“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.
At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
Lately, I have been watching the show Hoarding on Netflix. It is said that approximately 18 million American's have a hoarding disorder.
For those who have never seen the series, it is about people who become so consumed by hoarding things that it has taken over their entire house to the point where there are piles of stuff everywhere they turn.
In each of the episodes, the common thread to hoarding in each of their lives usually begins after the death of a loved one. They cannot get themselves to get rid of the things that belong to their deceased family member because they feel it would dishonor their memory. She illustrated the house of frog statues to drive home her point. After her mom died, she brought home several of her mom's frog statues. She never liked the frog statues but brought home a few from mom's house to 'remember' her. As friends came to visit her they would notice these statues and assumed she loved frog statues. Each time her friends came over they would give her another frog statue. Pretty soon, there was such an overwhelming pile of clutter that simply took over her life. She realized that those statues only had meaning for her mother and she did not have to keep them. She began giving all of them away.
She soon learned that our memories are with the person who died, not with their stuff. Here are some tips she offers to those heading down the path of grief hoarding.
(1.) If you have an overwhelming need to bring home your loved one's 'stuff'' select only 3 items to bring into your home and place the rest of your loved one's things in a rented storage unit.
(2) Every month you can go to the storage locker and see and feel your loved one's items, but this overwhelming clutter will not be in your space. As you travel to that storage locker there will be a day when you are comfortable parting with some of your loved one's items.
(3) Remember, your memories are with the person who died, not with the things he/she accumulated.
A fellow grief share facilitator who regularly volunteers at the Bible for Mission thrift store was asked why we have to take other people's 'junk' when they should have tossed it out in the garbage. John replied, " Grief does funny things to people that prevent them from throwing their loved ones things out so we have to do it for them."
Grief hoarding is considered a mental health disorder that truly complicates the grief process by preventing people from recovering as mounds of clutter accumulates. After some quick internet research and found this company that truly understands the impact that grief can play on the hoarding process. I am posting this link to give you a resource to help you with the decluttering process after the death of a loved one. https://hoarders.com/hoarding-clutter-clean-up/
Finally, please remember that God sent his Son, Jesus Christ, to walk with you through the entire grief journey. Because of that help, you will recover.
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