Just keep doing the next best thing

Two are better than one,because they have a good return for their labor:10 If either of them falls down,one can help the other up.But pity anyone who fallsand has no one to help them up.Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

When hearts are heavy following the loss of someone we love, after the last shovel full of dirt had been tossed on the casket when it seems, living begins to take monumental effort as though we're navigating on thick beach sand.

  It is following the funeral after all of our friends returned to their own life that life for the griever shifts into slow motion as the memories of the one who died linger on in the mind of the person missing them. 

Depending on the way that person died, they may have problems sleeping as they toss and turn trying desperately to get some shut eye before the morning's light peaks through the window blinds. It is during this time that household tasks go unfinished or long awaited projects get pushed out into the unknown future for lack of emotional and physical energy.

  As I look back on my own life, I remember the profound sadness my own mother felt following the loss of her own mother. She had a hard time functioning because I'm sure,  the lingering memories of her mom and not being able to sleep. In one sense,  our grief can be thought as the 'yellow canary' of our mind. By that, I mean when those profound emotions surface our task isn't to deny them, or bury them, or escape them through working too much, but it is our job to lean into each emotion like the waves of an ocean. 

The best advice I heard when those emotions surface that keeps you from doing those activities of daily living is simply to do  the ' next best thing.'   For some who might find themselves sleeping too much, this might be simply getting out of bed.  For others, it might be brushing your teeth. or vacuuming the floors.  When sorrow paralyzes you, just keep doing those small things that keep you living.  For those bigger tasks like paying bills or other household projects to tough to handle, ask your close friends to help you with those tasks. For example, ask a friend who is good with accounting to assist you with paying your bills.

 Grief is a journey that requires monumental effort to recover from and this isn't a time to play super hero so others may say "isn't he/she amazing? I'm not sure if I could be that way if I suffered a tragic loss like them." Be realistic and only handle those things you are able to in the months following your loss. 

In time, you will begin feeling better to tackle the things in life you effortlessly did before your loss. Until then, it is your task to embrace each emotion as your encounter them until emotions become less and the thunderous waves dissipate. 

As you look back on this journey you will begin to see that it was your Savior Jesus and the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit that helped you recover from this loss.

This is your journey. Embrace it.  Then one day in the not too distant future, God will use you in the lives of others to help them navigate their own profound sadness. I encourage everyone experiencing the profound loss of a loved one to consider a Grief Share group. This link should help you find one. https://www.griefshare.org/