memories, sentimentality, and triggers and Gotcha day

But as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, 

and he will stand upon the earth at last. 

26And after my body has decayed, 

yet in my body I will see God!b

27I will see him for myself. 

Yes, I will see him with my own eyes. 

I am overwhelmed at the thought! Job 19

January 18th, 1995 was a day my wife will always remember as the day our lives went from being a family of 2 to one of three.It was a day we walked into a clean well run Catholic orphanage in Cuenca, Ecuador and were presented with our son with a Hispanic name of Diego Patricio.

 For the next two weeks he remained Diego Patricio until we could agree on a more American name to give him. It wasn't until our family attended a morning and evening church service at a English speaking church in Quito that God laid it on our heart the name to give him. It was at the morning service that the Pastor spoke at length out of the book of James did my wife and I look at each other with the same expression that maybe our son should be given this name. We returned for the evening service where this time he spoke out of the book of Matthew. Diego Patricio now bacame James Matthew. For those who may not know James is the American translation of Diego.

 Our final week in Quito was spent at a Missionary guest house where we met many very encouraging families who had wonderful things to say about our new son. Some of what they said have turned out to be prophetic. The lady who helped us with the Ecuadorian paperwork said that she could see him playing the Saxophone,  Little did we realize that this would indeed become the instrument he would play!

Through the years we would celebrate James Matthews 'gotcha day' going out to eat at a restaurant of his choice. When James adopted sister came into the world we did the same thing with her.  Yesterday, we decided to bring out son to the Rain forest Cafe at the Mall of America. It seems that the older we become we get more sentimental about things. Sitting below the multiple mechanical gorillas I recalled gatherings gone by with family members who are no longer with us. My wife's dad didn't really care for the Rain Forest cafe because of the noise level. My dad didn't really care for MOA because of the sheer size of the place. My mom  couldn't really hear because of the sheer volume. All of them were there because of their grand children.

As we sat trying to enjoy the moment with our son I couldn't help having my mind drift back to the relatives from our past who no longer were with us. At one point I asked James what Maria might say as we sat at this table and James looking up at heaven with this grin and saying " I guess we may never know."

 Our parents were getting older and at one point we knew that their lives would reach an end where they would no longer be with us, but never in our wildest dreams did I think that Maria would stop being James earthly brother and daughter to us.  There is no book or script that teaches parents how to respond when their child dies and there isn't a book that teaches friends how to respond to a family in crisis of having lost a child.

The hardest thing about losing a child is how the family dynamics change forever. The surviving child has to learn the art of being an only child. Parents have to learn when and how to bring up how their other child died without making other people feel bad while at the same time wanting to keep their deceased child's memory alive.

I remember when I was much younger watching my mom suddenly grow teary eye and thinking that she was getting sentimental again.  Looking back I am sure she was reflecting on gatherings gone bye of relatives she once knew who were no longer with her.

When our son was much younger I remembered how we spent part of the time at MOA in the Train store where our kids could play with the Thomas the tank engine toys and push them along the wooden track. Today we went between the Mac and Windows store where our son played with the computers.

As I wiped the sentimental tear from my eye I began reflecting how God must have thought as he watched his son being crucified on the cross as curses were slung at him. The next day when the stone was rolled away and Jesus came back to life it occurred to me that because of what he did on the cross we will live forever in a place called heaven and one day all of us would see Maria and all of the by gone relatives again.

It is hard to believe that our son, James Matthew ( formerly known as Diego Patricio) is a senior in high school.  As we close out this chapter we look forward to watching his new chapter unfold.  Our son is an amazing young man who has been through much with the loss of his sister, but his strong faith reminds him that Jesus is walking with him wherever he goes and no matter what happens in this life Jesus will help him through it.