O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. (Ps. 139:1-3)
"What is striking about Trauma is how it get's discovered, but soon forgotten"
That was the statement made by Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk; a powerful statement that describes how most people in civilized countries around the world deal with traumatic grief. We simply don't
Yes, we give people who are grieving the obligatory 6 months time period to 'get over' their losses; sometimes we give people less time, and certainly when trauma occurs few of us truly understand it to support those going through that pain. The American Psychological Association describes trauma as the following:
Trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape or natural disaster. Immediately after the event, shock and denial are typical. Longer term reactions include unpredictable emotions, flashbacks, strained relationships and even physical symptoms like headaches or nausea. While these feelings are normal, some people have difficulty moving on with their lives.
Dr.VanDer Kolk made a statement about how many people who struggle with significant alcohol and drug problems are dealing with the hidden effects of unprocessed trauma with symptoms described above.
Until recently, very few professionals understood traumaa and still fewer therapist do.. I will give you an example of this. When our daughter died after supposedly having routine orthopedic surgery that was to have improved the quality of her life, I started to have flashbacks and nightmares of that tragic June 2007 night. Those flashbacks were so relentless that my general practitioner, who recognize those symptoms only because of his own loss of a sibling, encouraged me to take a sleep aide so I can get a full night of sleep so I could function as a pertinent 'bread winner' I am. When my wife and I made a commitment to see a grief therapist I was surprised that her response to my flashbacks and my suggestion that I was experiencing PTSD was simply, ' you couldn't be experiencing it because only veteran's experience it.' .
This was not what Dr. Kolk discovered in his research on trauma.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, I thought. The more I delved into the subject of traumatic grief, the more I saw the misperceptions of that statement. When we refused to process those horrible nightmares and flashbacks of the original event in the context of someone who understands trauma, then it is like the scene from Zombie Apocalypse
where we are just barely living..
Dr. VanDer Kolk suggests that in many cases of trauma, many people will turn to alcohol and drugs because in their mind it is the only effective means of sedating the pain they are experiencing inside themselves.He also suggests that Psychiatrists may give a meaningless diagnosis that do litter in dealing with the trauma. I live in a state that is often jokingly referred to as the treatment capital of the world and I can see the validity of his statement. Drugs and alcohol may be a temporary fix to our pain, but it no means is a permanent solution.
Left untreated, the drugs they are using slowly does their damage to the internal organs of the person experiencing the flashbacks and nightmares. According to Dr. Kolk, people experiencing trauma are being given meaningless diagnosis's that skirt around the issue of trauma. We treat the symptoms of trauma without truly listening to what is causing that event.
My personal experience with trauma suggests to me that we need to find ways of truly listening to people. Like the proverbial person looking down the deep well and seeing someone sitting in the muck of their pain, we must be willing to climb down the ladder and sit in the muck with them and truly learn to listen to their painful stories without casting judgement on them with trite statements like'if you would only trust God more then you wouldn't be experiencing those flashbacks and nightmares, just man up and move on.' Instead, we need our psychiatric association to view trauma through lens of the one experiencing it.
As I scroll the social media I am amazed how often I see friends who post things about 'getting rid of drama from of your lives' as if that were a panacea to happiness.
Finally, I started this On Wings of Eagles blog as a means of helping me understand the traumatic event that occurred on June 7th, 2007- a nightmare of a parent losing their child. The more I was able to talk about that event and the corresponding emotions of that event, the better I was able to heal. I recommend that others experiencing the long lasting flashbacks and nightmares of some long ago event to start a personal blog to help you process the pain.You can set the privacy settings so only you and a few chosen others you trust can see it.
I also encourage you to keep searching for a competent therapist who agrees with Dr. Van Der Kolk's observations on trauma.
Lastly, we need medical insurance companies to understand trauma in context of Dr. Van Der Kolk's research so therapy of this type can be fully covered without without any judgment like 'shouldn't you be over it?' For more information on Dr. Van Der Kolk's research onTrauma you can go to this link.https://www.psychotherapy.net/interview/bessel-van-der-kolk-trauma
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