a wimper.

Making the decision whether you attend or not attend a funeral shouldn't be based one's desire to avoid pain. Attendance at a service isn't about you and your need to seek pleasure. Attendance is all about being there for the family who misses their loved one terribly. It is also about opening the door for opportunities to show support  in the coming weeks, months and years of their loss.

It is, after all, what Jesus would want us to do.