The unfinished business of unresolved grief, unfinished business and by the way pass the noise makers and happy new year

but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

As each New Years comes and goes there is a collision of colliding emotions that interfere with our outlook of how we view the New Year.

 For some of us the New year is a reminder of past relationships that are no longer part of our  lives. The loss of a parent  through divorce, the death of a loved one, the loss of a job that brought us previous satisfaction and the piling up of unfinished business are just some of the things that come crashing down on us on a day we think should be filled with the happiness.

As   I  learned in my own personal grief journey there are people who simply do not want to go there with you on your personal journey of loss.  Friends you have had for many years will suddenly not be there for you at the time of your loss.  Friends who discover the internal pain you are going through simply do not understand, nor  do they want to take the time to understand  this pain  because, after all, their lives are  going fine and   why mess up their lives by bringing the pain you feel inside; Yet, for many their own unresolved grief comes to the surface at the time of your loss that makes it impossible for  them   to travel with you on your  own journey.

Grief is a universal feeling that all of us will one day encounter.  Notice, I didn't say some of us, but I said ALL of us will enter into this path and the sooner we understand this notion the sooner we can embrace it when it  finally does comes.

Yet, it seems we are a pleasure seeking people who take great pains to avoid this pain. We bring out the noise makers, surround ourselves with friends, dance the night away and when the ball drops at midnight we kiss our love one in hopes the good feelings stay with us. Sociologists tell us that feeling alone and isolated  in crowd of people is a phenomenon that happens to all of us, even on the final day we call New's years eve.So what are we to do about it when loneliness surrounds us? What are we to do when loneliness is met with the grief and sorrow of our past relationships?

I know what I did. I embraced it by continuing to put one foot in front of the other and continue doing the daily and weekly rituals I did when those previous relationships were  in my life. I know, for me,  that my savior and Lord, Jesus Christ, understood the loneliness I was feeling and while people left me in a trail of dust Jesus was there  to help me process the inner turmoil of grief I was under. 

Amazing how a simple decision to invite Jesus into my life at the ripe young age of 18 helped me navigate the grief I was under in my later years. I have learned in my grief journey that all of the other religions of the world taught us 'this is what I teach', but Jesus was the only one  who said 'follow me' and he backed that claim up with miracles and of  course  the resurrection.

If   you are having issues with unresolved grief I encourage you to take a sheet of paper and begin writing down people you have known in past relationships who are no longer with you. Then take that list to a  trusted listener  and ask him or her to pray with you for each of those losses.  I learned that it isn't the good  times that God speaks to us, but it is in the times of sadness, times of  sorrow that he reveals his heart to us and all we have to do is call  on his name and he will be there  for us.

As you prepare  for this New Year celebration please remember that it is normal to be filled  with colliding emotions. Our lives are like  a novel.  The pages of our book are filled with excitement, drama, sadness and hope. Like my life God wants to help you pen your novel so one day someone else can read it's contents and be filled with hope  that God is there  for them  in their days of sorrow.

As you work on  your own unfinished grief remember it is normal to be sad on the final day of the year. So, pass the noise makers and happy new years  anyways.

No more room, a child is born

Luke 2:14King James Version (KJV)
14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Imagine, if you will, you had been the chosen one to bring Mary to a safe place so her baby could be born.

As you are walking and guiding the donkey she was sitting on you are hoping her time wouldn't come until you reached the destination.

Your feet are no doubt sore and your muscles ache with every step you are taking over this rough terrain. As you get closer to Bethlehem panic begins to take over as you hear Mary, sending you to quickly sweep the landscape in search of any suitable place you could find so Mary could give birth to God's son, the salvation of the world.

You have now reached Bethlehem and from Mary's cries you know you do not have much time to find this place for God's chosen one to be born. You are now running from door to door asking if there is any room with the reply back to you, "sorry I can't help you", or "I am full for the night". Your heart is now pumping hard as though it would burst out of your chest at any moment.

You try one more place up the road in Bethlehem and their initial response was the same as those before, but then they noticed Mary's condition and lead you back to the stable where they keep the animals. You noticed the stable had a empty feeding trough. You help Mary off the donkey onto a comfortable bale of hay that would normally been provided for the animals, but on this night it would provide Mary with the support she would need to give birth the the salvation of the world, peace on earth, Jesus. At first you are thinking you failed in your mission. After all, this feeding trough was the best you could find? Little did you know that God would use this humble beginning to create the greatest story ever told, salvation to all the world, peace on earth.

For Joseph and Mary to get to this point in their journey God spoke to them through angels and dreams. In Matthew 1:20 it was written these words: But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit."

God continues to use dreams to this day to speak truth to his people. Dreams are often used to bring people to a new hope of salvation. Dreams often lead people to major life changes like giving up drugs and alcohol and giving assurance to people who are grieving that everything is going to work out for the good.

Today, a child is born. The prince of peace was born to bring hope unto the world where no hope is found. Through this baby Jesus lives have and continue to be changed forever.http://www.iamsecond.com/struggles/anger/

Light a candle in honor of the one you loss

Psalm 6:2  Have mercy on me and be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am weak (faint and withered away); O Lord, heal me, for my bones are troubled.

In just a few short hours families will be hosting loved ones in celebration of the happiest day of the year, the birth of our King, Savior and Lord Jesus Christ. 

For some this Christmas brings with it mixed emotions as they celebrate knowing that it will be the last Christmas with their loved one who is dying from a terminal disease, or for others  they gather in homes wondering how to handle the awkward moments and occasional silence as they miss their loved one whose name has now been pushed into the background lest they open the floodgate of emotions. 

 Some people wish they they could just fast forward the holiday just to get through it; that way, they could go  back to work where the mundane activities of daily living help anesthetize their pain.

It seems the holidays are emotionally tough on people, especially as they go to Christmas gatherings where the goal of the moment is to be happy and joyful in the presence of loved ones. Yet for everyone who gathers each of them brings with them their own white elephant. Oh, how tough it is to be joyful when the moment they enter the room they see all these white elephants roaming the room making it difficult to talk to loved ones without these creatures bumping into them.

Each person who comes to a holiday gathering is bringing with them emotions from past Christmases when there now missing loved ones were there. Awkward silence fills the room as people  filled with emotion try to avoid bringing up the names of people no longer with them. The reality is we all know that the white elephants are in the room, but none of us know what to do with them.

Alas, what is a grieving person to do in such a time as this?  There is a solution to finally getting rid of the slowly meandering white elephants in the room.

Light a candle.

Light a candle  in honor of the one you lost.

As each family or friend arrives for this festive celebration of our Lord's birth ask each one to grab a candle near the entrance and light it in honor of a loved one they miss.

Lighting a candle gives people permission to talk about their loved one.

 Lighting a candle opens up communication and gives others permission to talk about their cherished memories of their loved one.

Lighting a candle sends the message that the white elephants are no longer welcome.

Lighting a candle may begin the healing process within families who miss their loved ones no longer sitting at the table. 

Grieving is very hard work and unless we give ourselves permission to openly remember these precious loved ones the process will take longer than it should otherwise take.

As  you read the Christmas story in the bible your tears of sadness will turn into tears of joy as you reflect on the Christmases your loved one is presently experiencing  in heaven.

Go ahead and start a new tradition by  lighting a candle in honor of your loved one. God just might use that to bring healing to your wounded soul and to the wounded souls of your loved ones.