Yesterday, November 14th, 2019 in Santa Clarita, California was the scene of another school shooting and a reminder of the affects of trauma on children

A 16-year-old kid carries a gun into his high school before taking it out of his backpack and killing two students while injuring several others. When I look at the survivors in this tragedy, I see unceasing pain. The image of a young female student on the school bus revealed a concerned but scared look. I wondered if it was one of her friends that were killed. In another scene were parents and children seen crying in the aftermath of this mayhem. As usual, the school mentioned that would be school counselors that will be made available to help the students cope with this tragedy.

One of my Linkin connections is a recent college graduate that happened to be one of our daughter's good friends before Maria died in 2007. Kim graduated from Legacy Christian Academy, the same school ( different name) Maria attended until the end of her 4th-grade year. In one LinkIn post these words confirm all along my thoughts that we need to do a better job addressing the trauma needs of children.
"For grief especially, I think people write off kids as being resilient enough to bounce back, so they don’t worry as they would over an adult. Even if nothing major happened, sometimes kids are just going through a rough patch and could benefit from therapeutic support. Perhaps early intervention could even prevent lifelong mental health issues in adulthood."

This young lady is pursuing her Master's degree in Clinical Counseling and wants to make a difference in children and adults impacted by trauma. This builds to the recent findings from the Aces study.

In the 1980s, the dropout rate of participants at Kaiser Permanente's obesity clinic in San Diego, California, was about 50%; despite all of the dropouts successfully losing weight under the program.[2] Vincent Felitti, head of Kaiser Permanente's Department of Preventive Medicine in San Diego, conducted interviews with people who had left the program, and discovered that a majority of 286 people he interviewed had experienced childhood sexual abuse. The interview findings suggested to Felitti that weight gain might be a coping mechanism for depression, anxiety, and fear.[2]

Felitti and Robert Anda from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) went on to survey childhood trauma experiences of over 17,000 Kaiser Permanente patient volunteers.[2] The 17,337 participants were volunteers from approximately 26,000 consecutive Kaiser Permanente members. About half were female; 74.8% were white; the average age was 57; 75.2% had attended college; all had jobs and good health care, because they were members of the Kaiser health maintenance organization.[3] Participants were asked about different types of childhood trauma that had been identified in earlier research literature:[4]

The conclusion from this study are as follows: The number of ACEs was strongly associated with adulthood high-risk health behaviors such as smoking, alcohol and drug abuse, promiscuity, and severe obesity, and correlated with ill-health including depression, heart disease, cancer, chronic lung disease and shortened lifespan.[4][8][9] Compared to an ACE score of zero, having four adverse childhood experiences was associated with a seven-fold (700%) increase in alcoholism, a doubling of risk of being diagnosed with cancer, and a four-fold increase in emphysema; an ACE score above six was associated with a 30-fold (3000%) increase in attempted suicide.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adverse_Childhood_Experiences_Study


We need to do a better job addressing the trauma needs of our children and young adults. A 16-year-old kid doesn't just go into a school and start killing kids. If one looks hard and long one might see a pattern of problematic behaviors going back several years. It could have been relentless bullying, or any number of issues revealed in the Ace's study.


The result of this study is a start toward understanding childhood trauma. As the study reveals, children are not as resilient as adults would like to think they are.  They need help with processing the pain they feel within than simply be given a cookie and being told things will be all right.

Last night, I heard the most horrific story regarding 'unresolved grief from a friend who shared openly about his brothers grief

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

It was in 1971 when this man lost his 4-year-old son through a failed heart transplant procedure. This friend reminded me that it was only in 1968 when Dr. Barnard first did the procedure which was still pretty new. 

He shared how his brother never moved out of the anger stage of his grief, preferring instead to stay stuck in anger all the rest of his days in life. He said his brother refused to go to church thereafter, hated people instead and wouldn't talk to him because he was a 'Jesus freak.'  

He even refused to consider the blessings of having 4 more children, preferring to focus continuously on the loss of his son. By sharing this story, I want everyone to know just how incredibly toxic anger is for people. 

Besides the horrific health issues from the hardening of the arteries resulting from addictive smoking to psoriasis of the liver caused by abusive alcohol consumption, anger causes the breakdown in marriage communication and prevents that person from having normal relationships with spouse and his surviving children. 

 In many cases,  children grow up insecure and anxious regarding making healthy choices as adults. Thus, the original anger from one person can lead to generational sin where future generations would never know the origin of their anger.  I'm reminded by the verse from Ephesians 4: 31-32 which says,'

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.'

Our ability to forgive those who we perceived have harmed us in some way will ultimately help us to heal from our anger and lead us down a much healthier path in life.

In our family's situation, there was great healing that resulted when we sat down with our daughter's doctor remembering the special little girl Maria was and forgiving each other for a procedure that didn't give us the outcome we desired.

 It was as though Jesus, Himself, lifted our anger out of us and replaced it with peace, tranquility, and a vision that heaven is real and when our lives are complete we will see her again.

If you are dealing with anger for some wrong that was done to you or to a family member, would you picture Jesus on the cross as he took the blows for you just so your sins can be forgiven and you can experience true freedom and assurance of eternal life? If God could forgive you then why wouldn't we forgive others?

One of the greatest joys of living is being able to have a personal relationship with God because of the sacrifice of His Son on the cross. To think that we have a God in heaven willing to listen to our prayers of whatever is ailing us is truly amazing.

If you are struggling to get out of the anger stage of your grief, you may want to consider finding a 13-week grief share group near you. Grief share will teach you how to go through the pain of your loss, not around it. Https://griefshare.org

TobyMac fans rally to offer comfort in the passing of his son, Truett

Faith isn’t pretending our problems don’t exist, nor is it simply blind optimism. Faith points us beyond our problems to the hope we have in Christ. — Billy Graham

TobyMac fans poured out their love and support after the sudden loss of his son Truett. There is no greater pain than when a mom and dad lose a child because it wasn't supposed to be that way.

 When a parent encounters the sudden death of a child it rocks their whole world from the smiles and laughter to incredible gut-wrenching pain. Pain that is so deep and so intense that it is difficult for the world to understand. Parents are quite literally shocked when those people they thought would come to their side to sit with them in their grief don't, but they are surprised by the new friends they never knew before come to their side listening to their deep sorrow.   

A friend shared the isolation they felt as they began the grief journey after losing their young child and how hurt they were when well-meaning friends never said a word to them. Some friends may not know what to say to a couple while others don't want to go there because of the possibility that such a loss could happen to them. 

When this type of loss occurs we are at a crossroads.  We can either be angry with God that He would allow something like this to occur or we can trust God and allow him to help us walk this painful journey with us.  Pursuing the angry road will only lead to drugs, alcohol and other self-destructive behaviors while trusting God will lead to eventual peace.  The better approach after the loss of a loved one is to put one foot in front of the other and continue going to a church that worships Jesus Christ.