The unresolved grief of losing his dad at 16 may have cause Aaron Hernandez life to spiral downward

19 Understand [this], my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry. James 1:19

It is never what it seems. A rising star who seemingly had it all with a 40 million NFL contract and a successful career ahead of him goes off the beaten path hanging out with the wrong crowd. Why would a 'good' guy like Aaron be found guilty of 1st degree murder? Why would someone like him throw his life away and change forever the lives around him?  I read today that his life went astray when as a high school kid his dad died.  In the USA Today newspaper I read:

'But there have been signs of trouble in Hernandez's personal life dating back to high school, issues that followed him to the University of Florida and now to his life as an NFL star.
In previous interviews and multiple news reports, Hernandez and his family said Hernandez was devastated by the sudden death of his father, Dennis, in January 2006, when Hernandez was 16. 

Aaron's father had gone in for what was thought to be routine hernia surgery. Something that normally isn't suppose to cause death.

'Dennis' death, the result of complications from hernia surgery, left Hernandez feeling lost and angry, his mother, Terri, and brother, D.J., told USA TODAY Sports in 2009. 

Hernia surgery? Something that doctors do routinely on a daily basis? I picture the Hernandez family sitting in the Surgery waiting area just as thousands of other families have done making small talk about school, work, and life  as they waited for the news to come to them that surgery is done and Dennis had been brought to his post opt room just like thousands of others do. They probably for making plans about what to have for supper that night or  what television shows to watch that night.

In this single case Dennis became a casualty and young Aaron, still a developing teenager, was now thrust into a whirlwind of emotions he knew very little about. When a loved one dies a sudden and unexplained way we often come to a fork in the road.  What I found in my grief journey is how little people know about how to help someone entering grief.  As American's, we seem to have a 6 month rule about grief that after 6 months we should be able to work completely through our grief and  be back the way we were before our loved died. It doesn't work that way.

 None of the Hernandez family even remotely consider the possibility of death from something as simple as this surgery . None of us do. Yet, Aaron responded by lashing out at his family, smoking marijuana and spending his free time hanging with a rough crowd of young men.

"He would rebel. It was very, very hard, and he was very, very angry. He wasn't the same kid, the way he spoke to me. The shock of losing his dad, there was so much anger," Terri Hernandez told USA TODAY Sports in 2009.The death of his father thrust him into a sea of intense emotions that he didn't have a clue how to process.

Sudden deaths  from routine surgery do occasionally occur. Somehow when the intense feelings of grief occur following this type of loss we must find a way to process those feelings. Many of us try to sedate the pain of our grief by sleeping too much, doing a lot of physical exercise, or even turning to alcohol and drugs. These are temporary fixes, not permanent solutions.

It was a year after the Hernandez family entered their painful grief journey that we entered ours. Like the Hernandez family it was a seemingly routine surgery that had been done to thousands of children each year that caused the pain in each of us. Each of us grieved differently. While each one of us  grieved differently we continue to attend  the same church we attended when our daughter was alive.  The pain was still there and the pain persisted for many months and years following her death, but I noticed a phenomenal thing had happened: Jesus Christ was walking with us every painful step of the way. 

When the intensity of emotions are left unprocessed  from a sudden death they can lead to devastating consequences.   For some unprocessed grief emotions can lead to cancer and tumors. For others it can lead to a life of alcohol/drug addictions and  to others a life of losing jobs  and turning tocrime. There are things you can do if you are faced with these intensity of emotions following a sudden death:

(1.) tell someone you can trust about these feelings. 

(2.) Do as my family did which is to continue your daily rituals the same way you did when your loved one was alive.

(3). Seek professional help when these feelings become so overwhelming to you. No, you are not crazy going to a Psychologist.

(4) Trust God that he knows what he is doing with your grief. Start a daily journal where you can express all of your thoughts and emotions. Sometimes when we get things out on paper those emotions become less threatening and easier to handle

(5) Accept the reality that this type of grief journey will take time and while we want the pain to end immediately life does get gradually better in time.

If your in the  throes of this pain from a sudden death I encourage you to visit my website www.soaringonwingsofeagles.org where you will find information from what this grief is like, to faith testimonies, to some worship songs that particularly had an impact on me in my grief, to all sorts of grief support that is presently available. 

Yes, it is possible to navigate through this type of grief journey.  It takes time and making the right choices on a daily basis.