How do we maintain our joy levels in the midst of grieving?

His anger lasts for only a second,

but his favor lasts a lifetime.

Weeping may stay all night,

but by morning, joy! Psalm 30:5

It is so easy to let ourselves go, not intentionally, after the loss of someone we loved. We eat the comfort foods thinking that we would feel better. We sleep to much because we want to return to our dream state where we can possibly 'touch' and 'talk' to our loved one who has died. When we aren't sleeping we throw ourselves into life's activities, thinking that will fill us with enough things to make us feel better about the loss.

Like the character, Phil Connors,the arrogant Pittsburg weatherman,we wake up reliving the same intense emotions we had the day before for the one we miss. Left unchecked these emotions can lead to I statements that send us into a downward spiral:

1.) If only I was able to catch the symptoms my loved one was experiencing, then maybe he/she would still be alive.

2) If only I did that life saving procedure better he/she would be alive.

3) God took him/her from me because of me ( didn't do enough spiritual leadership in my home, I wasn't good enough to the one I loss).

4.) If only I had better communicated t hose symptoms then maybe I would have had a better outcome.

I did this plenty of times in the months following the loss of my daughter, but eventually I came to the realization that those 'If only' statements were false.  I began to realize that my God was capable of feeling the pain I was going through and helping me recover while at the same time bringing my loved one home to heaven in the midst of welcome home banners and graffiti parades on the streets of gold.

He does this through his Holy spirit that dwells in each of us when we accept his son, Jesus Christ into our hearts.  Which is why I made the choice to keep putting one foot in front of the other and do the things that pleases God:

1.) I attend weekly worship services and listen to the God inspired messages from our Pastors.

2.) I listen to soul healing Christian music.

3.) I read the word of God.

I discovered that by doing those things I begin to counter the false messages that kept repeating in my mind. As I feel better from those action steps I begin to make other postive steps:

1.) I try to eat less of the junk food and more of the healthy stuff.

2)  I exercise more.

3.) I watch the news less, especially before bedtime, so I can more easily sleep.

4.) I check in with my doctor and give him a ready report of my grief so he can monitor my grief with appropriate over the counter sleep aids, or a mild anti-depressant if it warrants.

God wants you to not only survive the loss you experience, but he also wants you to thrive and come out stronger in the end. 

Is grieving a badge of honor or dishonor?

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted

and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

Somehow I think we got it all wrong in our American society. As parents we want to somehow 'shrink wrap' our children and give them nothing but a conglomeration of positive ego enhancing experiences. We protect them from the experiences of death by getting a baby sitter for them when we have to make the obligatory trip to a funeral for a loved one who has died.

This week I saw how the accumulative effects of this can have on young adults. When young people are not getting the tools they need to help them grieve we are doing a huge disservice to them. I had one 55 year old gentleman tell me that he "doesn't believe in going to funerals" because it makes him sad. This man's thinking, I am afraid, is the way most American's feel about grieving.

When bad things happen they would rather stop off at a liquor store for a bottle of wine and sit before the fireplace drinking their sorrows away. As I write this post the Republican party controlled house and senate are in the process of passing a law that eliminates the blue laws and permit's liquor stores to sell liquor on Sundays; something I do not support simply because it sends a wrong message about how to process the bad things that happen to good people.. If this law is passed I can see this conversation taking place in our homes

Wife says to the husband in a phone call," Honey, the neighbor boy across the street got hit by a car and died." Husbands response, " I'll stop off at the liquor store and buy a bottle of wine and maybe we can console our selves with this tragic news"

According to the Barna group most American's are divided on the importance of attending church. https://www.barna.org/barna-update/culture/661-americans-divided-on-the-importance-of-church#.VMIXytLF-So Passing the blue laws, I am afraid sends a message that chemicals, not God, is the solution to grieving.

Yet, the verse from Psalm is a reminder that God is truly close to the brokenhearted. Church isn't about just feeling good. Church is about walking with those who are grieving. It isn't about surrounding ourselves with happy go lucky people who give us a temporary emotional band aid that makes us feel good until that is when we go home, close our door, and once again face our grief.

The greatest decision our family made after the loss of our special loved one was to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep on going to church one Sabbath at a time, even when we didn't feel like it.

I believe when we are grieving it becomes a badge of honor because it is an opportunity to be still and listen to God speak to our hearts. As Christian's we would be wise to seek out those who are grieving because when we do we just may be touch by the heart of God through those people.

Teaching our children the hard things in life and letting them know that when bad things happen to good people emotions will come that they may not understand,but teaching them to lean into each of those emotions, not avoid them, will help them navigate their grief.

Death and dying is a fact of life in our world. The more our kid's learn about grief the better equipped they will be when that day arrives and we send them off into the world.

This little light of mine, I am going to let it shine

New International Version

In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:16

A simple drink of water in the middle of the night got me to look out and see the bright colorful Christmas lights on the trees out front and the manger scene lit up and the message of hope that sends into a drab hopeless world.  The song, 'this little light of mine' kept going through my mind like a endless tape. 

The daily newspaper world wants to remind us how really bad it is in the world around us. Murders, drugs, cultural clashes leading to young men and woman traveling abroad to fight with Isis. Young men and young woman looking for hope in all the wrong places try to find it in dangerous places.

Everywhere one turns there is a no shortage of grief. Young kids dying changes the lives forever, it seems, in their parents who raised them. Where once their family was happy and enjoying pizza nights with friends and other family members now deescalate into a vicious cycle of  depression and anger.

People everywhere are searching for hope and meaning for their lives.  For those of us who are believers in Jesus Christ, especially as God brings you to the other side of your grief, we understand the importance of making sense of the tragedies of this life.

Some of the greatest joys is discovering that it isn't when we are blessed with material possessions that bring us closer to God, but it is when tragedy hits us when we can just barely get out of bed when we make that decision to keep moving forward trusting God with one footprint at a time that He knows what he is doing with our lives. 

I finished drinking from my glass and take one more look out of the living room window at the hope and message those lights are sending into the world.

This little light of mine, I 'm gonna let it shine. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.