Very few of us are ever prepared for sudden grief:Eva Hart speaks about her memories of the Titanic, as a 7 year old

Isaiah 41:10

10 Don’t worry—I am with you.

Don’t be afraid—I am your God.

I will make you strong and help you.

I will support you with my right hand that brings victory.

Last night I attended a student lead Capstone project at Legacy Christian Academy, the same school that our kids attended. This student that lead this public forum was a friend of our daughter, Maria and my memories included her attending several of our daughter's 'themed' birthday parties. I also remembered my daughter speaking highly of her.

Ashley spoke on the subject of  depression and anxiety; a subject most relevant to be bought out of the caverns of hidden and forgotten disorders.  My experience as a professional counselor is that no one wants to talk about it, nor admit they struggle with it.

There was a box at the front when I first came in. A box where we could write our questions down we wanted to ask Ashley, or her guest, Dr.Michele Strachan, a behavioral Pediatrician at the University of Minnesota, or Cody James, a pastor, singer who shared his faith story.  I wrote my question down, folded it up and placed it in the box. My writing when I write fast is less than legible and so when it came to my question I heard the word unresolved and knew I could either stay quiet, or admit that question was mine and clarify it for the three of them. I knew my question was important and decided to 'fess' up to the illegible writing. My question was ' Is their a connection between unresolved grief and depression and anxiety. The moment I finished that question I could hear the dam of formidable thought breaking and the whirl wind of thoughts being processed. 

The question hit a accord with Dr. Strachan as she went on for several minutes talking about how most people are never prepared when sudden grief hits and consequently  they will attempt to provide temporary fixes by burying their grief through such things as working too hard, engaging in mindless activities; anything but working through the emotions of that sudden loss. Dr. Strachan advised everyone in that room to lean into their pain of that sudden loss, not deny it, but talk about that pain whether it is in a journal or talking to a professional counselor.

As much as we might know about theology or even the assurance of our salvation we are still blind sided when sudden grief does happen to us. Organizations may attempt to sweep traumatic grief under a rug with a 'don't ask, don's tell policy thinking  this grief will subside and disappear.  My experience having experienced the loss of a 10 year old daughter is that this kind of thinking is wrong and that all professional organizations need to have a well laid out contingency plan with helping their employees process their sudden traumatic losses.  Dr. Strachan reminded that we can either begin leaning into the emotions of our grief when it happens or work on our pain 10 years later because grief will wait for you.

When this public forum was finished I congratulated the young lady who put this on and affirmed her gifts for wanting to make a difference in the world by bringing this subject to the forefront of discussion. I also encouraged her to consider pursuing the 'helping professions' because I saw in her tonight as someone who truly has a heart of compassion for people.

The video I have included is an interview of a lady who shares her memories of traumatic grief as a 7  year old girl on the fateful Titanic.

 If a lesson can be derived from tonight's public forum is for all of us to  learn how to process traumatic grief by talking about it as often as it takes to work through the emotions of this grief and remember to continue the rituals you had before your loss.

 Finally, I am reminded of my conversation when my son said to me the first Sunday Maria wasn't with us, " Dad, I don't feel like going to church" and my response after some reflection, "Well, mom doesn't feel well, I don't feel well and I know you certainly don't and we could all stay home, but if we did we will deny ourselves the opportunities to be encouraged by the body of Christ."  My son never fought me from that point on and with the exception of out of town trips we have always attended a church service. Today, he is a college student who tries to have his work done by Saturday so he can spend time with the Lord on Sunday.

There is hope after loss. 

The painful moments in life and the healing that takes place.

Each of you lift a stone onto his shoulder, one for each[b] of the Israelite tribes, 6 so that this will be a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean to you?’ 7 you should tell them, ‘The waters of the Jordan were cut off in front of the ark of the Lord’s covenant. When it crossed the Jordan, the Jordan’s waters were cut off.’ Therefore these stones will always be a memorial for the Israelites. Joshua 4

 We learned in our Life group that in the biblical times the Jewish people would erect these huge stones  to serve as a reminder to future generations of God's faithfulness to his people.. As I watched this Ray Vander laan clip I was reminded that in my life there have been key things that have happened that clearly point people to God.

Each of us have our own ' standing stones' to mark our significant occasions of our lives. Such things like graduating from college, getting that first career job, falling in love, getting married, the birth of a child and all of the significant milestones that come along with that are just some of those examples.

   Then there are those 'standing stones' of our lives that represent the painful events.Only when we reach the culmination of those events do we see God's hand in them and when we do they serve as a reminder to people by pointing them to God.  For many who have traveled down that road you know what I am talking about. Like the fiery furnace that Daniel and his friends entered into we also enter the furnace with the loss of a loved one or a debilitating health crisis. Just as God had been with Daniel and his friends which kept them from being burned alive we will eventually see that our Lord is standing by our side through our own painful journey. It is when we come out of that process  that becomes the ah ha moment of clearly sensing God's presence  that points people back to your God. That, my friends, becomes your standing stone.

At my son's Christian K-12  school there are several standing stones in the front of that school .  Whenever I am visiting the school I remember the painful events that had occurred in the past, but I also remember God's faithfulness of always being there.

My own personal standing stone moments includes the day I accepted Jesus Christ as Savior Next to  that standing stone are the stones representing my marriage to my wife and the blessed adoption of our two children as those stones are reminders of God's blessings upon me. The not so good' standing stone' was our time of grief when our daughter died suddenly and unexpectedly in June 2007. For the first several years I could see no purpose with her death, but when made a conscious decision to keep honoring God on each subsequent Sunday I began to see that God hadn't forsaken my family. It was at that moment the death of our child became a 'standing stone' that would ultimately point people to God

What are some of your life's memorable moments, good or bad, that could one day become your standing stones?  Perhaps, you are in the midst a life crisis where you wonder if God had abandoned you. If so, do what I did and lean into your crisis and trust God for they journey you are on.  One day, like me, you will noticed and sense God's presence in that crisis.  God wants to journey with you and help you be a living testimony to future generations of God's faithfulness.

What does that look like in your own life?  What do you want future generations to know about the faithfulness of your God? Just as 1 Peter 2:5 reminds us we are to be 'living stones' that God is using to build a spiritual house.

This week we found a unlikely hero in our midst and she was a ................................mom

13 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. 1 Corinthians 13

This week we found an unlikely hero in our midst. No, it wasn't any of the Avenger's characters; although that movie is opening tonight at a theater near you. No, it wasn't Rocky Balboa coming out of retirement to fight one more time.

This week it was the unconditional love for her son that drove this Baltimore mom out into the street to let her rock throwing son know that what he was doing was not acceptable. She had the courage  that ultimately prevented her son from being arrested. The person who interviewed her asked if there were other mom's out there who had that same she had.  Her response? 'Yes'
  In that one act of courage she deflated every stereotype out their about single African American woman raising kids.  In that one act of courage she may have sent shock waves across America that will force parents to realize that they have to stop neglecting their kids.  

 I can hear a mighty crescendo coming from homes everywhere of parents who previously have neglected their duties now willing to step up to the plate  so the court system do not have to do theirs.

What if parents everywhere came out to stand with the police force to assure a better tomorrow for their kids. Things like inviting an officer to their home for a meal with their family, or organizing a neighborhood event and inviting an officer to come and speak with them about safety, or in the case of one group of parents standing as a united front in front of the Baltimore riot police?

Through this one woman comes an opportunity to bring our kids home so they do not have to be subjected to peer pressure that ultimately get's them shot.

Fast forward 20 years I see this young man, humiliated years earlier, employed in a good job with a family and a now aged grandmother of her kids sitting with pride in her eyes at what her son had accomplished.  I learned one more thing from this mom.  Parenting isn't about winning popularity contests with your kids.  You are not there to be their best friend.  You are there to set the parameters of good behavior society expects for them.

If there were more mother's out there like the woman in this video there would be less of a need for prisons, probation officers and their would be more schools better able to do their jobs of preparing their son's and daughters for their life's vocation.

Yes, today we found a unlikely hero in our midst and she was a mom.