Sudden traumatic losses doesn't have to be the defining moment of your life

28 “Come to me, all you who are struggling hard and carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. 29 Put on my yoke, and learn from me. I’m gentle and humble. And you will find rest for yourselves. 30 My yoke is easy to bear, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

I love movies with happy endings. Movies are a way  of escaping, momentarily, the ills of the world we live in. As kids we came out of these movies desiring to become the hero we just watched. 'We are Marshall' is a true story about a winning football team suddenly crashing into a nearby field stunning the town that had just turned out to celebrate with them prior to take off.

'We are Marshall' is a reminder of the impact that traumatic and sudden losses can have on the entire community and why we must not try to bury this type of grief.   As the surrounding community was plunged into sorrow there was the sense that football would never again be played at Marshall, because the university did not want to open the door of ripe old emotional wounds as people started comparing the new with the old team that died.

'We are Marshall' illustrates the powerful impact that institutional grief can have when traumatic events happen in schools, in homes and businesses around us.

 It is a reason why institutions should  have a crisis management plan just in case the unthinkable happens. Studies have shown, for example, that when a student dies the impact of that loss goes far beyond the immediate family of that child. When classmates are not allowed to process their own feelings of loss associated with their classmate, a profound sense of depression settles in over the learning that goes on in that school. Kids are thrust into just getting through the day rather than trying to maximize their learning. Survival, not self actualizing, becomes their focal point.

The same thing occurs in the business world.  After a workplace shooting in Minneapolis which took the life of the business owner and many others such profound grief enveloped the business community that it momentarily interrupted the flow of production within that business.

Schools and businesses must have a crisis management plan that includes the use of stand by grief and loss professionals to come on board to help support the students and employees impacted by this profound grief. You might think this sounds like common sense, but it really isn't; not when you understand that in America there is this thinking that burying one's grief  is the solution to getting over it. 

Grief doesn't  work that way. It is a skill equally as important as learning to drive a car,asking a girl out on a date, and filling out job applications because  grief is the general theme of this life and unless we learn to navigate it  'old' grief wounds will be re-opened as new grief surfaces.

It isn't just schools and businesses that are profoundly impacted by institutional grief. It also impacts our medical community with the rising number of suicides among our  brilliant medical professionals. Several years ago I discovered this first hand when a good friend, a surgeon, took his life. He was profoundly impacted the loss of some of his  patients that ending his life was the only solution to escape the inner pain he was in.

Lastly, learning to navigate grief is akin to learning how to surf the waves of an ocean. In the beginning we may keep falling off the board as the waves knock us off, but with plenty of practice we learn to get back on the board and steady ourselves for the ride.  As we learn to move through the emotions of grief we will develop valuable tools that will aid our survival and help us thrive as each wave of grief hits us.

 Finally, we have a Savior who desires to walk with us when the unthinkable happens to those we knew and loved. This Savior has the uncanny ability not only to carry our loved one home, but to also walk with the rest of us as we travel through the emotions of that loss. 

The death of someone doesn't have to be the defining moment of your life, but like a marathon runner crossing the finish line it will be the moment that makes you stronger!