I've learned that Jesus is more present in my brokenness...than when I'm whole

As a child, I often cried easily. I got homesick and on one occasion I was so overcome with missing my parents that my dad had to drive across town to bring me home from my Aunt and Uncle's when I wouldn't stop crying.  I could not handle watching black people suffer.   As a 3rd grader, I wrote a paper 'growing up black' whereby I was able to project myself in the 1st person into the story. 

  In middle school, I wrote papers where I wrote from the first person as an embedded newspaper reporter reporting the events of World War two.  I remember my 7th and 9th-grade history teacher encouraging me to continue writing in this style as it allowed the reader to connect with my writing. 

 My sensitivity may also be the result of being bullied in middle and senior high school. Seeing how the effects it had on my life, I hated seeing others being bullied. 

Even when I accepted Jesus as my Savior, it was because I was moved by the torture this man took before and after being sentenced and finally being nailed to the cross of Calgary where he was left to die.

 The bullies who did this to him did not realize that God the Father would override their punishing blows and raise him from the dead.

 I was moved the night I received Jesus as my Savior after listening to the testimonies of high school students before making the bold move to 'open the door' of my heart.  

As I learn to listen to people through the years, I would learn that a lot of other people would face the same punishing blows of bullying I took.  I've learned that Jesus is above all my problems in this life, all of my physical and emotional pain, and he alone is the healing salve my life needs.

 Each time a friend dies, I 'm reminded of the powerful effects of God's words have on my life and in the lives of others who find themselves in the throes of deep emotional wrangling. 

I'm again reminded of the impact Jesus has played in my life each time I attend Church, even when I do not 'feel' like going. 

Yes, I'm proud to be a highly sensitive person.  It has given me the ability to relate to the suffering I see around me. Our Lord loves when his people have tender hearts for it is in those hearts his words are spoken.

 It is in the tenderized hearts that God is able to speak words of encouragement to help those who suffer. Just as the Apostle Paul reminds us in Philippians, "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ "– Philippians 3:7-8

To all those who are grieving please hang on because God promises not to abandon you.

To all who mourn in Israel,he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,a joyous blessing instead of mourning,festive praise instead of despair.In their righteousness, they will be like great oaksthat the Lord has planted for his own glory. Isaiah 61:3

My wife and I stopped at the Lifeway Christian Bookstore to choose a sympathy card for a family who has been thrown on a road less traveled. I also picked up  Steven Curtis Chapman's latest book and liked it that I decided to add to my summer reading. For those interested in this book, here is the link for Lifeway Christian Bookstore. http://www.lifeway.com/Product/between-heaven-and-the-real-world-P006139019

'Where once this family was on the expressway of life, enjoying the many beauties of it, have now been forced to take a detour on a road less traveled.  

Life for this family has come to a screeching halt as each family member grieves in their own way. Whereas some members cry openly and must make continuous runs to Target for boxes upon boxes of kleenex, other members try to numb their mind with marathon video game sessions.

Bodily ailments become a constant reminder of their missing loved one. Life, it seems, is so unfair as some ask "why did this happen to me, and why if God loved me did he take my loved one away?"  

As the intensity of their grief increases, it is as though each member is wearing cement boots just heavy enough to make moving a difficult and tiring task. Life goes into slow motion as tasks they once found easy to accomplish require a Herculean effort and superhero strength. 

 Often, families who have suffered the unfortunate sudden and traumatic losses will wake up in the middle of the night from the common 'night terrors' of the way their loved one died.  Some members are so traumatized by these night terrors they require a sleep aide just to finish their sleep cycle. Still some members decide to see a therapist to make sense of their pain.

Life, it seems is so unfair. The trauma that has been inflicted on them has sent them into a fight or flight response whereas all their sensitivities are on high alert, as though they are permanently trying to run away from a wild beast.

But there is hope. I urge everyone to cling to the hope in God. Keep placing one foot in front of the other trusting God that he knows what to do with your pain. 

If my life can be a testimony for your pain, things in time will get better. You will be able to sleep through the night. You will once again have sweet dreams and wake up refreshed. You will again enjoy life even without the loved one you thought would still be there for you. 

Spring is my favorite season of the year because the blooming plants are a reminder that God does make all things new again!

Hang in there because Spring is coming!

We must start treating mental illness, not as a badge of shame, no different than we might get a cut on the skin

My eyes have grown dim with grief; my whole frame is but a shadow. Job 17:7

I believe that every life that is born is worthy of living. 

Every life regardless of their struggles deserves to be treated with dignity and honor.  

Yet, how often do we discredit someone's depression as simply a weakness of character? When you think about it the human brain is a very complex organism that is used in so many different ways from figuring out complex algorithms to deciding what to eat, what to buy, or what to write on this blog. The brain also handles the emotional aspects of our daily living such as belting out a song or honoring our spouse with a kiss. 

Recently, I learned of a friend who died tragically.  I first heard the news on our local WCCO radio on my way to work. It said simply they recovered a 52-year-old man from the Mississippi River. They found his abandoned car on a bridge.  As soon as I got to work, I went to the WCCO online website and sure enough, they had identified him.He had been missing since the first part of May  

All of us who knew him wept, including his wife, son, and daughter who now must learn how to navigate the road chosen for them without their dad.

I remember several years ago talking with this friend while watching our son's play soccer when he felt comfortable telling me his struggles with depression, but he was on medication and in contact with a doctor.

 I wonder how many of us would be willing to share their struggles with Mental illness if they could find someone willing to listen to their story? 

Mental illness, if left untreated, can lead to a real desire to end one's life. I believe that every life that is born is worthy of living and every life regardless of the journey they are on deserve to find someone to listen to their story.

As a professional who works with those who struggle with mental health problems, I can attest to the difficulty for many to seek appropriate and timely mental health services. 

 I know first hand what that was like not long after my 10-year-old daughter died when I tried to seek out a reputable therapist skilled at treating people afflicted with trauma and being told that since he was not in my insurance plan that I would have to pay out of pocket.

If I had pain in my arm, I could more easily find health services to fix my problem, but for some reason, our health care system doesn't value treating mental health when traumatic grief enters one's life. 

Every life regardless of their struggles deserves to be treated with dignity and honor. This includes the right to find trusted professionals who know how to listen to the stories of people inflicted with trauma.

Simply sweeping the messiness of life under a rug won't cure the problem but will only aggravate that problem with unforeseen health problems. I found this quote that illustrates the importance of working on traumatic grief.

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."

With that said, grief isn't something you can simply put inside a box, close the lid, and throw away the key. Every feeling you are experiencing has to be processed one emotion at a time. For some, it will mean finding a trusted therapist who will guide you on this journey.  It also may mean keeping a journal of your daily struggles with grief and being honest with your feelings knowing that you have a God that is big enough to take everything you dish out- all your anger, all your hopelessness and all your pain.

 He wants to be on this journey with you, every step of the way for as long as it takes. I also encourage you to tell your family practice doctor about the trauma you've experienced so he can begin monitoring your vital signs and help you get the services to survive this journey.

The bottom line is this. The loss of a loved one does not have to be the defining moment of your life. Your loved one may not be here for you, but your life still has value in the lives of others.  Your story of trauma may, one day, be used to encourage others walking a similar path as you.

Finally, I leave this link if you are a survivor of some who died from suicide. http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com/