They say that one of the best ways of learning new information is to teach others the information you've learned. Today, I will share with you some material I've learned in my UNW-St,Paul course on navigating grief with humor

4 Surely He Has Borne Our Griefs And Carried Our Sorrows; Isaiah 53:4

They say that knowledge is power. Understanding the impact of grief on our lives is crucial because throughout our entire lives we will lose loved ones.  To understand the topic of grief, we first must understand what Sigmond Freud says about it. Freud holds that mourning ( grief) and melancholy( depression) are different. Grief is not a disorder but is a natural reaction to loss. 

While grief and depression may look alike there are distinct differences that Freud ( 1917) describes. For example, in depression there is dejection, pulling away from activities, sadness, and isolation. We see these things in grief, but with depression, there is also self-reproach, self-loathing, and the expectation of punishment and low self-esteem. 

Although we can experience depression with the death of a loved one, the pronounced difference between grief and depression is that in grief we know what we have lost, but with depression, we're not sure. The pronounced similarity with grief and depression is this: both involved the absorbing work of sadness and the loss of a loved one.

 In grief, the loved one is another person, but in depression, the lost loved one is the self.

In the 1940's Erich Lindemann, a psychiatrist studied grief, and he developed not only a set of symptoms common to bereavement but also some work one must do to resolved one's grief. Lindermann was thought to be one of the first theorists to state that we didn't have to be passive participants in our grief. He said there is grief that has to be done, and three tasks through which we can do it.

 The first task, according to Lindermann is emancipation from bondage to the deceased. What Lindermann is proposing is that we find a way to let go of the deceased. This first task is a hard one for most people to accept because few of us, if any, want to let go of the memories of our loved ones. 

The second tasks, according to Lindermann(1944) is the readjustment to a new environment of which the deceased is missing. This is a reality that must be faced when we lose someone we've shared a life together. When the person dies, we must accept the reality that there will be no more jokes, their toothbrush that sits on the corner of the bathroom counter will never be used again, nor will there be times of sharing activities together.

Finally, the third task is the formation of new relationships. According to Lindermann, we must complete the first two tasks by letting go of the bond we have with the person who is gone.

Other grief researchers have a different analysis on this subject. According to Klass, Sherman, and Nickman( 1996), ".. it is clear in practical experience that to care, to be involved in more than one relationship at a time is part of the human condition whether the other people in the relationship are present, absent or dead. To insists on a separateness that keeps very clear boundaries between people requires a very mechanistic view of human functioning that fails to appreciate the importance of connection and relationship..." 

 Klass, Sherman, and Nickman nailed it: we cannot expect to shut down our past relationship in order to begin a new one. We aren't machines. Connection and relationship are too important to assume we can simply cut one-off for the sake of beginning a new one. 

To summarize, we do not have to forget the loved one who has died to forge ahead with new relationships- sorrow and the joy of living can coexist.