He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay.Matthew 28:6
Today is the day all believers have been waiting for. A day that God's promises were kept. A day where Christ came back from the dead. He had paid the price for all of our sin's. Every evil thought, word and deed our finite minds can create was nailed to the cross with Jesus. No longer do we have to justify ourselves on our own judgement day because Christ finished the course for you.
He took the blow. He suffered the pain with each pounding of the nail into his raw flesh on that cross. He died without guilt and on Easter morning he rose again. Look around and you will see through His followers that Jesus is alive. Take time to listen to the incredible faith stories of people who talk about God's grace for them. Whether it is a story about a miraculous healing and a physical life restored, or a story of a sudden death God's story can be found.
Are you ready to see Jesus on the day that your life ends. Will Jesus say to you "well done my good or faithful servant"(Matthew 25:21) or will he say " depart from me for I have never known you?'( Matthew 7:23) God wants everyone to come to him no matter what religious activity you have been involved in. The resurrection is real and he really did rise again and He really is in heaven and heaven is a real place.
Won't you take the time to accept Christ into your heart? You will not regret for one moment having done that!
Easter morning was a glorious one.Victory had been accomplished over the evil one and God won in overtime when Jesus overcame death. Just as the enemy was about to celebrate with his death God gave the victory shout as Jesus came back to life. The enemy was defeated.
No more were the Jewish people obligated to the daily sacrifices because of what Jesus did death and resurrection. Through his death Jesus died for you and me.Victory was won. Oh what a sweet victory it was! Freedom at last! Jesus came and prepared the way for all of us..
He demonstrated that even as we enter the storms of our lives He is with us. Better than an insurance policy because Jesus dwells in us and because he dwells in us he will guide us the way we should go.The pain in this life is only temporary. The journey through the desert may seem like a slow process, but in the end He will show us that it was all worthwhile.Only when we reach the end of whatever painful journey we may be on and only when we see our journey reach it's climax will God reveal to us the purpose this suffering did for us. Jesus is risen. Jesus Is Risen! JESUS IS RISEN!
Hebrews 13:8-9 New International Version (NIV) 8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. 9 Do not be carried away by all kinds of strange teachings. It is good for our hearts to be strengthened by grace, not by eating ceremonial foods, which is of no benefit to those who do so.
For Christians everywhere the holiest weekend is upon us. iIt begins with good Friday when Christ was crucified on the cross along with two common criminals. The two on either side of him knew the crimes that sentenced them to death, but with Christ they could not find anything wrong that would subject Him this violent form of punishment. Imagine if you will if you were one of the followers of Christ who witnessed many of the miracles he performed. You are standing at a safe distance watching the Roman guards nailing nails into his palms of his hands and into his feet. Imagine the emotional tremors through your body and the wetness caused by the tears that are flowing down your face as you watch this Christ going through this pain. Imagine if you will if you were one of those that received a healing from this man. You were born with a physical impairment and were unable to walk and once you reached adulthood the only trade you knew was to sit on the ground begging for the mercy of people to drop coins into your lap. You had been healed and you are also watching this man Jesus who you now are convinced that He is who he says he is, but you are scared because if you make any effort to convince those around you to believe that you would end up in the same place as Christ is at this moment. You are crying silently and at one point you see your Savior looking into your eyes as though he knew that in the end everything was going to work out. Imagine if you will if you were Peter one the followers of Christ who in the end had denied Christ 3 time and not until a cock crowed did you remember your Savior's words. You vowed to always follow this Christ because after all you saw his miracles and heard his amazing knowledge of the bible come to life. You knew that this man knew more about the bible than the Priests who used the bible for their gain.. You were on that boat that one evening on the Sea of Galilee when panic broke out when the Sea became suddenly violent with waves so huge that you were convinced would capsize the boat and take every life on it until you saw Jesus actually walk on water and with only a few words this body of water went back to calmness. Imagine if you will if you had made a commitment to follow Christ all the days of your life, but that life had taken it's toll on you and you sense that the very presence of God had fainted to a more distant one partly from all of your responsibilities and urgent things of life. Imagine you too are staring up on that cross as you witness the soldiers lift something up to his lips as though they were concern for his well being. Imagine to your horror when the man you grew to know called out the words " It it is finished" as he looked up to the heavens before dropping his head. This is our Holy week. It is what Christians celebrate because of yet another miracle he performed up on that cross. Christ completed his mission by overcoming death with his resurrection. It all comes home when on Easter morning the stoned was rolled away, but Christ wasn't there. He has risen. HE HAS RISEN! Just as the verse above reminds us Jesus Christ promises to do with you as he did with his followers when in his public ministry. He promises that when the storms of life come that he will calm those storms. He promises that he will ride out those storms with you. You may not sense his presence and at times you may feel abandoned and alone with your grief, but he is there every step of the way. Jesus is only a short prayer away. Won't you call out to the Savior today and thank him for all he did for you? Even in our storms God is good.
In his public ministry Christ taught us that when storms come into our lives he will calm those storms. In this video Ray Vander Laan is giving a lesson on the Sea of Galilee about the storms that come suddenly and what Jesus did to calm those storms.
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. 4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley,[a] I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Yesterday, I was listening to one of his CD's in my car( yes I drive an older car and no it does not have a modern mp3 port) as this speaker gave the analogy of the sheep and shepherd. In the CD I was listening he talked about the hillside, but much more detail was put into his message than on this short video clip.
Now I want to share a vision and a dream that our good friend had which he shared with our Home Builder's Sunday school class shortly after the tragic loss of our daughter Maria. Mark J. told me about this dream he had that God wanted him to share with our family. In this dream it was night and storms were around my family. I was in a crouched position walking forward while clutching to my young son. Behind me was my wife. Behind my wife was our Lord Jesus standing erect and pointing forward. When I heard this dream I thought it was odd that our Lord wasn't in front of us until I heard Ray Vanderlaan explain the sheep and the shepherd analogy.
Ray pointed to the rocky hillside and to the shepherd girls leading their sheep. In the day time the shepherd is in front of their sheep because the sheep will follow them, but at night the shepherds revert to being behind the sheep because sheep will do stupid stuff like run toward the shepherd. When you are on a rocky hillside it can be a dangerous thing to have the sheep charge you. When I heard this explanation Mark's dream made more sense to me.
There may be moments in your life where you may feel abandoned and alone and you are wondering where is Jesus and why has he left you to go through the darkest days of your life alone? What you realize later in your journey, like us, was that Jesus had not deserted you, but in those darkest patches he had taken up the rear position pointing you in the right direction.
Psalms 55:22 Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.
We are blessed being in a country that has so much available to us to keep us preoccupied. Disney world, Universal studios, Valley Fair, Ipods, Ipads, X-box 360, road trips, movie theaters, Red box movies are just of the things that come to my mind that are available to us to keep us entertained.
As we get older we turn to more adult forms of entertainment like sporting events, dancing, hiking, sky diving. When hard things happen to us we turn to gambling, a drink after work to calm ourselves, affairs when we convince ourselves that our spouse isn't meeting our 'needs' to making excuses to remain away from home. We get so use to these forms of entertainment that when something terrible happens to us that we gravitate toward entertainment options than face our fears head on. We're going along nicely with people we know that when something happens to them it shocks our system. When sudden death occurs we are unable to process the intensive emotions because we never learned that skill when we were younger.
The greatest gift we can give our children is the ability for them to process the emotions from loss. For the rest of their lives our kids will know people they love die and unless they learn how to process their emotions associated with loss will tend to want to numb that pain with busyness or worst recreational drugs.
When our children were little we took them to the funeral of a new born of their music teacher. It was hard, but we knew as parents our children needed to learn how to recognize the feelings of grief because whether we choose to admit it or not they will be attending funerals the rest of their lives. We didn't want to raise them like some parents who try to shelter their kids from the sadness associated with funerals so that when they are grown they learn to avoid attending them. We did not them want them to avoid the hard stuff of life in lieu of mind numbing entertainment because one day all of that unprocessed grief will return and cause more problems than if they had learned to process those emotions each time loss occurs.
The most amazing thing about grief is we have a God who in his word gives us the instructions on handling our grief. He assures us that when someone dies in Christ heaven will be their new home and we can grieve as though there is hope that one day we would see them again.
I love Christian children's videos. 321 Penguins was one of our kids favorites when they were much younger. In this video we find that Jason learns a valuable lesson about having gratitude for the things in life He learned this while traveling to the Planet of the Carnival of complaining. I chose this clip for this blog because it illustrates the importance of teaching our kids to gave gratitude for everything that happens in life. If we can teach our kids the value of grieving for their losses then one of the ways they can show gratitude is attending funerals where they can support those who have suffered the loss.
Which is why gratitude becomes a conscious choice we have to make on a daily basis.
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14
My son's final concert of their band/choir tour was at the Give Kids the world Village. It was there where he faced some emotional triggers. It was there where he got a taste of what it is liked to not be able to share the good news of Jesus Christ. At the concert was a disabled Hispanic girl in a wheel chair. She had many of his sisters facial features from the dark eyes to the black hair to even the disability. She was in the front row at the concert almost in front of him. When he learned that this young girl had less than 2 weeks to live and her last wish was to see Disney World by way of Give Kids the world Village he became emotional. To avoid losing the control of his emotions he forced himself to focus on the conductor than on the 7 year girl who reminded him of Maria.He has seen one sibling die before him and the young girl in front of him was also about to die. What really tore him up was being told that they cannot tell these kids the simple truth that Jesus loves them. Instead, it was more important for these kids to receive a gold star and a hardy Disney welcome. My son said that in a few weeks it isn't going to matter about how many gold stars these children get because they will have reached the end of their life. What these dying children really need is the assurance that only Christ can give them.
It seems that we as believers in Jesus Christ are drowning in a sea of political correctness. We are drowning because no matter how much bible knowledge we attain in church on Sunday we are bound and gagged to not share that truth the rest of the week. Meanwhile, there are thousands of people perishing through sudden death who have never stepped inside a Sunday school classroom, or church for that matter. How will they know less we tell them? How will these dying children know that Jesus loves them YES I know if we don't tell them?
Jesus came to save a dying world. He died so that we might experience forgiveness. He rose again from the dead so that we might experience life forever in heaven. My son experienced first hand the night his sister died suddenly. He knew that Maria was in heaven and he didn't have to worry for her. In his mind it seemed ironic that we're more concern over giving a dying 7 year old girl a gold star than we are to let her know a simple fact that Jesus loves her.
Not everyone lives to 81.5 years. Tragic deaths occur each and every day. Children are dying of cancers and other debilitating diseases much like the rest of us. If you could do my son one simple favor would you share the love of Jesus with one other person today? Would you stay away from controversial topics like gun control, abortion, and simply tell someone how much Jesus means to you and that just as He loved you He also loves you? Would you also lead that person to the salvation prayer? Too often we are leading people up to the trough of living water, but we leave them thirsty because we don't show them how to drink from the living water.
My son said that he has been praying non stop for this dying 7 year old girl that she might know the simple truth that Jesus loves her. Who are you praying for that someone in your horizon will know this simple truth? In the game of life we're all in the 4th quarter where the devil is going to be bringing out every trickery to take us off the one who is victorious. Don't for a second let your guard down. There are dying children and adults that need the good news that those of us who have experience Jesus's redemption can provide.
I thought this song I posted was appropriate. Listen to the words of these children as they teach us the simple truth that Jesus loves you.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
I received a facebook message from my son the other day. He said the trip has been tiring, but he was having a great time. He is in Orlando on his much anticipated band and choir tour. My son said to me that over the last couple of days he had been having 'flash backs' when the things he saw were places he remembers going to with his mom, myself and his sister Maria. As soon as I saw that facebook message I sent one back reminding him that while he is there he is re-creating the memories of that place. Instead of it being a place to avoid because of the reminders of his grief over losing his sister Disney World becomes a place as the highlight of his Senior year. Instead of never traveling back there to avoid the pain of his loss he is choosing to control some the emotions of his loss by re-creating positive ones.
So often the response to a loss of someone close to us is to sell the home, move across town ( I heard from a blog of one family moving across the country because they could not handle living in the city the loss occurred). This really illustrates that most people avoid going through the grief process by running from their grief.
I shared the story with my son about how I was able to create a new memory in a Panera's restaurant, It had been a place where our family of 4 ate all the time and where dad took his kids there for a special treat and conversation, but the year Maria passed away just driving by was hard to do much less getting out of the car and going into the place. But after getting through the first couple of months of the shock of our loss I chose to create a new memory of that place by actually stopping first thing each morning to have my devotions and write in my journal. In time I was having good conversations with people who would stop by offering their condolences and their memory of our daughter. It wasn't too long after that my family of 3 began stopping there for supper and having good conversations and enjoying the ambiance of the place.
I noticed that tonight my son and his band/choir will be performing a concert at the 'Give Kids the World Village. I watched some of the promo videos from the Give Kids the World site and tears flowed as I saw how this organization started. Briefly, it was started by a Alzwitz concentration camp survivor who wanted to give back to children all the things he had stolen from him when he was a child. Instead of spending his life in absolute misery and escaping his haunting memories he chose to provide a place where kids with disabilities and other health threatening illnesses can come to with their families for a fun time. For just a brief period of time he wanted children to forget about their struggles so they can just be children and do what children do best which was to have fun.
My son is learning a valuable lesson on this trip which is to face the 'flash backs' and create new memories. By doing so he is learning about places like 'Give Kids the World Village' and all the good things this place is doing in kids lives.
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes
from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in
the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints. Other times there
were one set of footprints. This bothered me because I noticed that during
the low periods of my life When I was suffering from anguish, sorrow, or
defeat, I could see only one set of footprints. So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me, Lord, That if I followed you, you would walk with me
always. But I noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
There have only been one set of prints in the sand. Why, When I have
needed you most, you have not been there for me?" The Lord replied, "The
times when you have seen only one set of footprints Is when I carried you."
I had a dream last night about my dad as a young baby. My dad never knew his mom because she died shortly after child birth. My dad really never knew his dad because all he remembers was being raised by his mom's parents in a suburb of Crystal, Minnesota. All I remember of grandpa was that he was a world war one veteran and that he loved working with his hands in his carpentry workshop. A simple carpenter. Shortly after losing his young wife he went to live in the Veteran's home. Some say he was suffering the effects of 'shell shock' which was the earlier word for post traumatic stress disorder, but i now believe he suffered from the deep emotions of grief over the loss of his wife. My dad was raised to work hard and study hard. I remember one of his first jobs being that of a pin setter where he would have to jump off the end of the alley and set up all of the pins before some wiseguy would attempt to mow him down. I remember him telling me how hard his grandparents were on him and how he never really got the love he needed. It wasn't until after our family lost our 10 year old daughter, Maria, that I truly began to understand the social and emotional dynamics of the family that raised him and his brother. Like our family they were grieving the loss of their daughter. No one expects to bury their children before them at any age. These good people were probably dealing with all of the emotions of loss while at the same time trying to provide a roof over their grandson's heads. The intensity of grief is very real and comes in like waves like an ocean. Some waves are Tsunami size while others are much calmer and restful. These people did not have the support to process the emotional high and lows of grief like today's generation. From a simple carpenter who fought in the first world war to the other carpenter who healed the sick, raised the dead I was able to find solace for my grief. Like the footprints in the sand I had a Savior who was able to walk with me on my journey and lead me to people, places and words of wisdom that would begin to heal my grief. There is hope for those who are grieving. Lean into your grief, find a trusted person to talk and retell your story of grief and loss, find a support group of trusted listeners and lastly do not place a time limit on when your grief should end. Your grief is very unique like two snowflakes so you cannot compare it with anyone else's grief. The promise is this that one day your tears will stop flowing and you will be able to smile and laugh at jokes you couldn't do right after your loss.
It is often said that when a person enters into grief their lives are changed forever. They become much more sensitive to the needs around them. No longer are they interested in pursuing worldly treasures because they know how quickly those treasures will disappear, They become in tune to the suffering of their friends and like a burning building they are the first ones to rush in to save those trapped by the inferno. Grief will do that to us. Grief especially does it to those of us who have seen a child prematurely leave us. There is nothing that prepares us for the sudden loss of a child. Oh yes, we have grief books that tell us what to do when a parent dies. We are prepared from the time we are little when our parents tell us that there will be a day when they won't be here and we will be grateful for the lessons they taught us. The year Maria died I found myself in such a deep depression that that it seemed that nothing could get me out of it. Sure we went to church, but I derived little joy hearing others sing the praise songs. While they had smiles on their faces I was crying underneath. Nothing prepared me for this loss. After all, our daughter went in for what was suppose to be routine Orthopedic surgery which was designed to give her increased mobility, but little did we realize that the very pain medication she was on caused such a significant respiratory depression as to cause her to die in her sleep. One day we were at Northwestern book store and saw a preview of the Nooma DVD's by Rob Bell. I saw one about grief and loss and it reminded me once again that I was not alone when it came to dealing with grief. Sometimes people just need to know that the intense feelings they are having for their loved one are not abnormal. I saw that my son had a Nooma episode entitled 'whirlwind' on the desk top. When I watched it I saw that Rob Bell was telling the story of Job who you know lost his wealth and his family, but Job refused to curse God like his wife urge him to do. I was angry at God at the time of looking at the preview of the Nooma videos. I could not understand why if we have such a good God that he would take our little girl. As I read the story of Job I saw a man who refused to curse God because of his own tragedy. Instead he hung onto his faith and honored God. God saw how much love Job had for him that in the end he restored Job's life. I learned that as we move through the grief it is important to lean on God and trust him that He knows what he is doing. In the end God will restore us and use us in very tangible ways to help others. I encourage you to double click to watch this video,
5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,
“Never will I leave you;never will I forsake you.”[ Hebrews 13:5
When a child dies in a family there are others that may not get as much support as the immediate family. I am talking about the aunts and uncles of the child who died. It is almost as though they are the forgotten victims in the tragic loss of a child. Like a veteran of some forgotten war they are expected to move on with life as they did before he loss. As I reflect on each member of our family on both sides i saw that each member grieved just as much as each of us did. The problem is they are expected by society to just get over it. They are allotted a short time period of time to 'deal' with their grief, but beyond that period they need to mature up and resume life's activities, Only by compartmentalizing their grief and locking it securely in a brain vault are they able to function. Aunts and Uncles are not expected to seek grief counseling because after all they were not the parents of the grieving child. Wrong. Aunts and Uncles need help in working through the pain of losing their niece or nephew just as much as the immediate family because there is nothing in life that prepares a person when a child dies. Nothing. Reflecting on our children when they were younger I saw how this child brought out the lighter and playful side of the Aunt or Uncle each time they saw this child. If there were any sibling rivalry issues before the child those issues dissolved once the child came into the world. The child became the center of their universe which meant whatever they did they thought of that niece or nephew. For some Aunts and Uncles the child becomes like the surrogate son or daughter they never had, or it became a way to replace the pain of having never married. So when a niece or nephew dies they grieve mightily over the lost dreams and hopes of that child just like the child's parents and siblings. Aunts and Uncles need acknowledgement that their pain is real and the reason for their pain is because of the love they had for this child. I would encourage everyone who has lost a niece or nephew and find themselves being hit by waves of grief to talk to a trusted friend about their pain. Only when we talk our deep emotions surrounding the loss do we begin to make headway in our grief recovery.
Remember, the deep emotions you are experiencing with this loss is absolutely normal and you are not a lesser human being for expressing them. You grieve because of the deep love you had for this child.
If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. 1Corinthians 12:26
Tonight, I reflected what it must have been like for God to watch from the distance the pain that his son was under as he was flogged, whipped, and nailed to the cross as shock waves of pain permeated throughout his body and what it must have felt like when his son died.
One of the hardest parts of being a dad is watching your children in emotional and/or physical pain and feeling hopeless about what to do about it. As a dad you want so much to wave that pain away or even to wish that his/her pain gets transferred to you so your child can live live free of all hurts. That is not reality and when our child goes through pain we must allow him or her to work through the pain on their own. If we always stepped in to rescue them whenever something bad happens to them would be enabling and not a healthy thing to do if we want our kids to grow into healthy,vibrant and emotionally healthy adults.
As my son described his fears to me the only thing I could do was listen. Sometimes that is all our kids need is for their dad to listen to them. Listening to them share their pain is a way for them to bring it to the surface where they can begin to process it.. Bringing it to the surface helps them to recognize what it is that is bothering them and it gives you the opportunity to remind them that God understands the pain they are feeling and he will help them process their pain..
One of the most important things I learned from my grief journey is the importance of being honest with your feelings and the hurts and not try to stuff them way down and avoid dealing with them. I learned that God isn't afraid of my anger or whatever else that burdens me. He knows that even though you may not feel safe sharing your burdens with friends you can still share your burdens with God because he created you and he knows your unique struggles in life.
. After listening to him I gently laid my hand on his shoulder and prayed for him. I prayed that the band tour would be an awesome experience for him and that there would be positive memories coming from this trip and I prayed that God would heal the hurts that he and many of his classmates are having.
The greatest gift we can give our kids is the gift of hope and the reminder that the Savior is walking with them wherever they are going in this life and He will be there for them through the rugged patches of life where it seems the pain is unbearable and he will be there where there is unspeakable joy and happiness.
I may not be on that tour in bodily form, but I know that my God will and the promises in his word assure me that they are in good hands. .
"The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me. Matthew 25:40
Our family has over the years supported kids through the Compassion International program. We have seen first hand what a great program this is for all children who are sponsored.The children in this program are the most vulnerable, but through the help of Compassion they are given a meal and an education and the hope of Christ in their life.
Today I read the latest Compassion magazine which highlighted the dangers of being a disabled child in a third world country. In this article I learned that having a disability in a third world country is often seen by family members as a curse on them. Sadly, there are families that will abandoned their child along the road like someone might toss out refuse.
I learned some other facts: 80% of people with disabilities live in developing countries; 85-95% percent of people worldwide who need wheelchairs don't have them. Special needs may cause children to suffer discrimination, abuse and EXPLOITATION. These children are more at risk of violence. I learned this fact when I traveled to Guatemala 3 years ago with a group of guys doing construction work at the Oasis girls home. At this one home I learned of a young girl who looked like our daughter, had a disability like our daughter who had been sent to the Oasis home when her family could not provide for her special needs. I was told by the director that the family had plans on putting her on the street corner where she would beg for a living.
I learned some other facts about the role of nutrition. Poverty links to disability through low birth weight, malnutrition, lack of safe water, and unsafe work and living conditions. Malnutrition raises the risks of respiratory, neurological and cognitive problems. Nearly 700 million school age children worldwide lack IODINE leading to the greatest preventable cause of mental disabilities.
Poverty in these third world countries are different than poverty in America, Young people in third worl countries lack the basic needs for survival while young people in America complain if they can't get the latest Ipod or Ipad.
After reading these statistics I am convinced that supporting a child through the Compassion international program is the right thing to do. For the cost of eating out just once a month we can provide for the basic needs of one child and for the cost of eating out twice we can provide for two children. for many years our family supported two children in the Compassion program. I learned one more thing as it pertains to our deceased daughter. . Our daughter was able to enjoy several years of high quality of life because of her adoption by our family. There was no doubt that had she not been adopted by our family she probably would have died by the age of 5 or even less because of her very significant respiratory problems which only got treated after coming home to America. She gave us unsurpassed joy being part of our family and while we wished she was still with us we know that one day when the gates of heaven open to us that we will once again see her again.
I encourage you to look at the video above and ask yourself what part you can have to help kids with special needs through the Compassion International program. Like it did for our family I know your family will be forever changed for the better as you get to know your sponsored child with your letters and your donations. The child you support may one day come to know Christ as their Savior and Lord of their life and will be placed on a path that wouldn't be possible without this great organization.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will
strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.. Isaiah 41:10
In one of earlier blogs I posted a you tube video about a woman who was experiencing emotional triggers for many years following the loss of her triplets. In that video they discussed the danger of living in fear following a tragedy and indirectly raising a fear based child. A family who experiences a loss of a child runs the risk of over protecting the remaining children and being overly cautious with the activities they engage in not realizing that doing so results in the child growing up to live in fear. As parents we do not want to instill our life experiences on our children because they may not necessarily have those same experiences. In other words we cannot assume that just because mom and dad experience the traumatic event of a loss of a child that their surviving children will be equally as traumatized by such an event.
I have read numerous articles on this subject and it seems that every one touches on how protective their parents were of them after the death of a sibling and how they tended to watch the activities they engaged in. As well meaning as this may be over protecting the remaining children does more harm than it does good. Which brings me to my point which is if we are living in fear for the unknown tragedy that might take our remaining children's lives then it might be a good idea to get into a trusted therapeutic relationship where we are free to talk about our fears of losing our remaining children and our anger that this wasn't fair and it wasn't right for this child to have died.
As parents we owe it to our remaining children to see to it that they are raised in such a way where risks are encouraged so they can experience a normal life like their peer group around them are experiencing. Life doesn't have to be as bad as you envision it in your nightmares because in the overall scheme of things most of life is good. with an occasional blip in the road. As parents we can use the death of a child as a teaching point with our kids that no matter what happens in this life be it a loss of a child, death of a spouse, loss of a job that Christ Jesus is always there to walk with you and see you through the bumpy patches of life's journey.
My prayer for my son as he prepares for his band tour is that he is able to have an awesome time with his friends and he will store many good memories in his memory bank that will bring a smile to his face as life goes on. This should be our prayer for all of our children who experienced the death of a sibling.
I encourage you to watch the video I posted on my earlier blog about emotional emotional triggers. It does a great job highlighting the need to work through the fear based reactions to grief in order to not raise fear based children.
I have posted a very brief 4 minute video that talks about how not to raise a fear based child in a very humorous manner.
"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I
set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5
There was a song long time ago entitled breaking up is hard to do. Here are some of the lyrics: beg of you don't say goodbye.Can't we give our love another try.Come on baby let's start a new'cause breaking up is hard to do.
Doo, doo, doo down doo be do down, down Come on come on Down doo be do down, down Come on come on Down doo be do down, down Breaking up is hard to do.
It seems we pride ourselves in understanding the basics of flirting and winning the other one over to us, but when it comes to breaking up we're at a loss how to do this gracefully and still be friends. I remember a time in high school where I would be just making small talk with a girl ( yes, my son I was young once) and the girl would confide in me that her soon to be ex boyfriend was going to kill himself if she broke up with him. Through the years I would hear about news stories of young love taking the detour when his girl friend winds up dead. Initially, he denies this really happened until one day the teenage boy cracks by admitting that he killed her when she was trying to break up with him. The sad reality is thinking of all the boy's who are behind bars because they didn't have the tools to accept rejection gracefully.
Doo, doo, doo down doo be do down, down Come on come on Down doo be do down, down Come on come on Down doo be do down, down Breaking up is hard to do.
The missing piece to the whole boy meets girl, girl breaks up with boy formula is recognizing what it says in Jerimiah 1:5 which is how God knew each one us before we were born. Instead of encountering feelings of betrayal when someone breaks up with us shouldn't we pray to God to show us the young lady we should marry? After all if we are to take this verse seriously then the God who formed our very innards should know best regarding who would be the right match for our life. I remember being in an awkward situation when I was invited to join my girlfriend who was going to introduce me to her parents and discovering that the guy she had been dating before we met also arrived at the same open house. Fortunately, I knew this guy and naturally struck up a conversation with him. Although he didn't know the couple the open house was honoring the friend who invited him did. You can imagine how mortified my girlfriend felt when she watched me going for a walk with him. What she didn't know was I was listening to him tell me how hard it was accepting the break up with her. I encouraged him by listening to him as he processed his pain and reminding him that he will recover from the break up, but it will take time. As he left with his friend he came up and shook our hands and the hands of her parents and he had a smile on his face when he went out the door. Yes, breaking up is hard to do, but it is easier knowing that just as the words from Jeremiah 1:5 reminds us that God knows what we need and He will provide that to us in his time.
I beg of you don't say goodbye .Can't we give our love another try. Come on baby let's start a new 'cause breaking up is hard to do.
With God's help breaking up can be made easier knowing that God knows your most inner most being and he knows what is best for you!
16Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that you may be healed. James 5:16
We are in the process of getting ready for our son's graduation from high school and one of the things we're trying to do is applying for financial aid at the schools he desires to attend. I did every thing right such as filing my taxes early and applying for the FAFSA. The schools now have this information. I thought I had everything done until I received a letter from the colleges saying they would be unable to process our son's financial aid until we submit his US Citizenship paper. Say what? Our son was adopted and we had him naturalized as a US Citizen, but one of the questions we answered must had triggered the need for this information.
Now this is where the 'fun' begins. Somewhere in the many boxes are his Citizenship papers, but where they are remains a mystery. As we look for these papers I am experiencing they typical emotional triggers usually associated with loss because to find the things we need for our son we are going through Maria's adoption papers and with that memories we had with her when she was a child.
As we are going through this process I learned some things about the INS. I learned that it takes 8 months just to obtain a copy of the Citizenship paper. Say what? This should all be in the database and it should be a easy process to obtain this document. Why force needless suffering on families who must rely on this document for things like helping their son or daughter to attend college?
I also learned from INS that an easier way would be to apply for a passport for him which would only take 6-8 weeks. The passport is only given to those who are United States Citizens and having this will enable our son to study abroad should such an opportunity arise.
In the course of writing this blog I came across this excellent youtube video that talks about emotional triggers and how to best process them. In this case, a mom calls into a Christian talk radio station and describes the triggers she had been experiencing and how it has impacted her ability to parent her other children. Essentially, she was encouraged to find a trusted friend to talk about the hard issues with this part of grief. They even encouraged her to bring her photo album to a therapy session so they can help her work through the grief triggers. Not working on these triggers will lead to over protecting the surviving children so they grow up into a fear based environment. This video is only 9 minutes and i think it will better help you understand the nature of these triggers.
13 But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you wI ill not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. 14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep [a]in Jesus. 15 For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive [b]and remain until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a [c]shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 Then we who are alive [d]and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord. 18 Therefore comfort one another with these words.
That Scriptural verse was quoted by Carrie McDonnall in her book entitled 'Facing Terror' which is about her friendship and soon to be marital relationship with David who shared the same common love for Muslim people.
The story starts off with her describing the violent gun fire that left her for dead and barely hanging onto life and David supposedly with only minor injuries. She tells a story of her ministry to the Palestinian people and living in a shipping container converted apartment and ministering to children by washing floors and cleaning toilets while her friend David traveled between Jordan and the highly volatile area of Sudan to do needs assessment and prepare the way for future missions teams. Since they served with the same missions organization one of the rules was they could not be romantically linked. We would soon learn that God had plans for the two of them to be married and moving to Iraq during the time of upheaval so they could serve the people in Mosul, Iraq. They would soon learn that Mosul would be one of the hotbeds for terror activities.
Carrie describes being in Iraq during the American invasion and what it was like when Saddam Hussein was captured and the freedom these people felt when they realize they were no longer under the threat of this very brutal dictator.
She describes the shock and pain she felt when finally her parents and sister told her that David never made it out of Iraq and how he went into cardiac arrest while being transported to Baghdad. She describes her extensive injuries and how she was so full of metal that when she passes through metal detectors at the airport that she would light up the board. She describes how she will always have these visible reminders of her loss.
She reminded the readers that when we are in Christ we are not to grieve as one who has no hope, but grieve with hope that one day when this earthly existence is finished we would all be united in heaven. During one stay in the hospital she shares how she would hear a chorus in her head as though they were singing outside her room and every time she asked her mom where it was coming from her mom told her that there was no one singing. The song she kept hearing in her head and she would soon realize it was from God were the words 'Thank you for the Cross' as though God were reminding her that it was the cross that made it possible for all of us to come to him.
For those of us who grieve God shows us in very poignant ways that he has not left us and will not abandon us in our grief.
For those who grieve there are always going to be visible reminders of the one who prematurely departed, but there are invisible reminders that this pain is only temporary and when our grief journey is finished God will use our pain to bring others to the Lord. Only God can see the bigger picture in what we are presently facing and in time you will be able to see that picture and why this happened and that happened in this life.
I highly recommend this book as once again it is a reminder that God is always with us when terror strikes us like it did with Carrie McDonnall.
15 At the end of the ten days they looked healthier and better nourished than any of the young men who ate the royal food.16 So the guard took away their choice food and the wine they were to drink and gave them vegetables instead. Daniel 1:15-16
I must admit that like most people I had fallen into the trap of making bad food choices. Who wouldn't choose a greasy hamburger loaded with onion, pickle, melted cheese and a oversize bun over a leafy salad? You throw in the plate of waffle fries and the temptation to choose wrong increases exponentially.
When we grieve it is very easy to gravitate to the comfort foods. You are so disparate to escape the pain of your loss that you eat the favorite pie, chocolate chip cookies, or even the grease dripping hamburger with the waffle fries. I learned the hard way that bad food choices leads to grief complications. Let me explain. I eat a rich chocolate chip cookie and it may taste good going down, but the high fat content of that cookie leads to weight gain which leads to a lack of motivation to exercise, or to even move around. I eat these high fat foods because they give me a sense of euphoria which is what we all strive for when we are in the depths of our grief.
In December 2012 I decided to go on a strict protein diet where I would cut out the harmful food choices. Amazingly, I began to feel better about my overall well being. Since Christmas was approaching I decided to take a break from this regimen to enjoy some of the Christmas goodies. I noticed by doing so I began feeling sluggish, lackadaisical and more prone to feelings of depression. In January of the new year I began back on my protein regimen, but didn't exactly cut out the other bad food choices like the high calorie snacks .The outcome continued to be feelings of depression and trouble losing weight.
Recently, I decided to try again to make those healthy food choices. Instead of ordering the juicy grilled cheese sandwich when our family ate out I ordered the soup. That same night at the high school basketball game I ordered a plate of carrot sticks and celery which were advertise for a dollar. I opted not to get the dipping sauce. Amazingly, I felt good making these food choices! The next day I dug out the Chinese Wok we received as a wedding gift and began experiencing the joys of eating more vegetables, chicken and beef and at the same time avoiding the bad food choices like the high caloric desserts. It has been only 4 days since I began this regimen and already I have more energy, and more time since I need less sleep.
There is something to the lesson in Daniel about how making better food choices does lead to looking and feeling better about oneself and this in turn helps in the overall grief recovery process.
Isaiah 41:10 NRS do not fear, for I am with you, do not be afraid, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand
Fear. It is every where.There is something everyday to be afraid of in this life. Rumors of war, terrorist attack, natural disasters, sink holes that swallow humans, high gas prices, high utility bills, sick children, dying children, funeral of a child are only some of the things that strike fear in all of us. It seems that when fear happens to us we gather at the nearest watering hole for a stiff drink to drown out the sorrows of our fear. We worry about the unknown as though we were shadow boxing with the enemy. In John 20: 26-29 Jesus returns briefly to his followers who were in a room that was locked. When Jesus return briefly he turned to Thomas who had a hard time believing unless he saw with his own eyes. After feeling the marks in his hands Thomas said to him " my Lord and my God!" Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”
God constantly reminds us in his scriptures that He has overcome the world and if we would place our faith in him he will give us the confidence to overcome all of the negativity, all of the bad news we hear on a daily basis.
In one scene from Apollo 13 when some of the staff were grumbling about this being the worst disaster NASA has ever known the mission commander turns to them and tells them, " In all due respect I think this will be NASA's greatest moment" It is easy to be negative because it is part of our human nature. Walk into any social setting you will find people grumbling about something. Grumble, grumble, grumble as though they were a slow moving diesel locomotive moving slowly across the tracks. As Christians we have a reason to be happy and we have a reason to have hope for the future. We know God has overcome the world. We no longer have to shadow box with the enemy and we no longer have to fall prey to the daily grind of half truth news.
God helped my family to overcome the fear after the sudden passing of daughter. I remember being told that we might want to consider moving from our home because of the memories which might be too much for us to handle The memories of the emergency medical personnel trying to find some pulse. The memories of being told that they had done all they could but she could not be revived. Instead of running from our fears we chose to lean into our grief and watch God transform us. Five years later we continue to live in our home with new memories because we allowed God to bring us through the greatest disaster of our life. Rather than focus on the death of our child we rejoice knowing that we have a child in heaven and one day we would be reunited.
Because of what Jesus did on the cross we have a reason to be positive and people in this world need us to show them this hope. Being positive and getting people to look at the bright side of the gloom and doom is just one way for them to see that how special and unique you are because of the hope they see in you.
