Recently, I listened to the wife of a Pastor share her grief over losing their 12 year old son, Conner, to a sudden unexpected medical event just 3 1/2 years ago. Before losing her son she remembers how critical of people she would be who struggled with depression and anxiety disorders. Only after she lost her son did she truly understand why people struggle with these problems.Her husband remembers not really understanding the significance of losing a child even though he had counseled many couples who did suffer this type of loss Only when he lost Conner did he suddenly understand the pain of losing a child.
His wife describes her grief as though she had been thrown into a very deep, cavernous pit and looking up and asking God 'why us'. She describes how she couldn't sing certain praise songs in church that had the phrase,'God is good all the time' and thinking that God isn't good all the time because this doesn't feel like love. She remembers well meaning friends tossing her bible verses to cling to that might offer her a glimmer of hope, but in reality what she needed was for someone to climb down into the cavernous pit and sit with her as she worked through the ugly and messy grief process.
Finally one day she received a phone call from a woman who lost her 17 year old son several years ago. She offered no bible verses, but instead threw down a long ladder and climbed directly into the dark pit and sat with her as she grappled with her messy grief.
Christmas time is often a painful time for families who struggle over the memories of their deceased child. The surviving children often struggle watching their classmates criticize their siblings and talking all the things they want for Christmas. While their friends are living in a Disney experience these children are forced to experience something most of us do not experience until much later in life. Instead of experiencing the joys of the Christmas these families have been thrown into a dark and cavernous pit where it is very hard to experience the joys that others feel.
Are you willing to throw down a ladder and climb into the cavernous pit where your grieving friend sits? This is exactly what they need when grief overtakes them. When you do decide to climb into the pit please be reminded that the grief process isn't determined by you, but it is determined by the uniqueness of their grief. Your willingness to walk this grief journey with them will in the end carry intangible rewards as you see full healing take place in their lives. You will experience joy as you watch your friend singing in church the very song he or she could not sing when grief first entered their life.
May you and your family have a very blessed and joy filled Christmas as we reflect on God's gift to the world which reminds us that no matter what happens in this life God's son is their to help us.
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