It seems daunting to ever visualize our Lord refreshing our soul when the fires are burning out of control in California when clean-up continues in the hurricane-damaged areas, or survivors are trying to recover from mass shootings responsible for killing their loved ones. Yet, I have learned as someone who has been through the storm of losing a child that our God does indeed replenish our souls.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
With all that is happening around me, it doesn't seem I will ever find peace and solace. As a young lad growing up in the 60's I remember watching the grown-ups in my life crumbling with the news of President Kennedy's assassination, fretting for their children when they were sent to Viet Nam to fight a war they didn't believe in or fretting still as gas prices made its way above the one dollar mark with many people threatening to forever park their cars. Yet, my God comforted me and planted me beside still waters where my soul could forever be replenished.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.6
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever
When I was 18 I made the conscious decision to open the door of my heart and allow the Lord to come inside to restore my 'hopeless' soul and replace it with a forever peace that no matter what happens to me my Lord is beside me- even in the face of the unspeakable pain of losing a child, my Lord was right there beside me every step of the way.
Yeh, where there are hopelessness and untold suffering our Lord is my shepherd guiding me through the Valley of the shadow of death. He gives me a new purpose for living and a new hope with a refreshing optimism that others around me need and want to have.
As we accumulate those scars along the way of our travel in this life, our Lord will present opportunities to help others to find this hope they see permeating in your life. Just as Paul writes in Philippians 1,
"I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me.
My shepherd has reminded me through the red letters of my Bible that he knows the final outcome and we will be satisfied with it.
Our goal is to keep on living and keep on putting one foot in front of the other and worship each week the Creator of this universe and trust God that He knows what to do with our pain.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Has Reverend Billy Graham made a huge impact on your life? I know it has for my mom and dad who both attended many Billy Graham crusades long before I ever did. The seed that was planted when we accept Jesus into our hearts takes time for it to grow--sometimes we do not know the impact until our faith has been tested. I look at both of their lives and I see losses so large I wondered how they survive them.
My dad lost his mother when he was just a little baby, then he lost his father who was so traumatized to take care of his two young sons that he went into the Veteran's Administration medical center where he spent the next untold decades trying to rid his mind of the demons brought on through his service in world war one and the loss of his wife.
In the 60's my dad lost his remaining Gabrielson connection when his brother who went in for open heart surgery died on the operating table. For the first time, I heard the heavy sobs of this man when he received the news while sitting at the corner kitchen table as we tried to comfort him by rubbing his back. I heard his heavy sobs once again when I shared the devastating news of our daughter in a phone call in 2007.
In 1963, our family was the last to see my mom's mom- we were told she died shortly after our family returned home. She was the matriarch of the family through her prayers for her children, her years of serving as a teacher in one of the last one-room schoolhouses in a town that wanted to merge with the Foley school district just minutes away rather than keeping the one institution that was doing something of value as oppose to be remembered as a town with a couple of bars.
As I reflect on the above comments I think we all live our lives with regrets each time we lose someone dear to us. Like little stones, we pick those regrets off the ground and store them inside of our backpacks, occasionally taking one out that helps us remember the one who died and wishing we had done more when they were alive. As we get older, our backpacks get heavier as we drag them across the gravel path gathering more stones of regret.
God has a better way for our regrets. Instead of punishing ourselves by continuing to carry our regrets, He sent his son Jesus to die on the cross for us and wants us to lay our regrets, our burdens at the foot of that cross- freeing us at last of our personal pain and suffering.
Life is hard at times and there will be the temptation to punish ourselves for the regrets in our lives, but God made a way for us to live our lives in absolute freedom from the guilt from our past.
Each time you lose a loved one, consider writing down all the blessings that came from knowing that person and remember the impact they made in your life. If we do this for each person who has died then there wouldn't be the temptation to punish oneself for those regrets of wishing we had spent more time with the one who died.
Then, one by one, take out your stones of regret and return them to the earth's surface where they belong. As one does this you will notice your backpack getting lighter, your feet will become like a trotting deer, and a smile will return.
Jesus Christ wants us to live in absolute freedom from the regrets of our past.
This is truly what it means to live the Christian faith.
Life, it seems, is one big lament. No matter where we look there are hurting people trying desperately to escape their pain. Some do it through drugs and alcohol, while others attempt to rid their pain through their life's work, or sadly through suicide. I became aware of the latter when a newspaper headline blared out though this headline:'Workplaces are finally treating mental health days as sick days, even on Broadway'. One actress in the production 'Frozen' had been affected by panic attacks and this is what she had to say about it- "Though there have been so many ups and downs in her life in the past month, she said, the anxiety wasn’t something she could just “push through.” “Even Disney princesses are terrified sometimes,” she wrote. The actress said Disney was supportive of her, and it’s not the only company to give employees a mental break when they need one. When Michigan software developer Madalyn Parker alerted her team at work that she was taking time off for mental health, she got an unexpected response from her company’s chief executive officer. He applauded her decision who told Parker, who suffers from anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder, she was “an example to us all” for lowering the stigma around mental health and reminding people to use the time off to support mental health. The response went viral, as young workers are increasingly adding mental health days to their personal days. I do not believe it is only our young millennials who are the most impacted by depression and anxiety- they may be the ones more willing to address their mental health than the rest of us. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, a branch of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services in Washington, D.C more than 41 million Americans experience some type of mental illness in any given year. That presents a challenge for people with mental health issues who also work full-time. The Americans With Disabilities Act of 1990 prohibits discrimination based on mental health, which includes depression, and prevents companies from asking applicants about their mental health. In another case, Hannah, a 24-year-old marketing coordinator at a film company, has struggled with depression and anxiety since she was 17, but working at a 9 to 5 job in the last few years since she finished college has significantly worsened her illnesses. Although she has been in her current role for more than two years, she only recently told her human resources representative about what she was going through. This is what Hannah had to say about her struggles:
‘There is so much stigma around mental illness it feels like it’s not a valid excuse to not be able to work.’
Hannah said she was so concerned over how her present and future employers would view her mental health that she asked Market Watch to withhold her last name for the article. "“It’s funny to think about it but I was out for five full days with no problem other than I had strep throat, but when I take one day for depression it feels like I’m cheating the system.”
In the two years I have facilitated 'Grief Share groups' I continue to be amazed by the ignorance that people have when grief issues arise with the typical response being, "it's been 6 months since you lost your mom, dad, sibling, niece, nephew shouldn't you be over it by now?' In reality, it is the fear that people have being labeled that prevents them from seeking help for their pain- and like the leper colonies in the times of Christ, they fear being sent there to live their lives in isolation without any human contact.
Luckily, Hannah’s human resources representative were understanding and is allowing her to take time off periodically for mental health purposes — though she still says it’s unlikely she will address the issue with her boss, continuing to say she’s physically ill on mental health days due to fear of being judged.The fear is not unfounded: Her generation is constantly criticized for being lazy, self-entitled, and unable to handle work-life balance — all stigmas that come along with mental illness as well.
I do not think Hannah's generation is much different from the Baby Boomers, but they are more willing to talk about it than the boomers who may process their pain in more destructive, less helpful ways.
What the world needs more are people coming alongside those in emotional pain who are willing to listen to the messiness of their lives without judging them for being lazy. Recovering from grief alone takes an average of 5-8 years which should be a reminder for us all that it is a journey, not something you can snap your fingers and return to your normal self.
