American's, in general, are not really good at grieving or how to support those suffering from the losses of losing a child. I learned that not only from my grief journey but from listening to the stories of other bereaved parents.
While listening to the news yesterday on my way to work, I heard reports about a hostage situation currently happening at the Graduate Hotel on the University of Minnesota campus. I admit my first reaction of wondering since this was Super Bowl week if this wasn't some terroristic act and soon Isis would take responsibility for.
It wasn't until the following day when I opened up the Minneapolis StarTribune newspaper and scrolled further down the article where I read these words, 'about 10 hours into the showdown with police, Bowman posted on Facebook about the 2014 suicide of his 19-year-old daughter, writing, "I miss her soooo much". As I read those words, I could feel the breaking heart of this emotionally wounded dad. In this same article was the explanation of why this happened- she had been cyberbullied. Doesn't it seem the news is never quite like it appears unless you search deeper?
The words of this dad echo the words of other dad's suffering from such a loss.
Granted, most will not take a hostage and become holed up in a hotel room, but the human mind after such a loss doesn't function as normally as it did before the loss. Which is why grief experts recommend putting off major life decisions following such a loss and seeking help to help you understand the emotional wranglings of this grief process.
For most people who are not able to wrap their heads around such a loss, I can tell you that this type of loss is an unnatural death because it isn't the order of things we expect in this life.
Parents, after all, are supposed to be buried by their children many years in the future when they are old and their children are grown and emotionally able to handle their loss.
Yet, when it does happen, it sends parents into a wild frenzy of intense emotions not understood by them, or others around them. It sends parents into isolation when friends they thought would support them when the loss occurs pull away not wanting the same 'bad luck' to happen to them.
For many parents who find themselves in this crushing bind, they try to rush their grief by working too hard, burying their pain with hard liquor or drugs, or both while not realizing this would only cause their downward spiral into an unknown world of depression and anxiety- one more additional thing that needs to be treated through caring professionals.
If we are to understand the mom's and dad's out there crushed with this type of loss, we must learn to walk in their shoes and walk patiently side by side them actively listening to their inner groanings, one emotion at a time while avoiding making nonsensible statements like, ' just stay busy and you will get over it'.
The man who was holed up in the University of Minnesota hotel was a grieving dad who was able to be compassionately helped by local law enforcement who discovered in a social media account how intense were his emotions in the aftermath of the loss of his daughter.
The man who was holed up in the University of Minnesota hotel was a grieving dad who was able to be compassionately helped by local law enforcement who discovered in a social media account how intense were his emotions in the aftermath of the loss of his daughter.
For anyone still hurting from the loss of a child I encourage you to find a Griefshare support group near you. www.griefshare.org
AS I wrote this blog, I was reminded how my son when he was a in high school was able to help administration uncover a small ring of students responsible for cyber-bullying at his school. We cannot underestimate the ramifications cyber-bullying has on our children, nor can we look the other way when it occurs.
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