Regardless of what you're struggling with in this life, Jesus loves you and will help you recover from your pain

6 So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, 7 rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. Colossians 2:6-7

A friend's post regarding asking for prayer for his depression prompted me to write this post.

This past Friday evening I treated my wife to a happy birthday celebration by taking her, along with my son and his girlfriend to the Tenth Avenue North/Mercy Me concert at the Target Center. This concert comes on the heels of the 'I can only imagine' movie which was the story of a tumultuous upbringing by an emotionally and physically abusive father who was disappointed by the choices he made in life. In an article by Brad Schmitt for the Tennessean are these words: His dad switched from a razor strap to a wooden paddle halfway through the beating.

Bart Millard, only 8 or 9, was terrified. He’d been beaten before, often. But this time was different.
His father ambushed him and grabbed the boy with one arm, wailing away with the other with a growing rage his son hadn’t seen before.

“He beat me like a dog on a leash,” Millard said.
“When I made eye contact with him, I thought: He’s going to kill me.”
After that, the boy missed two days of school — it hurt too much for him to put on clothes.

Bart's mom could not stand his father's emotional rage and left Bart and his dad.Again, I turn to the Tennessean article for more about his dad.

Millard’s dad wasn’t always a monster. In fact, Arthur Wesley Millard Jr. was a beloved high school football hero, one of only two All-Americans from his rural Texas town of Greeneville, about 45 miles northeast of Dallas. Everyone called him “Bub,” and even though he was a big bear of a guy, he was more teddy than a grizzly. Until the accident.

While flagging cars for the Texas highway department, Arthur Millard got hit by a diesel truck, a collision that put him in a coma for eight weeks.When he regained consciousness, “Bub” was a different guy. His attitude and temperament darkened. Combative with orderlies, crude with nurses, Arthur Millard eventually was restrained.

Three years later, the couple’s second child, Bart, was born. The tension in the house grew, and Millard's parents divorced when the boy was only 3. In his youth, Bart started going to Church at the invite of friends. His life began to change on the inside, but on the outside, he continues to suffer the beatings of his father.

When I did a Wikipedia search on Bart Millard, it gave me none of this information. But, what would expect from a culture that still believes 'God's dead?'

After his dad's deadly cancer diagnosis, his dad began listening to Church services on the radio. The messages so penetrated his dad's soul that the former rage he had was supplanted by the true peace that only God provides. 

Bart Millard learned that he had to forgive his father before his Christian band could really get started.

What I learned from Bart's story is that every one of us struggles with dark periods of the soul and that the only way to recover from this human condition is through a loving relationship with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

At one point in my grief journey, it occurred to me that every one of us is just one traumatic life event from succumbing to a mental health condition. 

I also discovered the importance of giving people in such a crisis permission to tell their story with someone willing to listen without offering opinions about what they think they should do.  Allowing people to share their stories and praying for them opens the door for Jesus to restore their soul.

For anyone who might be in the painful throes of grief and loss, I encourage you to consider getting involved in a Grief Share group near you. This 13-week group will teach you how to go through the pain instead of around it. If you go to this link www.griefshare.org you can find a group near you.

Finally, no matter what happens in your life, or whatever traumatic event that has occurred, our God is always there for you. He will help you win the fight you've been battling. Those words from Isaiah 145 give me great comfort:


"I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name forever and ever. Every day I will praise you and extol your name forever and ever. Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom. ...

Some observations of a Palliative nurse on the top regrets of dying patients.

Be filled with the Spirit; speaking one to another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; giving thanks always for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father. Ephesians 5:18

We live in a civilized culture where our lives become center around work. Young people with their freshly minted degrees step into a world with dreams of being successful.  Somewhere along the way, just as their parents did and their grandparents did, they forget to take time to smell the roses and enjoy life to the fullest.  The purpose of this blog isn't to make anyone feel guilty they're working too much, but encourage people to take time away to recharge their batteries. 

God knew the importance of 'rest' when he made the Sabbath. He wanted us to step away from work to spend time with our loved ones as we give thanks for all that God has done in our lives.  The feedback from this palliative nurse in her years of working with the dying, I hope, inspires all of us not to make the same mistakes.

This nurse has recorded the most common regrets of the dying, and among the top ones is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'.

 What would your biggest regret be if this was your last day of life?

There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counseled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. 

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."  https://bronnieware.com/regrets-of-the-dying/

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize until they no longer have it."
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard."This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends."Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier."This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?'''

What Grieving People Wish You Knew

He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me. Psalm 144:2

Grief is like tackling this huge beast that just won't quit attacking you. It wears you down, day after day, night after night, months after month, and onward.  Grieving people are often told to just move on with their life while at the same time no one brings up their loved one's name in case it makes them feel bad.

 It's as though friends who encounter the person in grief are walking on eggshells hoping they can exit the encounter unscathed from any possibility of being splashed by their emotional pain. In general, grieving people are allowed the courtesy 6-8 months to let it all out but after that, they're expected to return to their normal life's activities.  

This is regardless of the known statistic that it takes an average of 5-8 years to recover from the loss of a loved one.  Yet, when I quote that statistic, I hear some say, 'It takes that long?' 

Most people in the civilized world do not want to take that long to recover from a loss.  They would rather get the pain over by putting all of their yucky emotions in a bottle and put a cork in it, hoping it would never rear its ugly head.  

Yet, when we try to circumvent the grieving process, the cork usually becomes unplugged and we face the intensity of those emotions all over again.   Some of them are grieving as heavily 15 years later as they did the week their loved one died. The real danger is the reality that many will try to self-medicate with alcohol, drugs or both just to get rid of the pain. 

That is why when loss happens and we face all of the cascading emotions we ought to go through those emotions, one wave at a time. 

 Journaling is a highly recommended practice for anyone who is caught in the storm of loss.  Grieving people need to be allowed to share stories of the loved one who has died.  In other words don't be afraid to ask the grieving person what their loved one was like, or what do you most miss about them or tell me what was it that made you smile about your loved one.

 In your mind, their loved one is dead, but in reality, they spent many years with the person who has died and those memories linger on in their mind with stories that need to be told.

The good news is as Christians we can grieve with the hope that one day we will see them again. Jesus wants to walk with you every step of the way on your grief journey!

Finally, I highly recommend that you consider getting involved in a Grief share group near you! This group is a 13-week group that teaches you how to go through the journey of loss while giving you the tools to help you navigate it. 

Here is the link to help you find such a group.www.griefshare.org