Your mission Mr. G. will be to educate people on the grief process. In 30 seconds this message will destroy itself

Psalm 119:105 Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path

My favorite show growing up was watching the Peter Graves version of 'Mission Impossible' with it's never ending action trying to solve international crimes. When the movie version came out in recent years I was quite disappointed because the movie didn't stay true to the original series.

Our lives, it seems, can take on a mission impossible path. One day a package arrives in the mail with a tape recorder with instructions on our next adventure.

When our daughter Maria died on June 10th, 2007 my life changed.  Once I was able to work through all of the messy grief and resolve my anger I saw my mission as educating others on the horrible grief process. It wasn't an overnight healing. It took me years to fully recover from this type of grief, but when I reached my new normal I began to see a need to share my story with others. People say they know how to handle their grief, but do they really? 

I found along my path of discovery people who are still trying to recover from grief often many years later. One family revisited the their pain of losing their daughter many years later when they heard about our loss.Why?  American's, it seems, are not very good at recovering from their grief. Most of us would rather find a nice looking hypothetical box, take the lid off of it and stuff all of their hurts and pains of their grief into that box before placing the cover back on it and sliding it way in the back of the shelf where they hope they will never see it again.  We are often told to just 'get over it' and move on.  The problem with this type of thinking is that unless you process all of your emotions and your pain your grief will always be there because when future losses occur  your earlier grief will resurface.

Like the character in Mission Impossible I felt that I was given a tape recorder with this message: " Good morning Mr. G. your mission should you choose to accept it is to use your grief journey to help others to recover from grief. This is a monumental task because you will come up against most people who will attempt to place their emotional pain into a box and shove it away forever.  I have placed you in such a time as this to help others with their grief journey.  This tape will self destruct in 30 seconds.'  

When the end of each episode arrived the good guys always won. Good trumped evil every time. God can take the worst tragedy in our lives and make it into something positive.  My mom would often remind us that when given a lemon, make lemonade.  When grief occurs you may not feel normal, but if you lean into your grief, like a guy leans into his sail, your grief will get better.  It may take weeks, months, or even years, but you will come out a better, stronger and more resilient person. 

I encourage you to find a version of the bible you understand and begin reading from the beginning of the new testament and as you read take notes and write in a journey about insights and reflections that cross your mind as your read.  God will bring something new to you each new day of your grief journey.  I also encourage you to find a local church and even though it will feel like walking on hot desert sand attend that local church  Sunday after Sunday. You may not feel like singing joyful songs, but that is OK. As you honor God by placing one foot in front of the other God will help you recover from whatever tragedy that is in your life.  

As you travel this grief journey you may decide like me to help others recover from their grief. As I am reminded with the words from Revelation 'God really does make all things new'. 

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You are a gift from God

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

As we send our college bound students off to another year of study it is a good reminder that God is ultimately the one that will shape their futures.  After all, it was God that brought these young people into our families.

Think back to all of the late night prayers you had with your wife asking for God's blessings on giving you a child. Think of the agonizingly sleepless nights you had waiting for the news you wanted to get. The first words out of your mouth was most likely 'praise God'.

 Think of all the late nights of checking on our children when they were sick, or the times when you knew your child needed to be hospitalized.  It seems that before you blink an eye you are saying goodbye as they begin their college careers.  Our children are only with us for a very brief moment of time.

 Time seems to never slow down. We want it to slow down, but when school begins comes the busyness of homework, extracurricular activities, serving as volunteers on their field trips.  The pace of their lives continues to accelerate with each ascending grade.  There is, it seems, little time to stop and smell the roses and enjoy the beauty of each stage.  Life  accelerates as we work toward providing summer vacations and memories for our children.  We  try to create memories of summer vacations to places like Disney World, the north shore, or a simple stay in a cabin.

My wife and I  moved our son into the freshman dorm at the University of Northwestern. The separation began the next two days as parents and students went their separate ways to campus workshops. They were taught how to succeed in college and we were taught the importance of letting our son's and daughter's to do things on their own. In essence, we were told that our helicoptering days are over. To realize that we must relinquish control and allow  our young adult's  to succeed on their own. 

Then I realized that it was God who brought them into our world.  It was God who helped them through the trials of growing up and it was God who brought them to this place we know as the University. God loves our kids as much as we do and knowing this I know that our Adult children will be in good hands.

Knowing this fact helps us to relax a little, put down  our helicopter controls and allow God to take control of their young lives. Our job is complete and now we can sit back and watch the beauty of God's workmanship take place in our children.  

Nerves of Steel: going to college for the first time

“God will never disappoint us… If deep in our hearts we suspect that God does not love us and cannot manage our affairs as well as we can, we certainly will not submit to His discipline. …To the unbeliever the fact of suffering only convinces him that God is not to be trusted, does not love us. To the believer, the opposite is true.” Elisabeth Elliot
In every household where a graduating senior resides is an atmosphere filled with nervousness and anxiety. Nervousness over the unknown of starting over in the big leagues known as the university. Nervousness over the unknown over how well they will perform in these big leagues. In these households are incoming freshmen anxious about what courses to take, how much studying is required for those courses, and whether they have what it takes to perform at that level. In those households are nervous parents worried for their grown children who are now moving into a more independent state away from the safer place they called home.

My son is getting ready to begin his quest for higher education. The week has been filled with connecting with advisor's, applying for the federal subsidized student loan, taking pre-tests and mourning the final weeks of his summer. Celebrating his graduation is over and the journey to discovering his strengths and pursuing his course of study is about to begin. In every household this scenario repeats itself. Nervous kids, anxious parents and finally deciding to walk by faith trusting God that the right decisions had been made for the right college.

Walking by faith doesn't come easy for us. Especially, when we pride ourselves with our accomplishments. It is easy for us to feel proud of the hard work we put into those accomplishments. It is easy to forget that our accomplishments were made possible because of God made it possible. The Lord directs our paths and provides us with the means and the end to complete the monumental task at hand. The Lord loves us and knows what is best for us.

Knowing this we can be at peace that our soon to be college freshmen will be in good hands. Our father in heaven will become their father who will guide them all the days of their collegiate experience. We can have confidence as we pray for our young people that God will hear and honor our prayers and in the end they will come out of their collegiate experience ready to tackle tomorrow's jobs.