As I walked around Lakeview cemetery seeing the graves of children, I was reminded there are dads who wished they could have fix this and kept their child alive.

Surely he took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds, we are healed.
6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to our own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all. Isaiah 53:4-6

As I walked around the Lakeview Cemetery glancing at the gravestones of children, I pictured grieving mom's and dad's and the child's brothers and sisters grieving at a  different level from their parents. Many of the markers had their child's small toys sitting there as a reminder of their life. I pictured their dad's commiserating of 'what could I have done differently that I didn't do to keep my child alive. 

Men are the 'fixers' of the family. They are the ones that fix the flat on their child's bike, build that tree fort, take the fish off of their child's hook and just about anything else that brings a smile to their face. Popular television shows like the fixer-upper, this old house, and all of those youtube videos that teach us everything about do it yourself projects, for the most part, featured men teaching others how to fix things.

This is the hardest part of the grieving process for me. I wanted so much to keep my daughter alive, but couldn't.  I prided myself with asking all of the right questions in the doctor's office before we agreed to the surgery.  The skepticism I had for the medical system gave me, what I thought, a 6th sense that would for sure be used to set up the steps that would keep her alive.

At this same cemetery in NowThen, Minnesota was the fresh grave of Isabella, a student at Legacy Christian Academy, killed in a horrible car accident.  I imagined her parents waking up from nightmares of the accident that night wondering what they could have done differently to avoid the outcome they got. Like me, they probably heard the rendition of 'if only' as a tireless tirade heard nightly in their dreams.

We think we have control of our lives. We think if we follow the magic formula- A + B= C- that things will be all right with our children.  We think we have control, but in reality, we don't.  What we have is the illusion of control.  Tragedy teaches us how really small we all are on this planet. Waldo's wife, the man who pretty much manages the cemetery, reminded me that death is pretty much a part of life. As a strong Christian, they knew that their earthly relationship with Jesus Christ meant they were in the very presence of the living Savior in heaven.

While we as dads want to fix things for our children, we have to accept the reality that we live in a fallen world where very bad things happen that causes tragic deaths to occur. Waldo and his wife pointed to some of the older graves that date back to the late 1800's and said children buried there died in the flu epidemic of that era. I pictured the dads of that time sitting numbly by the wood burning fireplace asking 'why' over and over again while sipping brandy reminding me they were the fixers of whatever ails their family.

I was reminded through this couple when his wife said they meet regularly with the cemetery association to pray for the families who's loved ones are buried in this little country cemetery located across from the lake near the NowThen Threshing show. 

Finally, to all the families who may still be missing their loved ones, I encourage you to lean into your emotions, handling each emotion one at a time, until that moment passes. Your living Savior is walking with you on this journey of grief and He will help you reach the conclusion of your pain and sorrow to which you might one day start smiling again.