The holidays can be tough on people as they reflect on the loved ones no longer there.

Romans 15:13New International Version (NIV)
13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

The holidays can be a painful time of year for most people when members they were used to seeing the previous years are no longer there this year.  I remember my own mother becoming weepy at holiday gatherings over the recent loss of her own mom.  I know now from my own life experience that she felt the triggers of her grief- remembering her mom's holiday cooking, the special meals, the delicious bars and opening up that Christmas present. This is what grief will do the more losses in life we encounter.

All of us may be surprised when we are bombarded by those triggers which is the reason why the grieving person must have a plan that anticipates those triggers.  One of the ideas from Griefshare is to bring a candle to a holiday gathering and asking them if you could burn a candle in honor your loved one. This will open up the door to sharing a memory of your loved one, and it may give others permission to also burn a candle of their loved one as well. Grief has a tendency to masquerade as isolation- we think we're the only ones really hurting this time of year so we try to put on the happy face that in the end makes our grief worse. 

Another technique I've learned is the art of being thankful.  I did this by sitting down and entering in my journal all the things I'm thankful for in my life.  Things like the day I received Christ as my Savior, having great friends, a roof over my head, the opportunity to watch my son grow, a job that I enjoy, and the list goes on.  Being thankful helps me take my mind off of what I do not have and put the focus on what I have. 

 I now know from my own grief experience why the elders in my life reacted the way they did during the holidays. In the 60's, there wasn't the knowledge we have now that allows us to connect the way we feel and grief and loss. Today, we know that healing from our losses isn't a matter of days, weeks, but years at a timetable that is as unique to them as the person they lost. Grief share didn't exist then. Adults of that era, as well as today, try to numb the pain of grief with alcohol and drugs. 

I love being a facilitator for Griefshare. The lessons I've learned going through grief share as a participant gave me the tools to survive my journey of loss.  As a facilitator, I would encourage everyone suffering the loss of a special person to think about joining a 13-week grief share group near you. The lessons you learn from this interactive study will benefit you in more ways than you realize. 

Finally, God understands your pain. He knows that grief hurts, but if you learn to lean into your pain, going through the pain, not around it, you will find that God will become your greatest source of comfort. 

Remember, while your loved one may not be there for you this holiday season, God still has a marvelous plan for your life and a reason to keep on living.