It was in the early morning hours that my wife came in to wake up our daughter to see if she needed her pain medication. We purposely withheld her pain medication to prevent the side effects of over medication. My wife said Maria had a smile and at first she thought that she was joking around, but when she wouldn't wake up she grew frantic, called her brother from downstairs who was trained on resuscitation efforts as a physical therapist before heading to the phone and making the one call no parent wants to make in response to their child.
The light went on in our bedroom and at first I thought it was time to get up, but as I walked out to the hallway and saw CPR being applied to our 10 year old daughter I knew this was anything but ordinary. The tsunami of our grief was beginning The flood gate of sorrow opened when the Chaplain came out and said they tried everything they could, but the Emergency Response team were unable to revive Maria. The next morning the people in our church learned first hand when our music minister announced the tragic news to them. The flood gate of sorrow had hit them as well.
Every parent who has ever lost a child knows that this type of loss is uncharged territory. Nothing prepares you for going through this sort of loss. We understand how to bury our parents. We find others after such a loss to meet up with who will console us when a parent or grandparent dies. But when we tell people that we have lost a child we find fewer people who understand this type of loss, or want to be on this journey with us. Simply, your address book gets rewritten with the subtraction of friends you thought would be there for you and the addition of people you never knew who surprisingly have come along your side to ride this grief out with you.
What I learned with this type of grief is it isn't going to be easy. I now know that after 7 years of remembering our daughter and feeling the sorrow that recovery is possible. You may never be the same person you were before your child died, but God will meet your needs where you are at and he alone will assure that you recover.
I concluded that God never intended for my child to die, but because we live in a imperfect world of medicine she did. If you have recently suffered the loss of a child I encourage you to seek wise counsel from a trusted therapist who can help guide you during this pariod. I also encourage you to do what my family did which was to cling on to the promises of God and continue attending church, one Sunday at a time. Don't keep this type of grief under a rock, but share it with friends so they know how to support you in such a time as this.
As I look back I am grateful for our New Hope Church Mn congregation for the outpouring of love we felt from those we interact with following the church services to the friends we have through the Home Builders mini congregation. Thank you for being there for us!
Later today Linda and I will be making a trip to her grave site located in NowThen, Minnesota where I suggested we bring a couple of outdoor fold up chairs and each of us can have a quiet time in this peaceful, serene environment. My son will travel up there when he gets off work. I expect there will be tears shed with occasional triggers of grief, but I also expect we will feel a overwhelming sense of peace knowing that Maria is in Heaven experiencing all of the benefits of a place that awaits us.
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