and then they scatterd

Then Jesus told them, "This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written: "'I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.' Matthew 26:31

One moment they were enjoying a nice meal with the Man who for many months taught them things about God. One moment they were enjoying the friendship with each other. Fishing trips on the sea of Galilee became teaching moments. When the sea was suddenly overcome with huge waves threatening to swamp their boat and cost them their lives, they were utterly amazed when they saw this man Jesus walking toward them on top of the water. When he calmed the sea before their very eyes thoughts occurred to them that this man even has power to calm the storm in their lives.

Each of the 11 disciples were taking aback as they saw one of their own kiss Jesus cheek and point him out as the one the soldiers were looking for. In a fit of rage one of them tried to prevent the hostile capture of the one they regarded as their friend by cutting off the ear of the servant of the high priest. His efforts were defeated with Jesus reattaching the ear with his healing touch. Jesus could see the bigger picture, but the 12 could not. The servant of the High priest began to see that this Jesus was the son of God when he saw a miracle on himself.

When Judas saw that he had betrayed Jesus he was suddenly overcome with such remorse that he ran to the Chief Priests and tried to 'undo' the damage he had caused. In his mind he realized that the silver coins he received as payment wasn't worth betraying the man who had invested his life into him by teaching him the things that were important to God.

And when the Chief Priests laughed at him he threw the silver coins into the middle of the court yard and ran with voices in his head ringing with 'Why' and 'What if' questions. Questions that were impossible to answer because Judas could not see the bigger picture.

Peter, the man who insisted that he would never deny Jesus, ran with his own set of 'Why' questions. "Why God, would you provide the means for 12 men who became close friends before ripping their friendship apart by taking this Jesus away from them?" "I was learning so much about God through this Jesus and you had to take him away from our midst!" Each time someone pointed him out Peter cringed because he was afraid.. After Peter denied Jesus a third time he heard a cock crow and at that moment he was filled with self loathing when he realized that Jesus was right. He was overcome with such strong emotions believing that he had failed Jesus. If only he had done things different this wouldn't have happened. Even Peter couldn't see the bigger picture.

When Mary and Martha heard what had happened to the one who brought their brother Lazarus back to life they cried by collapsing to the floor with heaves of heavy sobs that quickly wet their clothing. They began to asked God why. "Why did this have to happen God?" He was a good friend to us. He was teaching us the things only you knew and you took him from us!" Martha was tormented with her own set of 'what if' questions when she was reminded by Jesus's words to her " "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, [42] but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." She was suddenly overcome with grief as she thought 'what if' I had done what her sister had done and allowed herself to enjoy the moment with the Savior. Even Mary and Martha were unable to see the bigger picture only God could see.

And then they began to see the bigger picture. The first person Jesus appeared after he returned to life was Mary Magalene, the woman who was healed from the 7 demons. Mary quickly went out and reported to those who were with him while they were mourning and weeping. When they heard that he was alive they refused to believe it. And then Jesus appeared in a different form to two of them while they were walking along a road out into the country. They went away and reported it to the other, but they did not believe it.

Afterwards Jesus appeared to the 11 themselves and as they were reclining at the table Jesus reproached them for their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they had not believed those who had seen Him after He had risen. After Jesus had spoken to them about preaching the good news Jesus was received up into heaven.

Although we may be grieving heavily and be entertained by the never ending 'Why' and 'What if' questions  what we do not see is how Jesus is helping you see the bigger picture by walking with you and revealing in small amounts of time his love for you. Keep putting one foot in front of the other by honoring God on the Sabbath and keep telling your story to those you can trust and one day the fogginess of your sight will be lifted and you will once again smile and laugh at a friends joke and see the bigger picture that God sees in your life. Your grief is as unique as a snow flake. There is no timetable for grief. Recovery will happen as we lean into our grief and trust Jesus to guide us through it.