Very few of us are ever prepared for sudden grief:Eva Hart speaks about her memories of the Titanic, as a 7 year old

Isaiah 41:10

10 Don’t worry—I am with you.

Don’t be afraid—I am your God.

I will make you strong and help you.

I will support you with my right hand that brings victory.

Last night I attended a student lead Capstone project at Legacy Christian Academy, the same school that our kids attended. This student that lead this public forum was a friend of our daughter, Maria and my memories included her attending several of our daughter's 'themed' birthday parties. I also remembered my daughter speaking highly of her.

Ashley spoke on the subject of  depression and anxiety; a subject most relevant to be bought out of the caverns of hidden and forgotten disorders.  My experience as a professional counselor is that no one wants to talk about it, nor admit they struggle with it.

There was a box at the front when I first came in. A box where we could write our questions down we wanted to ask Ashley, or her guest, Dr.Michele Strachan, a behavioral Pediatrician at the University of Minnesota, or Cody James, a pastor, singer who shared his faith story.  I wrote my question down, folded it up and placed it in the box. My writing when I write fast is less than legible and so when it came to my question I heard the word unresolved and knew I could either stay quiet, or admit that question was mine and clarify it for the three of them. I knew my question was important and decided to 'fess' up to the illegible writing. My question was ' Is their a connection between unresolved grief and depression and anxiety. The moment I finished that question I could hear the dam of formidable thought breaking and the whirl wind of thoughts being processed. 

The question hit a accord with Dr. Strachan as she went on for several minutes talking about how most people are never prepared when sudden grief hits and consequently  they will attempt to provide temporary fixes by burying their grief through such things as working too hard, engaging in mindless activities; anything but working through the emotions of that sudden loss. Dr. Strachan advised everyone in that room to lean into their pain of that sudden loss, not deny it, but talk about that pain whether it is in a journal or talking to a professional counselor.

As much as we might know about theology or even the assurance of our salvation we are still blind sided when sudden grief does happen to us. Organizations may attempt to sweep traumatic grief under a rug with a 'don't ask, don's tell policy thinking  this grief will subside and disappear.  My experience having experienced the loss of a 10 year old daughter is that this kind of thinking is wrong and that all professional organizations need to have a well laid out contingency plan with helping their employees process their sudden traumatic losses.  Dr. Strachan reminded that we can either begin leaning into the emotions of our grief when it happens or work on our pain 10 years later because grief will wait for you.

When this public forum was finished I congratulated the young lady who put this on and affirmed her gifts for wanting to make a difference in the world by bringing this subject to the forefront of discussion. I also encouraged her to consider pursuing the 'helping professions' because I saw in her tonight as someone who truly has a heart of compassion for people.

The video I have included is an interview of a lady who shares her memories of traumatic grief as a 7  year old girl on the fateful Titanic.

 If a lesson can be derived from tonight's public forum is for all of us to  learn how to process traumatic grief by talking about it as often as it takes to work through the emotions of this grief and remember to continue the rituals you had before your loss.

 Finally, I am reminded of my conversation when my son said to me the first Sunday Maria wasn't with us, " Dad, I don't feel like going to church" and my response after some reflection, "Well, mom doesn't feel well, I don't feel well and I know you certainly don't and we could all stay home, but if we did we will deny ourselves the opportunities to be encouraged by the body of Christ."  My son never fought me from that point on and with the exception of out of town trips we have always attended a church service. Today, he is a college student who tries to have his work done by Saturday so he can spend time with the Lord on Sunday.

There is hope after loss.