The Wounded Warrior: A Survivor Guide for when you’re Beat Up, Burned out, or Battle Weary’, by Dr.Steve Stephens

 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

I recently began reading this book and in that process became fascinated by the wealth of information about men and the way they process emotional pain and trauma. From time to time, I will be sharing what I’ve learned from this book so you can better understand the men in your lives, or for men to better understand why they are the way they are and who they ought to be in the eyes of God.

Dr. Stephen shares his experience that in his darkest moments one important lesson: “wounds can make you or break you. It is not the deepness of the wound that kills you, but your refusal to face reality and step forward. He then goes on and states that wounds come in myriad shapes and sizes, but they all have one thing in common: Pain.

He describes the bad coping methods when faced with pain:

1.     

 

1. I'm not wounded ( denial)

2. I won’t talk about my wounds. ( Shame and Isolation)

3. My wounds reduce who I am and what I can accomplish (Identity sabotage)

4. God did this to me.( Blame)

5. I won’t seek help; I can do it myself ( Pride)

6. Nobody can help me. (Hopelessness)

7. If God cared, He wouldn’t have let this happen (Playing the orphan)

He shares why these thought patterns are not healthy. These negative thought patterns can endow your wounds with more power than they warrant. He adds that your wounds can be life-realigning, strength building checkpoints, for they force us to turn to the inexhaustible source of all strength.

Dr. Stephen adds this thought: “ We cannot change the past, no matter how hard we try. All of our hurts, injustices, disappointments, and tragedies have slipped into history, beyond our control.

Even so, it is within our power to control something about the present: We can change how we view the painful realities that have touched our lives. From the mouth of Jeremiah, he shares these words about the source of our present power: “I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and hope ( Jeremiah 29:11)

He then describes these wounds:

1.    

1. For some the wound is just a scratch—it stings, but it doesn’t sideline you.

2. For some it’s a scar- it reminds you of a long past battle, maybe internally resolved, maybe not. Your wound could be a scab- it covers a fresh injury that is in the process of healing- no problem as long as no one bumps it or picks at it.

3/  For others it is sore- it is tender and raw with sharp, shooting pain that constantly reminds you or its presence.

He ends his chapter with this statement: “God never promised to protect us from all wound, but He did promise to stand by us to help us win the fight. Then he adds that every man has a story to tell. He writes that he will explore the challenges unique to each masculine injury.

In a future blog, I will write about further information from this very engaging book that is hard to put down.

The sudden death of Minnesota's music prodigy, Prince, has left people in a funk. Some people decided that a sudden death is a good enough reason to reject God., while others draw closer.

he steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;[a]
his mercies never come to an end Lamentations 3:22

(Scene 1) The backdrop is Heaven's throne room where the prayers of many are received from those on earth. Jesus is looking at a list of names of people who once sent prayers to Him, but no longer do. He agonizes over that list. Each broken heart brings tears to His eyes. These are just some of those names. Any resemblance to actual people is only coincidental.

Nathaniel had been walking a very painful life's journey since 2001 when he opened up his voice mail to discover that his older brother and his wife and 5 kids died in the 9/11  plane crash. Until that moment, he had been involved in a church that he attended weekly, and it was that ritual of obedience that brought comfort for him; after all, he loved Jesus with every fabric of his heart, mind and soul. Nothing brought greater joy than to spend time with him reading from the Psalms with a soft worship song playing in the background. Jesus could always count on listening to his heart; until that is when Nathaniel chose to shut God out of his life. Jesus remembers his last prayer to him if you could call it one. "I am done with your God! Why should I worship you, Jesus, when you can't even keep the ones I love alive!"  Nathaniel could not see that his brother, his brother's wife and his kids were very much alive in heaven. He could not see his brother's kids laughing and enjoying heavens pursuits. If only Nathaniel could be honest enough to bring all of his brokenness to Him. If only he would allow Jesus to walk with him on this journey.

Molly is another person who once loved Jesus, but the physical beatings she received from her former husband that fateful day, when he left her for another woman, left her in an ash heap of despair and the inability to see any good in God. Molly couldn't understand why a good God would bring her long-suffering and emotional pain. After all, she always believes that when two people married it was until death do they part. . . If only, Molly could have been honest and brought all of her hurts, her anger, and her injustices to Him and allowed Jesus to walk with her during the darkest days of her life for however long it took for her broken heart to be healed.

Derrick was a young college student with dreams of one day working in the computer field. He was a good student who was involved in Christian extracurricular activities. He had been on several missions trips to Haiti that profoundly touched and changed his life's perspective; until that is when he came home to learn in a phone call from his Aunt telling him that his parents killed in a car accident. Derrick could not wrap his arms around the notion why a loving God would take two people he loved from him.  Parents who loved him and were the inspiration of the man he became. If only, Derrick would bring the broken pieces of his heart and allow his Savior walk with him on this sad journey; then he would have seen God's mighty and miraculous work in his life, and he would see visions of his mom and dad in heaven singing and praise Jesus.

As Jesus reads each person's bio on this list tears are streaming down his eyes. He loved each person on this list and wanted them to turn their hearts back to him.  Jesus wants each of them to know that he weeps for each tragedy that occurs, and he wants them to see that tragedy occurs because we live in an imperfect and wretched world. He wants people to see that he will take any tragedy, any emotional pain and make all things new again. He wants them to see that he can handle all of their brokenness, their sorrow, and their inner pain. He wants them to see that he has made all things new again in the lives of those who call on him, who continue to place one foot in front of the other praying their prayers of sadness, their pain and their brokenness to Him.

If only we would all be honest with Jesus.  Instead of us turning away from God in times of tragedy we lean toward  God, then one day we would see the bigger picture of how that tragedy fits into the larger one God has for us.

If only we would be honest.

Minnesota lost a musical giant when Prince died suddenly this week

12 Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.”Acts 4:12

I was in a meeting when a colleague blurted out that he just received a text from his daughter stating that Prince was dead. It was around 12:45 pm.  We knew he had some type of flu-like illness that had been bothering him for a while, but we assumed that the illness would pass. 

 Every radio station began talking about the sudden passing of this man who put Minnesota on the map.  

As I scroll through the articles on the web about this Minnesota treasure, there was one article that stood out.  Prince & Mayte Garcia:: The Tragic Loss Of Their 2nd Baby Broke Up Their Marriage.  Most people underestimate the devastating effects that a loss of a child can have on a marriage, but I I get it. 

Here is why I understand the intensity of this grief:: (1) husband's and wives grieve so differently that it is as if they are from two separate planets, (2) many couples are not even aware that they were capable of producing such intense emotions until that is when the death of a child occurs, and finally (3) unless the couple truly makes a commitment to work on that grief their lives will continue to drift apart like two passing ships in the night.

As I scrolled through the other articles about this man I discovered that  others found him very friendly, kindhearted and the guy who would do anything to make their lives enjoyable from performing a free concert at Paisley Park to dropping in at a music venue and playing a few songs. I read comments from a wide array of people who described Prince as someone who lead a clean lifestyle. 

While I won't pretend to guess where Prince was with God, I can tell you that there is another Prince that overcame the sin' of this world. He became known as the Prince of peace, the one who paid the price and made it possible when our last breath is taken we would take our first breath in Heaven in the very presence of Jesus Christ.

  If you are feeling sad regarding the recent passing of Prince the rock star, won't you turn to the other Rock and  utter this prayer, " Jesus, I know that I am a sinner and that nothing I can do can earn my salvation. I open up the door to my heart and invite you to come in and heal my wounds and give me the assurance of my new life with you."

Why we must never be ashamed of our cross

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. 1 Thessalonians

The backdrop t this scene is in the home of 2 elementary age children. Dad is in the kitchen when his little girl comes to ask dad a question.

"Daddy," she asks in her little girl voice, " have you seen my little shiny necklace cross you and mommy gave me?

Dad momentary stops his sandwich making routine to give his attention to his daughter.
"I think I saw it on your bookcase sweetie".  She turn's around, but before doing so runs back to give her dad a hug.

Moments later little Melissa returns to the kitchen with her small shimmery cross now hanging from her neck. Then she noticed something else until now didn't grab her attention. She sees a slightly larger cross that didn't seem as nice as hers sitting on the counter.

"Daddy, why is your cross not as nice as the one I'm wearing?"
Dad looks at his cross with all of it's dents as though each one had a story to tell.

"Do you remember that song you sang in Sunday school with the words 'Jesus loves me yes I know for the bible tells me so?"
Melissa is filled with excitement with those words, " I love that song!" Daddy bends down at Melissa eye level. " The cross, sweetie, is a reminder of how much Jesus loves you and me and why we must never be ashamed of it"

Melissa looked at the size of her daddy's cross and at all of the worn marks on it and how pretty her cross was in  comparison. " Daddy, why is your cross so much uglier than my pretty one?" Dad looked at his cross which was resting against the wall." Well, sweetie, daddy has had more life experience, some good an some bad, and daddy's cross is a reminder how God helped me survive those hard times.

Suddenly, he woke up in a heavy dose of perspiration. He had had a dream of his now deceased daughter. He glanced at the now heavier cross leaning against the closet doors. Life over these past 8 years hasn't been easy. His grief has been filled with days filled with endless tears and sad memories that flood back at times to his mind.

Yet, he was proud that he kept his family together attending church each Sunday, encouraging his wife and son to press on and keep their faith and love for Jesus Christ alive. He drifted back to sleep In his dream sleep he was alone in his car driving on a 2 lane road.  He began to see abandoned crosses sitting by the side of the road as though they began a journey with someone only to be discarded at the first sight of trouble.

 Then he saw individuals in a wide array of distress.

One middle age man stood by himself on the shoulder holding a sign with the words, ' I no longer believe in God because my parents were murdered.

 Then a little further along he saw a twenty something young man holding a sign that read, "I am a atheist because people have hurt me.'

  Then over on the right side of the road a family of four held their sign with the words ' We won't believe in God because God took our child.'

Occasionally on this route he noticed a few people slowly pulling their crosses who refused to give up their faith.

One young man held a sign that read ' I am trusting that God even in the face of my cancer diagnosis.'

  One older woman looked particularly troubled as she pulled her cross with all her strength along this road, but when he passed by her, her lips seem to say,  'praise Jesus for all my trials. Why some people abandon their crosses while others grow stronger in their faith, in the face of tragedy, remains a mystery to me. My faith was built on a solid foundation based on the prayer I made as a 18 year old young man in high school. I ventured into my decision knowing full well that life would be filled with disappointments and tragedy, but through it all God never abandoned me.

The alarm clock went off waking him from his sleep. He slowly got out of bed, did some stretches, as he often did and he gave praise to God for another day of life. 

As he grieved, this dad never lost the hope in Christ that no matter how difficult the days can be with this form of grief that Jesus would never abandon him.  As he made his way to the kitchen he passed the refrigerator that had a couple of bible verses that served as reminders of God never forsaking him. 

He glanced over at his cross filled with the stories of how God brought him through life's difficult moments.He knew that it will be those stories that point others to Jesus. 

 He momentarily glanced at Melissa's picture and knew that while he wishes he could have his daughter back she was in this new place called heaven enjoying the time of her life with the King of kings and Lord of lords, Jesus Christ. 

For him, he knew that his journey is not yet complete because he needs to share his stories of God's redeeming grace to others experiencing life's difficult moments.

The Joy of the Lord is my strength

9 As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2 His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
3 “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. 4 As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. 5 While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”  John 9

Yesterday was a incredible day at New Hope Church. We honored our Disability ministry by having them help lead worship and watching a cardboard testimony video of actual participants from this ministry which described how 'Flawless' they are because of what Jesus has done for each of them. When we think of disabilities we often project pity toward this group and we fail to see how disabilities impact each of us in this life.

Now some statistics on disabilities.According to the CDC, there are 53 million people living in this country with a disability. This translates to 1 out of every 5 people that have a disability.The most common functional disability type was a mobility limitation – defined as serious difficulty walking or climbing stairs -- reported by one in eight adults, followed by disability in thinking and/or memory, independent living, vision, and self-care.

The researchers found that the highest percentages of people with disabilities are generally in Southern states, for example Alabama (31.5 percent), Mississippi (31.4 percent), and Tennessee (31.4 percent). The report did not determine why differences occur by state; however, states in the South tend to have some of the higher rates of chronic diseases, such as heart disease and diabetes, which may also be associated with disability.The report also revealed that non-Hispanic black (29 percent) and Hispanic (25.9 percent) adults were more likely to have a disability than were white non-Hispanic (20.6 percent) adults.

Those with lower education levels, lower incomes, and those who are unemployed were also more likely to report a disability.For the past 25 years, the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) has made a positive difference in the lives of those who have disabilities by ensuring better access to buildings, transportation, and employment. Access to preventive health care is also critically important for those with disabilities,” said Georgina Peacock, M.D., M.P.H., Director of CDC’s Division of Human Development and Disability. “Many of the health issues that people with disabilities face may be addressed by making sure they have access to health promotion programs and health care services, including preventive health screenings, throughout their lifespan.”

In the Gospel of John there were some people who wondered why a certain person was born blind. Jesus's response was as follows, "3 “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him."  As I look at this population of those with disabilities I see a group of people who are ready and able to work, if only they could find an employer willing to look beyond their barriers and at their strengths and abilities.

I love New Hope Church for several reasons: (1) we honor those with disabilities, (2) we have a incredible children's ministry, and (3) we have opportunities for growth through our Life groups and Adult Sunday school classes and through Sunday school teaching opportunities.

So, my friends, the joy of the Lord is my strength!

No matter what setbacks you have in this life you must never stop running for the cause of Christ

7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8 Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.  2 Timothy 4:7-8

I was reminded these past couple  of days through stories of others,who didn't handle tragedy well, why we need the local church  and the power of the holy spirit in our lives.

Life is like a race. All of us start off at the starting block waiting for the gun to go off. Crowds of people are cheering for us waving banners and flags in the process. It is a festive atmosphere. All of us waiting to start this race get a rush of adrenaline in full anticipation of what was about to happen.

(Sound of the pistol blares off)

All of us leave the starting block trying to posture ourselves into a winning position. It  isn't long before those with the fastest set of legs take the lead. This wasn't a sprint, but a much longer race that required endurance and strength and lots of faith. 

Faith that they can do all things through Christ who strengthens them. Faith that they had trained well from infancy to this moment to get a running start off of this starting block. Some of this faith comes from external sources, like family and friends who cheer us on. Some of the faith comes from the indwelling holy spirit freely given to us by our creator God. 

Like a everlasting fountain of water we gain spiritual nourishment at a time we need it. Later in the race. when the leg cramps set in, when our muscles ache, when we begin thinking thoughts of just quitting that the source of our strength does matter.

It is the runners that are well trained in the mental part of the race that carry on; kong after other runners stopped running. Long after others stopped believing in themselves.

I was once again reminded that our faith in God and our faith in Jesus Christ and his redeeming power that will get us through whatever this life dishes out. But, we need to make the conscious decision to belong to a  local church where we can be inspired by God's teaching and be encourage by others as we run our race.


For some, tragedy causes some people to recoil and go into seclusion away from the throngs of believers who potentially could help them.

For some, tragedy creates a resurgence of their drinking behaviors.  Instead of taking communion once a month in honor of God who gave them hope, they drink every day to drown out the pain and sorrow of their loss.

For others who choose to remain embedded in a faith based community in the face of the horrific events they are renewed day by day by the church body of believers and God's indwelling spirit. They never lose sight of the finish line.They have the confidence they would finish this race.

The most beautiful part of this picture is that God wants to be part of your suffering. He understands what it means to lose someone special and this makes him well equipped to run the race right beside you, to help you finish with a winning stride while giving you visions of your loved one in heaven. God is always there and he has never abandoned you no matter how you feel from moment to moment.

That, my friends, is a beautiful thought to behold!