We must not underestimate the power of a father in the life of his family..some thoughts

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

My dad, like most dad's raised in the post depression era had this false hope that all that was required of them was to provide a living for their families. In the era I grew up in it was very common for mothers to stay home with their kids while dad's went out to work. 

 The most searing memory I have of my dad wasn't this macho man working long hours and sitting around the dinner table, but it was when he broke down crying upon learning the news that his brother Roger died on the operating table after undergoing open heart surgery. The memory I had as a child was all four of us comforting this very broken man crying like a baby upon learning that the last remaining person of his immediate family had died.  Through this one instance, he taught me that it was OK for men to cry.

I believe so much brokenness in the world we live in can be attributed to stuffing our emotions deep into our inner vaults thinking those emotions will never rear their ugly heads, and things will go on like they did before things were broken- this is a lie.

So many people are using drugs and consuming alcohol, in my opinion, to attempt to erase the inner pain in their lives.  Instead of leaning into their emotions and crying like my dad did upon learning the news of his brothers death, they are turning to substance abuse as if that were the magic formula for coping with pain.  Substance abuse leads to other problems like losing one's job, developing relational problems with their family to committing crimes of passion against the very people we supposedly love. 

As I write this, we learn of a family of 3 in Wisconsin killed in a murder-suicide inside their rambler home while people in their community are asking why did this happen?  

When men and woman are taught to bury their emotions through working long hours, pain will soon follow.  If we are not attending a Church to develop your relationship with Jesus Christ, then we're likely grabbing a hold of the thing that we think will help us with our pain- substance abuse, illicit affairs, or working longer hours.

The shortest verse, and my favorite verse, is the one from John 11:35 'Jesus wept'. Jesus responded this way after learning that his friend Lazarus had died.  Jesus taught us that it's OK for men to cry  whenever brokenness enters our lives.  

When we give ourselves permission to cry, we may finally break the cycle of addiction and build stronger relationships with those we love.

To my dad, thank you for showing me the human side of you when you cried upon learning the news of your brothers death.  You taught me that my emotions hold the key to my brokenness.

A story about the importance of Faith and never quitting no matter what happens to us in life.

Isaiah 28:16Therefore thus says the Lord GOD, "Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone, a tested stone, A costly cornerstone for the foundation, firmly placed. He who believes in it will not be disturbed.

In the heart of the south, Indiana to be exact lived a family who made their living as farmers. John and Esther Hartland were the present caretakers of their family’s farm, a tradition which dates back to 1810. Their farm was set on land rich in minerals, suitable for growing soybeans, wheat, and corn. John worked hard at tilling the field and planting the crops each season and then watching their crops grow knowing they were doing their part to feed the world.

What most people didn’t know about the Hartland’s was the tragedy their family faced 20 years ago when little Danny Heartland, just 5 at the time, ran toward John’s tractor when he disappeared when to John’s horror his youngest son laid lifeless on the field behind the tractor.

 John immediately stopped the tractor, climbed down, and ran to his son, but instantly he knew that his youngest child was dead. It seemed just last week when his parents took a very excited but scared Danny to his first day of Kindergarten.and when Danny died the way he did, his father began having nightmares and flashbacks of what might have been different if he only saw it coming.  

The constant wrestling of his thoughts, for a while, made him too incapacitated to do much farming; fortunately, the farming community rallied behind John and helped him keep up with those never-ending farm chores.  When her son Danny died, Esther cried out to God, often times sending John out to buy some additional boxes of tissues whenever she ran out. 

When their youngest child died,  the community struggled what to call this type of loss.  When the Hartland’s  next door neighbor lost his wife, they called him a widower.  When the Hartland’s other neighbor lost her husband they called her a widow, but there was no name to attached to a family who lost a child.  It seemed incompressible for a family to bury a child; after all,  children are supposed to bury their parents, right? 

Despite the conflicting emotions all the Hartley’s were experiencing during this time, they kept on going to church in their little town of Aberdeen, Indiana. Oh, there were lots of mornings when a bad night of  ‘what if’s ‘ made them tired,  but as John told one of his son’s, “ if we stayed home from church because we’re not feeling well, we will likely not get the encouraging word we just might need for today.”

They kept right on going, no matter how they felt from Sunday to Sunday, always clinging onto the promises of God and the good blessings they experienced in the past.  John remembers reading this in the book of Job where this man who had everything lost it all, but despite the horrific tragedy Job encountered he never blamed God.  He was determined, as a loving father and husband to Esther, to work through this tragic loss- and it wasn’t going to be with booze that he sees so many people in his era using to erase their pain. 

John knew that his family needed a dad who didn’t throw in the towel when bad things happen.  He needed to leave a legacy to his children that Jesus is the firm foundation, no matter what happens to them in life.  Losing a child wasn’t an easy road to travel. John knew that.  But each morning he got up to read his bible and journal his wrenching thoughts, John saw the hope that was in those pages. 

Many years later, the son who asked if he could stay home because he didn’t feel like going to church, came over and told his dad that was a pivotal moment in his life because he was angry at God that God would just let his younger brother die.  His son paused before adding, ‘because I saw that my dad wasn’t  quitting, I’m not going to quit.’  Today, his son continues to attend a church nearby in Indianapolis where he works.

 

The moral of the story? God sent his son, Jesus, to die on the cross so you can experience forgiveness of your sins and the refreshing aroma of Jesus walking at your side all the days of your life no matter what happens to you.

Good things do come to those who wait and why we must not rush our recovery from our pain

Psalm 25:4-5
Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you, I wait all the day long.

Oh, it is hard to wait on God to help us heal from our pain. We have very little impulse control. We want God to heal us instantly from hurts of our losses. Yet, if there is anything I know about grief and loss, hope does come to those who put their trust in the Lord and wait.   

I had this beautiful image that I was on the north shore of Lake Superior looking at the famous lighthouse upon the rock. To those standing on the shore and you see this rotating ball of light reflecting on the surface of the lake, it is only that- a beautiful ray of light in the thick of darkness.  

However,  if are the captain of a huge boat trying to find your way on a stormy sea amidst huge waves threatening to capsize you, that lighthouse becomes your hope that will bring you to a safe harbor.

What if there weren't any lighthouses along the shore. What if those on shore just assume all the struggling boats will reach safety and saved themselves the time to build and man those lighthouses?

Many more lives would be lost because those caught in those late seasons storms would be unable to find their hope.

Hope, is one of the single most attributes of our God.  He uses broken people who have waited as His lighthouses. 

 I hear all the time people say to me, "I don't need that 12 step program because I can do it alone," or " I don't need help recovering from the loss of my loved one because I can do it on my own."  When we refuse help that is readily available, we become like those ships on Superior trying to find their way to safety without those lighthouses. Some of them will find ways of coping with their pain through substance abuse. Some will die from their addictions.

For you to become a lighthouse to other hurting people, you must wait, trust and lean on our Lord.  You must embrace every emotion you feel from your loss and ask God to help you. 

 Grief is often described like the waves of the ocean. Some will come like a massive wall toward you, while others will come more gently. When they do, it's best to wait for the water to wash over you until it passes. Our emotions work the same way.  We must not deny those emotions or toss them in a back room vault by working too many hours or having a good time with our drinking buddies,but we must be ready for them, with a box of tissues, embracing every painful moment.  The book of Psalms is a perfect example embracing pain and crying out to God.  

We are reminded in through this verse that you are not alone in your suffering: 1 Peter 5:9-10 Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace,who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

If you wait upon the Lord with your pain, good things will come just as the promises of God's word reveal.  

God will use you as a lighthouse to others suffering the pain of loss.  You will become a beacon of hope to point them toward God's harbor of safety. 

Good things do come to those who wait.