I began volunteering one day a week at the Legacy thrift store ( formerly Bibles for Missions). My assignment is to greet the people at the loading dock who are bringing belongings they no longer need. Every once in a while, I will encounter someone with a truck full of their deceased loved one's belongings. I could tell as I listened to them that it took a lot for them to go through their loved ones 'stuff and finally bring it to the thrift store. The timeline when they do it is as unique as the person they lost.
This brings me to the topic of broken heart syndrome. I read several news accounts of celebrities who, after they lost a loved one, suddenly die of this condition.
There are countless other examples of this type of death. I mention this because, all too often, I see people postpone processing the trauma from a sudden loss of a close loved one. I am likely to see more women attending grief support groups than men. Men who do seek out a support group often come after realizing that alcohol or drugs are not the solution for resolving their deep, inner pain. Trauma needs to be verbally expressed, not hidden deep inside the person who is grieving. Ask any doctor, and they will acknowledge the deadly nature of trauma. Endless sleepless nights, too much alcohol to numb the pain, unhealthy snacking, and isolating oneself out of shame are all common after such a loss. As people spiral downward, their health symptoms worsen. Addiction to food or chemicals during this time puts undue pressure on the heart, causing issues like palpitations. On the Mayo Clinic website, there is this information on what to look for. Palpitations that are infrequent and last only a few seconds usually don't need to be evaluated. If you have a history of heart disease and have palpitations that occur frequently or worsen, talk to your health care provider. You may need heart-monitoring tests to see if the palpitations are caused by a more serious heart problem.
Seek emergency medical attention if heart palpitations occur with:
Chest discomfort or pain Fainting Severe shortness of breath Severe dizziness
This is why Grief Share recommends that after a traumatic loss, you should see your primary doctor and let them know about your loss. Your caring doctor will likely order some tests to help them monitor the situation.
The most important reason is that you need to be there for your surviving loved ones. They need you around, and abandoning them with your sudden death only complicates their grieving.
There is a spiritual component that can help you through the trauma of your loss.
It's leaning on Jesus Christ who lives in your heart. He hears you every time you cry.
He senses you every time you shake from the trauma.
He is your redeemer who loves you more than you could ever know.
If you're not sure you know Jesus, all it takes is asking Jesus to come into your life.
The bible says in John 5:24, "Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life." A simple prayer of confession and yielding your life to Jesus is all it takes to have this assurance. Finally, I usually recommend you find a grief share group nearest you. Some make the mistake and postpone going to this group, but the sooner you can start, the sooner you will begin saying your loved one's name while sharing your story with the other participants. As you continue on this uncharted journey of loss, you will notice the tenderizing effects it has on your body and mind. You will notice how God has made you sensitive to the needs around you. You're no longer thinking like a narcissistic self, but everywhere you go, you are thinking of the other person's needs.
God has a plan to make you whole again, but also to use you in ways he couldn't before. In Isaiah 43:18-19 are these words, “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."
This is the beautiful part of what it means to walk with God through grief.
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