Laugh and the whole world laughs with you

                                                                     

Yesterday, our family spent time venturing around Fisherman's Wharf.  We ate lunch at a seaside restaurant on Pier 39, looked at the merchandise in some shops like the Left handed store ( our son is a lefty), the gadget store which was of interest to the guy's while my wife and her mom walked into some feminine stores.

Then it started.  It began with some funny one liners from our son which gave my wife the giggles. I missed some of the humor since I  had to focus on driving in this strange city, but non the less I enjoyed hearing the sound of laughter coming from our car. Laughter seems such a foreign concept in such a serious world we live in.  How is it possible to break out in laughter when the stock market is declining, threats of war are being seen on our cable news stations, and news about horrific crimes being committed? How is it possible to even smile in all this seriousness?

Laughter did indeed emulated from our rental car. even when grief was still present and we were missing our loved one.  I think this is why vacations are such an important part of our lives.  Realistically, we can all make excuses not to travel. Too much money, not enough savings, and need to save for the 'what if's' of life become the silent messages we listen  too which discourages us from venturing someplace new.

Travel we must!  Sometimes we need a new environment for our family to become energized and connected with each other.  Whether it is the family who chose to travel by RV shortly after the loss of their daughter, or our family  traveling to San Francisco trips are needed to send the message to the surviving family that 'we're going to make it through this tragedy and we value you enough to take time out of our busy work schedules to spend time with you.

 To see the smile and the laughter coming from my wife and son was well worth depleting the savings account.  Vacations are important and should be part of your families regular routine just as having a home decorating budget. The laughter you hear from you loved ones is perhaps the strongest indicator of the importance of vacations.  Enjoy this very funny Tim Hawkins video which I am sure will tickle your funny bone!

Fun, fun, fun in the sun

                                                                       


Our family is now enjoying a week long stay in beautiful California with friends and family. Even as we grieve the loss of loved ones we must be mindful that life is meant to be enjoyed and treasured and vacations are all about making deposits into the memory banks of those we love.

Often when we grieve we tend to forget this concept as we make withdrawal after withdrawal from the memory bank of the past. Sure, we are suppose to miss our loved ones because they have been a integral part of our life for many years, but life is for the living. Our loved ones journey has ended, but until we are called home our journey continues.

One of the ways we can best honor our loved one who has died is to continue living in the present and build memories for our families who no doubt are traveling their own grief journey. I remember one family I was put in touch with shortly after our daughter died had rented a RV where they traveled across the country after the sudden loss of their same age daughter. The RV gave them family time while they process the grief. I am sure they had many God moments as they saw the beautiful landscape along the way.

Sometimes a grieving family needs to step out of the ordinary and mundane of life into a world of adventure to give them more deposits into their memory banks. For me, I learned that the father of our friend had worked for Disney studios for 33 years where he was in charged of set design for mandy of the Disney classics from Sound of Music, My Fair Lady and many more movies that our family was familiar with. In 'My Fair Lady he was in charge of the library scene and in the Sound of Music he created the 'thunder' in one of the scenes. Knowing this detail makes me want to go back and watch these classics.

I never would have known these details had we not have gone on our little adventure. This is the stuff that makes life worth living and the stuff that adds to the positive memories of our memory bank.

Won't you consider planning your next adventure to add to your family's memory bank?

Smile and the world smiles with you

I remember learning that it takes more facial muscles to create a frown than to make a smile and thinking how much harder it is to be grumpy! No wonder grieving for a person who has passed away seems so hard and takes your energy away. Grieving the loss of a loved one is like getting into a roller coaster car at your favorite amusement park, slipping the safety bar snug in front of you, and feeling all of the high's and low's of that roller coaster.  Just like grief riding that roller coaster can leave you completely exhausted at the end unless you are a teenage boy wanting to go on it again and again.


When a person grieves it seems that the facial muscles have a greater difficulty making a smile. Smiles become fewer and far between.  As sadness envelops the home people around you have difficulty knowing how and what to say to make you feel better.  When one is grieving there are others who are still fully engaged in life, laughing and smiling all the way to their next activity.  A grieving person will feel like they are from some foreign land where no one smiles and when they visit a place where every one is smiling and having fun it can seem very strange to them.


When someone from another country visits a land with different customs, a different language they will often have an interpreter to let them know what these people are saying.  Once a person understands what they are saying communication goes better.


Somehow a grieving person needs to communicate what they are feeling so others will know how to communicate with them.  One way is for the grieving person to write a 'grief letter' to their friends where they talk about the loss they have encountered and how that loss is effecting them.  By writing this letter their friends will have a  better understanding how they can help you in this recovery process.


Unfortunately, people are not mind reader's and it takes the grieving person to communicate the grieving process and what they can do to help them walk the lonely journey of grief.  The wider your circle of friends you bring into your grief who truly understand what you are going through the sooner you will feel the corners of your mouth begin to turn upward and the smile returns to your face.