Tomorrow, September 21, what should have been our daughter, Maria's birthday. When she died on June 1oth, 2007 we lost all future memories we felt we should have had with her. She was fast becoming a young woman. She was 10 1/2 when she slipped away from us at a time that her coming home that evening should have been a time of celebrating her succesful surgery at Gillette Children's hospital.
For many years, I lamented not being able to protect her from the opioids they had her on to control her pain during and following the orthopedic surgery.
I lamented that I didn't error on the side of caution and advised them to keep her off the opioids and use a more safer pain control.
I lamented not having Maria be seen by the Mayo Clinic to see if this was the best option or if there was a newer treatment modality that would have been safwe better. ,P>I lamented that when she died we no longer were able to enjoy her school events, or to watch her learn to play a musical instrument and play in Rolly Rudzitis's middle school band.
I lamented all of the lost birthday celebrations we would have had if she only she survived.
I have learned that life is a series of laments. I learned that one of the ways to survive traumatic loss is to allow myself to go to those dark places I never wanted to go. When I do, my Lord and Savior draws Himself closer to me
As I lament through the unpleasant events in this life, eventually I come to a place where I can rejoice with my loved ones I do have in this life. I rejoice having a wife who loves me no matter what mood I might be in and I rejoice having my son and daughter-in-law.
I discovered the book of lamentations and this one verse that best described my early stages of grief. "He has made me dwell in darkness like those long dead" Lamentations 3:6 Oh, how I remember those early days of my grief. The best way to describe this to some one with fresh grief is walking like a zombie. You're alive, but not fully functioning. I was like this for several weeks. I was advised not to make any major life impacting decisions during this period of grief. Just as professionals advised, I gradually emerged from this sorrowful state.
I have learned that the faith I had as a little child is the same faith that sustains me as I age. Those words between the book of Genesis and Revelation continue to give me comfort through each of the stages I go through in this life
If you are lamenting over the sudden loss of someone you love, remember that the pain you feel is a reflection on the love you had for that person. It is alright to cry and yes, men do cry. My daughter would have been 28 on September 21. Although, we do not have her earthly presense to enjoy, we know that Maria is enjoying all of the fruits of heaven and when our purpose on earth is done we will not only see Jesus, but our daughter as well.
Our God is a wonderful, all knowing God, who can be at two places at one time. He can be with our loved one in heaven and he can be with us on earth through the intervening power of the Holy Spirit.
