In his book, Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis describes his personal experience of grief in this way-“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.
At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
What C.S. Lewis was describing was this universal reaction all of us will one-day experience following the loss of someone very special to us. All of us, it seems, is just one traumatic life event from succumbing to this mental affliction.
Yet, when you look at our American culture you get the impression everyone's happy, healthy and wise! We seem to have this notion that God's goodness upon our lives equates to the amount of time we spend with him- almost like God is some celestial Santa Clause who bestows blessings upon blessings on our lives.
Like the painted ladies of San Francisco, we walk around with a smile trying to cover up the pain inside.
In one of the more recent issues of People, Ann Curry talks about the time when she was just 26 when two well-dressed soldiers arrived at their family home and in a rote manner informed them of her 23-year-old brother's death while on active duty. She watched how this profound loss impacted her entire family.
"When Gordon died, it made me realized: Every decision I make, how will I feel about it on my last day?" Ann Curry said it has kept her true to her purpose and what she wanted out of life" she didn't want to be the person who at the end says "Gosh, I wish I had."
Then I read this about a Hollywood producer caught in the crossfire of the Rose McGowen/Harvey Weinstein fight when her family said this about her recent suicide-""Jill Messick was a mother of two children, a loving wife, and partner, a dear friend to many and a smart entertainment executive. She was also a survivor, privately battling depression which had been her nemesis for years," her family said in a statement. "Today she did not survive. Jill took her own life.
Since 2001, more people have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. One study discussed the numbers impacted by post-traumatic stress disorder following the September 11, 2001, attacks.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3386850/ The war on Iraq, unlike the previous wars, brought the war to our nightly television screens through the embedded journalist and camera crew- which made us fear the world we live in. Today, with our high definition televisions it doesn't take much to be impacted by the trauma around us.
A year ago, I had this conversation with the daughter of one of the retiring teachers about the subject of grief and trauma. We both knew this school had seen many tragic losses. She was pursuing her graduate degree. She postulated that many of the teaching staff are 'traumatized by the recent losses at their school.
While it is true that friends will gather for a short period of time to help those who are grieving,it is also true that those same friends leave to get back to their own family life. The worse part about grief is most felt in the second year when the phones and doorbell stop ringing.
I remember hearing about the murder of a family in their Lake Minnetonka/ Excelsior mansion by their highly successful father, husband before taking his own life. Information seem to suggest he was embarrassed by the prospect of his business failing decided to end it all and take his family with him. http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2016/02/09/lake-minnetonka-murder-suicide-still-weighs-heavy-on-small-town-police/ The emotional pain was felt from the EMT's who responded to the faculty and students at Minnetonka High school where his kids attended. One EMT responded with these words,“It just seemed to be a normal home,” O’Keefe said. “A school bag and clothes lined up for the first day of school. Those are the things that seemed to have a lasting impression, especially on me.”
Here lies the problem. American's overall are not good with grieving. We want to use a 'band-aid' approach to our mental health and move on. We expect our mental health crisis can be resolved with a single trip to the doctor, but It doesn't work that way. After the incidence of trauma, we may need to be on medication to control our anxiety just so we can function in the world we live in. We also may need therapy to help us process the lingering images in our mind.
Our brains, when they are filled with horrible images and the sounds of life-saving equipment, need time to process it. People need trusted listeners who are willing to sit in the muck and mire of their pain and simply listen as they talk about their pain without feeling like they are being judged.
Men need to be aware that counseling and grief groups can benefit them as well and it is okay to acknowledge their hurts.
One mother, in another highly sensationalized loss, said what got her through her pain was being able to write and share her story with those willing to listen to her.
Which is exactly what Griefshare attempts to do in the 13-week group.
Mental health can happen to anyone at any time in their lives.
Yet the stigma of having this diagnosis prevents people from reaching out for help. When they do, many are frustrated by the length of time it takes to get help, if help is available, or even finding a therapist who truly understands their own unique trauma can seem daunting.
I saw a statistic r that suggested those who are affected by unresolved trauma are more likely to develop other life-threatening illnesses down the road. This makes sense because unless we're willing to process our pain, our pain goes underground causing other medical issues. https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/traumaptsdblog/2016/06/15-common-signs-of-unresolved-trauma/
Finally, looks can be deceiving when it comes to people with mental health problems. The person sitting next to you in the church may be there because of their need to seek God's help with whatever emotional pain they're experiencing.
I once heard someone say that the Church isn't a country club, but a hospital filled with emotionally sick people in need of a Savior- a gentle reminder that through Jesus we all can be healed.
Like the painted ladies of San Francisco, we walk around with a smile trying to cover up the pain inside.
In one of the more recent issues of People, Ann Curry talks about the time when she was just 26 when two well-dressed soldiers arrived at their family home and in a rote manner informed them of her 23-year-old brother's death while on active duty. She watched how this profound loss impacted her entire family.
"When Gordon died, it made me realized: Every decision I make, how will I feel about it on my last day?" Ann Curry said it has kept her true to her purpose and what she wanted out of life" she didn't want to be the person who at the end says "Gosh, I wish I had."
Then I read this about a Hollywood producer caught in the crossfire of the Rose McGowen/Harvey Weinstein fight when her family said this about her recent suicide-""Jill Messick was a mother of two children, a loving wife, and partner, a dear friend to many and a smart entertainment executive. She was also a survivor, privately battling depression which had been her nemesis for years," her family said in a statement. "Today she did not survive. Jill took her own life.
Since 2001, more people have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. One study discussed the numbers impacted by post-traumatic stress disorder following the September 11, 2001, attacks.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3386850/ The war on Iraq, unlike the previous wars, brought the war to our nightly television screens through the embedded journalist and camera crew- which made us fear the world we live in. Today, with our high definition televisions it doesn't take much to be impacted by the trauma around us.
A year ago, I had this conversation with the daughter of one of the retiring teachers about the subject of grief and trauma. We both knew this school had seen many tragic losses. She was pursuing her graduate degree. She postulated that many of the teaching staff are 'traumatized by the recent losses at their school.
While it is true that friends will gather for a short period of time to help those who are grieving,it is also true that those same friends leave to get back to their own family life. The worse part about grief is most felt in the second year when the phones and doorbell stop ringing.
I remember hearing about the murder of a family in their Lake Minnetonka/ Excelsior mansion by their highly successful father, husband before taking his own life. Information seem to suggest he was embarrassed by the prospect of his business failing decided to end it all and take his family with him. http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2016/02/09/lake-minnetonka-murder-suicide-still-weighs-heavy-on-small-town-police/ The emotional pain was felt from the EMT's who responded to the faculty and students at Minnetonka High school where his kids attended. One EMT responded with these words,“It just seemed to be a normal home,” O’Keefe said. “A school bag and clothes lined up for the first day of school. Those are the things that seemed to have a lasting impression, especially on me.”
Here lies the problem. American's overall are not good with grieving. We want to use a 'band-aid' approach to our mental health and move on. We expect our mental health crisis can be resolved with a single trip to the doctor, but It doesn't work that way. After the incidence of trauma, we may need to be on medication to control our anxiety just so we can function in the world we live in. We also may need therapy to help us process the lingering images in our mind.
Our brains, when they are filled with horrible images and the sounds of life-saving equipment, need time to process it. People need trusted listeners who are willing to sit in the muck and mire of their pain and simply listen as they talk about their pain without feeling like they are being judged.
Men need to be aware that counseling and grief groups can benefit them as well and it is okay to acknowledge their hurts.
One mother, in another highly sensationalized loss, said what got her through her pain was being able to write and share her story with those willing to listen to her.
Which is exactly what Griefshare attempts to do in the 13-week group.
Mental health can happen to anyone at any time in their lives.
Yet the stigma of having this diagnosis prevents people from reaching out for help. When they do, many are frustrated by the length of time it takes to get help, if help is available, or even finding a therapist who truly understands their own unique trauma can seem daunting.
I saw a statistic r that suggested those who are affected by unresolved trauma are more likely to develop other life-threatening illnesses down the road. This makes sense because unless we're willing to process our pain, our pain goes underground causing other medical issues. https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/traumaptsdblog/2016/06/15-common-signs-of-unresolved-trauma/
Finally, looks can be deceiving when it comes to people with mental health problems. The person sitting next to you in the church may be there because of their need to seek God's help with whatever emotional pain they're experiencing.
I once heard someone say that the Church isn't a country club, but a hospital filled with emotionally sick people in need of a Savior- a gentle reminder that through Jesus we all can be healed.
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