What Grieving People Wish You Knew

He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me. Psalm 144:2

Grief is like tackling this huge beast that just won't quit attacking you. It wears you down, day after day, night after night, months after month, and onward.  Grieving people are often told to just move on with their life while at the same time no one brings up their loved one's name in case it makes them feel bad.

 It's as though friends who encounter the person in grief are walking on eggshells hoping they can exit the encounter unscathed from any possibility of being splashed by their emotional pain. In general, grieving people are allowed the courtesy 6-8 months to let it all out but after that, they're expected to return to their normal life's activities.  

This is regardless of the known statistic that it takes an average of 5-8 years to recover from the loss of a loved one.  Yet, when I quote that statistic, I hear some say, 'It takes that long?' 

Most people in the civilized world do not want to take that long to recover from a loss.  They would rather get the pain over by putting all of their yucky emotions in a bottle and put a cork in it, hoping it would never rear its ugly head.  

Yet, when we try to circumvent the grieving process, the cork usually becomes unplugged and we face the intensity of those emotions all over again.   Some of them are grieving as heavily 15 years later as they did the week their loved one died. The real danger is the reality that many will try to self-medicate with alcohol, drugs or both just to get rid of the pain. 

That is why when loss happens and we face all of the cascading emotions we ought to go through those emotions, one wave at a time. 

 Journaling is a highly recommended practice for anyone who is caught in the storm of loss.  Grieving people need to be allowed to share stories of the loved one who has died.  In other words don't be afraid to ask the grieving person what their loved one was like, or what do you most miss about them or tell me what was it that made you smile about your loved one.

 In your mind, their loved one is dead, but in reality, they spent many years with the person who has died and those memories linger on in their mind with stories that need to be told.

The good news is as Christians we can grieve with the hope that one day we will see them again. Jesus wants to walk with you every step of the way on your grief journey!

Finally, I highly recommend that you consider getting involved in a Grief share group near you! This group is a 13-week group that teaches you how to go through the journey of loss while giving you the tools to help you navigate it. 

Here is the link to help you find such a group.www.griefshare.org